Teens and suicide - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-18-2006, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My neice is 13, almost 14. Last night she took a bunch of her rx antidepressant/sleeping pills (trazadone) and had to go to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. I guess she's doing ok now, she is at home. I've called but she was sleeping so I wasn't able to talk to her. Her mother basicly said that she needs to "get over what ever it is" and just deal. That made me very sad. She needs love and support and my brother and SIL are not very loving people. My brother is very controlling and abusive and SIL usually just sticks her head in the sand and ignores what ever is going on.

My neice is a lot like I was when I was that age (I'm 10 years older), she does a lot of the negative things that I did. I had a suicide attempt and SI'd. She does cut herself. I was a "goth" and she is dressing in all black, listening to the same music I did. She's a smart kid, has good grades, mostly stays out of trouble. I think I know what she's going through but I'm not sure how to deal with it. It's hard watching someone you love repeat the same mistakes you made.

Even though I have been there, I'm not sure what I can do to help her. I suggest my SIL take her to my therapist (who is thankfully still in business). I was planning on taking her out to do something this weekend before she ended up doing this. Now I'm not sure if I should. I don't want her to think that hurting herself is a good way to get attention, but I don't want to turn my back on her.

Anyone have any good resources about teens and depression or suicide?
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Old 04-18-2006, 08:00 AM
 
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Not off the top of my head, but wanted to send you a hug. I have a friend who's dd is in a very similar place right now, and I know she's found some books handy- I'll ask and pm you.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 04-18-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texaspeach
I don't want her to think that hurting herself is a good way to get attention, but I don't want to turn my back on her.
Hurting yourself is never a good way of getting attention, but if she did it for attention, she must feel she can't get it another way. If attention is what she needs she should get attention and it would do no harm to let her know that what she did was not ok, but you are there for her and if she wants to call you up any time for a chat then she can. I know at 13 or 14, I could grasp the fact that hurting myself was bad not only cos I got hurt but also because it worried and upset my family.

Hurting myself=Hurting the people who loved and wanted help me.

I don't have adult links but tell her to look at this website,
www.childline.org.uk
its English but can give good advice. Also see if there are any charity phone numbers who help suicidal or depressed teenagers, which you could put into your neices dominion.

In England at least there is lots of publicity of confidential free phone numbers for kids to call for a chat (basically free councilling).
I'd advice the childline no. but i don't know if that would work internationally.

Let your neice know you care and try to give her ways of helping herself as that can't put a barrier between you and your in laws, since it doesn't really count as interferring.

Sorry I can't help more.
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Old 04-18-2006, 04:50 PM
 
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At our hospital, if someone comes in with a suicide attempt, the social worker gets involved. Now, the hospital can't give you any information; but you don't need to GET information, you need to GIVE it.

Here is what I suggest. Call and ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital. Tell them your niece's name, date of birth, and when and why she was treated. Tell them her current situation and your concerns. Even if they can't acknowledge that they even know what you are talking about, they sure can take the information that you are providing and follow up on it. Ask them if, in general terms, they follow up with outpatients (then they can say something like, "We can't comment on a specific case, but yes we do follow up on all people we screen." Ask if they have any suggestions for you, as far as community resources for your niece and her family.

Each hospital has it's social work department set up differently; they all provide different services. Hopefully yours is pretty comprehensive and will be involved with your niece even if she isn't an inpatient.

Good luck.

Lori
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Old 04-18-2006, 05:13 PM
 
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My DH tried to commit suicide when he was 16, he had stolen a gun and everything... Then we met. He finally told me about what he had planned a few years latter..

*hugs* I think I know and understand how you feel, I am sure my DH can relate to your neice however. Good luck to you all.
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Old 04-18-2006, 06:01 PM
 
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I don't really believe that people take it that far just to get attention. Besides, if she did, then attention is what she needs. It may help her a great deal to have a family member who does pay attention to her, who can relate to her. I think you should try to spend more "fun aunt" time with her. If she'll talk to you about things, you may be able to tell whether she's depressed or mentally ill. She may really need help.
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Old 04-18-2006, 06:14 PM
 
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Suicide attempts should always be taken seriously. Please do all you can to get help for this dear girl. Let her know there are people who care about her, ones she has never met.

My late daughter made five attempts before she was successful. Therapy, lot's of love and understanding and we still lost her.

Please get your brother and his wife to take this seriously. Please.

And yes, take her out this weekend as planned. Don't isolate her further. She may need to talk and you could be a safe haven for her. Offer to let her call anytime day or night if she feels unsafe. Get her hotline numbers. Ask about school counselors. Therapists and peer groups at school.

Send her my email if you think it would help. I'll "talk" with her.

My heart is aching for this hurting young girl.... Give her a huge hug for me...

Janis

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Old 04-18-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lorijds
At our hospital, if someone comes in with a suicide attempt, the social worker gets involved. Now, the hospital can't give you any information; but you don't need to GET information, you need to GIVE it.

Here is what I suggest. Call and ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital. Tell them your niece's name, date of birth, and when and why she was treated. Tell them her current situation and your concerns. Even if they can't acknowledge that they even know what you are talking about, they sure can take the information that you are providing and follow up on it. Ask them if, in general terms, they follow up with outpatients (then they can say something like, "We can't comment on a specific case, but yes we do follow up on all people we screen." Ask if they have any suggestions for you, as far as community resources for your niece and her family.

Each hospital has it's social work department set up differently; they all provide different services. Hopefully yours is pretty comprehensive and will be involved with your niece even if she isn't an inpatient.

Good luck.

Lori
:This is really good advice and it is what I was going to say so I just quoted Lori
And I also wanted to say that for yourself, please make sure that you get support too-especially if her situation brings up a lot of painful issues from your past that maybe unresolved.

Take Care,
Erika:

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
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Old 04-18-2006, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you guys for the advice, it really helped me. Hopefully now we can help her more.
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Old 04-19-2006, 01:30 AM
 
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I too attempted suicide at that age..
I think that pp had great ideas.
Spend some time with her. Do you live close? Maybe don't be all heavy and wanting her to talk about it- just hey- I'm here- can you help me with the kids while I clean house- take a walk- etc. have her around so she feels love.
My cousin gave me a journal after I did you know. I also recieved a teddy bear- sounds silly for a teenager- but I still have that bear in my room.
Silly simple ideas- but maybe simple is best.
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Old 04-19-2006, 01:33 AM
 
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Oh- I also wanted to say that yes- attempting suicide can be a way of gettnig attention. Like HEY - I'm in trouble here- I don't feel right- I need help type of attention.
i did not really want to die- i wanted help with my problems- and to be taken seriosly.
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