first moon party - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-19-2006, 07:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
proudmomof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Suzhou, PR of China
Posts: 1,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My only daughter just turned 13, so the first menstruation should be close. I have talked about the female cycle with her and she got some information at school (part of the curriculum in Germany). Also, she was a breastfeeding toddler and has witnessed / is still witnessing her 3 younger brothers breastfeeding. All children were born at home, so she got her share of "how babies are born", even though she was never present during the actual birth. However, I would like to honor the occasion with a "rite of passage". Anyone out there who celebrated her daughter's menarche somehow?

Andreateapot2.GIF read.gif homebirth.jpg winner.jpg hang.gif, wife to K coolshine.gif, mother to loveeyes.gif photosmile2.gif reading.gif blahblah.gif

proudmomof4 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-20-2006, 12:25 AM
 
Momma Lou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 13
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been curious about this myself. I feel that when my daughter starts there should be something done to honor her and her change. She still is young (9) but I would like to do something special for her.
Momma Lou is offline  
Old 09-20-2006, 12:37 AM
 
*GreenMama*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Right where I want to be.
Posts: 1,151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm going to look for some links for you, but you should post the question in the Pagan group in Spirituality. Its a big deal in that religion to honor the passing from Maiden (child age) to Mother (menstrual age) to Crone (menopause age.) There are beautiful rituals, poems, blessings, etc to help welcome your daughter into the land of mother.

Oh, and please don't feel you must be pagan or agree with the religion to ask the question. Everyone there is very accepting and NOBODY would try to convert you!



BTW, I think its beautiful to honor your daughter in that way.

Cindy + DH Paul = DS1 (4/26/06), DS2 (11/30/07), DD (12/20/10) & surprise 4th edition coming in April 2014.

Bradley Method Natural Childbirth Educator, Doula, and Breastfeeding Counselor

*GreenMama* is offline  
Old 09-20-2006, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
proudmomof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Suzhou, PR of China
Posts: 1,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thank you for your comments so far. Maybe it would be a good idea to put this thread in a different forum - but how? I tried to look it up but I couldn't find it. Do I have to contact the moderator?

Andreateapot2.GIF read.gif homebirth.jpg winner.jpg hang.gif, wife to K coolshine.gif, mother to loveeyes.gif photosmile2.gif reading.gif blahblah.gif

proudmomof4 is offline  
Old 09-20-2006, 12:14 PM
 
MsHelena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by proudmomof4 View Post
Thank you for your comments so far. Maybe it would be a good idea to put this thread in a different forum - but how? I tried to look it up but I couldn't find it. Do I have to contact the moderator?
Unfortunately, you need to have 50 posts and 60 days on the board before you can post or read in the Spirituality forum.

There have been quite a few threads about how to celebrate a girl's menarche. This thread has a link to a bunch of other threads as well as a few ideas: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...t+menstruation
MsHelena is offline  
Old 09-27-2006, 06:25 PM
 
ilanam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: a Big Island in the Pacific
Posts: 30
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There's a great book out there that addresses some of these questions. Moon Mother, Moon Daughter; Myths & Rituals that Celebrate a Girl's Coming-of-Age by: Janet Lucy and Terri Allison. I bought it a year ago and have just started browsing it. My daughter is only 10 (almost 11) and just getting started in that department. But I'm planning. Good luck! I'm sure that anything that you do with be wonderful...such a thing is a demonstration of love and respect and your daughter will feel that no matter what you come up with! Aloha,
ilanam is offline  
Old 10-01-2006, 01:52 AM
 
newmommy27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 700
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When started menstruating my mom and both grandmother made it a big deal...we had a super special woman only dinner and they each shared their feelings about me becoming a woman...it was a great lesson learned about celebrating womanhood...I so look forward to having my little girl so I can keep this tradition alive
newmommy27 is offline  
Old 10-01-2006, 08:46 PM
 
aniT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, by way of Cali.
Posts: 15,239
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not to throw a wrench in your plans, but I would have been mortified if my mother would have done anything like that! I know my daughter would have been as well.

I am sure different cultures see things differently, but I just wanted to share my feelings on the subject.
aniT is offline  
Old 10-02-2006, 12:10 AM
Banned
 
MillingNome's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: hunting in Gilead
Posts: 5,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ever time I've seen a thread like this come up there are always those that say they would *die* if their mom had made it a big deal... Guess I'm in that bunch! OTOH, I don't want my daughter to feel that way.

