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#1 of 94 Old 10-05-2006, 11:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, so i helped my ds(12 almost 13) do a my space. :

Question is: How much privacy do I allow him on this my space?
I mean, I have the password and everything....should I let him change it and do with it what he wants, or should I keep the password so i can see whats up on it??? I read some of his friends crap and I cant BELIEVE what some 13 yos put on these my spaces!: Anyway......????

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#2 of 94 Old 10-06-2006, 06:37 AM
 
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MY daughter is 13.5 and loves myspace. I just try to basically know who she is commicating with. It is mainly freinds she knows and see reguarly. I at least once a month ask tko see her friends page. She also has a lot of bands on there. It seems very ilmportant for her to have this space and privacy. I try to know who she is corresponsding with on the phone,on myspace, on IM and of course supervise who she is with shen she gets together with her friends. I put limits on it. I want to have balnce i n her life-some academics (we homeschool),she plays volleyball,guitar,some time with family and enough rest. Friends though are first priority now and my Space I have come to accept but I keep an eye on it while allowing her that power of choice and privacy that seems so important. We do a lot of talking and will talk about stuff that is objectionable,why this is,etc.Sallie
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#3 of 94 Old 10-06-2006, 12:51 PM
 
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I told my 16 yr old that I have control over his MySpace, and I had the right to delete anything I want too since he was using MY computer to access it. He didn't fuss or tell me no about it.

He deleted his MySpace acct. finally the other night. He goes on another website geared more towards LDS/Mormon teenagers, and the rules for that is the same as MySpace.
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#4 of 94 Old 10-06-2006, 03:02 PM
 
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all three of my teen grls have a my space page. i have passwords and check periodically for content and will ask who the favorites are if i do not recognize the names. so far i have found it to be ok--there were a few comments i found rude or distasteful but they were not written by my kids so what can i really say? one of the 17 yo loves to write poetry and she uses her my space to kind of show case her newest stuff. i think it is sort of neat to have an outlet like this for them as long as it is monitored.
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#5 of 94 Old 10-06-2006, 03:30 PM
 
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There are a lot of people on MySpace, good and bad. There are adults who have no qualms about talking to teens, even asking them for suggestive pictures. There have been many cases where children have got into a lot of trouble because of MySpace child predators.

I think about once a week you need to check his account thoroughly. Read his messages. Look at his friends' profiles. Look at THEIR friends' profiles. Check comments people leave him; check what comments he is leaving to his friends. This isn't invasive; it's protective. Tell him it's not that you don't trust him, but that you don't trust the world and want to make sure no one takes advantage of him.

I personally will be following the advice NOT to let my teen have a computer in their room or use it without supervision. There will be one in the family room, and the teen can use it whenever they want--but I'll be able to walk up and look at what she's typing at anytime. You know, kids even have an abbreviation 'pos' that means parents over shoulder? They're sneaky. Corbin won't be allowed to have anyone on his friends list that has anything 'nasty' on their profile, and I doubt I'll let him have anyone on there that we don't know personally unless I know for a fact they are who they say they are.

I know they love myspace, and its harmless for most but it can get dangerous and kids do need supervision. Look at all the pix of 13 year old girls, half-naked, on there. Honestly! Where are the parents? I think the space and privacy is important, but I don't think they need complete total 100% privacy and freedom to roam. I think they need limits.

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#6 of 94 Old 10-06-2006, 07:48 PM
 
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My Dd is almost 13 and has a My Space. I know the username, but not the password. (Or maybe I do...she mentioned it once but I am not sure if I am remembering it correctly.) She has total control over the page and it's content, but I would not hestitate to bring up concerns or worries if I had any. She comes from a background of being respected by me and having her thoughts taken seriously, so if I were to bring something up I have good reason to believe she'd hear me out. We'd discuss it etc.

I do not control her friends list at all. We've talked about the things we have seen on some of the profiles that we don't care for, and I think we are pretty much on the same page about it. She has even called me over and said "Oh man can you believe this?" etc.

I suppose we are out on that lonely limb (here anyway lol) of parents who do allow their children to have computers in their rooms. Ds is getting one around the first of the year for his bedroom. Dd so far is not interested in having her own yet and happily shares with me and Dh.

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#7 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 06:30 AM
 
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My 14 and 16 year old sons both have MySpace.

Our computer is in the family room, in full view of everyone, so this minimizes the chance of them viewing anything innapropriate. I keep an eye on everything that my children do on the computer, with out blatantly disrespecting their privacy.

