Can someone reassure me about mom/son relationships? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-07-2006, 04:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,167
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just posted in the Childhood Years about how sad I am to see ds1 getting so big, cuz we are so close right now and he is so darn cute! I guess since he's my oldest I can't picture what having an 8 year old or 10 year old son looks like. Were you close to your boys at these ages? Did you still bake together and read together and watch movies and everything? Did they still give you hugs and kisses and snuggle up with you? Oh god, just typing that brought tears to my eyes. He is such a snuggler, and I am really going to miss that.

I'm feeling very emotional, and I guess I just need some cheering up that our wonderful relationship isn't coming to an end just because he's getting so big.
oceanbaby is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-07-2006, 06:04 AM
 
emmaline's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: melbourne, australia
Posts: 1,914
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
boys are all different mama! my middle ds is almost 9 and he is still very cuddly and loves to do all that stuff you mention, but my oldest at that age was starting to become a little stand-offish and by 10 did not want to cuddle up to mama at all

luckily when youngest ds was born , oldest ds (who was 12 at the time) totally melted and brought all his cuddly needs to the fore and he wasn't afraid to give me a hug if I was cuddling his beloved baby brother

with the younger two, they have both had lots more bfing and cosleeping years than ds1 had, and I think that really helps them stay connected
emmaline is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 12:14 PM
 
Alkenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: ...life is beautiful all the time
Posts: 11,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My oldest DS will be 11 in a few weeks. He started to get standoffish around 8 or so.

We still do things together (he loves to cook and bake along with roughhousing and sports!), and he'll still occassionally cuddle with me. I have found that it's when he's not paying attention and is relaxed (watching a movie, reading, etc...he'll curl up to my side.) Then when he becomes aware of what he's done, he'll jerk back to his side of the couch. Almost like nature and society is yanking him in both directions. KWIM?
Alkenny is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 12:38 PM
 
sweetfiend's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son will be 17 next week(!) and he was cuddly into his early teens. Now he still gives me frequent hugs, although it might be for the fun of resting his chin on the top of my head.

The progression to more distance and independance has felt very natural and appropriate. I remember bursting into tears when he was an infant and turned to look at the world. But overall, his rapid aging into an almost adult hasn't been as painful as I thought. (Insert hugs smiley here)
sweetfiend is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 12:44 PM
 
Itlbokay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,358
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sweetfiend, that is such a nice post.

Our boys are 9 and almost 12, and yes, we still do many activities together, including watching movies, baking, and reading together.

Just this summer all three of us worked on the same series of books; sometimes we read together, and sometimes we read on our own and the other would catch up later. It was great conversing with them about these books, talking about the characters, plots, and so forth. We are all excitedly waiting for the third book in this series to come out.

And it's like that with lots of things. The shared activity is still there, it's just expanded - does that make sense?

I too used to get weapy when thinking of them getting older,too, but it is such a joy getting to know the young people they are becoming that I don't really feel that way anymore.

hth
Itlbokay is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 12:49 PM
 
`guest`'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North
Posts: 994
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son was sitting on my lap in movies til about age 8. Now he is 18, and he needs me just as much, as support, to listen, to be there for him. There's no way he would fit on my lap now, hes 6 4", but although he needs to be more independent, he does hug sometimes...most of all, he needs me very much, just in a different way. I think all young people and teens need to be able assert their independence while knowing you are there.
`guest` is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 01:31 PM
 
Roar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 4,419
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it is good you are voicing your worries. We get a lot of messages in this culture about what it means to be a boy and how moms and sons should be together, but I'd suggest that you have some choice in your own family culture. My son is ten and we spend a lot of time together, he's cuddly, likes to do activities together. We went out for dinner the other night just the two of us and I thought that I can see that I will really enjoy him as an adult too. He's a person I would choose to be friends with. So, I'd say make it a priority to spend time together and stay close.
Roar is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,167
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for your replies. My mom keeps reminding me that his basic personality isn't going to change, and that it will be really neat to get to know him as he grows older (like a poster here mentioned), so I try to keep that in mind. But boy is it hard to think about no longer having my little 5yo bundle of sweetness.

And Roar - you are right about the messages that we get about what our relationships are supposed to be like with our children. I guess I need to trust that the attachment that we have fostered since day one won't just end at a magical age.
oceanbaby is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 02:24 PM
 
Jmo780's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: In my house.
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My boys are 10.5 and 7, and they both are usually really cuddly with me still We will sit on the couch and watch a movie, they both still want me to tuck them in bed and sing to them etc...

Maybe it just depends on the boys, lol

I look back on pictures when they were 2 or 3, like wow, I so remember that like it was yesterday. I cannot believe they are so big/old now! It went by so fast
Jmo780 is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 02:40 PM
 
caeden&connersmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Midcoast Maine
Posts: 714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh, you brought tears to my eyes making me think ahead. My boys are 5 and 2 1/2 and I love the frequent hugs and "I love you mama" that I get out of the blue. I hope as we all grow and they grown up, we will remain close and open. The most important thing I hope they feel and know is that I am always there for them no matter what and can come to me for anything! Period. No if ands or buts. Making time for family time is the biggest way to do that I think!
caeden&connersmom is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 03:10 PM
 
enkmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son is 16. He still kisses me goodnight, hugs me frequently, and is always willing to come to the store or watch a movie if he doesn't have other plans. Friends are VERY important to older boys, and it does seem like I come in second a lot of the time. I constantly remind myself that this is growing up, and I drop everything when he wants to hang out or talk with me. He still needs his mama, just not like he used to - and that's ok.
enkmom is offline  
Old 09-07-2006, 03:46 PM
 
UnschoolnMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trying to release my cows..Join Me!
Posts: 14,840
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby
Were you close to your boys at these ages? Did you still bake together and read together and watch movies and everything? Did they still give you hugs and kisses and snuggle up with you? Oh god, just typing that brought tears to my eyes. He is such a snuggler, and I am really going to miss that.
I have always been very close to my Ds. At the ages of 8-10 he was still very much my little man. We did lots of stuff together at those ages. It was when he started to get into computers and video games more, so even though it's not an interest of mine specifically, I did do some of that with him just to hang with him while he explored new things. He loved to cook and bake and read. My Ds is now 15. He stands like 5 inches taller than me, has facial hair, and still has no problem whatsoever kissing me, hugging me, or snuggling with me...even in public.

Quote:
I'm feeling very emotional, and I guess I just need some cheering up that our wonderful relationship isn't coming to an end just because he's getting so big.
No way....it's just going to get better! He will change and grow, and there might be sometimes that those changes feel like a lot at once.(Puberty being what it is and all lol.) You could mistake his new interests/attempts at more independence as a personal jilting of you, but it really isn't. Growing up is hard and having a loving mom who is there for him is going to be such a blessing for both of you.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
UnschoolnMa is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off