I posted to the Pagen thread to see if maybe anyone from there would come over here to give any suggestions. I myself don't really have any based on a terrible lack of creativity at the moment.
MillingNome is offline  
Old 10-02-2006, 01:49 AM
 
GoldBerry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: where my heart is free
Posts: 2,756
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by proudmomof4 View Post
I would like to honor the occasion with a "rite of passage".
Good for you! Yes, honor this occasion! I think it can be done without embarrassing the heck out her too.

My daughters are 2 and 6, but I have imagined taking them out to eat at a nice restaurant and giving them a special piece of jewelery (something like Greenlee's wonderful pendant .

It really all depends on the girl. What does she like? A day at a spa? Getting some beautiful henna/ menhandi? What ever will make her feel special and show that it is a beautiful exciting day.

Here is an article that you might like to read.

treehugger.gif  Mama of three daughters chicken3.gif
GoldBerry is offline  
Old 10-02-2006, 03:08 AM
 
Debstmomy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: I prefer REALITY, How about You????
Posts: 3,168
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd started this last spring & I so wanted to do something for her. She forbid it...thought I was nuts!!! She did not want her dad to know. Not sure why as we had talked about this for a while, but when it came down to it...she wanted nothing of it. So....I took her to Barnes & Noble for a new book & a iced mocha & chocolate cheesecake. (I think, no I know...she liked the drink & cake best!!!!) I felt good "doing something" & she got something low key.

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
Debstmomy is offline  
Old 10-10-2006, 06:11 PM
 
KMK_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 2,232
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I would have been MORTIFIED if my Mom did something like this, but then again, my Mom was never really open about stuff like this when I was growing up......she always "hid" when she was on her period and was weirded out about me seeing her naked......so I was brought up in a somewhat "closed-minded" household. I would hope that I could do *something* special for my DD when the time comes being that I plan on raising her differently than I was raised, But MY MOM wanted to make a TAMPON CAKE. You get the picture.

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
KMK_Mama is offline  
Old 10-10-2006, 06:15 PM
Banned
 
~member~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: on a lily pad
Posts: 11,133
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My parents had a huge feast and celebration. I was embarassed, but grateful. It was a very important part of my life that I will pass onto my own daughters.
~member~ is offline  
Old 10-10-2006, 06:20 PM
 
LizaBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,047
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lurking.


I'd have been mortified had my mom even attempted anything to "celebrate" my menses. Heck - I'd had it for 2 years before she found out about it at all, because I didn't feel it was something I could share with her.

I think (in hindsight) that if she'd done something small and low-key - a special dinner out at a "grown-up" restaurant or the like - it might have gone okay. But a fancy thing, or involving my step-dad - BAD.

Canadian mom to Boo (Aug '02), Bug (Aug '04) and Bear (Dec '06).
Jesse (July '09)
LizaBear is offline  
Old 10-10-2006, 06:29 PM
 
aniT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, by way of Cali.
Posts: 15,239
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LizaBear View Post
I think (in hindsight) that if she'd done something small and low-key - a special dinner out at a "grown-up" restaurant or the like - it might have gone okay. But a fancy thing, or involving my step-dad - BAD.
How about sending your stepdad to buy you pads and not even having the forthought to GET THEM FROM HIM and give them to you herself? Or, telling your ex-stepdad becuase you were going there for a visit who then tells his girl friend so you get "the talk" from her. WTF?

I really think that was the last time I told my mom ANYTHING.
aniT is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 01:08 PM
 
crazycandigirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas Coast
Posts: 1,458
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd is only 7, but I started my cycles when I was 9 so its not too far off. I plan on pulling together a basket, with books about whats going on with her body, fertility, health, ect, Some nice bath products, Several different options of protection (cloth pads, disposible pads, junior tampons, ect), and a calender or set of cyclebeads. She is already so excited that one day she will grow breasts
(for nursing babies as well as looks), and that her body will develop so that she can have babies some day. I am hoping to keep this excitement about becoming a woman alive. Besides that we will probally do a simple ritual involving the moon, bake a cake, and talk a lot. Totally diffrent from what my mother did, and something that my daughter will really enjoy.

