DCFS help needed update post #151 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
DragonflyBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Margaritaville
Posts: 2,600
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need some information please.

Our 15 year old daughter flipped out earlier tonight. Punching us, kicking, punching her father in the genitals. This was precipitated by a confrontation on her sluffing school. She was a danger to herself, a danger to us. I called my sister who works for DCFS. She told me to call the police. This was while the chaos was going on. So I called.

Police came, dd told them to f*ck off. Said she was being abused by us. Police asked for proof. No bruises, no marks, nothing on her.

She was continuing to be combative, they removed her from the home in handcuffs and took her to youth services.

Once there, they found small scrapes on the back of her legs from us trying to carry her back into the house. She was refusing to stand and if we had let her go, she would have bolted. Those are the only marks on her.

The police told us there was no abuse, told her there was no abuse. Due to the marks, youth services has reported us to DCFS.

We were given the option of picking her up tonight or waiting till tomorrow. They will only hold her for 24 hours. We said to keep her.

So now we have abuse allegations to deal with on top of an unstable child who is hellbent on self destruction and taking down the rest of us with her. She went so far as to tell the police we killed our oldest dd, the one who took her own life.

So what do we do now? DCFS will be coming to our home to talk to us, to the other kids. I want to co-operate but do not want the shaft either. I'm trying to reach my sister again for help. Not sure what she can do other than offer advice.

As for my dd, I'm not sure I even want her home at this point. Her actions and allegations are frightening to us and to the rest of the kids. We are looking into some type of tough love camp, facility, putting her into foster care, something, anything to get her help.

The love we have for her is so deep and she does not see it. She hates us.

What do we do as far as DCFS? What do we do to help her? We are at a loss. Everything we did for our late dd scares us as it seems now to not have helped. We lost her anyway. This is our second go round with DCFS and this dd. The previous time was for something else she did. We talked with the worker and everything went away. No problems.

But now? So much worse... Help...

Janis

:
DragonflyBlue is offline  
#2 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:20 PM
 
Alana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,868
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I dont haave any advice...but I couldnt read this and not reply
Alana is offline  
#3 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:21 PM
 
CathToria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: N Atlanta Suburbs
Posts: 3,807
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't have advice, but i will pray for you and your dd..........

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
CathToria is offline  
#4 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:25 PM
 
Penelope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: West Papio Creek Trail
Posts: 12,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, Janis. I'm so sorry.

My only thought is to call your pediatrician, if you have a good one. He or she might have a therapist to recommend you to who specializes in teens, or some info on some other kind of therapy/living situation. At the very least, if DCFS investigates further, your ped. can speak about your situation will full knowledge if necessary.

I wonder if your dd is reliving the hurt of your older dd's death, as she approaches the age at which her sister began to have such terrible difficulty.

Good luck, mama, you and your dd and your whole family are in my prayers.

Can't give up actin' tough, it's all that I'm made of. Can't scrape together quite enough to ride the bus to the outskirts of the fact that I need love. ~ Neko Case

 
Penelope is offline  
#5 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:38 PM
 
Beeblebrox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In a sleepy haze
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
While they may be doing a mandatory investigation, my guess would be that your DD is no picnic with them either. It may be something they're doing to cover their bases. Honestly, I think they'll probably see right through her. Again, that's just a bystander's guess, but I can't see her being that volatile and it not showing through to them.

On top of that to your whole family.

Mama to : '05, '08, '10 and expecting our 3rd homebirth.jpgJanuary '13

Beeblebrox is offline  
#6 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:39 PM
 
HoosierDiaperinMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Missing my DD's
Posts: 6,166
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OMG. I'm sorry, Janis. I'm so sorry this happened. (((HUGS)))

, , , mama to Ross , Reagan (8/29/05), Joshua (from Haiti...here NOW due to the earthquake!), and Elijah , born safely 9-8-09.
HoosierDiaperinMama is offline  
#7 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:51 PM
 
Angelstill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly having dcfs involved may not be a bad thing. It souds like your dd needs some serious help and quick. My sister died 3 years ago and I was devastated as an adult, I can't imagine how devestating it would be at that age.

Let DCFS know about your older child and your fear for your youger dd. Ask them to help you find your dd some help.

