teenage boys & bf'ing - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 48 Old 02-02-2006, 05:12 PM
 
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I have just gone on as usual with my breastfeeding when my DS's teenage friends are over. The only thing I do different is I make sure I have a shirt on lol! When it is just the fam I am topless alot, when DS is going to have his friends over I make sure I am dressed. But I will nurse in front of them. Although usually I just stay in another room because I don't really like hanging out with 13 year old boys, but if we are in the same room I have no problem breastfeeding in front of them.

If my son told me this bothered him or one of his friends I would be sensitive to that and make sure I left the room to breastfeed. But so far no one has seemed to care.

I like them to see that bf is normal and not sexual. I think it's good for them so unless someone is uncomfortable with it, I'm not going to act like there is anything wrong with it, yk?
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#32 of 48 Old 02-02-2006, 05:17 PM
 
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My son is 12 and my nursling just turned three. My approach to this situation was that if I was in my home, I would nurse how and where I wanted - if one of his preteen or teen friends saw my breast, well, I'm nursing, suck it up. If I was somewhere that was focused on the preteen/teen boys (like my son's Boy Scout meetings), I would nurse, but usually face away from the boys (like sit on a bench behind them facing the otherway...
Places like Burger King, etc, I nursed - discreetly, I guess - I mean, I didn't wave my breasts at anyone or squirt anyone *lol* but never "covered up" or anything like that - anyone who didn't want to see needed to look somewhere else!
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#33 of 48 Old 02-02-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old so I know just what you are talking about. I think it's important that kids this age seeing nursing as normal and natural but I also don't want to make my sons feel uncomfortable. I'm not going to change my habits or go into another room and my sons know this. My 12 year old could care less actually, he's a total lactivist. But my older one is more worried about his friends getting a glimpse of my boobage. What has worked for us is this - my son will come into the room first - if he notices I am nursing he will walk back and say to his friends, "My mom is nursing the baby to sleep right now so we'll come back later." It works for him and at least his friends know that I'm nursing and that it's normal.

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#34 of 48 Old 02-03-2006, 12:31 AM
 
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I had to think about this a bit before I answered. When my now 4yo was an infant I nursed her everywhere (church, cub scout meetings, school board meetings, well, you get the idea) I was always very discreet and no one could usually even tell I was nursing. I got a lot of comments on what a beautiful shawl I had (it was my maya wrap ) My youngest is only 2 months and a preemie so we haven't really been taking her out - so no nip yet except at the doctors office. I have 2 teens and when they have brought friends over (only a few times since the new babe) I keep nursing but more discretely. If it's just my family or even neices and nephews (even teenage nephews) I'm not as careful. My sister nursed my her youngest till he was 4 so my nephews are used to it just as my kids are
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#35 of 48 Old 02-03-2006, 02:21 AM
 
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I have so been in your situation, LOL (Just look at the age of my kids in my siggy)

And yes my BFing made my teen son uncomfortable and yes I respected that. I may have insisted not too (because I do not see anything wrong with BFing in public at all, but then I do not see anything wrong with many things that would make other people uncomfortable - like nude beaches for example) IF I had to go through great inconvenience to cover up or go to another room.

But 1) it was not hard for me to do 2) DS usualy would tell his friends "Mom is breastfeeding in this room" and they will not enter (on his/their own accord)
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#36 of 48 Old 02-05-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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I was 13 when my sisters were born and my mum would breastfeed infront of my friends and their parents (they were all girls for the record). I had no problem with it, but I remember when one of my other friends (a boy), who knew my mum was breastfeeding said to me "wouldn't it be embarrassing if you walked in your mum and she was feeding". This sparked a lengthy lecture from me on how it was normal adding that Miranda and Katy had seen my mum feed and didn't have problems with it.
That summer my cousin who was 2 at the time started breastfeeding her toy bunny rabbit because she had seen her aunt do it.
My mum still breastfeeds when my sisters want it (they're 2 on sunday) and if any of my friends have a problem its their fault for looking.
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#37 of 48 Old 02-22-2006, 07:36 PM
 
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Man, can I relate to this issue! DS1 was eleven when dd was born and he never had a problem then. He knew he had been bf as had his cousin. My exinlaws use to make a fuss about it, one time a cousin was over and had to borrow the guest bedroom to bf and ds wanted to go in and get a toy (he was like eight then) and was told no, he asked why and was told cuz she was feeding the baby to which ds said SO? and was told, "she doesnt bottle feed" (they wouldnt even use the word breast) to which ds again replied, "so?"

Anyway, I was made uncomfortable by one of his friends once, he was jsut waaaay to interestedin my boob,not the baby or the breastfeeding, myboob. But mostly I consier myself here to educate, lol, dh's young nephews and cousins have had such reactions as, "THE BABYS EATING YOUR BOOB" and "ON NO<SHES BITING YOU".