Unschooling Mommy of 3: Lilith (14), Panda (6), and Fox (4)
crazycandigirl is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 01:32 PM
 
primjillie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My daughter would have been embarrassed too. And I have to tell you, after more than 30 years of the wretched "curse", I will celebrate when it stops!! lol
primjillie is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 01:38 PM
 
arelyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Where Holy Rivers Meet
Posts: 678
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here getting your first period is a HUGE deal. If it happens in school the girl get's ushered home by the school nurse. She stays with her while Amma consults an astrologer to see when the auspicious time to begin celebrating will be (which is flexible if she has upcoming exams). The girl remains in the house until that day and doesn't have to do any of her usual chores. The clothes she was wearing when she menstruated are given away (inclusing jewelry) and she wears a new white outfit everyday until the special day arrives. They she is given a ritual bath, a new outfit (usually her first sari) and a new gold chain and pendant. After this she is allowed to look in the mirror for the first time since her period began (I'm not sure why on this one). Then there is a HUGE party that the whole neighboorhood comes to that goes on sometimes for days (the one across the street from us started with fireworks at 4:30 in the morning [scaring the crap out of us] and went for three days). Now inviting the neighbors will probably not work in most Western countries (here it is a public matter as menstruating girls aren't allowed to play with boys) but a new grown up looking dress and jewelry plus a day off school/chores might do nicely!

DH tells me that his mom took them out for a special meal for their first period/nocturnal ejaculation. Only the child and mom knew what the occassion was (though he was informed of his younger siblings and told not to tell them he knew) so not to be embarrassing.

Traveling mama to DS (2) my nature boy :
arelyn is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 05:18 PM
 
Aguazul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: wherever life takes me
Posts: 406
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel really bad because my oldest DD started almost a year ago and I never even thought to do anything to celebrate that time. We had talked about it for a long time, so she knew what to expect and all, but when the time came, I had never heard of doing anything special. Not until the past couple of months did I read some mention of this and start to do some reading. I'd love to do something now, but I'm thinking that it wouldn't really have any meaning since its a year after she first started.

Man, I really wish I'd learned so much before I ever had kids (or at least while they were still little )
Aguazul is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 05:57 PM
 
chellemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd isn't there yet, but I've thought that I'd take her to get her ears pierced and I'd get mine done a second time. But she's really, really not wanting to get her ears pierced because it will hurt and that child would encase herself in bubble wrap if I let her. She will *almost* run into something and say, "Ow!"

So I'm thinking an economy size bottle of Motrin, maybe?
chellemarie is offline  
Old 10-11-2006, 06:32 PM
Banned
 
~member~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: on a lily pad
Posts: 11,133
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by primjillie View Post
My daughter would have been embarrassed too. And I have to tell you, after more than 30 years of the wretched "curse", I will celebrate when it stops!! lol
This is why I am happy my parents had a feast and celebration. I had to sit in the middle of over 30 guests while they each took turns speaking to me about the importance of becoming a woman. I never felt like my period/moon was a curse, but more of a fact of life and the difference between being a girl and a woman.
~member~ is offline  
Old 10-12-2006, 02:28 PM
 
primjillie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You are lucky then. I have had terrible problems with the "curse" for years and am now probably facing surgery, so I may have a warped image. My mother, sisters and daughter have problems too, so none of us look at it with starry eyes and celebrate it. I also don't think just getting your period makes you a woman - there is much more to it. I also believe different cultures have different ways of looking at and that is fine too!
primjillie is offline  
Old 10-12-2006, 02:48 PM
 
mmace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Southwestern Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,936
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.
mmace is offline  
Old 10-14-2006, 08:51 PM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 678
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.

This sounds like a very nice idea to me. I'll keep it in mind. It's something special but it doesn't seem embarassing at all.
SusanElizabeth is offline  
Old 11-01-2006, 01:53 PM
 
Mama Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Apparently on MDC
Posts: 10,555
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Glad for this thread, my DD started this morning I knew it's been coming with all the emotional stuff she's been going through! I love the earring idea, I think I'll get her a pair while we're out getting her supplies.