Hugs to you!
Angelstill is offline  
#8 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 10:57 PM
 
papayapetunia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SE Portland, OR
Posts: 5,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not going to lie. I think it's terrible that you told them to keep her. I know your rationale may be that "she's a danger to herself and others," but chances are, she didn't like spending the night wherever she spent the night and will respond well to the threat of having the cops called on her again.

She could have PTSD or any number of psychological problems because of her sister's death. She could also have genetic psychological problems, if that is what her sister had. Add abandonment to that, and who knows what will happen to her?

You should go pick her up right now. Is this not an AP site? Is there some age when AP theories are no longer applicable? She's still a child.
papayapetunia is offline  
#9 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:02 PM
Red
 
Red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: at my keyboard, writing my novel.
Posts: 4,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My two oldest kids put us through all kinds of stuff with CPS.


In both cases, I was able to convince a relative to take the kid. It wasn't great, but it was better than I felt foster care would be. In both cases, it broke my heart.


And with the kids 27 and 23, we're all friends now. THey both tell stories about how horrible they were, and neither thinks we were mean or evil for setting limits and sticking to them.

It's soooo painful for the younger kids.

I'm includingyou in my prayers tonight. Know that you can only do the best you can, and no more.
Red is offline  
#10 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:10 PM
 
hipem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thinking of you and your family. Wishing you strength and peace as you work through this.
hipem is offline  
#11 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:21 PM
 
ombra*luna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 2,257
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Janis, I'm so sorry this is happening. I hope you can find the best way to help her. I like what a previous poster said about asking the pediatrician for help/referrals.
ombra*luna is offline  
#12 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:26 PM
 
Shiloh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: listening to kriping churckets
Posts: 6,796
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think child services might "MIGHT" be a blessing for you perhaps they could find a residential anger managment and behavioral therapy school for her?
my dd went to one it was amazing the transformation.

I say call them first thing in the morning and arrange an appointment at their offices to discuss treatment options for your child who is in distress.

Quote:
As for my dd, I'm not sure I even want her home at this point. Her actions and allegations are frightening to us and to the rest of the kids.
sadly she is a danger at this point and would probably benefit from therapy outside the home.

Sounds as if she might need a workup to see if there are any biochemical issues like bipolar, schizophrenia and medical issues. she's harming and violent so she fits the top of the list for treatment.

Quote:
I'm not going to lie. I think it's terrible that you told them to keep her. I know your rationale may be that "she's a danger to herself and others," but chances are, she didn't like spending the night wherever she spent the night and will respond well to the threat of having the cops called on her again.
I don't think it was terrible you have to have some limits and it sounds like she's been running over you for a while it is hard as a mother to accept you cannot heal your own childs emmotional issues. It is harder to say I can't have this child here now it seems outwardly like its rejecting its not, its not rejecting to get help when you need it. Thats a lot of stress and its probably best for both of you as well when my dd did that I never laid a hand on her other than to defend myself but oh man I sure wanted to after those types of physical and emmotional punches in the face.

Quote:
She could have PTSD or any number of psychological problems because of her sister's death. She could also have genetic psychological problems, if that is what her sister had. Add abandonment to that, and who knows what will happen to her?
I think getting help when you need it and protecting yourself and other family members is not abandonment its intelligence. Abandonment would be dropping her off at the CPS and saying she's all yours

Quote:
You should go pick her up right now. Is this not an AP site? Is there some age when AP theories are no longer applicable? She's still a child.
WHAT? No guilt on this mama is not going to be helpful to the family, attachment parenting does not mean you allow your kids to abuse you to keep a bond going... loving a child means that you know when you can handle a situation and when you can't. The only thing that may preserve the family sometimes is seperation for the family to sort out the issues.

8 might be enough
Shiloh is offline  
#13 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:26 PM
 
BathrobeGoddess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The rural foothills of N Colorado
Posts: 5,582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For what is worth and since I know that you were looking for support not citizism...I think you did the right thing telling them to keep her over night. AP means meeting your child's needs and if she is hurting herself and others (what if she went after another of your children next time?), I think you are meeting her needs by letting her see where her current path is taking her. Effective AP families are family-centered, not child-centered. I also believe that having to sit overnight in youth services for assault is a natural consequences . If it was a teacher she attacked, they could press charges and she would really be spending time in youth detention. AP does not mean you let your kids do anything the want. Boundaries do exist in AP, particularly in teen years where they really need them. You know your child better than anyone else. Many major psychological illnesses can begin to manifest around the early teen years. Do you think that is a possibility?

