Unwanted Family - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 29 Old 02-03-2003, 04:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't really know where to start. I'm just hoping that someone else has been here and can help me get through it. My dd, (16) no longer wants to do anything with the family. This all came about slowly, so it wasn't too noticible until it became extreme, if you know what I mean. First she didn't want to go to her brother's baseball game, then she didn't want to go to the beach with the family. Now she will only agree to do occasional little things like go to the grocery store with me and her younger brother, (12), so she can buy what she wants... but nothing with Dad. She says that she has nothing to say to him, and at the dinner table, you'd think someone just died. Things became much worse since she starting dating a boy that Dad can't stand. Dad has become the enemy.

Dd and Ds enjoy watching T.V. while eating, and although I object to TV in general, especially instead of conversation, I've even agreed to it since paralell smiles and laughter are better than none.

I'm hurt and sad, but know that I can't fix everything, even though I try.

I want us to eat together and do things together as a family, but forcing the issue isn't working.

Has anyone else been here? Any suggestions?
kamalani is offline  
#2 of 29 Old 02-03-2003, 04:20 AM
Banned
 
DiaperDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Planning a move!
Posts: 2,096
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Kamalani!

I've been there!

This sounds like typical teen girl behavior. Especially about the dad not liking the boyfriend part. Of course dad's the bad guy now, he does like someone your dd is seeing. I also thinks it's very typical for teen girls to lose common interests/things to say with their dads.

As a teen I didn't want to be seen with my family- UGH! I wanted to do my own thing.

I don't see any warning signs from what you have mentioned. But I know how sad it must be for you.

Unfortunately I can't offer you any advicec because my parents were dysfunctional.

Coming from a woman who was oncec a teen though, I would suggest talking with her privately and on her own terms. Maybe mention something to her in passing, if she wants to respond, let her, if not, drop it. Just always be open for discussion, without flaunting it Oh and perhaps have a chat with your DH about the boyfriend. Invite him over for dinner or some family thing. You might learn some neat things about him, if you give him a try.

Hope some of that helps. (((HUGS)))
DiaperDiva is offline  
#3 of 29 Old 02-03-2003, 11:55 AM
 
mocha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Appalachia
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can see the pain in your post. What a heartbreaking situation for you.

However your dd sounds like she could have been me. At that age I was eating dinner in my room. I had pretty much concluded that there was no point in having a relationship with my parents.

My guess is it sounds like your dd is depressed. Does she have any other symptoms than withdrawal?

The advice of the previous poster sounds very good. I suspect your dd will continue to reject friendly overtures, which will hurt, but I would keep making them. She seems to need to flex her power a bit--maybe the boyfriend situation has made her feel she needs to make a statement.

Incidentally, I met my dh when I was 17, and my parents couldn't stand him. They ignored him, would barely talk to him, pretend he wasn't in the room. It caused me a lot of distress when I ought to have had a clear head to focus on college. Six years later I married him and we didn't invite my parents to the wedding. Now he's the father of their only grandchildren. My dad has since gotten to know dh and treats him like a son, and my mom is crazy about her grandkids.

Your dh might dislike this boy, but I think inviting him into your home and getting to know him is wise.
mocha is offline  
#4 of 29 Old 02-03-2003, 12:25 PM
 
barbara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 2,044
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Try telling your dd how you feel and ask her to help you both come to some agreement on how to make things better for everyone. This is what I did, and it really worked well over time, but you have to be willing to compromise also.

Be patient and always love,
-b
barbara is offline  
#5 of 29 Old 02-03-2003, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, DiaperDiva, for your response. I didn't mention all the details in my post, but we have invited him over for dinner. He
has an inflated ego and makes comments such as, "Everyone I hang out with is rich." It's extremely difficult to be around him without saying something rude, or leaving the room. He knows everything, just ask him. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you the details. He quit coming around after I spoke up when he showed up at our home at 7:30 AM on a Sunday morning, unannounced, and headed out to the kitchen for some breakfast! I was sitting in my bra, talking to Grandma on the phone. This is my home, too, you know.

I've always very open to discussion with my family, but they've begun to become annoyed by Mom's need to discuss everything in detail. They've had years of it, and feel that they've earned the right to remain silent, I guess. The bottom line is that discussions have lately turned to arguments and shouting matches. It's not pretty.

