I'm another one of those former no dating until kids. . . - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-09-2006, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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let's see. . . how did not dating until i was 16 affect me:

they took away my car thinking it would limit my abiltiy to be with inapropriate people and do inapropriate things senior year of highschool so i would get off the bus walk through the school and go out the front door to get in the flavor of the moment's car

by the time i was 16 i was already so determined to have fun i had the worst relationships with males partially because i had to hide them from mom and dad. if your kid is hiding relationships from you she can potentially get in a bad situation that she won't tell you about. because she was somewhere she shouldn't be with someone she shouldn't be with, she might not tell you if something happens to her. i know all 4 of us (3 girls, 1 boy) kept our business to ourselves.

besides there's a difference between having a boyfriend (emotional connection), dating, & sex. somehow for me the first one didn't seem to be part of the other 2 and the impression i got off my parents was that all guys were sex starved demons not human beings, but so many guys aren't like that, my parents also didn't deal with the idea that girls are curious and interested in sex too. so i figured they were idiots and not to listen to them. i chased guys like there was no tomorrow. are you spelling out the difference or is there no difference?

why no boyfriends (i can see the whole not going out thing, i do the same thing we are treating it like 15 1/2 to get learner's permit, 16 to drive & date, 18 to vote, 21 to drink, 25 to get decrease in car insurance rates--milestones in life) but my daughter is aware that she can have relationships with guys (she's 11) in the right way. at least she talks to me like i never did with my parents by this age i was hiding books they thought i shouldn't read and going to friends' houses to hangout with boys--not do anything wrong, just talk to them in herds like everybody else.

good luck no matter what you decide to do
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#2 of 6 Old 04-09-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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Those emotional connections lead to sex VERY easily. When someone feels "in love" it is only natural that they would want to express it through sex. Besides, teens usually aren't ready for those kinds of emotions. They are confusing and cause more harm than good IMO.

There are plenty of ways to discourage mainstream dating while at the same time avoiding rebellion. It is not about strict rules but about having a good relationship with your kids.
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#3 of 6 Old 04-10-2006, 02:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiveblessings
Those emotional connections lead to sex VERY easily. When someone feels "in love" it is only natural that they would want to express it through sex. Besides, teens usually aren't ready for those kinds of emotions. They are confusing and cause more harm than good IMO.

There are plenty of ways to discourage mainstream dating while at the same time avoiding rebellion. It is not about strict rules but about having a good relationship with your kids.
Why do kids have these feelings if they are not ready for them? You are trying to deny a normal part of growing up. Why try to deny that kids DO grow up and have sexual feelings?
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#4 of 6 Old 04-10-2006, 07:04 PM
 
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I didn't make a very big deal out of it and wound up with a 17 year old who isn't interested yet and another one who's been "dating" since he was eleven. No grandchildren, no STDs, no abortions, at least not yet.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-10-2006, 08:43 PM
 
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I agree with Choli

Educate them on how to protect themselves, and also that saying 'no' is ok as well as if you are told 'no' it is ok. Teach them to respect themselves and others, they will have those emotions on their own, they will love, they will hurt. Protecting them from it is counter productive in my opinion. Just be there to support them in the good times and console them in the bad times.

And always provide the protection they need at whatever stage in development they are and always make sure they know they can come to YOU for it when they need it.


That is my philosophy, they will figure it out on their own, and we hope they don't make to many mistakes on the way. (not that guidance won't be there, it just wont be mandatory)

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
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#6 of 6 Old 04-11-2006, 08:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choli
Why do kids have these feelings if they are not ready for them? You are trying to deny a normal part of growing up. Why try to deny that kids DO grow up and have sexual feelings?
Why do they have these feelings? I've already said, it's because of their raging hormones. Sexual awareness can begin at a VERY young age, it doesn't mean you should act on whatever feels good. That would be just stupid and irresponsible.
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