Mothering Forum banner

first moon party

9K views 60 replies 48 participants last post by  Valian 
#1 ·
My only daughter just turned 13, so the first menstruation should be close. I have talked about the female cycle with her and she got some information at school (part of the curriculum in Germany). Also, she was a breastfeeding toddler and has witnessed / is still witnessing her 3 younger brothers breastfeeding. All children were born at home, so she got her share of "how babies are born", even though she was never present during the actual birth. However, I would like to honor the occasion with a "rite of passage". Anyone out there who celebrated her daughter's menarche somehow?
 
#52 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
I like the idea of a gift basket with chocolate, oil, etc in it - at what age would you introduce a cup like the Diva to a girl?
I think it depends on the girl. I use a diva cup and dd has seen me use it. at this point her attitude is "I won't have to put anything up there will I? " with a worried look on her face. I have told her she can use pads as long as she likes and when/if she wants to try something else then we can look at the options.
 
#53 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
at what age would you introduce a cup like the Diva to a girl?
ITA with that it depends on the girl. You could probably discuss it with her after or even before menarche, show her their website if she seems interested. It all depends on her personality and how comfortable she is with herself--and even if, as a virgin, she is physically able to insert it.

Like, with me, I was thrilled when I found out about the Diva, because I'm the kind of person who can't stand pads of any form and I don't mind putting things up there, nor do I mind the sight of the blood in the cup. Also, I never had much of a hymen to get in the way of putting it in.
On the flip side, my best friend, judging by her personality, would HATE it. She cannot stand the sight of blood, and she seems to be the sort who would be really squeamish about touching herself in any way.

I'd say the best way to do it is to give her her options and allow her to choose what she feels most comfortable with.
 
#54 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
I started my period when I was 10 and my mother was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. She got everyone in the whole freaking family so worked up about the whole thing, everyone took PITY on me. I felt like crawling into a cave and never coming back out. My periods were long, heavy, I had horrible cramps, passed large clots regularly, it was ugly, and I wonder if it wasn't my whole family being so negative about it that made it worse. My cycles finally calmed down when I was about 15, and really calmed down during the short time I was on the Pill. Now I've had two children and my periods are pain-free and normal. It makes me sad that everyone in my family kind of ruined what is supposed to be a happy occasion for a young girl.
... I was mortified of my period, without anyones input. if they started doing "the talk" with me, I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. So that must have been very harsh for you.

much love,
~jaz
 
#55 ·
I remember the night I started my period...my mom was out and my dad and I were watching TV. I realized when I went to the bathroom. I came back out, Dad looked at me and asked if I was ok (I must not have looked so good), I snapped "I'm FINE!!!", asked when mom was going to be home, then announced I was going to bed. I later found out that Dad told Mom when she got home "I don't know what I did, but Lesley's really upset with me." Poor guy...he had to deal with me going through puberty and my mom going through a 3rd pregnancy. He's lucky to have survived


But as I was reading through the posts, I was thinking how nice it would have been to acknowledge this event in some way. I had heard of others who had done something, usually a special mother-daughter night out, and wished my mom had done something like that. So I have resolved that when my daughter reaches her milestone we will have a whole day to celebrate.

Then I looked over at my wee girl, at 22 months grinning impishly at me from the pile of stuffed animals she was sitting....and burst into tears at the thought of her growing up. Pregnancy horomones and Sappy Mommy Syndrome strikes again!
 
#56 ·
I'd ask her if she wants to do something to "celebrate," and if she does, ask what she wants to do. Personally, if I hadn't been asked and there'd been a big party or something, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed! So see what she'd feel comfortable with. Or perhaps you could suggest a party, dinner out with you or a girl friend, etc. Nice idea to give her the option of some celebration, though, since sexuality is usually something people don't talk about, much less celebrate, until pregnancy and/or birth.
 
#57 ·
I am so glad to see a big long thread all about celebrating menarche! The way a girl experiences menarche and the first few years of her menstrual experience tends to be how she views menstruation for the rest of her life (short of an intervening event or interest).

I would encourage you to start discussing menstruation with your daughter no later than when she first begins to show any signs of maturation (typically breast buds are the first noticable sign). If she is not yet developing, I would urge some basic information be given in fourth grade. Regardless of when you start, the key is to keeping the door open for frequent communication now and as she matures. This must be a natural and normal part of your interaction as mother and daughter and not a special TALK or one time event.