Mocha, yes, there is so much pain. We used to be so close
and now I'm just an irritation to her. She eats in her room, too.
She's almost 17, and her life has revolved around this guy for
over a year now. His mom adores her, and they always do things
together, without me. I've never been invited. I may be paranoid, but I get this feeling that I'm thought of as "the bad guy" in this drama.

And Barbara, I've asked dd for help. I've told her how I feel, but she doesn't seem to care. She's unwilling to even speak to her dad. I'm trying to be patient, loving, and non confrontational, but things around here aren't much fun. I know I can't make her stop caring for her boyfriend. He represents all that we aren't. He's just the opposite of us in so many ways that it's almost funny. I'm not laughing, though.
kamalani is offline  
#6 of 29 Old 02-04-2003, 12:37 PM
 
barbara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 2,044
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
((((((((((kamalani))))))))))
I feel for you. Don't give up, you have raised her well, she will come around. Just keep loving her, and be there for her.


-b
barbara is offline  
#7 of 29 Old 02-04-2003, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for listening, Barbara. I'm hanging in there, trying to be supportive, but not too annoying and judgemental.

kamalani
kamalani is offline  
#8 of 29 Old 02-07-2003, 04:25 AM
 
simonee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 5,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I was very much like that as a teen, only worse

Looking back, I can only say that the only way to find out that you were raised very well, is to take a distance and look at it objectively. Sounds like your daughter is taking that distance. She can only learn about hte world, and determine her place in it, by immersing herself. Trust yourself ~ you've raised her well, and her place will probably surprise you in a positive way.

simonee is offline  
#9 of 29 Old 02-07-2003, 05:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, Simonee, for the insightful comment. It's hard for me to see what's happening, I'm so deeply in it. I appreciate your point of view. It gives me hope.
kamalani
kamalani is offline  
#10 of 29 Old 02-09-2003, 05:29 PM
 
bestjob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 981
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It sounds like your daughter is having to choose between the boyfriend and her family, and she's acting rejected because of her choice.

Perhaps you could try to include the boyfriend in your family activities. Although he is an unpleasant person to you, he has been involved with your daughter for more than a year. I'd say you have to trust her judgement that there is something worthwhile in the guy and do your best to find it. At the same time, your daughter will have the chance to judge the values she has adopted (being with rich people is important) against the values she was raised with (happy people come with all sizes of bank balances) and decide for herself what she thinks is important (hey, maybe rich people really are nicer).

Try to find activities that don't involve doing very much talking and happen at times of the day when you'd like to see him (not Sunday breakfast). You could go to a movie together and then split up for separate coffee dates (you go with dh and the kids can head off somewhere else), or you could go to a busy, busy, entertaining restaurant. Invite him to your son's baseball game and make sure that dh is at one end of the bleachers and the boyfriend is at the other. Go to the county fair and look around together for an hour or so and then split up so that they can go nuts on the midway and you can look at the horseshow in peace. Ask him to come along to big family parties where he can talk to your boring uncles. After you've done the activity and you are alone with your daughter, don't spend the time analyzing what a jerk he is. Talk to her about other things and other people. If she brings up something about him, be polite, not argumentative.
bestjob is offline  
#11 of 29 Old 02-11-2003, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
bestjob, your suggestions are excellent. Very kind and forgiving... Now I'll read your post again and take notes so I can do some planning.

We actually have invited him to join us during some family activities in the past. He has come to baseball games, to a potluck, to dinner. He later told my daughter that the part of the island where we live is totally boring. During their free time, he and dd only frequent places on "his" side of the island, in the big city. (We are, alas, country bumpkins, foolishly chasing our chickens around the yard when we should be high-steppin at some disco!)

Nonetheless, I'll work on trying to include him in something, whether he accepts or not.

