rules my husband found for dating his daughte - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my air nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and eighteen acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
But, before you even think of dating my daughter, you'll have to fill out the Application for Permission to Date My Daughter. ...he has yet to experience the joys of teen dating ...ive been thru it with my 2 girls but i laughed my butt off when i read this...by the way he changed it a bit..we really do have 18 acres..the rest is pretty well true hes already told her she cant date till shes 30
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#2 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 01:29 PM
 
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Cute!
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#3 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 01:54 PM
 
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forwarded it to my DH - our daughter is about to turn 1
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#4 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 03:24 PM
 
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really cute!
When my cousin first started dating his wife her dad handed him the application to date my daughter... as a joke.... When he wanted their permission to propose he gave it back to them, completely filled out (Awwww)

Does anyone have the actual application?

wife to DH, Mama to DS "Bug" (09/07), and DD "Sprout" (01/11). 
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#5 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 04:36 PM
 
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Off to send this to my BIL.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#6 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 04:43 PM
 
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I know it's really obnoxious to post this here and I'm really not trying to be offensive. But it really creeps me out when fathers' primary focus when his daughter is dating is on her sex life.

I mean, I know it's supposed to be cute and protective and all, but can you picture a mom writing that about her son? Or even a dad? I mean, so it's ok for boys to get into trouble or get hurt in this manner, but the father is 'the barrier' (more than a little weird) between the girl and her boyfriend?

Sorry, it's not just this, I always feel this way when I hear stuff like this. You know, 'sitting in the driveway with a shotgun when she gets home' stuff. It's like buddy, you are a little too concerned, kwim?

:
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#7 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 04:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
I know it's really obnoxious to post this here and I'm really not trying to be offensive. But it really creeps me out when fathers' primary focus when his daughter is dating is on her sex life.

I mean, I know it's supposed to be cute and protective and all, but can you picture a mom writing that about her son? Or even a dad? I mean, so it's ok for boys to get into trouble or get hurt in this manner, but the father is 'the barrier' (more than a little weird) between the girl and her boyfriend?

Sorry, it's not just this, I always feel this way when I hear stuff like this. You know, 'sitting in the driveway with a shotgun when she gets home' stuff. It's like buddy, you are a little too concerned, kwim?

:


It's not 'her' sexlife we are worried about, it is the horny young hormone driven pimple riddled first time driving boy that is pulling up to our front door's sex life that worries us.

We don't worry about hers, it doesnt exist.

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
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#8 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 04:48 PM
 
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I have seen this before, and I know it's supposed to be a fun light hearted thing, but I think it's dumb. Sorry to be the downer. I just never found it funny, and for the most part if Dh tried this crap or felt this way IRL I would be super ticked.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#9 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 04:53 PM
 
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Yeah, I don't want to jump in and be a sourpuss, but this sort of fatherly display has always made me uncomfortable. It creeps me out in the same way as giving away the bride does, but to an even greater extent. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone acting as some sort of guardian of my sexuality.

It feels uncomfortably sexist to me, and overly negative towards both a daughter and her date/companion/partner-type person.
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#10 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:07 PM
 
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It's only a joke. Although, I for one can remember my uncle cleaning his gun while my date was waiting for me (my dad would have, but was out of the country). I guess to each his own.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#11 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:12 PM
 
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I get that it's just a joke here, but within the humor I think people actually believe this and agree with it. And that's the part I don't get. I understand wanting to protect our kids and help them make good decisions about partners. I do not get treating daughters like some strange piece of property, demanding that any boy she date never touch her, threaten to kill him, etc. Just not funny. I know that I would never want my son to be treated this way by someone's father.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#12 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secretresistance
Yeah, I don't want to jump in and be a sourpuss, but this sort of fatherly display has always made me uncomfortable. It creeps me out in the same way as giving away the bride does, but to an even greater extent. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone acting as some sort of guardian of my sexuality.

It feels uncomfortably sexist to me, and overly negative towards both a daughter and her date/companion/partner-type person.

How is it sexist? i plan on putting the fear of god into my son too. Sex = children. I will teach my kids this and tell them that if they do it to use protection. Doesnt mean I wont attempt to guide my children to the right choices in life. Like College, Education, Sports.

Whatever they feel interested in. In highschool they shouldn't rely on another person to make themselves feel whole, and that is what the whole dating scene is in highschool.

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
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#13 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:23 PM
 
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I understand what you are saying, it's just that it's not just a joke. IMHO, it's an overriding, unquestioned way of saying that a girls father has some sort of ownership over her sexuality.