Your family is in my thoughts.

Eden yikes.gif, working on a PhD in Education mama to Laurelleshamrocksmile.gif (16), Orijoy.gif (6), Yarrowfaint.gif (4) and Linusfly-by-nursing1.gif (1) partner to Brice. 
BathrobeGoddess is offline  
#14 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:35 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hope you can get some help for your daughter and your family. I think family counseling is urgently needed, just based on what you've posted here: one child committed suicide, another physically attacked you, and you thought purposely getting a third sick, puking drunk was good parenting. All of those are red flags that things aren't working in your family, IMO. Your daughter may be the one acting out now, but from a family systems perspective, that's her role in the family, and it's the family system that needs to be fixed.

Simply getting rid of the designated "problem" won't fix the underlying issues. You can't think of this as "Why is she messing up?" but "How is this family messing up?" I truly hope you find a competent counselor.

dar

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#15 of 169 Old 04-26-2006, 11:49 PM
 
lotusdebi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Facebook
Posts: 6,653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*

You can find me on Facebook. PM for info.
lotusdebi is offline  
#16 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:04 AM
 
papayapetunia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SE Portland, OR
Posts: 5,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiloh
WHAT? No guilt on this mama is not going to be helpful to the family, attachment parenting does not mean you allow your kids to abuse you to keep a bond going... loving a child means that you know when you can handle a situation and when you can't. The only thing that may preserve the family sometimes is seperation for the family to sort out the issues.
AP is looking into sending a 15-year-old to a tough-love bootcamp? Come on.

I've done extensive work with teenagers and in my experience, I have found that they act out for a reason. This could be family death, divorce, adoption, rape, molestation, etc. Good parents look to local therapy options to help their troubled teenagers.

OP, if you're really thinking about a tough-love option like bootcamp, I urge you to first read the book Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids, by Maia Szalavitz. It details a lot of problems with the industry.
papayapetunia is offline  
#17 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:17 AM
 
swimswamswum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Chasing my babe.
Posts: 4,284
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I really hope this gets better for you. My sister struggled like this when she was a teen and it was really hard on everyone- we got through it and so can your family. Don't reject the help that is out there.

Contrary to what some of the other posters think, remember that you are doing the best you can- you and your family have been through a whole lot and the last thing you need is more guilt.
swimswamswum is offline  
#18 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:24 AM
 
cj'smommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,931
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree. Whether or not you agree with JanisB, she obviously posted in desperation and looking for help, not to be judged and called a bad parent.

Janis, I don't have any advice for you but I hope you get the help you and your family need.

Mommy of 3 super charged kiddos
cj'smommy is offline  
#19 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
DragonflyBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Margaritaville
Posts: 2,600
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
First off, dd IS in therapy. She has been since her sister died. Ongoing, weekly therapy.

We've done family counseling, long term.

She has been evaluated numerous times by a psychiatrist. She does have PTSD and depression, which is why she is in therapy and on meds to help her. One of my concerns is a medication she is on and started at the first of the year. Since going on it, she has gotten worse not better. She has an appointment for a med evaluation next week.

We've gotten the kids involved in support groups.

For those who offered support, thank you. Some posts have felt, to me, a bit harsh. I'm not perfect. I never said I was. You don't know the agony, self blame and self hatred I have for my daughters death. I *do* blame myself.

I'm out of answers on how to help my dd. I live in fear of losing another child. I panic when they are late from school. I worry myself to the point of ulcers and near breakdowns over them.

Part of being a parent, to me, is doing the best you can for all your kids. Leaving dd at youth sevices tonight was to give her a chance to calm down, for me to calm down, for the other kids to have some peace. I went down and took her meds to her along with a few other things. They brought her out to collect them. She glared at me, would not speak to me. I gave her things to her, the worker had to prompt her to say thank you. She did but in a snotty voice. I said I loved her. She said whatever and walked away.

The options of programs to put her in are not to punish her or to send her away. It is trying to find help, something that will reach her.

