Both my dh and I are in total agreement about this topic, and have been since before we were married or had munchkins. I want my kids to wait, not for marriage, but for their own readiness. If he (I have all boys lol) really feels strongly about the person (of either sex), and they feel the same, than that is his decision. But the 'test' I was told as a teen, and I think it still works, is if you do this today, will you be able to talk about it tomorrow. If you aren't comfortable talking to the person about sex, you probably should spend more time getting comfortable. Neither my dh or I waited, he had more partners than I, something we both wish to change, I little more balanced would be ok with both of us. In fact, we were together through my teens, from 15 years on. He was my second, though first that was enjoyable. And I still had very little confidence about my sexuality until ironically, a period of time where we had broken up, and I dated an ex. I learned more about myself then I had before, which ended up being great in the long run. I have already shared some info with my oldest, but since he has shown absolutely no interest and doesn't seem to listen to it, I'm assuming he isn't ready, but he'll have the info when he is and knows he can talk to me. We also aren't pushing college. If it happens to be needed for what he wants, fine, but if not thats ok too. Neither of us have a degree, and yet do very good jobs. My dh is a baker, which makes better money than I ever suspected, and when I work out of the home, I do accounting, with out a degree, and make enough also. So college isn't necissary to support a family.
I did deal with the issues mentioned about teen love. His family was great, they encouraged us, in EVERY way. They considered me the best thing to happen to him (I agree
). My family didn't support us. He was 18, I was 15. Even after my dad liked him, he still was unsure I should be dating at all. My mom just wanted me to date around, not to be serious so young. To this day, he resents some of her judging, that we were to young to know our feelings, that we couldn't really be in love, just lust, on and on. But we moved in together the day after my 18th birthday, started planning a big expensive wedding, then moved it to a small quiet (pregnant) wedding a few years later. And this month it's been 15 years, so guess we knew our selves pretty well.
What always gets me is the assumption that you have to wait to get married till you are finacialy set.I can see waiting on kids, heck, life would have been much easier if that had waited. But why not be married? (if you practice such) Or if not so much the married, but why not settle down? If we'd never had kids, I'd still want to be monogamous with my hubby, and not 'later' when we had money.
The only thing I really regret about my own history is my lack of comfort. Both of us had esteem issues (not sex specific, just completely low self esteem). And though my mom was very open about options for birthcontrol, I learned about diseases at planned parenthood. And didn't learn to be comfortable with my own sexuality really until the last 10 years, and I am glad to have shared that learning with dh, learned together was very good for our marriage, but it wouldn't have been bad to start the relationship closer to that point.