Tween DD "not the right kind" - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 5 Old 02-21-2006, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
vamp127's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Recently my 8yo DD asked a classmate to be her friend--like "would you like to come over and play?" and the girl told her that she (my DD) isn't the right kind." What the heck does this mean? I tried telling DD how there are people in this world who aren't always nice but she is really hurt because this girl happens to be "the popular girl." So now, by association, none of the other girls in her class want to be her friend. Ironically, this girl looks like she could be DD's sister. Same coloring, height, dress style, etc.

OTOH, DD gets along really well with the boys in her class because she's a bit of a tomboy and likes sports.

How can I help her?
vamp127 is offline  
#2 of 5 Old 02-21-2006, 07:11 PM
 
PennyRoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The ocean state
Posts: 721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This breaks my heart! Your poor DD. My DD will be 4 in June and I am already starting to see signs of this meanness in some of her peers - one girl in her preschool told her that she was a bad dancer and DD is all broken up over it. I dread the day when this sort of thing happens to my own child.

I'm wondering . . what does your DD love to do? You mentioned she is good at sports - is there a team she can join to find another set of friends? Does she have other interests you could hook her up with socially (either in or outside of school) to meet new kids?

Can you speak with her teacher(s)? Perhaps there are things her teacher could do to mitigate the effect this might have on her in school. For example - if she is chronically left out in the classroom, not setting up situations where kids choose their own partners for projects, but rather assigning them.

Help DD think out how to handle specific situations - - such as lunch hour. Perhaps you could also help her think of specific comebacks to unkind remarks (something like this happened to me in 8th grade and I had a store house of snappy comebacks that I had painstakingly thought up and practiced in advance, and boy, did they work! In my experience bullies often sense weakness and go for the jugular when they think someone is vulnerable. For me, having snappy comebacks at the ready was very helpful in seeming unruffled.)

I honestly have no wise advice, but I will be watching this thread to see what the other BTDT mamas have to say. Good luck, mama, this is hard stuff!

Mama to 2 mopheaded rascals
PennyRoo is offline  
#3 of 5 Old 02-22-2006, 11:19 AM
 
Alkenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: ...life is beautiful all the time
Posts: 11,759
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It seems like most every girl goes through exclusion around this age. My DD went through it too, and frankly...comebacks didn't help with her, they just thought she was being a smarta**.

Encourage her to explore her interests. If she's into sports, see what kinds of programs there are and maybe she can find like-minded friends.

I think the biggest problem at this age is that they can't play more than one on one with each other. They need each other's undivided attention, and someone always ends up the one left out.

Alkenny is offline  
#4 of 5 Old 02-22-2006, 12:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
vamp127's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks mamas. SHe really loves horseback riding and takes weekly lessons. Trouble is that it doesn't help her make more friends. She is grouped by ability and everyone else is an adult. She relates really well with adults. She's not interested in joining other team sports because this one girl participates.

She did ask last night if she could have a slumber party. I think this could be great, or it could be a disaster. What if nobody wants to come?
vamp127 is offline  
#5 of 5 Old 02-22-2006, 05:59 PM
 
PennyRoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The ocean state
Posts: 721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Riding is a solitary sport, but what about Pony Club? If there is one in your area, this could be a great way for her to meet other like-minded kids. I did this as a girl and loved it - - - it's very social but also allows for a certain level of competition (really, you are competing against yourself to advance to a higher level of knowledge/skill).

I'm not sure I would want to see your DD invite any of the kids who have been so mean to her to the slumber party . . . does she have a small, core group of friends she could concentrate on surrounding herself with?

Mama to 2 mopheaded rascals
PennyRoo is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off