Both of the boys just use MySpace as a way of communicating with friends they already have. My 16 year old also has one for his band, which advertises their music, upcoming gigs, etc.

As long as your son is responsible, he should be fine.
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#8 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 09:42 AM
 
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Dd had myspace before myspace was cool. She used it mainly for communicating with her best friend, but was also able to reconnect with old friends who had moved away (or still lived in the city we moved away from) that she had known from as far back as her La Leche League days. When she was living with her grandmother, I also enjoyed reading her blog and her comments to keep up with her busy life. It was easier for her than sending individual emails to everybody and less intrusive than sending mass emails that people may or may not have been interested in.

Her best friend had one incident with a perv, which she reported to the site owner (who goes by "Tom" and is an adult male that appears on EVERYBODY'S friends' list, just so you know) and prompted me to read about the site's safety features, which actually impressed me quite a bit.

dd deleted her account recently because she just didn't have time for it any more and had moved on to different things.

ds opened his and loves it. Since he is under the age of sixteen, his account is set to private and all I can see is his picture and his "About me" comment. He mostly uses it to get to know his local friends and showcase his poetry, but he has also gotten to know some cousins he barely remembers from where we used to live.

He was never particularly interested in writing before, but his abilities have skyrocketed since becoming active on MySpace. It's hard to believe he's writing poetry because he WANTS to when only a few months ago it was like pulling teeth to get him to write a grammatically correct sentence.

I'm part of the minority that lets my kids have their own computers. We started out with a shared computer in the living room and spent a lot of time talking about and learning about internet safety before they were ready for the degree of privacy they have now.
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#9 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 10:15 AM
 
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My dd has one and I made one to keep track of who was talking to her. She is in control of who can talk to her and who cannot. Her profile is private. I think like anything else online if you keep tabs on what they are doing, tell them the dangers and keep your PC in the living space of the home you are better off, not totally safe 100% but better then it would be if her PC was in her room, she did what she wanted and had total control.
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#10 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 10:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by FEDUP View Post
Ok, so i helped my ds(12 almost 13) do a my space. :

Question is: How much privacy do I allow him on this my space?
I mean, I have the password and everything....should I let him change it and do with it what he wants, or should I keep the password so i can see whats up on it??? I read some of his friends crap and I cant BELIEVE what some 13 yos put on these my spaces!: Anyway......????
my space is for 14 and over. I have an account but never set it up. I see nasty stuff on there. I wouldn't allow my child under 18 to go on there and set up an account when it asks questions about their sexual orientation. God I hope my kids have more to do at that age than worry about something like this. I see very explicit pictures and phrases on there on every single page that comes up.

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#11 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 11:56 AM
 
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All kids are different, and some might be able to handle it, but as a rule, I'd say it's not particularly appropriate for anyone under 16 or so. Or aren't their rules 14? Younger than that, there is a lot of sexual content they can stumble upon. It's not just the comments they read/send. They can surf through chains of people profiles and find themseleves somewhere they shouldn't be in a matter of minutes. Be careful.
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#12 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 12:32 PM
 
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my space is for 14 and over. I have an account but never set it up. I see nasty stuff on there. I wouldn't allow my child under 18 to go on there and set up an account when it asks questions about their sexual orientation. God I hope my kids have more to do at that age than worry about something like this. I see very explicit pictures and phrases on there on every single page that comes up.
:

#1 reason why my son had to let me know his password... It has nothing to do with respecting your child...that's full of bull caa-caa.

Oh, yeah, my son deleted his MySpace finally...but like I said he is on a different one, and I moniter that one too. And having the computer in a "public" place, like the family room or kitchen area, is safer, IMO. Allowing your child to view the internet in the privacy of their room, is nothing more then allowing them to view trash, but then again, some parents don't care..."because I'll invade their privacy, or won't respect them" crap. Oh, brother!
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#13 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 12:36 PM
 
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There is a lot of crap on there that's no good for a 13 year old to see, that's why they put age limitations...and I thought I read somewhere that they were going to up the age limit to 16.

It's also an easy way for pervs to look up local teens. Just because a child's profile is private, doesn't mean they aren't "visible" to the public. If they post any comments to another kid's page (that isn't private) their notes can be read...I just think it's a sexual predator's dream come true -- they can figure out where the kid goes to school if they have access to their "friends" page...So they know what the kids look like (even if the profile is private), and what town they're from. And, predators aren't always 50 year old men - they often come "packaged" as good-looking 21 year olds.

