Join Date: May 2005
Location: southern CA/inland empire
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I have a (nearly) 10yo dss. He's a great boy, very smart, and well-behaved.
The issue is, he can't think of a single thing on his own. Nothing he likes is because he liked it on his own, he saw someone else like it and up and decided 'well, I'm gonna like it too'... I know that probably sounds like 'well, you have to be exposed to something before you can like it', but that's not it. It's very hard to explain.
When I first moved in with SO and dss, they drank alot of Diet Coke, and well Diet Coke only. I drink other things, and the only soda I like is Sprite. Dss hated Sprite, but before I knew it he started drinking all of mine, and now won't even touch Diet Cokes. This is one LITTLE thing, but a small example.
Also, last year, we watched American Idol on television. I liked one singer, but did not mention it. Dss mentioned one night liking a singer, and we started talking, and he asked who I liked. I said 'I like so and so, but the others are good too'... He then really quickly says 'oh, yeah, I didn't like the person I said, I like who you're talking about'... *sighs*
Now, don't get me wrong. People keep saying I should be flattered, but ya know what. I'm not. I don't project that feeling on him, but I get very frustrated with anyone who simply refuses to be their own person, let alone a child.
Now, he's given my DD's best friend's name to the dog his mother just got...
It's just over and over. He cannot come up with a single thought or like on his own. Nothing. He refuses to be creative or use his own imagintation.
It frustrates both SO and myself, but we don't know what to do. We're getting tired of dss constantly asking 'what should I do?', and SO generally ends up snapping 'you're 10 years old! You can decide what to do on your own'...
I know that this is kinda how he was raised by SO, and biomom and SO's family... We can't change the past though... All we can do is work from here..
Anyone else with a bright child who simply refuses to be their own person?
I'm worried with him getting older that he'll end up the follower throughout high school, and get in alot of trouble simply trying to be like someone else... SO voices this fear alot too, as apparantly this is something he went through, and ca see dss on that same path...
I'm not looking for someone to tell me to stop worrying etc. I'm not looking for advice on my feelings about this, or my and SO's concerns etc... I'm simply looking for advice on how to encourage imagination and creativity in a 10yo...