Aloha
kamalani is offline  
#12 of 29 Old 02-12-2003, 05:38 PM
 
Kirsten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Washington state
Posts: 5,463
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kamalani,
I am sorry things are hard and tense for your family right now. I have some thoughts.
I don't have teenagers yet but I clearly remember going through this myself and hope I can give you some hope. I was a "good kid", raised well, nice family, felt loved, high self esteem, got good grades, didn't get into trouble, etc. I dated guys that did not please my parents. Much older than me, in trouble with the law, kicked out of school, did drugs, some had kids already (not married). I want to make two points about this. One, I was always well treated by them. Your daughter can hold her own. I was actually shown more respect by my boyfriends than my friends who dated "nice boys" were shown. Please don't worry that his opinions will rub off on her permanently. The only opinions of my boyfriends that I ever adopted for even a time were in music.
Two, you mentioned your daughter's boyfriend is so opposite of your family that it is almost funny. This is exactly WHY she picked him! Not that she doesn't love you or feel you are great in many ways, she is just growing up. She has to separate from you somehow or else how can she leave in a year or two to start her adult life? This was not clear to me when I was doing it but it was my way of rebelling - of stating to the world that I was my own person and would do what I chose. I didn't drink, do drugs, disrespect teachers, break the law, etc. but I had a habit of dating the bad boys - and swearing.... Never when I was with these so called bad boys did I break the law, do drugs, drink. I did have sex but so did my friends who were dating the "upstanding" boys in the community.
I also chose to stay home from family vacations so I could attend school dances. I am sure this broke my mom's heart. I can honestly tell you that I wasn't doing it to hurt her in any way. In fact, I felt badly. But when you are that age, your boyfriend or the dance or whatever social situation seems VERY important to you. Your family (whom you know will always be there later) cannot compete.
I would try to not take it personally. Avoid like the plague saying anything remotely negative about the boyfriend. It will only make her defend him. If it kills you, be nice to him - treat him like you would if he was the greatest guy in the world. If she chooses to go off with him over a family outing, tell her to have fun with a smile on your face. She will get tired of him eventually. Much, much quicker if she isn't getting the "rebel" part of it.
I know it is hard now but he is what I call a "practice guy". She will learn what she doesn't want and later in life when picking a husband, she will have experience and make a better choice. I have the greatest dh in the world but no one who knew my dating choices when I was a teen would ever have foreseen it.
Kirsten
Kirsten is offline  
#13 of 29 Old 02-12-2003, 08:12 PM
 
carmen veranda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: sd
Posts: 783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
BIG HUG to you. I am so sorry. It sounds like you are doing everything right to me. We have what we call FFF forced family fun. My girls and their various friends roll their eyes, but they indulge me in this. It sounds like you have included him, (with eye rolling). Keep up the good work. She loves you and is growing up so fast.
carmen veranda is offline  
#14 of 29 Old 02-12-2003, 11:01 PM
 
bestjob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 981
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe he and your daughter would like to organize some music for your next potluck? They could have a few laughs watching the oldsters attempting to dance, and you could learn a some new steps to use next time you chase the chickens! You could ask your daughter to help him choose music that everyone would enjoy, but then gently remind the other adults that some of the music is what the kids like and that you really want the younger people to feel welcome at the parties.
bestjob is offline  
#15 of 29 Old 02-13-2003, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kirsten, bestjob and carmen veranda

Your insight is comforting! Thanks. It's uplifting to read your encouraging words. Maybe things aren't all that bad. Maybe he is a "practice guy." Even if he isn't, I guess being nice to him won't hurt, will it?

You're right about rebelling and wanting to separate to "grow up."

Bestjob, I actually like some of the kids' music already, even if I can't dance! Thanks for the idea.

And Carmen, I had to laugh at your concept of FFF! We do some of that also...

kamalani
kamalani is offline  
#16 of 29 Old 02-20-2003, 07:15 PM
 
carmen veranda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: sd
Posts: 783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How are things with the *dumb ole* boyfriend?
carmen veranda is offline  
#17 of 29 Old 02-20-2003, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for asking, Carmen. There's really not much new. My son's been home sick and I've been concentrating on getting him well.

I haven't decided on any creative plans involving dob yet!
I did mention, though to dd that next time maybe we could all go to dinner together. She agreed, but not with much enthusiasm. She probably thinks I'll forget. I'm not interested in entertaining him and his family here at home because quite frankly, I want to be somewhere where I have the option of saying, "It's been nice. I have to leave now." That's awkward at home.