When Caite had problems after Marrissa's death, we put her into an inpatient treatment program. Intensive therapy, group, individual, peer. She was only expected to be there 3 months. She was in for 7. But you know what, I have my daughter back. She's happy, she has a job, just got a promotion. She's dating. She is no longer cutting, starving herself and planning her death. So "abandoning" her was the best thing for her. It gave her a way to find her way after losing her sister, her best friend.

It's very easy to sit back and judge when you have not walked the walk another is on. You lose a child to suicide (or any other way) and who you were no longer exists. Lose a sibling or spouse and the same applies. There is the life you had before and the new one. One filled with pain, tears, suffering and never ending questions and self doubt. You struggle like hell to find your footing again. To find a way to go on.

My daughter is hurting. I know that. But she cannot tear the family apart further. We need to find the best way to help her and if that means a placement program of some type, so be it. It wouldn't be to make things easier for us. It would be to try and help her. I'm not the type to keep plugging away at something that does not work rather than get her help.

I know I asked for advice and help but I will respectfully ask that if you want to add to the guilt I already have, please remain silent. I beat myself up enough. I don't need any help to feel like an even sh*ttier parent.

Janis

:
DragonflyBlue is offline  
#20 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:31 AM
 
delicious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: a country i can be proud of.
Posts: 3,940
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i have never seen tough love work. i have never seen tough love camps work.

i agree with the PP would suggested serious family counseling, and couseling for you daughter alone.

i hope you all get the help you need.
delicious is offline  
#21 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:32 AM
 
mamaley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You guys have been through so much. It must have been so hard going through all of that tonight, but you did the right thing for the situation.

I agree with a pp that a psych eval sounds like a good idea. Also, is she currently in counseling?

Sorry, we x-posted
mamaley is offline  
#22 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:35 AM
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,980
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mama

I was a teenager who behaved like your dd. In my case I was responding to some pretty crappy things that had happened in my life (abuse, abandonment etc.) My mom sent me to live with other people on a few different occasions and it really helped me realize where here limitations were.
I don't know your family situation but maybe you have a relative/friend you could send her to stay with for 3-6months. With a condition that if her behavior warrants it, she can be allowed to move back in?

I hope you find some guidance here mama!
Good luck.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#23 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
DragonflyBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Margaritaville
Posts: 2,600
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
i have never seen tough love work. i have never seen tough love camps work.
I have. And I know it helped me when I was a troubled teen.

Quote:
i agree with the PP would suggested serious family counseling, and couseling for you daughter alone.
She IS in counseling. We've done family therapy.

Quote:
i hope you all get the help you need.
Thank you.

Janis

:
DragonflyBlue is offline  
#24 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:35 AM
 
CrazyRED's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
BIG for you Janis. I pulled something like this when I was about your DD's age. Nothing that my parents did really helped, it was something that I had to deal with. But I needed professional help, and my parents weren't exactly agressive in helping me get it. This sounds like it is beyond the scope of your family. Please get her some counseling.

ETA~ We x-posted. I saw that you are concerned about the meds. Are there any naturopaths in your area that maybe you could take your DD to?

OT~ Ladies, Janis needs our support right now, not an argument. Whether you agree with her actions or not, she did what she thought was best for her family. I would hope that we as fellow mothers could at least recognise her pain and offer our support and good wishes.
CrazyRED is offline  
#25 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:39 AM
 
Mama Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Apparently on MDC
Posts: 11,061
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wish I had some advice for you. I was the troubled teen that got pregnant and that is what straightened me out. That is what got through to me. I don't know what it will take to get through to your daughter that she isn't the center of the universe and she's hurting people around her. Teenagers can be very selfish and I just don't know what it takes to make them NOT selfish. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to go through this stuff and I hope that something will get through to her so you can have your daughter back.

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
Mama Dragon is offline  
#26 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:42 AM
 
PikkuMyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: hmmm
Posts: 7,370
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
TOugh love camps may work for a few but everything I've read about them screams "RUN AWAY NOW!!!" - with children there who have no business being there, and staff members who really have no business in such positions.

I am a behavior therapist and I am well aware of many behavior problems. There is always a cause, and I don't believe in punitive ways of solving them. I work with kids with severe disabilities and behavior issues.

While she may need a change of placement, I beg you to seriously investigate any options you are considering before making a decision.

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
PikkuMyy is offline  
#27 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 12:59 AM
 
Momtezuma Tuatara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 8,091
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Janis, there is an old saying, that if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

You have to go on your feelings.