But ds1 was 13 when ds2 came along and before he will even invite a friend over he asks if Im bf. It annoyed the hell out of me at first, but now, tandem nursing, I gotta tell you, there is no discreet, I have a one and three year old who will kick off any covers and shove up my shirt, and ds2 wont stay latched on, he likes to look around, so Im often totally exposed.

When ds1 has friends over, I either go into my bedroom or thiers (dd adn ds2 that is, not ds1) OR, in the evenings, I stay in the livingroom and ds1 will check and either I will attempt to cover up as they come through, or they go out the back. Its not secret, but I try not to flash all his buddies. To be honest, I was never uncomfortable nursing one infront of god and everybody, but I feel a bit more exposed nursing two at the same time.

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#38 of 48 Old 03-03-2006, 02:35 AM
 
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Dss is 11. I nurse where ever in the house and around his friends and if he feels weird, he can reroute his friends into another room. I nurse anywhere EXCEPT around my students (small town, see them everywhere). For some reason, I am ok with dss, his friends, other teachers at a staff meeeting,the whole town in general, but not my 7/8th grade students. I just don't want to be branded as the teacher who showed her boobs.
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#39 of 48 Old 04-13-2006, 02:10 AM
 
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my neighbor recently came over to apologize because her DS popped off at the playground and every boy (including mine) in the neighborhood got a look at her boobs. now mind you she has the largest boobs in the neighborhood and they all (most under 8) stared probably because of size. now the playground on our court is surrounded by the houses and there is at least 1 teenage boy in the neighborhood that i know of who could have seen. she had come charging out of her house because some kid was hollering for help and she was sorting out what the hollering was about (none of the kids involved were hers, so i'm just thankful she cared enough to check) and she didn't notice her shirt was hiked up or her DS son was watching the show. she was worried that people would think she was some kind of pervert flashing all the neighborhood kids and was trying to head of malicious gossip. it made me sad to think that anyone would even care, considering what she was doing. i will say that the response of most people i talked to was laughter and poor thing, we know she's not a pervert. but at least one was worried that the teen (not hers) might have seen. we shouted her down but still. i think she's wrong. how are boys supposed to learn to be decent dads unless we show them things like breastfeeding? i wouldn't shove it in his face (and i don't think you are or would) but i certainly wouldn't hide it or warn anyone about it either and i would deliberately try to set up opportunities for dialogue
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#40 of 48 Old 04-13-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aisraeltax
i have x-posted this in bf'ing but thought i may get more responses here....

i am pretty open about bf;ing and have nip a few times since Ethan was born (early Jan.) but i am having a delimma w/ my 15 yo and his friends. my 15 yo is fine, but he has a ton of friends over and sometimes i am not in the position to cover myself up, etc. I really don't care myself but these are my concerns and im wondering what you mamas w/ teenage friends over do while bfing. my concerns are: 1. it makes my teenage son uncomfortable if one of his friends sees my breast (i dont go out of my way for this to happen and try to prevent it); 2. i don't want any calls from other parents criticizing me for allowing their sons to see my boobs.
so, my question is, if you were in my situation, or if you have been in the past, wwyd??
tia,
rach
I am about to go to bed so I haven't read the entire thread, but I wanted to respond to this.

My husband used to work with teenagers, and I often volunteered at his agency, stopped by to have dinner with him, and otherwise was around when the teenagers were there. I breastfed our son around them, and they were very mature about it. I used to wonder if maybe I would get in trouble for it, and I used to tease dh and say "I DARE one of their parents to complain about my bf'ing." However, no one ever did, and those teenagers were WAY more mature about it than many adults. One of my dh's responsibilities as an "at-risk youth" counselor was to model appropriate behavior. What is more appropriate than being a supportive partner in parenting, right?

Anyway, I guess my point is that it seems like you have a teachable moment here. I would just tell my son that we are a breastfeeding household, and anyone who is uncomfortable with that needs to decide for himself whether or not that means they need to not come over, or be around me when I am breastfeeding. I certainly should not be expected to curtail my daily activities because other adults (or in this case, teenagers) may feel weird about breastfeeding. I think this is a great lesson for a teenager (or anyone) to learn. You may find your son is a budding lactivist among his friends.

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#41 of 48 Old 04-14-2006, 05:20 AM
 
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I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread here, so forgive me if I repeat anything someone else posted.

I've actually worked with teenage boys, and I know how to relate very well with them. Much better than teen girls for some reason. The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to be very frank and blunt with them.

When your son's friends are over and you need to nurse, I would suggest you state out loud and clearly, "I have to nurse the baby now." Give the ones who are uncomfortable time to leave the room, and then nurse the baby. If any of them, including your son, gives you any guff about it, you tell him the baby has to eat, that's what boobs were made for (the media made boobs a sexual thing and is he brainwashed? lol), and it's natural. If it bothers your son, you are sorry he feels that way, but there's nothing you can do about it, he'll have to come to terms with it.

