She said that she had come upon the idea from a bridal website that she had visited. In it there was a discussion about boys being bridesmaids and flowergirls. She took me to her computer and showed it to me. To my amazement, this actually happens. I asked her if she had mentioned it to my son and she said that she hadn't because she wanted to talk to me about it first.
I could hardly believe that she was really serious. Now I must admit, I think my son would make a really beautiful bridesmaid. He has very fine features and with his longish hair is often mistaken for a girl. She also reminded me of the times she had fixed him up as a girl for Halloween trick or treating and for a costume party. We both agreed that he was darling in his girlish costumes and he seemed to enjoy it all at the time.
I'm torn between just telling her to forget it and letting her ask my son if he would do this. Since he absolutely adores his auntie, I'm afraid that he might agree. Then what would I do? I know how much he wants to be a part of her wedding.
I'm going to have to make a decision pretty soon, so I would appreciate any feedback I might get any of the moms reading this. I have read a number of threads here about boys being dressed as girls and feel that there are many out there who could give me some valuable insights from their experiences.
Is your sister willing to compromise if he refuses to wear a dress?
One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.
Edited to add: they wore tuxes!
Maybe you should prepare yourself for what other may ask you. Even narrow-minded people are usually nice to the kids - but not always to other adults... maybe some will think that you have forced him or that you are using him as a "doll"?
I hope you will find this out -and if he agrees I hope you all will have a nice wedding.
Originally Posted by pookel
I know someone who had a "bridesman" - a male friend as a member of the bride's party, but in matching shirt and pants, not in a dress. That seems OK to me, but making him wear a dress is a little weird. I wouldn't say there was anything wrong with it if he preferred to cross-dress normally, but this is different. Maybe you could ask him his opinion first. If she asks him directly, he might not be willing to tell her no.
Bolding emphasis mine.
I think it would be great for him to stand up on her side, but unless he's already into wearing dresses, I'd highly suggest just getting him a matching color shirt and pants, or go with a tux with a matching color vest/tie.
Having someone else (the bride) ask him to wear a dress (if he doesn't usually cross dress) is just plain weird.
Does your son crossdress under other circumstances? Publically? If not, no, I would NOT ask that he wear a dress!
Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away.
You mentioned that your son has dressed up like a girl before, in costume (not for everyday wear).
I think your sister, in asking a young male (who does NOT normally crossdress) to wear a dress.....That's kinda the definition of bridezilla!
(If the idea came from your son, that would be different. But it didn't.)
Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away.
When one of my brothers got married, his wifes sister was in the wedding (on the groom's side) and wore a tux jacket and a long skirt (and this was 30+ years ago).
I think it would be great for your son to be in the wedding, if he chooses to do so. I think that asking him to wear a dress if that is not something he would normally do is a bit much. I also worry that he may feel pressured into doing so because of his close bond with your sister.
It isn't written in stone that everyone who stands next to the bride wears the same dress and everyone who stands next to the groom wears the same black tux. You just have mixed people on either side wearing what is appropriate for their sex.
While i have no problems with cross-dressing, what purpose will be served by having a 10 year boy dress up as a girl? It seems he'd be quite the spectacle and take away from having attention on the couple and the affair itself.
Originally Posted by SharonO
She also reminded me of the times she had fixed him up as a girl for Halloween trick or treating and for a costume party. We both agreed that he was darling in his girlish costumes and he seemed to enjoy it all at the time.
If all of the bridesmaids were wearing strapless dresses and she wanted your 10 year old daughter as a jr. bridesmaid would she insist on putting her in the same dress? I hope she'd choose something that coordinated but was in a style appropriate for a 10 year old.
If your son does not normally wear dresses then IMO she shouldn't ask her to do so. She can have him as a "bridesman" (love that term!) and honor their relationship without asking him to do something that could be uncomfortable now or in the future. (wedding pictures are around for a long time!)
Always remember the pictures.....
I do not think this is the case. He should not be put in the position of having to choose between pleasing a beloved aunt and dressing as a boy. Really, I think you should tell your sister no.
it can work, but certainly ask your son what he wants to do.
