12 y.o. ds who intentionally pees on his carpet - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm at a loss for what to do. I want to strangle this child!!

He's been intentionally peeing on the carpet in his room. I went in their this morning & found a new spot on the floor by his bed. I woke him up, asking why he did it & his response was "I just didn't want to get up".

:

WHAT am I doing wrong??? How do I get through to him this is NOT acceptable behavior? I'm at my wits end with him. He knows better than to do this!!!!

Shannon
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#2 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 06:49 PM
 
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I have no idea what to say, that's totally out of bounds. Does he have any other issues going on?
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#3 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:18 PM
 
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Make him clean it up. Watch him get the rags and soaps himself, and stand there watching while he scrubs it out. Make him do it every time.

"Is spending this long cleaning it worth the time it saves to not make it to the bathroom?"

Maybe put an infant potty seat in his room, or offer to make him cloth diapers to wear around home and school, grind up vegetables to put on his dinner plate, restict all TV and Video games to Baby shows or something. If he wants to be a baby so bad.... :P

Both of those things would have put me in my place right away.
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#4 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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That's not acceptable for a 12 year old even with issues. I'd make him clean it up himself as well.

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#5 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:43 PM
 
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Besides the humiliating tactics suggested by snarfywarning (which will accomplish nothing but an escalation of tension and a deeper burying of the underlying cause), how would one go about 'making' the child clean it up?

I can see how this would be frustrating and disturbing behaviour. It seems to me there must be some underlying issues at play. Has he ever had issues with peeing the bed? Is he feeling powerless in any situations in his life? Does he like his bedroom? Is he depressed? Has he exhibited any other unusual behaviours recenly?
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#6 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamajama View Post
Besides the humiliating tactics suggested by snarfywarning, how would one go about 'making' the child clean it up?
In the same way I "made" my daughter clean up her stinky nasty room this morning - no TV, no playing outside, no nothing til it was done. It's not hard. She got it done in 30 minutes and is happy about it cause her room doesn't smell like butt.

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#7 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:57 PM
 
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buy him a mens urinal bottle to keep next to his bed from the medical needs isle if hes having such a problem "getting out of bed"

also, regardless of if its humliating or not.....make him clean it up...a 12yr old is old enough to know it is not acceptable and shouldnt be allowed to get away with it without having a concequence, if he did it in public and a cop caught him, there would be a consequence.
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#8 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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Call his Pediatrician and request some help, via a consultation with your son!! Something is wrong. Does he drink any caffeinated beverages? (increases urge to go) Isn't he embarrassed? Do his friends do this? Good luck.
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#9 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 09:08 PM
 
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Has he ever had bed wetting issues? Maybe they have come back and he's embarrassed.

I agree with making him clean it up, though. My kids clean their messes up whether it's an "accident" or not. (If it's an accident, I'll help them.)
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#10 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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I don't think humliating him is the right way to go about solving the problem.:

Recently I was cleaning the bathroom and leaned over the tub to turn on the water and smelled urine very very strongly, I looked around me and there were yellow spots ALL over the inside of the shower, walls, tub, faucet etc. I freaked the freak out and over reacted completley, but I was so darn surprised and upset to see that much urine.

My son admitted to having done it that morning, and I kept saying "why" and "what would make you do that" and "the toliet is right there, why did you do that" he just started crying and wouldn't answer me, I was very upset and probably handling the situation the wrong way, but I did make him clean it up. Gave him a sponge, some dr bronner in a bottle and told him to get busy.

After I calmed down and he was done cleaning, he told me that he didn't "mean" to do it, but his penis was "straight" and he couldn't make it pee in the toliet.

I was so embaressed for him, I didn't even THINK that could have been why he was doing that, I thought he was just being a naughty boy.
Of course I explained to him what was happening (actually we had talked about things before this, but it didn't hurt to repeat it) and everything was fine. But before that, I never even thought that an erection would be the reason why he couldn't or wouldn't pee in the toliet.

So maybe, just maybe its an issue he can't control but might be a lil too embaressed to tell you the real reason?
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#11 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 09:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
Make him clean it up. Watch him get the rags and soaps himself, and stand there watching while he scrubs it out. Make him do it every time.

"Is spending this long cleaning it worth the time it saves to not make it to the bathroom?"

