Mom has anger issues (written by her child) - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-30-2006, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK I didn't know where to go or who to ask so I surfed the web. I found this site. I am not a mother, I am a 15 year old son, but I thought that this would be a great place to ask about my mom because all of you are moms. I didn't know where to post this so I posted in the most reasonable area I could find.

My mom has anger issues. I don't know what to do about it. Neither does my dad or brother.

Every time we accuse her of having the SLIGHTEST anger problem she FLIPS OUT. She has problems of being accused of things, too. We want to take her to a psychologist but we're afraid to bring it up to avoid an angry lecture.

Sometimes she calls my grandma because she doesn't know what to do and she cries when she gets REALLY ticked off.


I don't have a lot of time to write this so I will add anything else i can think of later on. For now I have to go.


Thanks,
~Nate
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Old 07-30-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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Hi Nate,

You're right this is a great place to come and ask. How long has your mom had a problem with controlling her anger? Is this long standing or have you seen it become worse recently? Does she seem to have "triggers" for her anger or is it very unpredictable?

I think if you explain as a family that this is affecting all of you very deeply maybe your mom would be open to seeing a counselor of some kind. If she calls her own mom when she "doesn't know what to do" maybe your Grandma could be the one to suggest she see a counselor, are you able to talk to your Grandma about this and how it makes you feel?

It could be that she needs to talk about things with a neutral person, it could be that she has something on her mind that is causing her to lose her temper or be impatient. Is she under a lot of stress? Depression and anger can be closely linked. The fact that she cries when she gets angry seems to hint that your mom is conflicted and maybe overwhelmed.

It might also be her personality type and she needs to learn how to express anger appropriately.

to you and your mom. You're a loving person to want to try and improve the situation for your family.
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Old 07-30-2006, 07:04 PM
 
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you found a great place to come.

i cry when i get angry too.

i second talking to your grandma about your mom and her anger issues.
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Old 07-30-2006, 07:13 PM
 
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My mom was a lot like that when I was a teenager, and I have to agree The Duchess--my mom was depressed. Really depressed. A lot of it was that after years of having kids in the house, she pretty much forgot how to get good, deep sleep. Her ear was always half open, listening for something to happen with one of us kids. When she finally went to the doctor they did a "sleep study," and they gave her pills to lighten her mood and knock her out at night. It helped a lot.

So, there could be an easy to solve physical problem, instead of just "Wow, Mom is nuts!" But, it took a lot just to get her to the doctor, because she was convinced that we were all ganging up on her just to be mean.
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Old 07-30-2006, 08:53 PM
 
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I know what it's like to live in a home with a parent who has unpredictable behavior. Remember, it's not your fault. This behavior can make you feel like a nervous wreck, but you need to try to find your own way to handle the stress. Just make sure it's a healthy way. If your mom has issues with depression or has difficulty coping, it's not unusual for these issues to be passed on to kids. You don't want to follow in her footsteps.

As far as your mom goes, I think on some level she would be horrified to know how her behavior is affecting her children. That's not the kind of mom anybody wants to be.

Suggesting counseling may anger her at first, because she might feel embarrassed. I hope your Dad and Grandma can find a way to stand up for you kids. You shouldn't have to live like this.
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Old 07-30-2006, 11:37 PM
 
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Oh my god, I surfed Google and found this site and came to post pretty much the same thing. I'm a 16-year-old daughter. My parents (they are split up) both have anger problems, especially my dad, and my mom is emotionally abusive. I'm an only child and I don't have any close relatives to talk to. I have no idea how to bring it up that I want it to stop without starting another huge fight.

- Summer
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Old 07-31-2006, 12:07 AM
 
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my mom had/has anger issues. regardless if i would have told her how it affected me, i would not have been heard and listened to.

is there a family friend who may be able to help you? your school counsellor?


Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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Old 07-31-2006, 12:12 AM
 
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Summer & Nate, I grew up with a father who had major anger issues. It's really hard.

I don't know exactly what advice to give except that you should keep talking to the other adults in your life about how your mother's anger makes you feel. Tell your MOTHER how her anger makes you feel, but when you and she are both calm. Keep the lines of communication open.
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Old 07-31-2006, 12:15 AM
 
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I couldn't read and not post. I was abandoned (sp? lol) when I was 15 by my single mom. It was hard and it still affects me. I wish I would have talked to her about it then. Now I'm a mamma (20) of two boys and when I get stressed I just wanna run away. She sounds stressed and like she doesn't know how to cope. Honestly it's not your job to stand up to her. Another adult should. I told my mother a million times how bad I was hurting because I had nowhere to go, but it didn't stick. I think maybe you should talk w/ your dad about talking to her. Tell him exactly how this is effecting you so he knows what to tell her. Maybe if he talks to her privetly where she wont feel so attacked. I hope you're family works things out.
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Old 08-01-2006, 10:42 AM
 
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Hi Guys....

I am a single mom of 3 and I feel like I have anger issues. I yell allot and can flip out. I hate it and dont want to be this way. I am worried that my children will hate me.

Sometimes things just get overwhelming. Like when you just found out your big job did not come through and your 4 yo is asking the same questions a million times and the baby is hungry and wants to nurse and the 13yo is whinning because she cant go to the mall and all you are trying to do is make this one call to figure things out.......then the yelling comes.

Some things are abusive and not OK....... some things are expected and cannot be helped.

All you can do is understand yourself and work with yourself. The hardest thing is to move past the anger and break the chain it creats so you dont do it to your kids.

Good luck.
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Old 08-01-2006, 10:48 AM
 
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One way to approach a parent who seems out of control is with your concerns about their health. Out of control anger could be the result of depression, it could be a sign of a physical problem (someone mentioned sleep disorders, above--I also though of thyroid problems.)

With my mom, when I was 15 and 16, I was not much better. I mean, when she got angry, i got angry back! But I did, at that age, set a limit with her. The limit was, no hitting. I set it in a not very good way, by threatening to hit her back. My niece did something similar by calling the police when her mom threatened to hit her.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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Punch her in the face.
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