What are your thoughts on preteen/teens and porn? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Recently we descovered some searches on the computer that raised our eyebrows. What is your philosophy on the subject? I feel the same way about cigarettes, I guess. It's not legal for you for a reason, it isn't the healthiest thing, so not in my house. I feel like the interest in sexually explicit matierial is normal, but I don't feel that the porn you stumble across on the internet has anything healthy to teach young boys. We keep the computer in the livingroom, not in kids' rooms.
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#2 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 01:02 AM
 
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If he is 11, it might not have been "porn" he was looking at but actually curiousity of what body parts look like. Or he can be looking for more information about "the facts" and be embarrassed to ask. It also can be poor search word choices. Instead of turtle reproduction they do something like turtle sex or animal sex.

Keeping computers visable, parent controls, and open honest discussions help. Another thing is you cannot be blind and think girls don't look at it.
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#3 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 01:09 AM
 
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Ok, I just might be alone here.. but I had decided a few years ago that I will (my bro, DH, male role mod in the family) will buy my DS porn when they get to the age of question.
Not sure my DS would feel comfortable about mom handing them a mag.. So, it will be one of the above.
I want my DC to feel comfortable with their bodies. I do not want them to think that porn is 'dirty'..... I am speaking of tasteful porn (if there is such a thing) I will under no circumstances be buying my child "Debbie Does Dallas" or anything of the sort.
Mags that have pics of women... like playboy, something that is rather tasteful, but not degrating, IMO.

*ok, sneaking out of this thread before I get bombarded with how horrible I am to even think of such a thing*
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#4 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 01:26 AM
 
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I wouldn't mind if I caught my kids looking at naked pictures of people of the opposite sex. I think it is healthy to be curious about that sort of stuff. My issue is that so much porn on the internet is so disgusting. It creates unrealistic expectations in kids' minds and distorts what a healthy, loving sexual relationship is like.
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#5 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 03:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennie143
I wouldn't mind if I caught my kids looking at naked pictures of people of the opposite sex. I think it is healthy to be curious about that sort of stuff. My issue is that so much porn on the internet is so disgusting. It creates unrealistic expectations in kids' minds and distorts what a healthy, loving sexual relationship is like.
Exactly the problem. It's not like opening up Our Bodies, Ourselves or something. I don't mind him looking at a book like that out of curiosity, but what an 11 year old can find on the net just isn't healthy, as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't buy him Playboy, I do think it is pretty sexist, but a health book or something I'd be fine with.

BTW, some of this is hypothetical. I didn't tell you al lthe whole story. One of the things he typed in the search engine was "pokemon sex pictures" . I;m not sure what that means!
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#6 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 03:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Flor
One of the things he typed in the search engine was "pokemon sex pictures" . I;m not sure what that means!
Part of it could just have been simple curiosity..."hmmm, I wonder if they have this on the internet.." I did something similar last week looking for a Harry Potter fanfic that coupled Dumbledore with the Sorting Hat (I was unsucessful in my search. )

Thanks to you, I just searched for "pokemon sex pictures" on MSN and came up with this link http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?s...n+sex+pictures

In general, I don't like porn because of the way in which sex is portrayed. I have no problems with my children viewing male or female nudes in any art form, or my daughters looking up human sexuality in a medical-type context. When they ask me questions, I answer them honestly and without shame. I view sexuality as a gift from the Creator, and something much to precious to squander on cheap pornos.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#7 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 12:15 PM
 
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pokemon sex pictures That would make me wonder about his true intentions. I do think you need to be careful because you can google that and get "intresting" stuff.

I do think internet porn is dangerous. I would be less bother by Play Boy/Play Girl.
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#8 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 12:30 PM
 
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I know that anime also has a "porn" or "sex" side to it. There is a huge following for anime characters having sex. Usually it's the cartoon characters of people and not Pokeman characters...

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#9 of 22 Old 03-08-2006, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It is funny sometimes what you can accidently run across-- I googled "wooden spoons" for a picture for ds who was really into pots and pans and other kitchen things when he was about 1 yo. I had no idea I'd get such shocking pictures from that search ! (Now you have to try it, don't you?)
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#10 of 22 Old 03-12-2006, 01:39 PM
 
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We have had some issues with our now 16yr old DS looking at some stuff. We've discussed the reasons why we think it's inappropriate and we have pretty tight parental controls on both boys' computers. We've also had the same discussion with our 12yr old DS and so far, so good. We do have the computers in the kids' rooms, but we really haven't had too many problems. They're pretty responsible and the youngest hardly ever accesses the net.
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#11 of 22 Old 03-12-2006, 01:54 PM
 
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My boys (ages 10 and 12) have looked up porn on their own on the computer and I dont really have a problem with it. I would never present it to them, though. But I also wont try to stop them or block them from it.
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#12 of 22 Old 03-13-2006, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not worried about him seeing naked bodies, I am concerned about him seeing rape scenes, beastiality and other things that he might not know how to process. He would NEVER ask us about that kind of thing, or talk about it. He'd be mortified. However, if I think it's normal and maybe necessary to check out bodies as you grow up and I don't want him doing it out there on the internet, does that mean I need to pick out something for him to see? Eeeew. Too weird.

