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Originally Posted by momfirst
I'm trying really hard to back off and let go. Today she wanted to go out to eat with friends. I suggested that she might want to spend some time folding the 7 laundry baskets stuffed full of her laundry. Then I changed my mind and said she could do what she wanted, but from now on when she runs out of clean clothes, she can no longer come to my room and borrow mine. I've tried staying away from the family room and let her 'manage' it...but eventually I can't take it!!
I've asked her to think of us as room mates, hoping that would make her think that we both have responcibilities to this house, and that we both need to be respectful of each other and our property and living spaces.
I don't really know what to get out of posting this here...I'm just angry and frustrated and needed a place to get it out. Thanks for that.
|I've asked her to think of us as room mates, hoping that would make her think that we both have responcibilities to this house, and that we both need to be respectful of each other and our property and living spaces.|
Single mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler
Originally Posted by Debstmomy
I see two things here. One she got her way & she did not have to do anything but whine about it all. She will never do her laundry if you do it for her. Instead of making her do as you stated, she was able to do what she wanted. I think that is huge. Second, she is not a roomate, she is your daughter. She needs guidance & boundries. Set some limits & stick to them. Do not cave.
My 12 yr old is a slob. I admit it, she is slob, but she also knows I mean business when I say, clean up your mess. If she does not do as I say, there is no cell phone, no cheerleading, no friends calling, no starbucks. All those things are priveleges, not rights. You earn them you get them, in our house. We have boundries and I think they are important. Cleaning up after oneself is huge. It makes for good skills, I think. (Ok let the mudd slinging begin).
Originally Posted by Vampyre500
18 is not a magic number. If she's not doing what she needs to do now to help you keep the house livable then she has not learned what she will need to live on her own. It's still your house and you are still her mom. Letting it get to squallor conditions did not trigger her 'cleaning gene' to turn on. Letting it get that bad again won't do it either.
You need to address this problem with rules about how that part of the house is going to be kept. Now that it's neat, it will be easier to start anew. When she moves to a group situation, they will have these expectations of her and it will be an easier transition if you work with her at home first. Sometimes what seems like a step back is actually a step forward.
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