My 14 yr old dd has friends over and I never say a word when I nurse the baby, but I figure they are girls, so I shouldn't have to say anything.
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#42 of 48 Old 04-14-2006, 10:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it has been less of an issue than it was before, but i think thats because he's had a few months to adjust. if he has friends over, they usually dont hang out in the room i am in (nature of teen boys) and if they come upstairs to his room (ours is across teh hall from it), he will shut my door on his way to my room...
when he's alone and the baby's nursing, he has been much better at kissig the babe's head even while im nursing, so i know it doesnt bother him as much now.
i think it was really important for me to stand my ground on how natural it is with him and how i am not going to delay feeding his brother b/c he has friends over. he has found ways "around" it so to speak, so thank goodness that is not an issue i have right now. too many others, but thank G-d not that one! lol!
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#43 of 48 Old 04-14-2006, 02:03 PM
 
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I think the whole idea of nip has became increasingly common within the past few years, as I never noticed it while in my younger days.

I worked in a restaurant, and was more *in tune* with the guys than any of the girls. Well, a few times the guys would comment about a girl and such. The one thing that did in fact shock me though was a woman who had just had a baby, and was going to nurse. I am a woman, but I think in public it should be polite to cover up so that your body is not just out there for everyone else to see I guess. Well, she just lifted up her shirt and let her boobs out right in front of the guys. Lets just say that the guys weren't very productive for quite a few minutes, but then they finally left it for what it was, she was feeding the baby.

I don't think it would have been a big deal if she would have had a cover, or at least turned around so that not everyone in the restaurant could see, but it happened...

As for the whole boy issue. I say, similar to another person said, that boys don't really see the age behind the boob. The guys at work were constantly talking about one of their moms who had just had a boob job. She had five children and none of them seemed to care. But man, look at her boobs...

I think as long as you are covered, it doesn't matter where or when, but if not covered ask for some privacy, or maybe ask for a blanket...

Mary
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#44 of 48 Old 04-14-2006, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i try to nurse discreetly when NIP but i am one of those that consider a cover offensive. i have one in my closet that they make for that purpose and have plenty of blankets, but i don't use them...i try to get E to latch on discretly but heh, if he misses or pulls off, thats life. until we start seeing bf'ing as normal, i don't think we are going to get anywhere with it.
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#45 of 48 Old 04-14-2006, 11:34 PM
 
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My eldest son is 17, the younger ones are 6 (weaned a year ago) and 4 (nursing). I have always treated breastfeeding as completely normal, no coverups etc. My son's friends are here a lot, and I have never felt embarrassed, nor has he. If they have we haven't been told. I would say most if not all of his friends were breastfed/have younger siblings who are or recently were breastfed -- many of their mother's are/were LLL leaders.

On my refrigerator is one of my favorite photos: in it I am very obviously (within an hour of giving birth) tandem nursing my newborn and my 2yo. I recently asked my son if he thought the photo shouldn't be there, given his friends and he seemed taken aback and said, no -- he doubted they'd ever noticed.

One of the single most influencing factors regarding me 'always' knowing I would breastfeed my babies was all of the women I knew growing up who breastfed, comfortably, in public, in our home or theirs and so on: friends of my mother's, or mothers of kids I babysat for, or the women in my mother's LLL groups.

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#46 of 48 Old 04-17-2006, 02:02 AM
 
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I don't have teenage boys in my house yet - DS is only 8. But one day he'll be a teenager and I hope he sees other women nursing freely. Wouldn't that be great?

One day his friend asked "what's your mom doing?"
DS: "Nursing the baby."
Friend: With her boobs?
DS: Well, how else do think babies eat?
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#47 of 48 Old 04-17-2006, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my 8 year old is great and a big advocate! never said a word!
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#48 of 48 Old 04-18-2006, 01:46 AM
 
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Well I asked my son about it, and what he would say to friends who might have an issue with breastfeeding. I used the example of seeing a young woman NIP at the mall, and he's hanging out with friends, the friends say something rude or crude (like boys will) to eachother about the woman NIP, and what would his reaction be. He would tell his friends that breastfeeding is normal, in fact they may have been breastfed too, and it really is the way babies should be fed.
I think having an open dialogue with my son helped him have the knowledge to educate his friends, and when his friends come over, they are well aware that I will nurse Ace if need be. I am VERY discrete, out of respect for my son, and his friends. At times Acelin gets a little acrobatic in nursing, so I just go to my room and nurse him. I don't mind leaving the room, it is distracting to Ace, and me with the extra people around.
Jake did get nervous one time when I was nursing Cameron at the mall, I find it funny that it bothered him more when he was 12 than it does now at 14. As for my 10 yr old son, he could care less...
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