(I say me instead of we because dh wants nothing to do with the whole thing.)

kamalani is offline  
#18 of 29 Old 02-26-2003, 12:12 PM
 
artgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 957
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here's something my mom told me that she learned AFTER going through the teen years with me (I was horrible, I admit): keep inviting your dd to do things with you!! Keep acting interested in her no matter how she responds. Teens ACT nonchalant about things like that but they really do care. Don't take anything personally. My mom equated the teen years with a second toddlerhood. A time when youre child needs to test their limits and discover the world a little by getting some distance from parents BUT.. they REALLY need the parents stability to turn back to when things get too scary. My mother realizes now that she wasn't able to do this for me. We became very disconnected because she took everything I said to her personally. Of course, that's only natural because I was aiming at her and many of the things said were direct attacks and hurtful. You have to have a suit of armor on that protects from the hurts but can still allow them in in a loving way.I think its a HUGELY positive sign that she wants to have dinner together even if she didn't SEEM enthusiastic. It means a lot to her that you are trying! I promise. Have you ever asked her what she sees in this boyfriend? I remember my dad asking me that once and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I really had to think about my answer so that what I said didn't sound ridiculous to him. It also made me feel like he cared. He noticed what I was doing. Maybe she'll tell you something positive that you haven't seen about this guy that will be a bright spot for you to focus on when you have to be around him. I agree with having him do things with your family when you can tolerate it. He can't be ALL bad if HE'S willing. I hope this helps. Keep your arms open to her even when she's actively pushing you away. She needs the safety net. I agree with the others also, that you've raised her well and she'll figure things out for herself in a good way. She's processing information right now and coming to her own conclusions. Have faith!!
BIG HUGS!
artgirl is offline  
#19 of 29 Old 02-26-2003, 12:42 PM
 
Raihana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: In the foothills of the magical, misty Smoky Mountains.
Posts: 122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know you're hurting & send you hugs & loving wishes.

I can't really give any advice except from the teen girl standpoint. When I was 15 I ran off & got married. I wish now that my parents had fought me on it. I feel now like they gave up on me. Please don't give up on your Dd. There's still a baby girl in there that needs you.
Raihana is offline  
#20 of 29 Old 02-26-2003, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks again. I'll try to keep my shield and my armor available when needed, but not tightly locked on. Yes, some of the attacks are aimed at me personally, and they are hurtful...but there are a few good moments, too. Your idea of asking what she sees in him is excellent. I'll have to practice it before I say it so it will come out right, and not be taken in such a way as to cause a confrontation.

I liked your comment, Rai, about the baby girl that still needs me. I'm still here, watering my petunias. and hugging the cat.
I won't give up.

Are you still with him? What was it like being married at 15?
kamalani is offline  
#21 of 29 Old 02-27-2003, 12:25 AM
 
Kirsten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Washington state
Posts: 5,463
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm glad you are going to talk it out in your head before you have the "what do you see in him" conversation. First thing I thought when I read that was that it was a good idea but an iffy wording. No one ever asks "what do you see in him" and expects a positive answer - KWIM? Something along the lines of "what is your favorite thing about him?" or "what is the most fun you've ever had together (well... maybe not) OK, how about "best date?"
Kirsten
Kirsten is offline  
#22 of 29 Old 02-27-2003, 04:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wise comment, Kirsten. .. "Most fun," I won't chance that one, but "best date" or "favorite thing about him" both sound like good spring boards for a positive conversation. (Dd is VERY sensitive, especially about the boyfriend, so I have to tiptoe when I go there.) I'll see how I can work something like that into the conversation.
kamalani is offline  
#23 of 29 Old 02-27-2003, 08:17 AM
 
carmen veranda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: sd
Posts: 783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree. Good idea to leave out the "Most fun". Might not wanna hear this one. I was also a difficult teen, for a variety of reasons. I remember feeling that my parents didn't even care. They did, of course, but just felt paralysed with fear and anger and frustration and whatever. I read it as not caring. You really sound like you are doing everything right. She knows you love her. That is paramount. My heart is with you.
carmen veranda is offline  
#24 of 29 Old 02-28-2003, 07:36 PM
 