Sorry. Really. I do feel like this whenever I hear something like this being said, not just in response to this post. I just felt like this was the place I could say this in response.

Even the rules themselves seem to be making fun of something that is deeply disturbing to me:

Quote:
when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you
so is he positioning himself right between her legs to fend the other guy off? :

Quote:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.
Sounds like a great idea
Quote:
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
:

Quote:
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
You mean, like a burka?

Quote:
But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.
Maybe this sentiment would be better placed if you were referring to your wife

And Yoshua, she does have a sex life, just like he does. And she likes it that way.

My apologies to the OP.
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#14 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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There's a huge difference between teaching children morality and threatening their dates with violence if they don't follow our moral code.

My plan is to teach my children the Torah guidelines about sex and marriage, along with the physical and emotional risks of sexual involvement, and ways to protect themselves. I will be very proud if my children decide to wait until marriage before having sex- but I know that that will be THEIR choices, not mine. I want to empower them to make good decisions and keep the lines of communication open.

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#15 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
I understand what you are saying, it's just that it's not just a joke. IMHO, it's an overriding, unquestioned way of saying that a girls father has some sort of ownership over her sexuality.

Sorry. Really. I do feel like this whenever I hear something like this being said, not just in response to this post. I just felt like this was the place I could say this in response.

Even the rules themselves seem to be making fun of something that is deeply disturbing to me:

so is he positioning himself right between her legs to fend the other guy off? :

Sounds like a great idea
:

You mean, like a burka?

Maybe this sentiment would be better placed if you were referring to your wife

And Yoshua, she does have a sex life, just like he does. And she likes it that way.

My apologies to the OP.

Ok, well to tell you the truth, I will rule the nest when it comes to issues that will possibly negatively affect my offspring. My children can pro-create when they choose to, however the day they get pregnant could (possibly) be the day they decided to pay 2 equal portions to all the bills of the house (3 if he decides to move a girl in with us depending on circumstances).


I won't set my children up for failure. I will give them the advice they need on the subject and they will make their own choices on sex. But if they are grown up enough to pro-create, they are grown up enough to pitch in on all the bills, on top of pulling a good gpa and caring for a child.



Truth of the matter is I am responsible for my child(ren) until they are 18. Period.

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#16 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:29 PM
 
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i plan on putting the fear of god into my son too. Sex = children. I will teach my kids this and tell them that if they do it to use protection. Doesnt mean I wont attempt to guide my children to the right choices in life. Like College, Education, Sports.
I don't think this haas anything to do with it. Otherwise you would hear jokes about moms saying that to boys girlfriends (if you picture that, you can really see just how creepy this is) or even dads.

I certainly agree with the above, but if anything it's more about sticking your head in the sand when it comes to a girl making choices about her sex life. I think that's why so many girls end up getting pregnant so early. Control over her sexuality gets passed from her father(??) to her SO, without her ever having been presumably responsible for it.
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#17 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:31 PM
 
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I won't set my children up for failure. I will give them the advice they need on the subject and they will make their own choices on sex. But if they are grown up enough to pro-create, they are grown up enough to pitch in on all the bills, on top of pulling a good gpa and caring for a child.
Through behavior like that which is stated above? If anything that just makes a joke to laugh off.
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#18 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
I don't think this haas anything to do with it. Otherwise you would hear jokes about moms saying that to boys girlfriends (if you picture that, you can really see just how creepy this is) or even dads.

I certainly agree with the above, but if anything it's more about sticking your head in the sand when it comes to a girl making choices about her sex life. I think that's why so many girls end up getting pregnant so early. Control over her sexuality gets passed from her father(??) to her SO, without her ever having been presumably responsible for it.
My mom was that way. I had sex for the first time when I was 19. I thank my mother every day for helping me to understand I didn't want a child until I was a 'grown up'.


Thanks mom, you don't creep me out at all.

BTW- my mom? single mom, no real father figure in the house.

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#19 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by treereach
Through behavior like that which is stated above? If anything that just makes a joke to laugh off.

i will communicate with my children, I will put the fear of Josh into their dates.


so, yeah, through the activities above. and I will also assume that my children know my sense of humor by the time they are 16 and will know what to take seriously and what not to also.

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#20 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:42 PM
 
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Your mom told your date that she was the barrier between you and your date and you weren't creeped out?

Quote:
so, yeah, through the activities above. and I will also assume that my children know my sense of humor by the time they are 16 and will know what to take seriously and what not to also
Umm, you just contradicted yourself, are they going to take it seriously or not?

