Do you think its appropriate for an 11 year old to get any body part waxed? - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Should 11 year old giirls get their eyebrows waxed?
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Old 08-13-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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I am so blown away at this discussion. I honestly cannot wrap my mind around some of the responses.

What I am really appalled at is how many of the posters here are micromanaging their children's lives. Just because you don't do it and feel it is wrong to alter your appearance or feel that by waxing, shaving, coloring, etc., would be cowtowing to the fashion industry. What about the child's view of themselves and their feeling to make decisions? Wax, hair color, shaving are not the end of the world. This is not the most important decision a child will ever make. It is actually, in my not so humble opinion, probably a decision they SHOULD make. It is not permanent.

If my son wanted a mohawk, fine. It's hair, it will grow back. Would I like it? Um, no. Is it my head? No. Do I have to live with the commentary? No. Will it help him learn something about life and himself? Probably.

We have to let our children take a chance to explore themselves. You never know. They might just say you were right.
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Old 08-13-2006, 04:07 PM
 
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Well, seriously now, wouldn't wearing clothing be altering your appearance too? Make-up does somewhat the same thing as clothing does. Bras that lift and squish and stuff. Shoes that make you taller and slimming colors. Colors that bring out your eye color and how about putting your hair up? It makes your neck and face look slimmer.
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Old 08-13-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama
how about putting your hair up? It makes your neck and face look slimmer.
Not my face and neck

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
There's no where you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, its easy
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Old 08-14-2006, 07:10 PM
 
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So all of you who don't want them to wax because you're raising them "to accept themselves", do you interpret their desire to wax as proof of your failure as a parent, and that's the reason you'd forbid it? Sounds pretty selfish to me. Sounds like it sets the child up to believe that others get to decide about whose body it really is.

?? Help me out here!
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Old 08-14-2006, 07:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by simonee
Sounds like it sets the child up to believe that others get to decide about whose body it really is.

?? Help me out here!
: What happens when girls are in relationships with men who want them to alter or not alter their appearance in a way that is pleasing to the man, regardless of her feelings?
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Old 08-15-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Old 08-15-2006, 01:50 PM
 
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[QUOTE=wende]Maybe you should quit conforming and make the doll manufacturers create a doll that has one long hair growing from it's forehead.[/QUOTE

I am crying with laughter over this comment.

Also 7 kids reference to a clean shaven man as a "hairless plaything"

You are some durned funny mamas! I think I might have some new candidates for my MDC crush list.

My mother was seriously controlling - about everything. Weight, clothing, you name it. I look back at the battles we fought and I am just amazed that she chose to draw lines in the sand and have screaming fights over things like me wanting to wear my dad's rugby shirt to school. (She thought it looked big and slobby. I thought it looked cool!) It made me feel angry and powerless to be forbidden to do basic, harmless things with my appearance. (So guess what, lots of secret drug experimentation and promiscuous secret sex as well. Big surprise there, eh?)

I vowed early on not to be that way with DD. I will pick my battles and dig my heels in only over things that represent my core values (basically: being kind to people and animals, keeping her body healthy and safe, making eco-conscious choices). If she wanted to wax @ 11 I would be sad - I think kids are allowed to be kids for only a fleeting time in today's world. I try to shelter DD as much as possible from the world of superficiality and crap, and I would mourn that passing of her innocence in which she didn't dwell too much on appearance. But I would certainly allow it.

I do get what MITB is saying, I think. Behind her rhetoric, I think, is a very real concern for the "whys" of engaging in this type of beauty ritual. I'd try to figure out what was going on as well. I agree that waxing (or other types of grooming) will neither "fix" nor address self-esteem or bullying issues.

Mama to 2 mopheaded rascals
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Old 08-15-2006, 10:34 PM
 
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OK first off...

There are 3 different beliefs in this thread:
1) waxing and shaving should be allowed it is a conformity/w.e else...
2) the child should be able to decide when she is ready
3) it should only be allowed when they child is BEGGING for it because she is feeling teased

Telling your daughter, "no you cannot wax your legs, eventhough you are being made fun of and coming home crying everynight, its not right!" is the same as making up her mind for her.

She is telling you what she would like to do, and giving you a GOOD reason... yet you are still telling her no because you don't want her to conform?

SHAVING AND WAXING IS NOT CONFORMING!

sure millions of women shave / wax / pluck hairs on thier body, but not all of them do it to fit in.

Some women just don't LIKE being hairy all over.

This is a site filled with ANTI- Circ, Anti- Vax and Gentle Discipline believers... but when it comes down to something as petty as body hair, it's an auto matic NO?!

