"Mommy, have you ever had a three-way?" - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-07-2006, 01:41 AM
 
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I remember seeing Quadrophenia when I was about 7. I was exposed to a lot of adult-approriate stuff as a kid, a very "open" environment and while I won't blame it on the media itself, i sure felt unsafe and unprotected. I could watch whatever I wanted and I would often watch things that scared the begeebees out of me and made me feel like the world was a really unsafe place.

I see a sense of security in my own kids that I didn't have. They are absolutely not only denied access to certain media, they don't even know what it is (granted they are 6 and 3; 11 is different). When it comes to sex talk, I put it to my kids straight and I think they absolutely ask the questions when they are ready to hear the answers. Sex is beautiful and not scary if presented in a very matter of fact way. I don't think most media accomplishes this (that's an understatement).

Law and Order? CSI? Murder, crime, violence...I just don't relate to enjoying the experience of watching that with my children. I am not denying that it may work for some of you but, is it possible that they watch it to be with you and that they learn to enjoy it to be in your company and appear to be in sync with you intellectually? I really don't want to argue because I am just trying to find the right balance.

I do think deliberately watching horror movies with six year olds is pretty off. I think children watching people slash eachother up is pretty vile. I can understand Beansavi's assertion that it is child abuse. I might liken it more to a form of neglect in an emotional sense. Children are in our care so that they may be provided some protection and I think that includes media. This is just my opinion.

Again, my two boys come up with enough violent imaginative play without being exposed to the worst of the worst in human behaviors. I will limit as long as I can.

As far as the OP goes, I think you did great and I actually think it's ultimately pretty benign (though I'd skip a few beats). I also think it is so cool that they come to you and feel so comfortable.
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Old 07-07-2006, 02:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mijumom
I could watch whatever I wanted and I would often watch things that scared the begeebees out of me and made me feel like the world was a really unsafe place.
Like Beansavi, it's really unfortunate that you had to deal with that. It's too bad that your parents were not available (I am assuming?) or didn't realize that you needed/desired more of their involvement in deciding on what kinds of media to have in your life.

An important thing to mention here I think is that not banning certain kinds of media does not automatically = total parental abandonment regarding media. My kids may not have grown up with an outright ban on movies with sexual/scary/violent themes & images but they most certainly did grow up with an attentive parent that was involved in helping them make decisions they felt good about and safe with.


Quote:
I am not denying that it may work for some of you but, is it possible that they watch it to be with you and that they learn to enjoy it to be in your company and appear to be in sync with you intellectually? I really don't want to argue because I am just trying to find the right balance.
Perhaps for some kids and parents this is the case, I don't know, but it is not the case in my family. We enjoy a variety of different shows together and separately. Everything from King of the Hill to CSI to Little Bill and Between the Lions and the news and Friends and Globe Trekker and so on. Intellectually they are in sync with me I do not feel superior.

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I also think it is so cool that they come to you and feel so comfortable.
I agree. Very cool.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
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Old 07-07-2006, 03:18 AM
 
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UnschoolnMa- I haven't figured out how to use the quotes properly...

"Like Beansavi, it's really unfortunate that you had to deal with that. It's too bad that your parents were not available (I am assuming?) or didn't realize that you needed/desired more of their involvement in deciding on what kinds of media to have in your life."

It is an assumption that my parents weren't available. I had the impression that I could handle things that I couldn't. I considered myself very intellectual and emotionally mature. In the meantime, I didn't know how to verbalize the feelings and questions that came up for me. Images are so powerful. I don't blame anyone, I just think, I spent a great deal of time feeling really freaked out by adult subject matter and world issues too.

I'm not into straight up censorship and I would honor and discuss my kids wishes to watch something in particular and try to exhibit to them that I trust them and their assessment of what they can handle to some degree. But, I would not be the one to take them to the next level with regard to violence or sexist (as opposed to sexual) content. Again, you'll never find me making popcorn and suggesting we sit down to watch CSI together...crime scenes, no thanks.

I think kids are intellectually equal (if not superior) but in a different way. It's pretty extraordinary to see kids formulate their view of the world including violence and sex (gender issues too) without a ton of exposure to pseudo-depictions of reality. I think we're not too different, we just have a different approach. I am ready and eager to discuss and answer questions when they arise, I just like it to be incremental and child-initiated (when it comes from TV, it's not IMO).

Honestly, as long as a parent is consciencious and thinks these issues through, I don't purport to have a better way. I just know that I am truly enjoying watching my kids just be kids and turn on to certain issues in the most organic way possible.

No disrespect here.
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Old 07-07-2006, 03:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mijumom
Honestly, as long as a parent is consciencious and thinks these issues through, I don't purport to have a better way. I just know that I am truly enjoying watching my kids just be kids and turn on to certain issues in the most organic way possible.
I can respect that.


Quote:
No disrespect here.
None taken, or intended from me either. I enjoyed your posts.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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Old 07-08-2006, 03:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by beansavi
I think watching Friday the 13th at six years old is child abuse. Period.
Ok, so when did this thread go from me having a three-way to becoming a debate on Abusing Children by a parent allowing them to watch a Movie?!?!?!


I do not want this thread to be shut down, I think the above quote is way out of line!!!

I am glad that my son seen the things on tv.. He had the respect to come to me and question the things he had seen... for that I am grateful!

I would not change what happened! I was not sure as to how I would discuss STDs with my child, but I did not have to bring up herpies to him.. he brought it to me.

Really, what is the difference in herpies comercial and any other medical ailment comercial?
Nothing, its all propaganda, and it gave me the chance to discuss it with my child(ren).
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Old 07-08-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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: id have no idea what to say to that, i dont know if i could even talk!
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Old 07-08-2006, 07:03 PM
 
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Tummy, I agree that this thread needs to stay on topic. Maybe another thread could be started up about the other issues

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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Old 07-08-2006, 09:16 PM
 
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Sorry Tummy, I never ment fot this to go off topic. Was just stating how I saw things in movies, tv, even heard stuff in songs and would talk to my parents about it. I like some of the "strange" talks I have had with my mom about things I saw or wondered about. I DON'T FEEL I was abused in ANYWAY. I think I am one of the "normal' ones out of my friends. But, I do agree... let's stay on topic. I think you handled that question wonderfully! I give you props for that!
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Old 07-08-2006, 09:27 PM
 
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I think the connection was made because the OP's child originally heard about a "3 way" via a TV show, which led to us discussing TV shows, supervision, moderation, etc.

Sorry that we went too far OT. But to be honest I am not sure what the topic is now. ?

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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Old 07-09-2006, 03:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

Sorry that we went too far OT. But to be honest I am not sure what the topic is now. ?
I personally do not think it has gone too far OT, but the fact that words are being thrown around like "child abuse" for a movie/show that a parent does or does not allow their child to see is a bit OT.

Im not quite sure what the topic is now
It started out as a conversation between my children and I... but it does raise a few things in general when it comes to
1) talking/being open with our children
2) having trust in our children and them trusting us
3) having or not having the need to let or not let our children watch particular tv/movies.
4) ect...

I think this is a good thread.. even though it started out really :

I just dont want to see it shut down, Im proud of my 5 page thread:
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Old 07-09-2006, 02:28 PM
 
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I'm so glad that we don't have a T.V.! We do however get enough embarassing dispite that since I find it impossible to beat around the bush!

Good luck to all mamas!

mama to peanut 8 , little dude 17 months: : , and : in Feb. '07!

: : :
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Old 07-09-2006, 02:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tummy
I just dont want to see it shut down, Im proud of my 5 page thread:
As you should be! Great Thread Tummy!

Take Care,
Erika:

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
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