What is appropriate allowance for 12yo? - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-12-2003, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our daughter is 12 and we're trying to figure out what type and how much allowance (if any) we should be giving her. What does everyone here do? Right now we put some money into a savings account, but it's money she's not allowed to use unless we have a discussion about what it's for, etc.

A large concern of ours is also that she runs and buys candy everytime we give her money and candy is something we really try to stay away from due to dental problems.

Any help is greatly appreciated!
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Old 04-12-2003, 05:17 PM
 
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My 12 yr old gets $10 a week. That's more than I got at that age. If I offer to take her places like swimming or skating she spends it on that, or saves up for clothes, but some of it still goes to junk. I hate that, but I don't feel like I should forbid it.
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:46 PM
 
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I think you have to ask yourself first off, what do you expect them to do with the allowance? I have an 11 y/o stepdaughter, so let me tell you some of the ?'s we asked ourself before we set her allowance.

First off...ask them what they think is fair (you may be AMAZINGLY surprised how little they want)

*What do you want them to do with it? Pay for all activities, only special activities, pay for no activities just have this be 'extra' $$$ for them.

*What will they do to earn it? IMO chores = allowance. Plain and simple you get paid at work...they should too.

*Do they get paid for grades?

*Do they 'lose' $$ for NOT doing their chores?

*Set rules: They may have the $$$, but you are still mommy and get the final say on what they can and can't do with it. This will take care of the candy issue.

Now, this is what we did. We only have my step daughter on weekends. Her chores are to make sure her room is clean before she leaves for the week, keep her bathroom clean (she is the ONLY one that uses it) and take the garbage out. I don't ask her to help around the house a lot because her mother is an every day of the week cleaner and I am a 'weekend' cleaner...so I don't think it is fair that she clean at Both houses, every single day of the week. She can earn extra $$$ by doing extra chores. With her $$$ we only expect her to use it for 'extra's'. Normal 11 y/o weekend activities like the movies, roller rink, we don't make her pay for. Extra's like spending cash when we go to fairs or things like that she pays for. Extra's like Gameboy games outside of 'gift giving season' she pays for. KWIM? She gets $5 per week. She starts junior high in a few months and her allowance will probably double if not triple when that happens. Also, we do deduct portions of her allowance if her chores are not done. she also gets paid QUITE WELL for her grades. She usually is never at a shortage for cash.
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Old 04-27-2003, 12:51 PM
 
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My ds is 12 and gets $7 /week (one dollar per grade). He is allowed to spend it anyway he wants. His allowance is not connected to his everyday chores: taking out garbage, emptying out dishwasher, taking care of his cat--feed, water, cat litter, keeping his room clean. Nor is his allowance connected to his grades.

He has a flyer delivery route that he makes ~ $100/month. At the moment he is allowed to spend $40/month and he is expected to save the rest (he has saved almost $1000 in a little over a year )

A good resource is this book http://www.makingallowances.com/index-fs.htm
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:29 PM
 
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we never connect allowence with chores. My dd is the type that would say "I just don't need th3e money that bad" and that isn't an option. And I don't get paid )or even thanked) for doing my chores so why should she. Also since it is gift they really have no grounds to ask for a raise.

I provide what my children need and thier allowance is for what ever they want. She actually donated her first allowance after wanting to spend it on everytihing in sight. I think candy is an OK thing to buy. It is good to learn lesons about money when you are young and things are still cheap and someone else is still feeding you rather than when you are older. The book "Parenting With Love and Logic " has some great things to say about allowance.

As for the amount I htink $5-$10 is appropriate for a 12 year old. It is enough to have a little fun, quickly adds up to enough to buy a special outfit/gadget or what have you, and isn't so much that they can get in a great deal of trouble.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 04-28-2003, 03:51 PM
 
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I would suggest looking into some of Neal Godfrey's books (not sure on the spelling of her name). She has written numerous books on teaching children responsibility with money. Think one may be called "Money Doesn't Grow on Trees" or something like that. Also "A Penny Saved, A Penny Earned" or something like that... Sorry I am not better with exact info. Do a little search on amazon and see what you find.

At our house, you do chores because you are a member of the family. No one pays me to grocery shop, make dinner, do laundry, feed the cat, etc. Dh doesn't get money for mowing the lawn. We all do what needs to be done to keep the house running, not to earn money. We also do not pay for grades. I would rather put the emphasis on the pride they feel when doing well in that area.

Our 6 year old get $4.50 a week allowance. $2 of that is mad money to spend any way she wants. $2 goes into her savings account at the bank for long term savings - something big down the road - a car when she is 16, college, ?, stuff like that. 50 cents goes into the charity box and when it is full she gets to choose where she wants to donate it.

At first, she wasted that $2 every week - junky toy at the grocery store or stickers or whatever (I also did not allow completely free choice - she couldn't buy stuff with her allowance that she was not allowed to have anyway - like pop - we don't allow her to have that, with our money or hers. But she quickly learned that if she wasted (I mean spent!) that $ on something little, that when she saw a book or toy or something else, she had to start from scratch to save up for that. She now saves all the time. Once she saw a toy that was $99. Don't think she even remembers what it was anymore but she has saved up $40 for it!

I give allowance so she'll learn how to spend money wisely, not as a reward for chores or grades or behavior. This learning happens quickest and will "stick" better if I keep my big mouth shut and let her make poor choices, learn, and then make better choices. I second the "Parenting with Love and Logic" book!!!!
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Old 04-28-2003, 04:02 PM
 
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My 12 y.o. gets $5 per week and $2 of that must be put in his savings for college, car, whatever. He can do what he wants with the other $3. Our kids are not paid for chores - you do those because you are part of the family. Our kids are not paid for good grades - good grades are a reward in themselves, recognition of the hard work he does and taking learning seriously. We pay for all of their necessities - clothes, supplies, etc. Allowance is for any "extras" they might want such as a cool t-shirt with your favorite band when you don't really need another shirt (our most recent example), or a CD. We don't pay too much so that they'll experience saving for a goal and prioritizing.
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