forced bra wearing?-updates pg. 5 and 7 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure how I feel about all this so I'm looking to you all for some different perspectives. My dd is 11 and developing. She has boobs, but not full grown adult sized. We bought a couple of bras at her request this past summer, but she hasn't worn them very much at all. Today we got a note from her teacher saying that dd needs to wear a bra or undershirt everyday.

My knee jerk reaction is "Who are you to tell me and dd what to wear in regards to underwear?" I mean, the weather has been chilly, so dd wears long sleeves, dark, thicker cotton tops/sweatshirts. No halters, no see thrus etc. What the heck is showing that needs to be covered? I don't wear a bra everyday and I'm fairly hefty so maybe I'm missing something. It's not like she's not wearing deod. and stinking up the room.
What's next, come spring a note telling me we have to have her pits and legs shaved?
Anyway, I tend to get pissy and rebellious when told I "have ' to do something, so I need an outside point of view.
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#2 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:29 PM
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even with non-see through shirts, a stiff breeze can make the nipples become erect and stick out through the shirt, and cause somewhat of a disruption in the class.

You know, pubescent boys

HOOOOOOOO

HAAAAAAAAAA
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#3 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:30 PM
 
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I think it would really depend on what size your child is.

Say if she wears an A that is small and many adults that wear A's dont even wear bra's. But if the child wears a B or bigger, in my opionion she should be wearing a bra. On that note however, I don't think it is the schools business to tell you so. I mean a bra or undershirt? As long as her shirts are not see through what is an undershirt going to acomplish? :

You might try talking to the teacher to find out where she is coming from and go from there. Then if you still feel she has crossed the line, go from there.
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#4 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
even with non-see through shirts, a stiff breeze can make the nipples become erect and stick out through the shirt, and cause somewhat of a disruption in the class.

You know, pubescent boys

HOOOOOOOO

HAAAAAAAAAA
How is a bra going to prevent this? Erect nipples are still visable through bras.
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#5 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:38 PM
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Originally Posted by aniT
How is a bra going to prevent this? Erect nipples are still visable through bras.
not usually, especially if the shirt is thick too. it's one more barrier of cotton pretty much...
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#6 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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No way in this world would I go along with this. : as long as you cant see thru her clothing it is not a issue. If she dosnt want to wear one no way would I make her. In my opinion bra's are just short of torture devices and a man made invention with no real value. And I would be calling that teacher ASAP and talking with her and the principle. Geez I am PO'ed on your behalf here. :

Also even if she is a double D she shouldnt have to wear a bra if she dosnt want to.

 
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#7 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nankay
Anyway, I tend to get pissy and rebellious when told I "have ' to do something, so I need an outside point of view.
: Right there with you on that! :
It is yours and your childs choice on what to wear or not to wear. Not the schools, expecially if it has to do with undergarments.Size has nothing to do with it! If she feels like not wanting to have a bra on so be it. I don't think I've see a mandate on bra wearing yet.
As for the boys.... How are they going to handle them when a part of them starts sticking out in class :.
Can't wait to see what they want them to wear.... A jock all of the time?!
Good luck. Please keep us informed.
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#8 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wonder what would happen if I showed up to talk with the teacher wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt in all my braless, unshaven self? Yep, that's me--a woman with hair and boobs..deal with it.
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#9 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:52 PM
 
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That is what I would do but I am just rebellious that way

 
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#10 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 07:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
not usually, especially if the shirt is thick too. it's one more barrier of cotton pretty much...
Unless the bra is padded, it has been my experiance that it still shows thorugh.
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#11 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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What kind of school is this? I would guess that the teacher has no authority to require this. Is it in the school's dress code? I would go have a fit.

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#12 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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Personally, I'd talk to the teacher and find out why she made the demand. If I agreed with her reasoning (I doubt that I would), I'd talk to dd and explain the situation. But, there's no way I'd make my child wear a bra if she didn't want to, just because a teacher told me that she "had" to do so.

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#13 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:07 PM
 
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As a person with larger than DD (I don't know what size I am, since I don't wear bras, but I know my biggest bras don't fit anymore! ) braless person, I really don't think she should be made to wear a bra! NIpples do show through, and that might attract some attention, and attention from boys about something like that at her age might be painful. So, I would tell her that, and suggest she wear a bra to make HER feel more comfortable. But I would never MAKE her wear one if she didn't want to. And if the teacher still hassled her about it, I'd have a parent teacher conference. Ahem.