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I had sex for the first time when I was 19. I thank my mother every day for helping me to understand I didn't want a child until I was a 'grown up'
.

My point is that the above 'jokes' don't help in this aspect. They are making jokes about the dads weird responses to his daughters date. I had no father in the home either and my mom managed to get me to understand just fine about sex and pregnancy without ever having to bring out camoflage or guns.
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#21 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
How is it sexist?
I admit that it's a little bit hard for me to succinctly answer you, as the sexism is laid on thick in my opinion. The daughter is being spoken of like she is property, and like she is helpless, not to mention nothing but a sexual being in the eyes of the scary interloping teenage boy. The prospective date is to be viewed as worthless, single-minded and interested in nothing but taking advantage of the daughter in question. To me, those are gross ways to paint a person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
i plan on putting the fear of god into my son too. Sex = children. I will teach my kids this and tell them that if they do it to use protection. Doesnt mean I wont attempt to guide my children to the right choices in life. Like College, Education, Sports.

Whatever they feel interested in. In highschool they shouldn't rely on another person to make themselves feel whole, and that is what the whole dating scene is in highschool.
All of that is fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned, and I don't see much how it relates to what I find objectionable about daddy's dating rules.

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.
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#22 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by treereach
Your mom told your date that she was the barrier between you and your date and you weren't creeped out?



Umm, you just contradicted yourself, are they going to take it seriously or not?

.

My point is that the above 'jokes' don't help in this aspect. They are making jokes about the dads weird responses to his daughters date. I had no father in the home either and my mom managed to get me to understand just fine about sex and pregnancy without ever having to bring out camoflage or guns.


Actually when I decided to date at 17 my mom told my date a few things about what she thought about teenage sex.

Also when I was hanging out with my girlfriend my mom would usually be fairly close or we would be at their place with their parents fairly close. IE: my mom walked in on us every 8 minutes making sure we had something to drink.


There was no contradiction. My children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!

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#23 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
Ok, well to tell you the truth, I will rule the nest when it comes to issues that will possibly negatively affect my offspring.
Ahh well that is a big thing to consider in the different way we are viewing this. I don't "rule" the nest. My family rules together if anything.

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#24 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secretresistance

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.
Yes, yes yes and yes again!

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#25 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by secretresistance
I admit that it's a little bit hard for me to succinctly answer you, as the sexism is laid on thick in my opinion. The daughter is being spoken of like she is property, and like she is helpless, not to mention nothing but a sexual being in the eyes of the scary interloping teenage boy. The prospective date is to be viewed as worthless, single-minded and interested in nothing but taking advantage of the daughter in question. To me, those are gross ways to paint a person.


All of that is fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned, and I don't see much how it relates to what I find objectionable about daddy's dating rules.

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.

If I don't know the date, why would I think they are an upstanding citizen of society? Sure, they have won over my child, but children don't always have the best common sense so to speak.


If the girlfriend/boyfriend decide to make random trips to the house to say hi to us, weather the child is there or not, more points for them, more oppourtunity for me to get to know them.

But some random guy coming up in front of my house honking his horn and expecting me to deliver my daughter when he doesn't bother to say 'hi'.... yeah right.


She is my daughter, and if she doesn't demand respect for herself, I will for her in this regard. Dating ettiquette is not taught enough nowadays. It's just 'go with the flow or you're not cool!'..... No thanks, I will 'try' to teach my kids a lil more self respect than this.

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#26 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
AMy children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!
The thing to possibly learn from this discussion is that that just isn't so funny to all of us. Some of us find it offensive, even.
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#27 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
Ahh well that is a big thing to consider in the different way we are viewing this. I don't "rule" the nest. My family rules together if anything.

and I can respect that. And I hope you have the positive outcome you are looking for.

I hope to teach my children self respect in the same way I learned it and hopefully help them avoid the mistakes I made while watching them make a few new ones of their own.

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#28 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by secretresistance
The thing to possibly learn from this discussion is that that just isn't so funny to all of us. Some of us find it offensive, even.

Not everyone is the same. I don't think you have to find it funny. Just as you shouldn't think 'everyone' should find it offensive.

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#29 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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i htought it was funny. : i'm coming at it from having a mother who told my high school boyfriend that if he got me pregnant she'd kill me & then break his legs!! so, yeah, funny.
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#30 of 257 Old 06-22-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
There was no contradiction. My children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!
I think what we are saying is that joking about maiming your child's partner or date isn't funny. I can say that in a situation of immediate danger I would jump in and defend my child if their boy/girl friend was being violent, but I wouldn't say that just because they did something I don't like. Like hand holding.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
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