My sister had a problem a while ago. Her 13 yo son and his friends were looking up porn in his room. The other parents found out and FLIPPED OUT at her. It was very ugly with parents showing up at her house to chew her out, accusing her of corrupting their kids. Does anyone worry when there are a group of preteen/teens on the internet?
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#13 of 22 Old 03-13-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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I would definately have a HUGE problem with it.
My dh has an on again/off again problem with porn and it really hurts our marriage, and me.

I spent a couple of days "researching" porn sites of all kinds and WOW, I'm no prude but there is some really, really dusgusting sicko stuff out there which is very easy to find.
I would not want those images ingrained into my childs brain....ever.
Plus think of the whole sex trade industry..... young, young girls drugged and coerced into doing nasty, nasty things. Selling their bodies for money.
The whole "trade" is disgusting. Teen boys who view porn have a higher rate of becoming sex offenders...ect....there is a whole host of real problems with porn.

I think teen porn use totally sets up a lifelong problem with sex, what real women are, what real relationships are, ect....as a wife of a sometimes user...it hurts and it makes me want to throw up, in fact I have gotten physically ill from viewing some of it.
Do some searching around for yourself and see if you want your child viewing these things. Another issue is that it is addicting and the user/viewer needs more and more and "better and better" (which translates into more disgusting as it gets "better and better") to keep the thrill from viewing it, the curiosity gets greater and greater....what else is out there to find and see?


No way, no how. Totally unhealthy.

Curiosity about womens bodies and sex is one thing for a teen....porn use is quite another.
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#14 of 22 Old 03-13-2006, 04:13 PM
 
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As a notmom (but woman who grew up in the very beginnings of the internet age in a house of early tech adoption), I also just want to point out that there's a world of difference between idle searching/curiosity and porn obsession/addiction. Idle curiosity pretty much never killed/majorly damaged someone - addiction can. Which is it in your kid's case? I have no idea, but I think that for the vast majority of kids who look at porn online (which I would seriously bet is the vast majority of kids who have internet access not at a library) it's curiosity - and when they run across the nasty stuff, disgust. (I saw some of a friend of a friend of a friend's porn collection once. Only one pic disturbs me to this day - makes me retch thinking about it - but that's really the only ill effect from the porn I've seen. Even the bestiality only provoked an "Um. Why?" reaction.) It really is a phase - in a healthy teen, the reactions will be a mix of arousal, curiosity, disgust, fear (of being discovered), guilt, and elation (at getting away with it), and then, usually (not always) they'll move on to something more interesting.
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#15 of 22 Old 03-13-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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also want to throw something out there.

Forbidden things are that much more appealing. If you treat it as not a big deal then they will also see it as not a big deal.

Just an opinion.

My brother was 3 years ahead of me growing up, he put some porn in the household bathroom under the sink when we were growing up. My mom was against it at first, but after a while she stopped throwing them away.

It was never talked about, but everyone knew it was there and no one cared who saw it. It was just always there.

I'm not addicted to porn, I don't feel ashamed by viewing it either. I will probably let my son know at the age he is curious (i will know, I am a tech geek and I will always know what my kids are doing on the pc) that it is ok to be curious, but I would prefer him not to use the internet until he is older. And provide him with 'bedroom' material.

I will also let him know that if anyone other than him is caught 'viewing' it, such as his friends. It will promptly be removed and the computer will be locked.


Just my own philosophy on it. Because as others have said, the internet is not the healthiest place to view porn, and a boys curiousity will get the better of him. if you block it at home, he will do it at a friends.

I'd rather my son feel comfortable at home and unjudged than feel like it is something shameful. And I would also prefer him using a magazine instead of the neighbors daughter if you know what i mean.... Dont wanna be a grand dad when the kid is 14/15 coz of curiousity.

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#16 of 22 Old 03-14-2006, 01:41 AM
 
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PSA: just noticed someone mentioned the porn factor in anime. When I met my anime-freak DH I kinda had that impression that porn and anime were closely connected. That's kinda like saying that American movies have a porn side to them...sure they do, but I've never seen a pron movie in my life and I watch plenty of movies (ok, I saw one porn movie, years ago).