Raihana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: In the foothills of the magical, misty Smoky Mountains.
Posts: 122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by kamalani
Are you still with him? What was it like being married at 15?
No. Not still with him. I hardly remember those years now. Partially because there was so much abuse that I've pushed a;lot of it away & partly because we "partied" so much that I didn't remember it the next night let alone all these years later. I didn't even have any contact with my parents for several years. I couldn't turn to them, partially because of my pride but mostly because I didn't think they cared. We were together until I was 17 & I found the courage to leave. He caught me at home when I went to get my stuff (he was suppose to be at work) & raped me. The only good things that came out of that marriage are my eldest Ds & my sense of independence.
Raihana is offline  
#25 of 29 Old 03-01-2003, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(((Rai,)))

You are very strong to be able to forget about the past and see the good, ie. your independence and your ds.
kamalani is offline  
#26 of 29 Old 03-02-2003, 07:35 PM
 
Plady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: SJI Baby!
Posts: 4,537
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Kamalani,

Like a lot of the other people here, your description of your daughter has reminded me of myself at that age and now my mom and I (and my dad and I) are very close, we always say "I love you" before ending a phone call, etc. So it will turn out okay I'm sure.

But what I thought of when someone else suggested being super nice to dob was, if you go out of your way to say nice things about him to your daughter she may try to be snotty at the time but she'll remember that you were cool. And, if this guy is really a turd and ever says something nasty about you and your dh, your dd is a lot more lkely to jump to your defense and in the process see what a loser he is.

No matter how it all plays out, good luck getting through the tailend of her teenagehood!

Blessed be,

Penelope

A little bit grasshopper a little bit ant   energy.gifom.gif

Plady is offline  
#27 of 29 Old 03-03-2003, 01:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wish I could think of something nice to say about dob, but I don't think, "That was really thoughtful of him to throw his clothes in the laundry so I could wash them for him" counts.

How about, "I like the way he grunted and slightly raised his hand in a possible gesture of goodbye"? Would that work?

Maybe I could go for, "Nice arrangement of junk in your front yard. Are you an artist?"

Excuse my sarcasm. I'm very tired tonight. My dh has been on a business trip for a week, and I'm pretty much used up.

The boards, though, are a bright spot in the haze for me.

Thanks, everyone, for being here when no one else is. And mostly thanks for not putting me down for feeling sad or annoyed. I'm so used to getting, "Snap out of it, quit complaining, you shouldn't feel like that... bla, bla, bla.."

Namaste

kamalani is offline  
#28 of 29 Old 03-03-2003, 02:40 AM
 
indiegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: The land of Nod
Posts: 3,003
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Bare with me, but I have story that might help...

When Mr. Rogers died earlier this week, some of us were talking about how he influenced us as children. One of my friends told us about how she wrote Mr. Rogers a letter when she was about 10 telling him how much she hated his show--that it was stupid and boring and that she thought he was lame.

He wrote her back and told her he was so happy she was able to express her feelings of anger and dislike. He wished her the best.

She saved the letter and to this day comments on how much it changed her.

Hold on, I'm breaking out the arm chair--here is my take on the whole thing: She is stretching her limbs and experimenting with her indepence. She knows you love her and are always there, so it is easy to rebuff you. Teens are like two-year-olds: they push and push their boundaries but always want to know that they have them. It makes them feel safe, you know?

This too shall pass...keep on loving her like you have been. I think its great you are encouraging her bro and her to spend time together.

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) to you on what must be a very difficult time.

Jesse
indiegirl is offline  
#29 of 29 Old 03-03-2003, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
kamalani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: SomewhereUnderTheRainbow
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, Jesse, for your kind and encouraging reply. I guess I am quite easy to rebuff. I am always there, always trying to make it better.

I found myself starting to cry yesterday as I watched two little girls playing - one with Mom, and one with Dad...the mutual adoration, the smiles, the laughter. I felt like some poor waif out in the cold, looking in. We used to be just like them.

Yes, I miss Mr. Rodgers, too. When dd was little, we used to watch him, and every time the show was over, we'd say, "Goodbye Mr. Rodgers." And now he's gone. It's up to all of us to carry on and remember his kind and gentle ways.
kamalani is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off