My sister is coming over for dinner tomorrow and she will ask him to be in the wedding at that time with the conditions that I have set. We'll see where we go from there.
Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
He wore the same Tuxedo as the groom's men, except the groom's men had cumberbuns and bow ties that were a print that coordinated with the girls dresses and Zach wore a vest and bow tie that was made of the same material as the dresses
OP, let us know how it goes...I'm very curious!!
I would go with the tux with the tie and vest in the same fabric or color as the dresses. He will blend in very nicely that way. He doesn't need to match the bridesmaids exactly anyway. A shirt and pants outfit would not be dressy enough anyway. I had a "bridesman" in my wedding party. He wore the same tux as the groomen. But his tie and cummerbund was the same fabric as the bridesmaid dresses. The pictures looked fantastic.
Good luck with your sister.
Originally Posted by Sherry
nothing says the groomsmen have to be only friends of the groom. at my wedding, my step father was one of my husbands groomsmen, and my dh's sister was one of my bridesmaids.
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
My sister explained how much she wanted my son to take part of her wedding. He was very enthusiastic about doing so, As I thought he would be. She explained that the groom usually has his close friends and relatives as his attendants and the bride did likewise. Since I am to be the Matron of Honor, she said that since he was almost like a son to her, it would be nice if he was one of her attendants as well. She gave him the option of being in the groom's party if he would rather, but he didn't quickly agreed that he wanted to be with her. She gave him a big hug and told him how much having him with her meant. Nothing further was mentioned about what he would wear and we then had a nice dinner.
After dinner my sister and I were talking about how easily and satisfactorily all of this had worked out. She said we could sort out what he would wear after she decided on colors, styles etc for the rest of her attendants. About that time my son came down from his room and asked if he could see the pictures from my wedding. I dug out my album and gave it to him and he took it back to his room.
When he came down to return my wedding album and to say goodnight a bit later. He had a very concerned look on his face. I asked what was the matter and he hummed and hawed around a bit and finally said that after looking at my wedding pictures he was worried about what he would have to wear to the wedding. Before anyone could respond he went on with words to the effect that he hoped that he could wear a dress like one I and the other attendants would would be wearing rather than one like the flowergirl was wearing in my wedding.
After a moment of stunned silence while we picked our jaws up off the floor, my sister assured him that she hadn't even started to plan what everyone would be wearing, but assured him that he would definitely not have to wear a flowergirl dress. She quickly went on to mention some of the various options that have been discussed on this thread, but ended with the option of wearing a dress like he had originally requested. She told him to think about it and that there was no big hurry for a decision. He seemed greatly relieved and went happily off to bed.
I was a little put out with my sister for adding the dress option, but she countered that he had originally been willing to wear one and maybe secretly wanted to do so. That thought had entered my mind also and didn't give me much comfort. We left it at that and I spent a very sleepless night wondering about my son, his sexuality, his future and what I would do if he asked to wear a dress at the wedding. Nothing was mentioned at breakfast this morning and he was his usual happy self as he went off to school. Here I am still stewing about it. Had to write this and get it off my chest.
46-year-old single (divorced), self-employed working, home schooling, mommy to:
12 y-o (private school)
5 y-o (home schooled)
It was nice to se that he didn't have any protest against wearing a dress and that he brought this up himself.
-But this raises another dilemma as I see it: In case he's got crossdressing tendencies (and he might) - will it be right to deny him to wear a dress? What might he be feeling if you said that boys must wear tuxedos and he is really starting to "come out" to you?
I would at least let the dress be an option, -maybe let him try on some and find time to talk to him and see if he want to "be a girl".
During the planning you can have a lot of opportunities to show pictures of both dresses, tuxes and other things. It's a great opprotunity to talk normally about this and not make it a problem (and make him think that beeing a boy is a problem..)
oki... I may be rambling away here and it may not be so serious as I said... but what if?
Anyway it's supposed to be a fun time - and I hope you all have a great time planning and preparing the wedding!
And if he want to to wear a dress - Let him do it! (Don't let other ppl's opinions be the only one that counts)