Read the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Although it gives only a few examples of teens, everything fits for all ages. The first chapter is about communication and there are other places where the actual examples and stories are from teenagers and how to connect with them. You can also take phone sessions with the author. She is fabulous. That book has transformed our family, including making a difference with our teenagers. You can get the book on Amazon or through book stores. It really sounds to me like a question of learning to connect with her so that she feels you are on her side. The book will help you do that.