I don't understand how you can be all " its the childs choice to alter his/her genitals when he/she is older, not the choice of the mother or father" in one thread, then come in here and say that you wouldn't allow your daughter who has asked to shave her legs, to do so because you don't think it is right....

That is inflicting your VIEWS onto your child.

If you don't want to shave your legs thats fine, but don't be all pro-child's choice in one thread, then start talking about making up thier mind for them in another.. its hypocritical
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Old 08-15-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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Im also not saying that you should let your daughter pluck away or wax away at her eyebrows till there is nothing left, or wax/shave every place on her body....

I am basically saying, you are not giving your daughter the freedom of choice if you are telling her no for your OWN reasons.

You can still have say in what exaccctttllyyy she does, and offer different suggestions to how she does it...

instead of shaving, she could wax. Instead of waxing, she could just cream hair removers..

Instead of drastically waxing/plucking her brows, she can define her arch and remove some of the strays and thats it..

It doesn't have to be something DRASTIC, but something that makes her feel like you understood that she is her own person, and that her decisions mean something to you...

any decision can be a decision you make TOGETHER
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Old 08-18-2006, 06:02 AM
 
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Rather than argue about this, I'm going to tell you a story about my son that I think sums up my thoughts and feelings.

My son is 11 and desperately wanted to grow his hair long. He let it grow to well past his ears and then decided to bleach it blonde. While I cringed everytime I saw his hair for awhile, I slowly became use to it. His father, on the other hand, flipped out when he saw it for the first time. He stated that it wasn't necessary for DS to alter his appearance. That he was too young to make such a decision for himself. DS simply stated: "I am 11. I have to learn to make decisions by myself. It's just hair and it will grow out. If you don't let me begin to make a few decisions by myself now, I won't know how when I am an adult and I could really make bad decisions." Needless to say, I now let DS have a say in most decision made about his life.
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by messy mama
WOW!! So you don't even clip their little nails? You just let them grow and grow until they break off? That seem kind of cruel to me. But, hey, at least there not conforming to anyone else's beauty standards.

Except yours.
their nails get cut. I meant, they aren't "painting" their nails.
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
Not that I agree with numom's ideas or practices, but nail clipping is a safety, comfort (physical) and hygeine issue. Let's be real here.
thanks, cookiemonstermommy. I do allow them to cut their nails. I'm just not into little girls (or boys) getting manicures...
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Old 08-18-2006, 11:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by messy mama
She said



Right. Let's be real. Whether you're removing a bit of nail or a bit of hair, it is altering their appearance.

I've seen people w/ freakishly long nails (IMHO) that were clean and apparently comfortable. I imagine they were also safe.
so I should have said, except in terms of safety. I allow my children to cut their nails and hair. If they had bushy eyebrows that were inhibiting their vision, I would allow them to trim them or something. Okay???

Lets be real. I don't believe that prettens need to be grroming themselves according to standards set for grown women.
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Old 08-18-2006, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simonee
So all of you who don't want them to wax because you're raising them "to accept themselves", do you interpret their desire to wax as proof of your failure as a parent, and that's the reason you'd forbid it? Sounds pretty selfish to me. Sounds like it sets the child up to believe that others get to decide about whose body it really is.

?? Help me out here!
uh, no. My kids don't want to wax. My niece on the other hand has been getting manicures since she was 7. and yes, I do believe that my sister has done her a disservice in encouraging her. And if my dd wanted to wax at 11 i would feel that yes, i had failed in building her self confidence.
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Old 09-07-2006, 04:45 AM
 
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wow -- I made it to the end to post! That took awhile!

dd has her father's incredibly big beautiful marble-brown eyes -- really soulful. And also his thick brows. She is 8. If in 3 years she wants to thin the brows, I am fine with it. She gets manicures with her aunt. It has nothing to do with not accepting herself and everything to do with enjoying herself and choosing how she wants to look. She doesn't have to have her fathers thick eyebrows( or as she used to call them, eyes brows) if she doesn't want them.

How different is this kind of grooming from other basic things like getting our hair cut, wearing jewelry, or (dd's favorite) putting on nice lotion? It is about enhancing ourselves to please ourselves. Today on the train a man sat down next to me and he had the nicest, subtlest cologne on and it just perked up my tired mood. Could he not properly accept his natural smell? I don't know, but I probably wouldn't have noticed him at all if he hadn't smelled so good.

I used to think nail polish was such a waste of time-- I have crummy nails anyway. But one summer on a lark I let my sister paint them a really pretty color. The next day I took dd swimming--she was 2, and not yet willng to put her face in the water. But that day, fascinated with my nails, I realized she would not only put her face in the water but kick her legs very hard to get nearer to my hands if I wiggled them underwater. That little manicure led to her learning to swim. My sister still loves telling that story about how she got me to wear nail polish.
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