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#1 of 39 Old 05-30-2006, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 10 yr old and there is a whole crew of them who hang out. I don't think she will be starting any time soon but they will be based on breast development and all... I have discussed this all with her and also they did the film thing at school. The way I grew up we never discussed any of this openly so this is new to me. I want to be open with my girls and want to know how to make this all a good experience (hope that's not weird) I want to act cool and be relaxed about this. From those who have experienced this, do yo uahve any advice.

I saw someone saying they celebrated the first moon or something... curious about that.

Anyway, I have been worrying about this for a while and I would love some good advice, thanks so much!!
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#2 of 39 Old 05-30-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dd or what kind of personality she has, but when I got my first period, I was soo glad that my mom didn't make a big deal out of it. I was embarrsed enough when she even asked me if I had started. I was painfully shy though and was never really close to my mom (only on a superficial level) so this may not apply to you, but for my experience, it wasn't anything I wanted anyone to know about. My mom also never really told me anything about it, I learned what I needed to know from school and the back of the tampon box and honestly, I preferd it that way.
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#3 of 39 Old 05-30-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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I am very interested in this thread b/c my own daughter is 9 and starting to develop.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#4 of 39 Old 05-30-2006, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey228
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dd or what kind of personality she has, but when I got my first period, I was soo glad that my mom didn't make a big deal out of it. I was embarrsed enough when she even asked me if I had started. I was painfully shy though and was never really close to my mom (only on a superficial level) so this may not apply to you, but for my experience, it wasn't anything I wanted anyone to know about. My mom also never really told me anything about it, I learned what I needed to know from school and the back of the tampon box and honestly, I preferd it that way.
That was somewhat similar to my situation, I wanted no involvement with my stepmother in my period but I dont' want that kind of relationship with my daughter. All my friends were comfortable talking about it and I never even felt comfortable asking questions, I awasn't happy learning everything in school and often had to resort to homemade protection during that time. I just would like a more open relationship with my daughter.
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#5 of 39 Old 05-31-2006, 12:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey228
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dd or what kind of personality she has, but when I got my first period, I was soo glad that my mom didn't make a big deal out of it. I was embarrsed enough when she even asked me if I had started. I was painfully shy though and was never really close to my mom (only on a superficial level) so this may not apply to you, but for my experience, it wasn't anything I wanted anyone to know about. My mom also never really told me anything about it, I learned what I needed to know from school and the back of the tampon box and honestly, I preferd it that way.
I was like this too. I didn't want to make a big deal or even for people to know. My dd though just got her first period last week and is WAYYYYYYYYY different. On her way out the door with 3 friends (1 male) I asked if she had everything she needed with her to which she replies "Yes, Mom, I have my tampons!"
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#6 of 39 Old 05-31-2006, 02:00 AM
 
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Here is a thread with some ideas on First Moon Parties and links to a First Period Kit, etc:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=party

Thought this information might fit right into this thread.

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#7 of 39 Old 05-31-2006, 02:13 AM
 
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Oh, and here's another thread with lots more ideas for celebrating a young woman's period:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=party

And another:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=party

(Thanks for reminding me that I wanted to look up these old threads.)

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#8 of 39 Old 05-31-2006, 11:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by merrybee
My dd though just got her first period last week and is WAYYYYYYYYY different. On her way out the door with 3 friends (1 male) I asked if she had everything she needed with her to which she replies "Yes, Mom, I have my tampons!"
This is how I want my girls to be, very relaxed and with a "whatever" attitude.

Thanks for the links, I will be looking further into those.
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#9 of 39 Old 05-31-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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just make sure you have smaller sized pads and tampons. my mom only used the super large ones and those huuuuurt. I didnt get around to asking for my own ones for a few years though because I was embarrased..
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#10 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 12:54 AM
 
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Thankfully I had three older sisters who I could talk to and I knew pretty early on about having a period.
My mother talked to me about it with charts and graphs since she is a childbirth instructor and that made me pretty uncomfortable, but she did make sure I had my own pads tucked away so I would be able to take care of things myself.
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#11 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Elizabeth0506
My mother talked to me about it with charts and graphs
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#12 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 08:58 AM
 
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From what I've seen (and my own experience with my mom who never seemed to get anything right) start early! Try talking to her about it BEFORE it actually occurs. Break the ice early on so she is not as nervous to come to you later. My family never talked about these things and I was mortified to talk to my mom about tampons, etc. I also think that it would be a good idea to not only have products on hand but (if she is willing) to take your daughter to the store to help pick out her own product with your guidance, of course. My mom always bought us the wrong size and the cheaper tampons. They were so uncomfortable. And later on when I went to the store I had no idea what everything meant! Also, don't forget that at some point your child will need a 'sex talk' from you and not just friends at school! Maybe this is a good time to ask everyone when they had their first 'sex talk' and when they plan on doing so with their child...