Just be super careful...super, super careful.
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#14 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 12:38 PM
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My daughter has had a myspace for a long time... I don't monitor it at all, but then I'm very confident in her ability to maneuver the internet appropriately. YMMV, depending on your kid's experience level. I think I remember her username, but I've never known her password.

My brother and sister both have myspaces now and are on Rain's friends list. We didn't plan it as a way to keep tabs on her (she had her myspace years before they got theirs) but if you're concerned, maybe you could see if he'd be willing to friend a friend or relative who would alert you if anything seemed hinky...

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#15 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 12:40 PM
 
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As for being able to surf around and "find things you shouldn't" ... you can do that without ever even thinking about having an account.

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#16 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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: But are you saying, "why try? they can find it anyway" or are you saying "be very careful with ALL their internet use"? We go with the latter option in our house. Our 14 yo is very socially immature and is not allowed free reign of the internet, nor does he belong to any online communities. Some 14 yo's might be able to handle that, but we know ours can not, so we limit it all.
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#17 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
my space is for 14 and over.
This just isn't an issue for us. (Or many that I know.)

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I have an account but never set it up.
I wasn't really interested for a long time, but I just got one. Pretty fun.

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I see nasty stuff on there.
True enough. But there's nasty stuff a lot of places. Including the news.

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I wouldn't allow my child under 18 to go on there and set up an account when it asks questions about their sexual orientation.
Obviously that is your decision to make, but what does sexual orientation have to do with it? Just curious. Kids are pretty well aware of their sexuality (note that I am not saying they are all sexually active) before the age of 18 be they straight, bisexual, or gay.

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I see very explicit pictures and phrases on there on every single page that comes up.
Are you being serious or exaggerating to make your point? Every single page? That has not been my experience. Of course how we are defining explicit could be the key.

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#18 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 03:23 PM
 
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#1 reason why my son had to let me know his password... It has nothing to do with respecting your child...that's full of bull caa-caa.
I could be misunderstanding you here but are you saying that respecting children is bull ?

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And having the computer in a "public" place, like the family room or kitchen area, is safer, IMO. Allowing your child to view the internet in the privacy of their room, is nothing more then allowing them to view trash, but then again, some parents don't care..."because I'll invade their privacy, or won't respect them" crap. Oh, brother!
Well that's your POV and you are entitled to it. One person's "trash" is another person's interesting....

However I could just as easily say that refusing to allow your child the right to view the internet in the privacy of their room is nothing more than you being very controlling and disrespectful and teaching him that you do not trust him or think him capable of good decision making. But then that's my POV and I am entitled to it.

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#19 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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However I could just as easily say that refusing to allow your child the right to view the internet in the privacy of their room is nothing more than you being very controlling and disrespectful and teaching him that you do not trust him or think him capable of good decision making. But then that's my POV and I am entitled to it.
And in our case, it's the truth. We don't trust him or think him capable of good decision making a lof ot the time. We are working on those things with him, but he's not there yet. In our case, the 14 yo is developmentally delayed and is at about an 8-10 yo maturity level, so I know it's an extreme example, but some teens may very well not be equiped to handle the internet unsupervised. Sounds like you are not dealing with that situation, but many others are.
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#20 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 04:11 PM
 
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I could be misunderstanding you here but are you saying that respecting children is bull ?


Well that's your POV and you are entitled to it. One person's "trash" is another person's interesting....

However I could just as easily say that refusing to allow your child the right to view the internet in the privacy of their room is nothing more than you being very controlling and disrespectful and teaching him that you do not trust him or think him capable of good decision making. But then that's my POV and I am entitled to it.
Dont you watch the news? Are you aware of the amount of perverts on the web? Sorry privacy or not my job as her mother is to watch what is going on when she is on there, if I didnt I wouldnt be doing my job.
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#21 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 04:46 PM
 
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And in our case, it's the truth. We don't trust him or think him capable of good decision making a lof ot the time. We are working on those things with him, but he's not there yet. In our case, the 14 yo is developmentally delayed and is at about an 8-10 yo maturity level, so I know it's an extreme example, but some teens may very well not be equiped to handle the internet unsupervised.

This makes sense to me. It sounds like you are dealing with a special circumstance, and I can see how that would be a little bit different. That you are working on it is a great thing and not quite the same thing (IMO) as someone saying that a child viewing the internet in his room is "allowing them to view trash" because the parent "doesn't care".

