Does your child go into a public restroom alone? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 02:54 PM
 
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Sometimes DS 5 will go in by himself, if he decides to and I stand outside the door waiting for him.
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#92 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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My preteen (11yo) and teen (13yo) would be insulted if I suggested they needed to be accompanied to the restroom. I can see where UUmom is coming from with her posts--it's shocking to me that the question is even asked of parents with children in the preteen-teen age group. That naturally gets you thinking about what causes people to feel they need to accompany their preteen into the bathroom.
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#93 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 02:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkmilk
My 2 preteens use the public bathrooms by themselves. Their ages are 10 and 12. When ds1 was about 7(?) and requested not having me accompany him to the washroom...that's when I had to let go of my fear and trust that he would be all right. This is a hard thing for a parent to do. Bad things can happen anywhere and while we educate our children at a young age to be cautious of strangers and be aware that there are bad people, we also must teach them independance and trust.
Yes. To smoother to the point a teen cannot use a bathroom without anxiety is not healthy place to be. We can see why some people worry, but to accept that it has to be this way is something I can't do. Real danger is real, but danger that is imagined is dibilitating and emotionally stunting.
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#94 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pinkmilk
My 2 preteens use the public bathrooms by themselves. Their ages are 10 and 12. When ds1 was about 7(?) and requested not having me accompany him to the washroom...that's when I had to let go of my fear and trust that he would be all right.
Bold mine.

I think this is one of the keys....when the child expresses interest in not being accompanied. The parent can evaluate from there and decide what works for their family.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#95 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 04:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
Plus, I don't have to think never allowing a child to use a public bathroom is a healthy reaction to these internet stories.

To live one's life in fear because once, a million years ago, an unsupervised 10 yr old in town was harmed is not how I choose to live my life, or how I encourage my kids to live their lives.
First, I'm still waiting for the post where ANYONE said children should never use bathrooms. You want to respond to that yet no one suggested that is the case. Instead what people have suggested repeatedly is that parents should look at their children's maturity and make a decision they are comfortable with.

I find it insensitive and belittling to the real pain of children who have been hurt to refer to it as "once" and "a million years ago". I would hope we are all aware that sexual abuse in many forms (most of course by people close to the child) is much more common that that and it isn't a million years ago but sadly something that happens way too often to way too many kids.

It is very possible to live ones life paying attention to risks and listening to your gut without living ruled by fear. My car has an airbag but I don't stay up nights worrying about getting in a car accident. It is possible to exercise caution and make appropriate decisions without letting it rule your life.
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#96 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 04:55 PM
 
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I don't want to live my life as though everyone is a kidnapper or child rapist, and I don't want to pass that message to my kids. I understand that other people feel differently.
I totally agree with this, IMO... I've seen posts on these boards where people are scared to let their kids play.. *in their front yard*... without direct supervision. I think I might've personally gone a little bit bonkers with that much supervision and would've wound up (personally, for ME) with way more problems than could have been prevented. I also believe that children are more likely to be harmed by people they know than by strangers; the difference between now and 20 years ago is that now, when a kid disappears, it is on the news every five minutes for five weeks and permeates our consciousness in a totally different way. (I'm not saying Amber Alerts are bad... just that 20 years ago we were not exposed in the same way to every missing child alert.)

Here's an interesting quote from a Mayo clinic article: "“Children need to learn skills and confidence, not fear and avoidance.” I totally agree with this. I plan to teach my kids to be hellions. In a library bathroom if someone approached them I can assure you THE WHOLE LIBRARY would know about it. Kids have recently escaped would-be kidnappers by kicking, screaming, fighting... my kids are going to learn to go straight for the eyeballs and ask questions later. Hopefully by giving them confidence they can walk through the world without fear, and know they DO have power.

ETA: The link to the article I quoted! http://www.mayoclinic.org/news2004-rst/2452.html
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#97 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by prettypixels
I totally agree with this, IMO... I've seen posts on these boards where people are scared to let their kids play.. *in their front yard*... without direct supervision.
I totally believe this is dependent on where you live.

My older three are out from without constant supervision just in the last year. We check them very frequently. My youngest (5) is never allowed outside without supervision.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#98 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Roar
First, I'm still waiting for the post where ANYONE said children should never use bathrooms. You want to respond to that yet no one suggested that is the case. Instead what people have suggested repeatedly is that parents should look at their children's maturity and make a decision they are comfortable with.

I find it insensitive and belittling to the real pain of children who have been hurt to refer to it as "once" and "a million years ago". I would hope we are all aware that sexual abuse in many forms (most of course by people close to the child) is much more common that that and it isn't a million years ago but sadly something that happens way too often to way too many kids.

It is very possible to live ones life paying attention to risks and listening to your gut without living ruled by fear. My car has an airbag but I don't stay up nights worrying about getting in a car accident. It is possible to exercise caution and make appropriate decisions without letting it rule your life.
Roar, if you feel more comfortable accompanying your older children and preteens/teens into a public restroom, then that's what you should do. I don't know why you're so angry about my opinions on this.
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#99 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prettypixels
I totally agree with this, IMO... I've seen posts on these boards where people are scared to let their kids play.. *in their front yard*... without direct supervision. I think I might've personally gone a little bit bonkers with that much supervision and would've wound up (personally, for ME) with way more problems than could have been prevented. I also believe that children are more likely to be harmed by people they know than by strangers; the difference between now and 20 years ago is that now, when a kid disappears, it is on the news every five minutes for five weeks and permeates our consciousness in a totally different way. (I'm not saying Amber Alerts are bad... just that 20 years ago we were not exposed in the same way to every missing child alert.)