(BTW, when I was pg, I had a shirt with a built in padded underwire bra, and my nipples STILL stuck out of that!!! : After that, I said, screw it, if they're going to show through the armor plated shirt, they're gonna show through anything, and gave up.)
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#14 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:13 PM
 
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i've always hated bras. once in a while i'd through one on, even still. bras should be a choice. i get sick of people telling me they're going to sag. thats about as annoying as people nagging about not circing my son. and why would anyone really care if they sagged anyway? they're MY boobs. and teenage boys are going to be horney no matter what. i never really cared what people thought of me, and i still don't. actually, i don't recall ever really being picked on in high school for being the way i was. we had a pretty cool student body.
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#15 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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oops, i meant to say that i'd THROW one on, not THROUGH one on
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#16 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 08:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
not usually, especially if the shirt is thick too. it's one more barrier of cotton pretty much...
Ummm... I had a boyfriend once who told me that I was the only girl he knew who could nip out a down coat.

--Olive
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#17 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:01 PM
 
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Okay, yet another post for tina to hate me for

Generally, school dress codes have "appropriate undergarments" listed on it. This includes the banning of visible panties, bras, boxers. It also includes wearing appropriate undergarments. All too often we get girls at school where you can see the shape of not just the nipple, but the entire areola. This is disruptive to the learning environment. Besides that, someone mentioned what will boys do if they happen to have a certain piece of their anatomy at attention. Do you really want it to be the sight of your braless daughter's breasts to be the cause of that?

Now, I'm not saying to force her to wear a bra, but an undershirt or thourough inspection of what she looks like through her shirt each day, may be in order. If for no other reason than to be sure the boys aren't stocking up on memories of her chest for leter on!
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#18 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
Okay, yet another post for tina to hate me for

Generally, school dress codes have "appropriate undergarments" listed on it. This includes the banning of visible panties, bras, boxers. It also includes wearing appropriate undergarments. All too often we get girls at school where you can see the shape of not just the nipple, but the entire areola. This is disruptive to the learning environment. Besides that, someone mentioned what will boys do if they happen to have a certain piece of their anatomy at attention. Do you really want it to be the sight of your braless daughter's breasts to be the cause of that?
Oh, please! Do you actually believe that a 13-year-old boy is going to get an erection if a girl in his class is braless that he wouldn't get, anyway?? I can remember a boy in my 7th grade class getting up to do a presentation, and he had one. Where he'd been sitting, he couldn't see any of the girls, regardless of what they were wearing. Even if it were dependent on getting a glimpse of a girl, do you actually think that a girl wearing a bra can't get a reaction out of a boy?

I can't imagine how angry I'd be if my dd's school tried to force her into a bra that she didn't want to wear. Luckily, this doesn't apply to ds1, and my other kids are being homeschooled.

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#19 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
Now, I'm not saying to force her to wear a bra, but an undershirt or thourough inspection of what she looks like through her shirt each day, may be in order. If for no other reason than to be sure the boys aren't stocking up on memories of her chest for leter on!
Did you just add this, or am I going nuts?

If my mother subjected me to a "thorough inspection" of what I looked like through my shirt every day, I'd have quit school - yes, even at 12. I can't imagine anything more humiliating.

I wouldn't wear an undershirt at that age, as I found them too warm.

And, again...do you believe that a bra (or an undershirt, for that matter) will stop the boy from "stocking up on memories of her chest"???

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#20 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:14 PM
 
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This could all be solved so easily if we would only agree that all females should wear burqas!

Heads would roll if this were my daughter. Go get em, tiger.
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#21 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:17 PM
 
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She's 11! I'm a little shocked that people think she should wear a thick bra to save the 11 year old boys from getting turned on.

My oldest child is only 9 and homeschooled. Am I really out of touch here?
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#22 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
Okay, yet another post for tina to hate me for

Generally, school dress codes have "appropriate undergarments" listed on it. This includes the banning of visible panties, bras, boxers. It also includes wearing appropriate undergarments. All too often we get girls at school where you can see the shape of not just the nipple, but the entire areola. This is disruptive to the learning environment. Besides that, someone mentioned what will boys do if they happen to have a certain piece of their anatomy at attention. Do you really want it to be the sight of your braless daughter's breasts to be the cause of that?