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#13 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 04:55 PM
 
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#14 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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My 11yo dd got her 1st about 3 months ago. She has always been aware of mine & why you get it, etc...we have tried to be open as possible since she was aware of her parts We would talk about what it was, when & why..
When she started developing hair in places she never had hair, & breasts...well those are in the proper places ...we started talking about the possibility of her getting her period in conjunction with all of these other changes. I faked being calm , cool & collected: ...when i was feeling . We talked about doing something together to celebrate this change when the day came...

Anyway, the day came 3 months ago...she went into the bathroom after school & mins later popped her head out...'mom....can u come in here??'

We big girls went to the store & picked out supplies & talked about growing up & what to expect....she was very open w/it & proud to be in this class of 'women' She asked all sorts of questions about cramps & flow & comfort measures...oh boy!

The next morning she was quite crampy & she & I stayed home together while dad & lil dd went off to work & school. We had a special treat breakfast, rented movies & cuddled all day.

This is such a big change in a lil girls life, it is soooo great you want to be there for her!!
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#15 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 07:29 PM
 
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My oldest dd is very close to getting her period (her ped thinks).

She has known about it for some time. We have talked about it and I have answered all of her questions.

A few months ago she was reading in some magazine crunchy mag at my SIL's about ceremonies for getting your first period.

She told me about it HORRIFIED. Her take on it "OMG what is WRONG with these granola-y types!"
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#16 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 07:44 PM
 
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I love the idea of a ceremony or ritual (that is, I'd love it if I had a girl...) and looking back, I would have liked it as a girl way back when.

But. I'd only have liked it if it was something I knew about and was planning for beforehand. When I got my period, my mother sprung it on me that she wanted to break out the champagne. I wanted none of that! To her credit, she respected my wishes, and we didn't make a big deal of it.

However, if my mom and I had talked about it as being something to celebrate, and had planned for a celebration to take place, I would probably have been on board with it.
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#17 of 39 Old 06-01-2006, 07:53 PM
 
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I love the ceremony idea as well (I'm always up for a good ritual!!)

I just have to throw this in...I got my period when I was 10. My mom was a nurse and had told me about it. I knew I would get mt period. I knew there would be cramps etc...I was also really into the tv show Emergency at the time (I know...dating myself)...Anyway...She never mentioned blood...When it happened, I thought I was going to die...according to Emergency I had internal bleeding and I was gonna die!!! I started screaming bloody murder from the bathroom....my poor mom...she just started laughing all the while trying to calm me down and explain to me that it was just my period.

Anyway...just a small piece of advice, Please mention blood!

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#18 of 39 Old 06-06-2006, 08:56 AM
 
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Just a quick word of advice. Do talk to your DD about it WELL before it's likley to happen. My BF at the tiem told me when I was time but she made the whole "blood & babies" thing soumd so horrendous I was nearly in tears : telling my Mum - who them had to explain it's something very normal and natural and happens to every girl and means your body is getting ready to become a womans body and that no, it should be painful or "gross" (as I thought at the time).
Didn't have a special ceremony but my Mum did make sure I had my tampons and panty-shields and also plenty of my own special shower gel (ok, it wasn't that special but was different from Mum's or Dad's so it felt special at the time) and nice smelling deodorant and body lotion.
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#19 of 39 Old 06-06-2006, 08:58 AM
 
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Ask her a)if she wants to do anything and b) what she wants to do,
If she doesn't want to do anything she'll tell you and you should respect that, if she does then she'll probably have a good idea about what she wants to do and save you a lot of agonizing over ideas.
There's no choice about menstruation the choice lies in how you celebrate it and how you tell you people.
Also can i second (third?) roomformore and minmoto2 in saying that you should take her to the store and let her choose a couple of things she might like to use when she has her period. Her choice might be different (size or method) to yours and she should be able to have that choice, she'll probably listen to your guidance about what to use anyway since you know more about whats going on.
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#20 of 39 Old 06-06-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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I totally agree with Roomformore's post. Start early when she's curious and hormones haven't taken over.

