Should a boy be a bridesmaid? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 59 Old 06-26-2006, 07:43 PM
WNB
 
WNB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Make sure he's aware he can wear whatever he feels comfortable in, and does _not_ have to wear a dress unless he wants to. The choice between "adult dress" and "flower girl dress" may have been a function of him realizing he was a kid not an adult (like the other members of the bridal party), but still thinking that being in the bridal party requires a dress no matter what. He may actually _want_ to wear a dress, which is also OK, just make sure that's what he wants, not what he feels is required.
WNB is offline  
#32 of 59 Old 06-26-2006, 11:03 PM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And I have to add this -- who has EVER heard of some kind of rule where a male attendant on the bride's side of the family has to dress like a girl/woman? My little brother was a ring bearer for my female cousin and we didn't know anyone on the groom's side. No one suggested that he be a "flower girl."
SusanElizabeth is offline  
#33 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 03:57 AM
 
SamuraiEarthMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,974
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i've been to plenty of weddings where women wore tuxedos (and looked damn fine in them, too!), and men wore, if not dresses, then kilts and tunics.

the seas didn't boil over, everyone had a lovely time, and life went on.

let him wear whatever he wants, don't stew about his sexuality (you can't do a darned thing about it anyway), and concentrate on being a loving, accepting mom whatever he grows up into!
SamuraiEarthMama is offline  
#34 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 09:38 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,981
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have deleted more posts to this thread. Please do not cast aspersions on a poster's motives. If you have a concern about a poster, please report the post. Do not post to this thread about it.

Please stay on topic.
Irishmommy is offline  
#35 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 11:46 AM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry but, in my opinion, suggesting that a 10-year-old boy wear a dress to a wedding is unkind. It sets him up for all sorts of ridicule, and surely he would get many horrified looks from wedding attendees. (If they realize he is a boy.) This is not something I would want to do to my son.
SusanElizabeth is offline  
#36 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 12:03 PM
 
NotAMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Perhaps after looking at the picutres, he thought there were only two options for being on the bride's side -- a bridesmaid's dress or a flower girl dress. I would definitately clarify with him that -- as a boy -- he is more than welcome to wear matching pants/tux while standing on the bride's side.

My nephew of the same age had no experience with weddings and when I asked him to be in my wedding as the ring bearer, he at first said he didn't want to. His mom asked him why and he said he didn't want to wear a dress. As a young boy with very little experience with weddings, he thought that anyone asked by the bride had to wear a dress. Once we clarified with him that he would be wearing pants, he was thrilled to be in the wedding.

Definitely clarify with your son that pants or a tux is an option for him and the only reason everyone in the pictures he looked at was wearing a dress on the bride's side was because they were all women.

My husband had his best female friend stand up for him on his side during our wedding. She wore a dress just like the bridesmaids dresses, except in black and white instead of blue and white. Also, a few years back, I attended a wedding where the bride's brother was her Honor Attendant and he wore a tux and looked quite dashing.

Me , + 4 + 2 rats = home
Zoe Faith ~ 11/01/08
NotAMama is offline  
#37 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 04:58 PM
 
moondiapers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lakeport, California
Posts: 6,151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusannaG
And I have to add this -- who has EVER heard of some kind of rule where a male attendant on the bride's side of the family has to dress like a girl/woman? My little brother was a ring bearer for my female cousin and we didn't know anyone on the groom's side. No one suggested that he be a "flower girl."
I've always thought ringbearer and flower girl were BOTH part of the bridal party.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
moondiapers is offline  
#38 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 05:13 PM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
I've always thought ringbearer and flower girl were BOTH part of the bridal party.
Maybe you're right about that. I'm not sure.

But wait -- when my brother got married, my girls were both flower girls and, since I didn't know my future sister-in-law very well at the time, weren't they technically part of the groom's side? Wow. I never really thought about all this bride's side/groom's side stuff.
SusanElizabeth is offline  
#39 of 59 Old 06-27-2006, 05:50 PM
 
dancindoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: drowning in textbooks....help!
Posts: 1,220
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusannaG
Maybe you're right about that. I'm not sure.

But wait -- when my brother got married, my girls were both flower girls and, since I didn't know my future sister-in-law very well at the time, weren't they technically part of the groom's side? Wow. I never really thought about all this bride's side/groom's side stuff.
The entire party is commonly referred to as the "bridal party". Some people try to clarify by calling it the "wedding party", but it's really the same thing. There's no such term as the "groom's party" ("groomal party???).

As an aside, at my wedding we had 6 men and 6 women for attendants. Rather than have what we thought of as a wall of color vs. a wall of black, we decided to have 3 couples stand on either side of us. The pictures turned out beautiful and the bridal party all got to know each other that much more from standing together so much during the rehearsal and other pre-wedding moments.