I feel you have done the right thing. Given that you have taken all the steps that any responsible parent should, then you have nothing to fear. Your sister gave you advice and surely she will stand by you.

Yes, definitely look at the drugs issue. You know the history of SSRI's I'm sure, and why and how they got taken off the market for adolescents. They can, and do make the situation worse.

There is one other thing you may like to consider if you haven't already done it.

We keep copies of all medical files for our children in the house. It comes in very useful. Either you can get copies or you can talk to the medical people involved, who will vouch for your parenting.

In terms of tough love, I've seen it work as well.

Papayapetunia
Quote:
I'm not going to lie. I think it's terrible that you told them to keep her.
Who are you to say this?

I think its great when someone has the balls to put their kid in a time out situation where no-one's going to take ongoing lying, and she can sit down, cool down, and start to think things through rationally, including the implications of carrying on in such an out of control undermining fashion.
Quote:
I know your rationale may be that "she's a danger to herself and others," but chances are, she didn't like spending the night wherever she spent the night and will respond well to the threat of having the cops called on her again.
You... are second guessing. I'd back Janis's judgement over yours any day.

Quote:
She could have PTSD or any number of psychological problems because of her sister's death. She could also have genetic psychological problems, if that is what her sister had. Add abandonment to that, and who knows what will happen to her?
Again, you second guessed. Given that she's been assessed if she had those wouldn't they have found that out long ago?

Quote:
You should go pick her up right now.
Excuse me, but your comment smacks of Putinism. It's not your life, nor your child.

Quote:
Is this not an AP site?
What has that got to do with it? Are you saying that your views are the only useful ones around here?
Quote:
Is there some age when AP theories are no longer applicable? She's still a child
There is an age when children have to grow up and get a grip. If they refuse to do it the easy way after months of therapy etc, there is a group of them who have to do it the hard way. And that way is usually when parents are at the end of the rope having been dragged around mercilessly for longer than enough.

And frankly, sometimes the experience is good for them.

Kids cannot live all their lives in sunshine, for all sunshine makes a desert, and sometimes to have mountaintop experiences you have to plough through the valleys and sludge.

I know. I've been there.

And maybe Janis has too.

“I want to sell drugs to everyone. I want to sell drugs to healthy people. I want drugs to sell like chewing gum.” former Merck CEO, Henry Gadsden

Momtezuma Tuatara is offline  
#28 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 01:00 AM
 
Shiloh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: listening to kriping churckets
Posts: 6,796
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
AP is looking into sending a 15-year-old to a tough-love bootcamp? Come on.
who said that? the mama listed it as something on her list of treatment options for her daughter. A residential therapy environment isn't always tough love.

I think it sounds like she's dealing with a lot of issues add in teenage years and hormones and it will take a while to sort them out. But it does set up some big flags for things like bipolar (self harming, violence, rapid cycling)

Good luck mama and hugs from me.

and I am still shocked at people who would step up to judge you..until you have lived and walked in those shoes you really can't talk about it.

Having a child that self harms, is abusive, violent a child you are afraid of while giving everything you have emmotionally, financially....
you don't know the hell it is

Quote:
Good parents look to local therapy options to help their troubled teenagers.
if you read the postings she has done that.

8 might be enough
Shiloh is offline  
#29 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 01:01 AM
 
TeaBag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Growing Stronger Every Day :D
Posts: 3,606
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Janis, I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you.

And FWIW, I agree with CrazyRed here. Janis has been through hell and back, and the LAST thing she needs is someone questioning her APishness? :
TeaBag is offline  
#30 of 169 Old 04-27-2006, 01:02 AM
 
Clarinet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For a period of more than 5 years, my older brother was physically violent A LOT and mostly towards me. The cops were called many times and he was taken away in handcuffs and those nights of sleep were bliss. I don't blame you one bit for letting her stay where she is because she can't hurt you and your other children. My brother ended up in a behavioral rehabilitation center of my parent's choosing for 18 months and was never violent again. We actually have a great relationship now.

Personally, I would much rather do some research and send my child to a place I feel comfortable with instead of waiting until a judge declares her a danger and sends her where he thinks she should go. I don't know your daughter so it's not fair for me to make claims to understand what will work for her, but you know her Janis. I think you'll make the best decision for her.
Clarinet is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off