I gave my DSD a book (one I highly recommend) The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls by American Girl. It addresses a whole host of adolescent changes to come, why these things happen and how to deal with it (gives great info on tampons vs pads) and appropriate illustrations. My DSD liked to read a chapter and then ask me questions. I did stress that she needs to track her period so she knows when she's going to be more sensitive emotionally and doesn't "explode" at anyone, since she'll be prone to that behavior.

I also told her that there will be times she gets answers from her friends and they might be wrong and that she should always "cross research" for the right answer (like, asking me, her mom or aunts) because sometimes some answers should come from people who love and care about her (sorry, I worded this a bit differently and it came out better when I talked to her).

I tried to get across the big picture, our family values and decisions she makes now that will affect her in the future that she will own (I add these points in when it makes sense, otherwise I know it would come across as a lecture or overwhelm her).

Good luck

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#21 of 39 Old 06-06-2006, 10:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boobear
I gave my DSD a book (one I highly recommend) The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls by American Girl.
I LOVE THIS BOOK and yes, we have it!!

Quote:
I did stress that she needs to track her period so she knows when she's going to be more sensitive emotionally and doesn't "explode" at anyone, since she'll be prone to that behavior.

I also told her that there will be times she gets answers from her friends and they might be wrong and that she should always "cross research" for the right answer (like, asking me, her mom or aunts) because sometimes some answers should come from people who love and care about her (sorry, I worded this a bit differently and it came out better when I talked to her).

These are great ideas!! Will have to add them to the list of other great ideas found here. I think that the whole celebration thing is great but not us. I am not sure I could get to that comfort level and she would probably be embarrassed but I might talk to her about it. I am going to have her go to the store with me and have her look around and discuss because I up until a few years ago had a hard time doing that.
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#22 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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I am a little petrefied of my now 10 year old (soon to be 11) dd getting her period. WE have discussed it several times and I have explained to her what it is and what happpens and have even bought her a book about her changing body... I just am afraid she will panic. My mom was no where around when I got mine and we never discussed it AT ALL! : So I made sure that we talked about it from the first time she noticed mine... She will probably hate a ceremony but I would definitely say ask her cause at this age you just never know!

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#23 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 12:51 PM
 
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Here's a link to a thread I started not too long ago:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ight=Moon+Kits

HTH!
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#24 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 01:35 PM
 
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My parents told us pretty early on about sex: intercourse, menstruation, masturbation, the whole shebang. It was hard for them, because it wasn't what their parents did, and I'm glad they did. Who knows what kind of information I would have gotten on my own!

On the day I got my first period my mom told me how happy she was for me, and how proud she was that I was becoming a woman, and then my parents bought me my own bouquet of flowers. That was really nice, especially because all my friends had already gotten their periods, so there was no mystery, and I was feeling pretty unhappy about the start of cramps, bleeding, etc. I believe my reaction was, "Oh f*@$!" So it was nice that my mom made it into something positive. I was still embarrassed, but it was still nice and meant a lot to me. I would not have been into anything more crunchy than that.

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#25 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 02:32 PM
 
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minmoto2 My 11yo dd got her 1st about 3 months ago. She has always been aware of mine & why you get it, etc...we have tried to be open as possible since she was aware of her parts We would talk about what it was, when & why..

Anyway, the day came 3 months ago...she went into the bathroom after school & mins later popped her head out...'mom....can u come in here??'

We big girls went to the store & picked out supplies & talked about growing up & what to expect....she was very open w/it & proud to be in this class of 'women' She asked all sorts of questions about cramps & flow & comfort measures...oh boy!

The next morning she was quite crampy & she & I stayed home together while dad & lil dd went off to work & school. We had a special treat breakfast, rented movies & cuddled all day.
I think you are WONDERFUL! your post brought tears to my eyes. (ok, I'm on my period right now, so I'm slightly more emotional than usual) This is how I hope it goes with my Dd when the time comes--in a decade or so!

When i got my first period, my family was going through a crazy time--my preemie brother was dying in the hospital (he LIVED) but my mother just said... "oh, well you know where the stuff is, right?" Even though of course it was an insane time, I was longing for a little more recognition. I don't think I would have wanted a celebration per se, but a small ritual and recognition. Six months later, my mom bought me a special ring to mark the occasion- thanks mom.

