03-15-2006, 02:28 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2001
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What to do??
My oldest son is not behaving in a respectful or responsible way (has always been a challenging one). At this point I feel I cannot trust him. Last night he asked to take the car somewhere & was given permission along with $20 for the gas tank. It turns out that he went somewhere else (actually three places he did not have permission to go to- not so much permission, but places I didn't know about). I suspected he was not where he said he was. I asked him if he wanted to confess to anything before I started playing detective. He said something like 'this is fu*&ing bulls&*t.' He then told me where he had been. I told him he lost driving priviledges for Friday because of the deception and the lying. He yelled more. Oh, and btw, today is my birthday. My younger son said, 'R, you know today is mom's b-day' and older son proceeded to curse & threaten him. At this point I removed all driving priviledges for the weekend & left for work and school with younger ds leaving older ds to swear and brood.
Older ds always makes things worse by cursing and yelling when he is confronted. Dh says that ds gets away with things because we are afraid of his outbursts. I guess that is true to a point. I don't like to give consequences and would rather talk to work things out, but this kid can't seem to keep it together long enough to talk and I WILL NOT allow him to lie when it involves driving and have no consequences.
Another issue has been $$. He has none. I offer him $6/hr to work around the house. Most of the time he is not interested. Then he needs $$ and most often we give him some. I know this is wrong and we should stop. I have helped him apply to two jobs in the last couple of days hoping he can find something 8-10 hours a week now and more in summer. His basketball season has just ended so his scedule is more open now.
He will be 18 in six months, but still has another year of high school. He is hoping to play basketball in college and is a gifted athlete, but otherwise he is just not acting respectful &/or responsible most of the time!!
If you've read this far, thanks. I think I know what we need to do. Sticking to it is the hard part.
Teenagers imo, are more challenging than babies!!