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
Mama Dragon is offline  
Old 11-02-2006, 01:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
proudmomof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Suzhou, PR of China
Posts: 1,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thanks for all those replies. I think I like the idea with the basket (book, shower gel and the like), maybe with a little celebration with some special female friends. Maybe every guest could decorate a pebble stone - something red for the occasion.
I also found an article in the Mothering archives, the title was something like "first moon party" (just like the thread I started here - probably that was some rudimentary memory ).

Andreateapot2.GIF read.gif homebirth.jpg winner.jpg hang.gif, wife to K coolshine.gif, mother to loveeyes.gif photosmile2.gif reading.gif blahblah.gif

proudmomof4 is offline  
Old 11-03-2006, 08:48 AM
 
katjab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My youngest is 12 and I'm hoping to have a nice celebration that includes her two older sisters and other women in the family and friendship cirle when she first bleeds. Also, I'm currently in a women's studies course and plan to write my term paper on that subject, so I need to hear all ideas on that subject.
When our last daughter startet I had just received the weeping willow she had wanted and my husband, the children and I gathered around the hole she had dug and watched her plant the tree. My husband said something to the effect that he hoped she would not have to weep much with monthly periods, but if she had to, she now had a place to do some of that weeping.


Hans(1884), Ian(1986, Liese(1989), Charlotte(1991) and Sessili(1994)
katjab is offline  
Old 11-03-2006, 11:14 AM
 
Verity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: talking to myself in public
Posts: 3,784
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by chellemarie View Post
So I'm thinking an economy size bottle of Motrin, maybe?


My older dd is about to turn 9, and I am thinking her first period is still a long way off (I didn't start until I was almost 15), but you never know. Surely there will be physical cues--she won't just start when her body is still so little girl-ish, will she?

She would be mortified to have the whole family's attention drawn to her for something so personal. For her, it would have to be something VERY low-key. I like the idea of earrings, but her ears aren't pierced yet, and I'm trying to hold off on that as long as possible. I guess it depends on how old she is when she starts.
Verity is offline  
Old 11-03-2006, 11:36 AM
 
BennyPai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MAINE!!!
Posts: 2,149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My mother is soooo modest when it comes to her body. She has passed this trait on to all her seven daughters. She was always embarrassed about her periods. My oldest sister was mortified when our mother told our father she needed pads. Their second daughter didn't tell anyone but me (#3) when she started.
I was a different kind of bird. I was proud. I wanted a celebration. I got a trip to Ames with my big sis & her best friend. They ditched me in the feminine products aisle to swoon over a clerk in the electronics department. Mama had been too embarrassed to come along.:

I like the idea of the special women in your life coming together to celebrate. Low-key - maybe gifting jewerly, a journal, chocolate, reading poetry. Red Tent - esque. This is my plan for our daughters. Hopefully something that cements our bond and feels more like our relationship is growing than me tormenting them.
Certainly not parading them around & announcing to everyone... However, I hope that our dds will have a close enough bond/trust with dh that they wouldn't be mortified that he knows.

read.gif+dp_malesling.GIFreading.gifmoon.gifblahblah.gifjog.gif(All waterbirth.jpg. 3 @ homebirth.jpg30stork-suprise.gif*31*32*33*34*35*36*37*38*39*40?41*42?h20homebirth.gif 
BennyPai is offline  
Old 11-03-2006, 05:33 PM
 
Amber Lion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2,409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi All,
Elizabeth Davis, a prominant midwife, has written a lot about Blood Mysteries. She has some great ideas about Menarche celebrations and why they are important to our daughters.

http://www.elizabethdavis.com/mysteries.html

I think the most important part is that this is your DAUGHTER'S celebration, and so she should be the one to pick what happens. Suggest ideas of course, but you shouldn't force a public party on her anymore than you should ignore this special time in her life. The point is to make her moon a celebration of her womanhood, not a curse or something to be ashamed about. If she picks something special that she is comfortable with this will be a validation of her ability to have control over her own life now. It will also start off her relationship with her body in a positive way, instead of learning that her moon is dirty and she should hide it.

Some simple ideas to include:

Buy her a red shirt, dress, scarf, or other clothing item that she can wear every month when she bleeds.

Buy a red piece of jewelry for the same purpose, to wear every month when she is bleeding.

Eat red foods at the party!

Have a group of her friends and family members (women) tell the stories of their own menarche, good and bad. Have them share their favorite parts about their moons and why they are proud to be women.

HTH!

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
Amber Lion is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off