My Dd sees the blood when I'm having my period, and knows as much as she understands about it. I will definitely go with her wishes about rituals/ceremonies, but I was thinking something along the lines of having a special box prepared beforehand...with letters from her aunties and Grandma, little gifts, words of wisdom, a hot water bottle and special blanket or something. I want to impart to her the importance of taking time for reflection and being alone during her moon time. She sees me doing that so I hope that is something she will do naturally.

I highly reccommend the book Mother/Daughter Wisdom, by Christiane Northrup. It has so much wonderful stuff in it, and some great ideas for first periods.

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
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#26 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 02:40 PM
 
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Having a moon party and making fresh rose bud and flower crowns and sitting in circle singing some great songs like. Opening to the Change! I would invite the mothers of the girls friends so they can open to the change and support womanness!

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#27 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 02:40 PM
 
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Having a moon party and making fresh rose bud and flower crowns and sitting in circle singing some great songs like. Opening to the Change! I would invite the mothers of the girls friends so they can open to the change and support womanness!

Kiya- Mama to 3 growing Son's. Waldorf joy.gifDoula  hug.gif  Making Recycled Woolens and Trainers every spare moment.
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#28 of 39 Old 06-09-2006, 03:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mummy marja
I think you are WONDERFUL! your post brought tears to my eyes. (ok, I'm on my period right now, so I'm slightly more emotional than usual) This is how I hope it goes with my Dd when the time comes--in a decade or so!

.............
My Dd sees the blood when I'm having my period, and knows as much as she understands about it. I will definitely go with her wishes about rituals/ceremonies, but I was thinking something along the lines of having a special box prepared beforehand...with letters from her aunties and Grandma, little gifts, words of wisdom, a hot water bottle and special blanket or something. I want to impart to her the importance of taking time for reflection and being alone during her moon time. She sees me doing that so I hope that is something she will do naturally.

I highly reccommend the book Mother/Daughter Wisdom, by Christiane Northrup. It has so much wonderful stuff in it, and some great ideas for first periods.

Thank you mummy marja!! I still get tears in my eyes...this is such a challenging age, hormones a'flyin, etc...it is just soooo wonderful to be able to connect w/my girl on this very different, womanly plain.

I think the idea of a special box is beautiful...something she could treasure always, and hopefully pass on to her daughters.


It was important to me to let her know this is a special & very important time in a young woman's life..nothing to be embarassed or ashamed of...
My mom's mom waited til my mom got her period & said 'oh yeah, you will get this every month'....Could you imagine?? My mom was in turn better w/me...but came at it w/a 'this is what it is, it is normal, it is a pain in the @$$, but we all gotta do it' point of view....better, but not quite how I wanted my dd to view it, ykwim?

My dd would never have gone for a gathering or formal ceremony of sorts. It was so very nice to mark the occasion in our own way, and have that special time together to celebrate
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#29 of 39 Old 06-10-2006, 09:52 PM
 
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just something simple that I did for my DD when she was at that age
since she went to public school, I wanted her to be prepared, so we bought an extra pencil case and put in a thin pad, a baggie, and a small package of baby wipes so she could clean up,,,, that way she would not be embarrassed by the other girls commenting on her starting and I wanted her to feel confident that she had a real plan if it started at school and not spend every day worrying about it, even though we had talked extensively that it was part of becoming a woman, I still just worried....so now my other DD who is 11 will take her pencil bag to school next year just in case.....
BTW I love all the suggestions here thank you!
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#30 of 39 Old 06-11-2006, 08:54 AM
 
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I have BIG PLANS for dd (who is only 16 months right now)...

If she wants a party, we can do that. Have her gal friends over...draw a bath for her with rose petels and oils and let her take a beautiful bath (alone) to reflect. Special symbolic foods. Maybe even a birthday cake to remind her of the importance of a Moon Time...and that it has the potential to give new life. Something like a key to denote responsibility. Maybe a key charm? Cause having a cycle means having responsibility for your sexual behavior and the ramifications thereof...

Whatever she's into. Tea. Ice cream. Whatever.

And before hand, I'm hoping that we can pick out some beautiful cloth pads online and order a "first moon time kit" which has the perfect size pads for a little lady. Since I'm a cloth gal myself, I'm hoping she will see me washing them over the years. Maybe give her a special soaking pot for the pads...

We can go out at a full moon and do a ceromony...

I have TONS of ideas about this one. Go with the kind of daughter you have and your relationship to her. Ask her if it would be okay if you planned something special. Ask her if she would like to have a public celebration or a private one...

Good luck and ENJOY. What a BIG deal in a young womans life!

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