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#22 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 04:49 PM
 
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Dont you watch the news? Are you aware of the amount of perverts on the web? Sorry privacy or not my job as her mother is to watch what is going on when she is on there, if I didnt I wouldnt be doing my job.
I do watch the news, with my kids even, and we have discussed all of that more than once. (Dateline even lol ) As far as doing our jobs as mothers I would say that we both are, we just interpret the job description differently.

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#23 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 06:57 PM
 
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My 13yo sister had a Myspace but she was getting too many nasty comments from some other girls so my mom deleted it. She was getting called a slut and stuff like that. Apparently dressing more mature gets you called a slut these days even if you haven't even kissed a boy yet. :

Anyway, she still has a Xanga account, which is much like Myspace. No one has ever bothered her online other than that one particular group of girls. I like that she has it because I can keep in touch with her and stuff. And since I see her site often, I can always let my mom know if anything is going on.

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#24 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 06:57 PM
 
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That you are working on it is a great thing and not quite the same thing (IMO) as someone saying that a child viewing the internet in his room is "allowing them to view trash" because the parent "doesn't care".
Well, I have to say I agree with you on that one.
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#25 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 10:07 PM
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I do watch the news, with my kids even, and we have discussed all of that more than once. (Dateline even lol ) As far as doing our jobs as mothers I would say that we both are, we just interpret the job description differently.
Same here... and another thing - we're all on the web right now, having conversations and interacting and all those sorts of things. An occasional pervert sends me an email or posts something here, but I ignore it or take care of it. It's not a big deal. I don't think the internet is all that scary, really, for me or for my daughter. I've met some of my best friends online.

Of course it's important to follow some basic safety precautions, but those have been part of Rain's understanding since she first got online, years and years ago. As she's gotten older, more potential issues have come up, just in conversation... we talk about stuff. I think going online is a lot less potentially dangerous that hanging out downtown, but Rain is okay doing both...

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#26 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 11:12 PM
 
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As for being able to surf around and "find things you shouldn't" ... you can do that without ever even thinking about having an account.
Yeah but just reading and surfing isn't likely to attract pedophiles to you.

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are you saying that respecting children is bull ?
I think that restricting their privacy is much more respectful than letting them run totally free.

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Sorry privacy or not my job as her mother is to watch what is going on when she is on there, if I didnt I wouldnt be doing my job.
This is how I feel. Safety is more important than privacy. If someone can interfere with my child's physical or moral health, that takes precedence over privacy.

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I don't think the internet is all that scary, really, for me or for my daughter.
I agree, but it can be so I think caution is prudent. I have been fooled before, and so far, it hasn't put me in danger but... it could happen.

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#27 of 94 Old 10-07-2006, 11:54 PM
 
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Not only do you have to worry about the perverts but you have to worry about other girls as a pp mentioned, they can get nasty! They can be so terrible cruel to one another and middle school is the worst. They gang up on each other so easily. One minute there is a group of 6 of them that all love each other and a week later the have singled one out and toture her verbally with names like slut, whore, etc..

I feel much more comfortable with my PC in my living room. She will NEVER have one in her room untill she is an adult then she can do what she wants online its not my business. She is my business now. But this is just imo
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#28 of 94 Old 10-08-2006, 12:03 AM
 
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My 13yo sister had a Myspace but she was getting too many nasty comments from some other girls so my mom deleted it. She was getting called a slut and stuff like that. Apparently dressing more mature gets you called a slut these days even if you haven't even kissed a boy yet. :
This is a very minor point in the grand scheme of this thread, but the words I bolded just jumped out at me. I was being called a slut for at least a year before I ever kissed a boy - or a girl, for that matter. I didn't dress "more mature", but I was more physically developed than most of the girls.

That was 25 years ago. The technology is different, but the behaviour is very similar.

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#29 of 94 Old 10-08-2006, 12:06 AM
 
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The technology is different, but the behaviour is very similar.
Doesn't mean we should let them use the new technology in support of that behavior.

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#30 of 94 Old 10-08-2006, 12:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
Doesn't mean we should let them use the new technology in support of that behavior.
I never said, or suggested, that it did. Calling someone a slut isn't acceptable, be it online or off. I just have a "thing" about people saying "these days" about behaviour that's been going on for a long, long time. (My mom went through similar things in the 50s.)

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