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." â E.B. White
dancindoula is offline  
#40 of 59 Old 06-28-2006, 05:37 PM
 
dadof2girls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow what a decision to make on what to do with your son as a bridesmaid.
Your son seems to know what he wants, and it's great that he talks to you and not keep to him self. Keep the options open since he already knows them,
and if he wants to dress like the rest of the brides party let him. It looks like he and the bride to be will be ok with what ever he decides.
Puting my self in a place like him, I would opt a same color suit to match.
But if the bride being a best friend wanted me to wear a bridesmaid dress I would for her happiness!
dadof2girls is offline  
#41 of 59 Old 06-28-2006, 06:45 PM
 
CarrieMF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan
Posts: 8,930
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Perhaps after looking at the picutres, he thought there were only two options for being on the bride's side -- a bridesmaid's dress or a flower girl dress. I would definitately clarify with him that -- as a boy -- he is more than welcome
I agree. Ask him WHY he brought up wearing a dress. Perhaps looking through the photos he thought that since he's on the Bride's side he HAS to wear a dress and was choosing which type.
CarrieMF is offline  
#42 of 59 Old 06-28-2006, 07:03 PM
 
Nkenga's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SharonO
When he came down to return my wedding album and to say goodnight a bit later. He had a very concerned look on his face. I asked what was the matter and he hummed and hawed around a bit and finally said that after looking at my wedding pictures he was worried about what he would have to wear to the wedding. Before anyone could respond he went on with words to the effect that he hoped that he could wear a dress like one I and the other attendants would would be wearing rather than one like the flowergirl was wearing in my wedding.
Sounds like he might actually WANT to wear a dress, or he might just be confused and think that everyone on the bride's side has to wear a dress.

To be honest, I wuold let him know (again) that he can wear pants and a shirt that matches the dresses, that he does not have to wear a dress. Maybe the "three strikes" rule: let him know three times, on three completely separate occasions, that he can wear pants, that he doesn't have to wear a dress. If he says he wants to wear a dress each time, let him, but I would honestly be reluctant. I'm all for people dressing the way that makes them most comfortable, but I also would hate to have him look at the pictures in 10 years and be mortified that he was in a dress. I would imagine that someone who is a cross-dresser wouldn't feel mortified that he was in pants.
Nkenga is offline  
#43 of 59 Old 06-28-2006, 07:45 PM
 
julie128's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 2,009
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I have been to a wedding where there was a Best Babe instead of a Best Man. She wore a dress, not a suit. This same wedding had many attendants, both male and female, and they wore what they wanted within the color scheme. Another wedding had a female groom's attendant. She wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids.

Making a boy wear a dress is a bad idea, imho. He can wear the same suit/tux as the groomsmen and still stand on the bride's side.
julie128 is offline  
#44 of 59 Old 06-28-2006, 09:33 PM
 
simmergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is quite interesting to follow since the theme seems to be quite controversial and a lot of different opinions are shared. The controversy may be because this is an important event for the bride or that some are concerned for the boy. Either way it's quite educational. And even if you don't get the answer - it may help a lot of others dealing with 'gender-issues' in general. (I do have a son myself where we have such issues).

I hope that you will keep us updated on the result and even your thoughts. It seems from a lot of the answers that this is NOT socially acceptable (of course I'm sure you will take this in consideration). And, as a result of the current decision, some of the answers are shifting towards "How do we motivate him to wear tuxedos or pants".


He's very close to his aunt and is looking forward to be a part of his favorite aunts special occasion. He even wants to be as the other on the brides party and have a beautiful dress.

Yes, I know from the previous answers; He doesn't have to wear a dress - but should it be a "crime" if he does? At least that's my thought - or hope...

And why should he get in any "traumatic" experience by seeing pictures from a very special day where he is in a beautiful dress on a special day for you all?

Wouldn't it be a bigger trauma if he learned that his feelings are not allowed?



Maybe the time up till the wedding will be more exciting (and easier to include him) if he wasn’t different from you. It is easy to let him feel like an outsider because he is a man.

You could be looking at dresses for both him, you and your sister. And talk about hairstyles and even go to try outfits together. This could be an opportunity to get even closer and make him more part of this than he would otherwise.


Here's my thought: Don't make such an issue out of it beforehand, you have a lot of time. Look through a bridal catalog, let him tell you what he like and let it be allowed to pick dresses, pants, shirts and tuxedos. If he chooses a dress that's fine and I'm sure most of the guest won't even think of what gender he is.

I see my self starting to "encourage" here: but that's not my intention. My intention is to say that you should do whatever is right for YOU.

Anyway, It would have been nice too hear from SharonO again and see what you are thinking.

Christine


(edited to correct some (a lot of) spelling errors...)
simmergirl is offline  
#45 of 59 Old 06-29-2006, 10:11 AM
 
MamaTaraX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 9,152
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ijust stumbled into this forum. I'vebeen here once before. This thread caught myeye. I am enjoying the discussion and I am now planning, after reading every bit, to use this as a discussion point with my DH. As our boys get older, things like this may come up. This is a wonderful one to see how my DH would really feel about his boys wearing dresses if they chose and other things of that nature. I knw what he says, but I've had very few examples to throw at him and see what he thinks. So I have to say thanks for this thread. Thank-you.