Here's an interesting quote from a Mayo clinic article: "“Children need to learn skills and confidence, not fear and avoidance.” I totally agree with this. I plan to teach my kids to be hellions. In a library bathroom if someone approached them I can assure you THE WHOLE LIBRARY would know about it. Kids have recently escaped would-be kidnappers by kicking, screaming, fighting... my kids are going to learn to go straight for the eyeballs and ask questions later. Hopefully by giving them confidence they can walk through the world without fear, and know they DO have power.

ETA: The link to the article I quoted!
http://www.mayoclinic.org/news2004-rst/2452.html
Yep Yep Yep
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#100 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
Roar, if you feel more comfortable accompanying your older children and preteens/teens into a public restroom, then that's what you should do. I don't know why you're so angry about my opinions on this.
As I posted earlier in the thread my 10 year old goes into the men's room alone.

Do you think that referring to people who exercise caution as "fear mongering" and referring to real children who were hurt as something a million years ago is what is bringing on the negative response here?
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#101 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Roar
As I posted earlier in the thread my 10 year old goes into the men's room alone.

Do you think that referring to people who exercise caution as "fear mongering" and referring to real children who were hurt as something a million years ago is what is bringing on the negative response here?
I am not responsible for your feelings reguarding my posts. Your interpretation is your own.
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#102 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar
Do you think that referring to people who exercise caution as "fear mongering" and referring to real children who were hurt as something a million years ago is what is bringing on the negative response here?
Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom
I am not responsible for your feelings reguarding my posts. Your interpretation is your own.
The overriding theme of a majority of your posts seem to center around fear.

You specifically said fear-mongering in two of your posts.


Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom
It's a shame so many live in fear of the simplest things. The statistics are with us, but the fear-mongering continues just the same.

Caution is one thing, fear-mongering is another. I simply can't accept it's healthy for 14 yr olds to be so protected that they can't use a public bathroom.

We are living in fear of our own making. That's not healthy for us, and certainly not for our children.

I think rejecting the fear *does* help some people to handle the fact that older kids sometimes must use public bathrooms.

The statistics do not back up our fears. That's a critical point. Our fears are robbing us of letting our kids do normal things without huge anxiety.

Real danger is real, but danger that is imagined is dibilitating and emotionally stunting.
Honestly, I don't see the point of being dismissive of another parents experiences or concerns.

I really don't think the majority of parents are taking their teens into the restroom with them. That was one example listed on the thread. As far as preteen go.....well the parent is the one who knows them the best. If the child has no objections, then why should anyone else. If the child objects and the parent doesn't allow them to go in alone.....maybe the parent has good reasons for it.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#103 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Houdini
The overriding theme of a majority of your posts seem to center around fear.

You specifically said fear-mongering in two of your posts.

Honestly, I don't see the point of being dismissive of another parents experiences or concerns.

I really don't think the majority of parents are taking their teens into the restroom with them. That was one example listed on the thread. As far as preteen go.....well the parent is the one who knows them the best. If the child has no objections, then why should anyone else. If the child objects and the parent doesn't allow them to go in alone.....maybe the parent has good reasons for it.
I suggest you read Protecting The Gift, and Freakanomics.
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#104 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
I suggest you read Protecting The Gift, and Freakanomics.
Been there.....done that. Thanks for the suggestions though.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#105 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 06:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini
The overriding theme of a majority of your posts seem to center around fear.

You specifically said fear-mongering in two of your posts.

Honestly, I don't see the point of being dismissive of another parents experiences or concerns.

I really don't think the majority of parents are taking their teens into the restroom with them. That was one example listed on the thread. As far as preteen go.....well the parent is the one who knows them the best. If the child has no objections, then why should anyone else. If the child objects and the parent doesn't allow them to go in alone.....maybe the parent has good reasons for it.
My impression was not that UUMom was accusing other mothers of fearmongering, but the media and society in general in the USA go in for fearmongering, which is giving parents an inflated sense of danger to their children.

Quote:
If the child objects and the parent doesn't allow them to go in alone.....maybe the parent has good reasons for it.
Maybe the parent does ....or maybe the parent thinks she does, but in fact has been brainwashed by the media fearmongering.
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#106 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 06:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by choli
Maybe the parent does ....or maybe the parent thinks she does, but in fact has been brainwashed by the media fearmongering.
Or maybe the parent has a clue and is following their instincts.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#107 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by choli
My impression was not that UUMom was accusing other mothers of fearmongering, but the media and society in general in the USA go in for fearmongering, which is giving parents an inflated sense of danger to their children.
Is it more polite in your book to call someone a dupe than to call them a fear monger?
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#108 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 06:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
I am not responsible for your feelings reguarding my posts. Your interpretation is your own.
Ah, posting information straight from therapy 101.
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#109 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 06:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Roar
Is it more polite in your book to call someone a dupe than to call them a fear monger?
Try calling me a dupe and I'll let you know.
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#110 of 110 Old 08-30-2006, 11:32 PM
 
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Hi all,

it seems that this issue has been discussed thoroughly. I think the OP has been answered adequately. On that note this thread is now closed though it will remain in the forum for reference.

Thank you,

Kelly

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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