As for the actual party or celebration -- make it HER event. Allow her to play a role in the planning. And, if she is not ready to celebrate publically, then just have a special family celebration.

I have led and participated in several Menarche Celebrations. Those that flow best are those that match the daughter's personality and maturity with an event that is meaningful and special in her eyes.

Let me know if I can be of help in a more directed way or to answer any specific questions.
 
#58 ·
My DD is quite a way away from this - but I hope to celebrate her transition to womanhood (if she will let me) and continue the family tradition of a gift of jewelry. My mom bought me a very nice ring the day I started my period for the first time - and gave it to me with a card that said "Welcome to Womanhood - use it wisely". It made it really special and made me proud to be a woman.
 
#59 ·
Wow, DD was 10 when she got her first period. Sadly, she was away with her dad's family at his house (across the continent) when it started. And since she was dealing with major pain/medical issues at the time, I don't think we did much. I think I did buy her a piece of jewelery.

At the beginning of that school year, I got a presentiment that it might happen soon. Apparently it's often linked to reaching about 100lbs. I was nearly 14 when I got mine, but my heavier-set sister got hers at 11. Anyway, I helped her choose a little bag to keep some supplies in in case it started at school. I knew full well that she would be mortified. So her care package included 2 pads, a little baggie (for dirty undies) and a clean pair of undies.

So far she's doing well (it's been 2 years), but she's a little careless about discarding her used pads - eek. I finally explained to her that if she doesn't want to pick up her stepdad's clean underwear, how much less does he want to pick up a pair of underwear with a used pad stuck to it?


My mom was fairly open about it, so I felt comfortable switching to tampons pretty early on. Emily switched almost immediately - to applicator-free ones, no less. She might be game for a Diva cup - I'll have to suggest it to her. She also gets terrible terrible cramps and occasionally takes too much Motrin so she feels ill.
: But I think that's hormonal imbalance more than anything else. Up until a few months ago, she frequently got mid-cycle spotting that was almost as bad as a period. Fortunately that seems to have stopped.

Anyhoo, I think the celebration should definitely reflect the interest of the guest of honour! Emily might have been game for a dinner out with me, but otherwise, not so much. Maybe if she was only getting it now, it might be more celebratory for her, but at that point it was not. ETA: in cultures where such celebrations are the norm, then girls look forward to being made much of in such a way, but here, where we try to hide any sign of bodily functions, it would depend much more on your child's temperament and your own family dynamics.

I do like the idea of celebrating boys' coming of age too. Would I be looking for the first sign of "sticky wet spots on the bed" as my high school buddies referred to it?

-Lori
 
#60 ·
I strongly believe the more a woman views her menstruation as normal and worth celebrating, the less trouble it will be for her. I have a party planned with adult female friends for my daughters' rite of passage. We will offer advice, do fun stuff. My DH will take each one to get her ears pierced when she starts. I will give her some nice cotton pads and discuss other options with her. They could not wear disposable diapers and I can't wear commericial pads so she may be limited to cotton pads. Overall though, it will be a time of celebration.
 
#61 ·
Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all the replies but I'll just share my own experiences being on the daughter end.

I started at my moon at age 11, and my Mom had a number of friends whom I was very close to and they let me know they wanted to have a celebration for me. I was excited but nervous, very open to the idea. The one big obstacle to the entire thing is that they left it up to me to tell them what I wanted.

Honestly, I didn't have the words to really talk a rite of passage ceremony. None of my friends had a celebration and though I had certainly been to various ceremonies as a child, I wasn't really capable of giving them what they were asking me for--direction. They wanted me to be involved, but by giving me such freedom and choice, I had no place to begin, felt overwhealmed and it sort of collapsed.

They took my silence as disinterest when in fact I desperately wanted this, but needed them to begin with setting the space for a discussion, offering ideas and giving me sound boundaries or ideas to begin dreaming with. The final creation did involve my input but was based on my own narrow ideas so it was a small intimate party. It was surely a nice celebration, but very much stripped of the emotion, spirtuality, and power of a real ceremony. It did not really function as a rite of passage ceremony, kwim? This is one of the very few regrets in my life, that such potential with such willingness on all sides, went unmet.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top