I've been meaning to post and tell you how impressed I am with your discipline, but I always seem to have the baby in my arms when I'm at the keyboard. I think you've got some great insight, the only thing I would wonder about is if there is a stealing pattern going on.
Does taking money out of your dh's wallet play into the problems at school? Is there a particular "friend" your ds had begun to associate with that is encouraging this behavior? This may or may not apply, but I have to admit that in the past I've had to help ds#1 choose his friends.
We had one particular "friend" who was determined to find trouble, and after several talks with ds, about what the boy was doing, why it was wrong, and how even being present while these things were going on would reflect negatively on him (guilty by association), we finally said they could only play at our house while supervised by me. Pretty soon both boys realized that the friendship was not going to work. Ds was not interested in getting in trouble, and the "friend" thought that ds was pretty "boring" to hang around with, so he moved on.
I know some people think it is manipulative to influence your children's choice of friends, but I think they are children, and need our guidence to make choices they aren't mature enough to make on their own.
Anyhow, I just wanted to give you a big
, and also put my $.02 in.
Good Luck, HTH