Now, I'm not saying to force her to wear a bra, but an undershirt or thourough inspection of what she looks like through her shirt each day, may be in order. If for no other reason than to be sure the boys aren't stocking up on memories of her chest for leter on!
Checked my daughters dress code, nothing about wearing bras in there.

Since I have been a size 36C since 11 years old (and I have no idea what size I am now since I wear a multi size nuring bra) I personally would not have gone out of the house without a bra on. My 13 year old doesn't leave the house without one either.

I am not sure what I would do if I were in your situation. On the one hand I think people should wear bra's simply because it makes them look neater. On the other hand, it is really none of the teachers business and who the hell does she think she is to dictate something as personal as undergarmets.
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#23 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:33 PM
 
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You must have been reading along, as soon as I hit post I hit edit and added that.

If mom is up with her daughter, daughter does not even need to know that mom is checking her out. Having a face to face conversation shoudl allow enough time for mom to see if you can see through the shirt.

Of course boys get erections for many reasons and for no reason at all. What I am saying is, do you really want to add your daughter's chest to their mental file?

And besides that, its a school. Schools have rules and guidelines that must be followed for the good of the many, not the good of the few.

To the OP, I do think it is a good idea that you talk to the teacher. Obviously I do not know your daughter, but kids have been known to leave the house wearing one thing and walk through school all day wearing someting totally different, even if she doesn't own anything you think is objectionable she could be borrowing from friends. This was a big issue for us before.

Now our school system went to uniforms. Now I have issues with uniforms and I am sure many of you do as well. In our district the uniform has really helped. We had literal gang wars going on in the neighborhoods all around the schools and often that spilled into the schools. Now I am in no way saying that we don't still have gang issues, but at least this way they kids can't be sporting their colors, wearing the laces, rolling a pant leg, misbuttoning a shirt, wearing the beads that denote their gang, etc.
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#24 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:36 PM
 
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I'm sure they have plenty of Victoria's Secret ads in their "mental files" as it is, sounds like a great anti-bra argument to me.
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#25 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:41 PM
 
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Again, I am not talkign about any boobs. I am talking about YOUR DAUGHTER"s BOOBS. Call me crazy, but I would much rather have the boy that rides the bus home with her, or sits next to her in Math class thinking about a VS model than thinking about My Daughter that way
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
Again, I am not talkign about any boobs. I am talking about YOUR DAUGHTER"s BOOBS. Call me crazy, but I would much rather have the boy that rides the bus home with her, or sits next to her in Math class thinking about a VS model than thinking about My Daughter that way
Boys are going to think about your daughter that way. It is a fact of life and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Bra or no bra. It doesn't make a difference. It just gives them something to snap when they can get away with it.
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#27 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:47 PM
 
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I would be really po'd to get a note like that. I think if she was concerned for your daughter.... maybe if the other girls were wearing them and your dd was not, then she could have called and chatted with you. As far as thickness goes, if you and your dd decide that she is going to wear one then she needs to be comfortable and feel good about herself. The hell with everyone else... including the teacher!:

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#28 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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There is no undergarment rule in my dd's school about bra's only the boys having there "draws" showing above there jeans. It does have several rules applying to dress as well.

I am looking forward to reading what exscuse this teacher comes up with and if she can justify sending the note home (right now I cant imagine what the big deal is) but maybe there is a lagitamite reason : I highly doubt it tho.

 
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#29 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:48 PM
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I needed a bra in grade 4...

Never gotten mine snapped....

BEFORE I got the bra my boobs were stabbed with pencils, and tweaked and squeezed mercilessly by boys trying to find out if they were real. (And no, I complained to the teacher, complained to the principle, complained to my mom, who complained to the admin, and nothing was done, the school had a bit to be desired nuff said)

My (now) DH stepped in and put a stop to it by acctually fistfighting with some boys in my defense. (We met when I was in grade 4)

My mom got me sports bras after that incident. Looked like crop tops. Hid the "headlight" look, and minimized the appearance of my breasts to save me from anymore harassment...
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#30 of 168 Old 09-11-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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Do you honestly believe that boys won't talk more about a girl who's boobs are clearly definable through their shirt? Obviously you have not spent hours upon hours with prepubescent boys.
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