Animated porn is called hentai, and it's not likely that anyone's DC is likely to come across it in his pursuit of anime to watch. Even the stores that carry the soft-core types are generally *very* strict about who they sell it to (specifically how old they are), and you kinda got to know what to ask for. This is all according to DH, who definitely knows what he's talking about.
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#17 of 22 Old 03-15-2006, 12:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KentuckyDoulaMama
I would definately have a HUGE problem with it.
My dh has an on again/off again problem with porn and it really hurts our marriage, and me.

I spent a couple of days "researching" porn sites of all kinds and WOW, I'm no prude but there is some really, really dusgusting sicko stuff out there which is very easy to find.
I would not want those images ingrained into my childs brain....ever.
Plus think of the whole sex trade industry..... young, young girls drugged and coerced into doing nasty, nasty things. Selling their bodies for money.
The whole "trade" is disgusting. Teen boys who view porn have a higher rate of becoming sex offenders...ect....there is a whole host of real problems with porn.

I think teen porn use totally sets up a lifelong problem with sex, what real women are, what real relationships are, ect....as a wife of a sometimes user...it hurts and it makes me want to throw up, in fact I have gotten physically ill from viewing some of it.
Do some searching around for yourself and see if you want your child viewing these things. Another issue is that it is addicting and the user/viewer needs more and more and "better and better" (which translates into more disgusting as it gets "better and better") to keep the thrill from viewing it, the curiosity gets greater and greater....what else is out there to find and see?


No way, no how. Totally unhealthy.

Curiosity about womens bodies and sex is one thing for a teen....porn use is quite another.
I could've written this post.
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#18 of 22 Old 03-16-2006, 08:37 PM
 
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#19 of 22 Old 03-17-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by elsasmommy
I think that you can be arrested for allowing minor children to look at porn in your house,, even if they're your own children. "Corrupting the morals of a minor" or "contributing to delinquency of a minor" or something like that.

I'm also pretty sure it would be considered a form of sexual abuse, esp. if you're talking about preteens, even if you're not looking at it with them, but if you knowingly allow them to have access to sexual material. Just a little something to think about.

I cannot imagine telling my ten year old daughter that it's fine to look at people having sex on the computer, and I'd be seriously worried that social services would investigate if I allowed such a thing and she told her friends.

This isnt a problem with Girls. It really isnt a problem at all.

Did you have any brothers growing up? Just a question.


The material is out there, if your child wants to view it, they will. Would you prefer they find it on their own to see someone being accosted by a donkey in a basement? Because that crap is out there. Or would you rather monitor and regulate what they see?

My parents got a 'descrambler' for our television when I was 13 and I had a television in my bedroom. You think my mom didnt know what was being shown on that box? But that was still minor compared to what I would have found on the internet.

I didnt have a computer until I was 16+ in the house and didnt have internet access till I was 17. And I'm not that old.





As for worrying about letting your children see these things. I'd be more worried about my Daughter hanging around boys 1-2 years her senior personally. Dont know. Not saying, just saying.

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#20 of 22 Old 03-17-2006, 06:36 PM
 
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#21 of 22 Old 03-21-2006, 01:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by elsasmommy
Girls are interested in looking at porn too, and anyone who thinks they don't is kidding themselves. I'm not going to get into an argument here; I was stating a legal fact. If someone willingly lets their kids look at porn, then that's their problem, not mine.

as for girls I wouldn't know. I didn't date till I was 17 and no sisters in the house.


And personally I would prefer my son to not 'experiament' on the neighbors daughter. I'd rather turn a blind eye and not 'restrict' his normal curiosity and bedroom habits.

And while talking about the legality of it, if a 15 yr old boy 'experiaments' with a 14 year old girl (or vice versa) that could land the son/daughter as a sexual predator because of the laws in most states. I'd rather not have a son in juvie and have to register.

dont know. No matter how you look at it there is 'downfalls' to the situation as a parent but if you ignore it and act like the curiosity isnt there, that is why we have so many teen age pregnancies in america. Other countries are alot more lax about nudity and pornography.

I always say something 'hidden and secret' is that much more appealing, even if it will wind up getting you in trouble.

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#22 of 22 Old 03-21-2006, 01:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla
I did something similar last week looking for a Harry Potter fanfic that coupled Dumbledore with the Sorting Hat (I was unsucessful in my search.)
Wow, that's a ship I had never considered before. And I thought Dobby-Hermione was *ahem* unique.
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