Namaste, Tara
MamaTaraX is offline  
#46 of 59 Old 06-29-2006, 10:19 AM
 
Tinas3muskateers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Erie Pa
Posts: 1,022
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Could he walk her down the isle?
Tinas3muskateers is offline  
#47 of 59 Old 06-29-2006, 11:03 AM
 
eirual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: GTA, Canada
Posts: 4,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Does your son have Male Friends he could talk to about this??

THen maybe he'd get a better understanding of how other's would feel about the whole situation. And he can decide weather or not he's up for making such a statement??

Laurie, wife to guitar.gifDH (Aug/04), mom tobikenew.gifDS1 (Nov/05) and bfinfant.gifDS2 (June/12).

 

eirual is offline  
#48 of 59 Old 06-29-2006, 09:25 PM
 
Roar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 4,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaTaraX
. As our boys get older, things like this may come up.

Namaste, Tara
Seriously, you think there is actually a chance of that?
Roar is offline  
#49 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 12:44 AM
 
Ann-Marita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,590
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd like to see the web sites that the OP's sister showed her with boys dressed as girl attendants. Got a link?

Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

Ann-Marita is offline  
#50 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 03:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
SharonO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all the interesting comments and opinions. We haven't really discussed the wedding since last Sunday when my sister asked my son to participate. I know he has looked at my wedding pictures a number of times however We are all getting together this weekend and for the 4th of July so I'm sure we'll talk about it then. Needless to say, I have given it a lot of thought in the interim. One suggestion that I liked was to involve him in the planning and try to determine what he really wants to do. I'm not quite sure how I will deal with it if it turns out that he wants to wear a dress. While I wish the issue had never come up, maybe I need to know this however.

In regard to the question about the website which mentioned boys participating in weddings as girls, the website is: www.atlantabridal.com
Look under the part about Dressing the Ring Bearer
SharonO is offline  
#51 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 07:27 AM
 
secretresistance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The bluest part of Kansas
Posts: 565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SharonO
In regard to the question about the website which mentioned boys participating in weddings as girls, the website is: www.atlantabridal.com
Look under the part about Dressing the Ring Bearer
Would it be possible for you to point me to a more specific link? The only things I found regarding ring bearers' attire were either business listings or accesible to paid subscribers only.
secretresistance is offline  
#52 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
SharonO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The exact link for the ocation on the wedding website discussing boys as bridesmaids and flowergirls is: http://www.weddingbasics.com/fashion...ringbearer.asp

Hope this works for you
SharonO is offline  
#53 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 02:22 PM
 
TigerTail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I'm finally here!
Posts: 9,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can't see anything about boys in dresses on the website, just a lot of fantasizing in the responses. Did I miss something?
TigerTail is offline  
#54 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 02:25 PM
 
talk de jour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 2,662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

Is this for real?!

Your son should wear a coordinating tux. Not a dress - unless he wants to, which, considering his responses, I doubt.

babyf.gif

talk de jour is offline  
#55 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 03:04 PM
 
secretresistance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The bluest part of Kansas
Posts: 565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerTail
I can't see anything about boys in dresses on the website, just a lot of fantasizing in the responses. Did I miss something?
You and me both, I guess.
secretresistance is offline  
#56 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 03:38 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,981
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For the third, or is it fourth? time, please keep this thread on topic. If you have an issue please contact me or BelovedK.
Irishmommy is offline  
#57 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 07:38 PM
 
pjlioness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Far NW Chicago Suburb
Posts: 829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SharonO
She said that she had come upon the idea from a bridal website that she had visited. In it there was a discussion about boys being bridesmaids and flowergirls. She took me to her computer and showed it to me. To my amazement, this actually happens.
I would tend to err towards the discussion on the site being suspect. There are men out there who have fetishes about boys dressed as girls (and some who have fetishes about babies in diapers or circumcision), and the comments on the site may well have been from some. There is no way anyone can know for sure. The professional part of the site didn't mention anything about boys in dresses.

However, if your son wants to wear a dress, understands that his wearing one will be captured on film forever, and doesn't mind that, I don't see anything automatically wrong it. I wouldn't encourage either of my sons to wear a dress, no matter how easily they could pass for a girl or how cute they would look in one, but if they insisted they wanted to, I wouldn't stop them.
pjlioness is offline  
#58 of 59 Old 07-01-2006, 08:46 PM
 
Shirelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 785
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
I think that your son being in the wedding is great. Being on the bride's party is wonderful.

Having someone else (the bride) ask him to wear a dress (if he doesn't usually cross dress) is just plain weird.

Does your son crossdress under other circumstances? Publically? If not, no, I would NOT ask that he wear a dress!
ITA! Why is that necessary? It almost seems a little insulting to me, if that is not the way that he normally is.

Why couldn't he just be in her bridal party, and be a "person of honor" or something like that?
Shirelle is offline  
#59 of 59 Old 07-02-2006, 12:46 AM
 
BelovedK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: wandering around.... with an aim.
Posts: 16,877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This conversation seems to have reached it's natural conclusion. It seems like the OP's concerns were addressed properly. The thread is now closed to new posts

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
BelovedK is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off