Maybe put an infant potty seat in his room, or offer to make him cloth diapers to wear around home and school, grind up vegetables to put on his dinner plate, restict all TV and Video games to Baby shows or something. If he wants to be a baby so bad.... :P

Both of those things would have put me in my place right away.
That's terrifying. This kid could be having serious medical and/or psychological issues, and this treatment is absolutely cruel. For real, yikes.
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#12 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 09:52 PM
 
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definitely do NOT humiliate him! can you imagine if he actually has a medical or psychological problem and is using the "i didn't want to get up" card as an excuse to save himself the embarrasment of admitting his problem? that would be so awful for him to deal with.
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#13 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 09:57 PM
 
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I like the idea of the bottle next to the bed. I think its a good solution until you get to the drs or a therapist to find out why its happening.

Calmly and potlitely ask him to use it instead of the carpet. And calmly and politely remind him to clean up his mess if he misses. And give him all the tools he needs to clean. Just leave them in his room so he doesnt have to ask for them.

Humiliating is soooo not the way to go. Unless you want things to get worse, of course.
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#14 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama_bee View Post
definitely do NOT humiliate him! can you imagine if he actually has a medical or psychological problem and is using the "i didn't want to get up" card as an excuse to save himself the embarrasment of admitting his problem? that would be so awful for him to deal with.
I agree
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#15 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:14 PM
 
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I agree. A trip to the doctor, or a referral to a urologist, is in order here. Something is definitely going on and the whole shaming baby thing is way out of line, and, btw, sooooo not MDC.
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#16 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
Maybe put an infant potty seat in his room, or offer to make him cloth diapers to wear around home and school, grind up vegetables to put on his dinner plate, restict all TV and Video games to Baby shows or something. If he wants to be a baby so bad.... :P

Both of those things would have put me in my place right away.
OMG... are you serious?!

This kid has obviously got some kind of issue. Humiliating, debasing, and dehumanizing him is not going to do ANYTHING!

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#17 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DawnaRose View Post
After I calmed down and he was done cleaning, he told me that he didn't "mean" to do it, but his penis was "straight" and he couldn't make it pee in the toliet.

I was so embaressed for him, I didn't even THINK that could have been why he was doing that, I thought he was just being a naughty boy.
Of course I explained to him what was happening (actually we had talked about things before this, but it didn't hurt to repeat it) and everything was fine. But before that, I never even thought that an erection would be the reason why he couldn't or wouldn't pee in the toliet.
OMG, poor guy! He must've been so embarrassed! I feel for you, mama.

You might want to tell him to try walking around in circles for a bit to try and calm the penis down. My DP swears by it

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#18 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:20 PM
 
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ITA with the others (except snarfywarning.) Take him to the dr and rule out physical causes. Getting him a portable urinal in the meantime is also a good idea.

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#19 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:28 PM
 
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What the OP said was her sonsaid was "I didnt want to get up"

which to ME means

"I am too lazy to get up in the middle of night and use the bathroom"

I have no reason to think her son is covering for anything else, just that he is lazy. I wish that I could just pee on the ground sometimes, instead of getting out of bed, and I don't have any "issues" but I dont want to have to clean it up, and I am not a baby who doesnt have a choice, so I make the extra effort to get out of bed.

It was not my intent to make him feel bad for some underlying problem, that was only a solution to "lazyness" not some scary urinary tract or emotional issue.
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#20 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:35 PM
 
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What the OP said was her sonsaid was "I didnt want to get up"

which to ME means

"I am too lazy to get up in the middle of night and use the bathroom"
Even if it is "just laziness," having him wear cloth diapers to school and forcing him to eat baby food is SHAMING and DEGRADING him. How is it okay to treat anyone that way, especially a child? Frankly, I'm shocked that you think this is appropriate.
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#21 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
What the OP said was her sonsaid was "I didnt want to get up"

which to ME means

"I am too lazy to get up in the middle of night and use the bathroom"

To me it could mean "I am really embarrassed and I don't want to talk about it." I have found sometimes kids say stuff like that when they aren't ready to come out and talk about what's really bothering them.
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#22 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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I really dont think the diapers would get as far as school. The typical lazy preteen would shape up the second they were passed a nappy. Not that you would force a 12 year old into a diaper anyways, notice i said "Offer to make him diapers to wear around home and school" OFFER as in "If you dont wanna go in the pot, here is an alternate choice!" I also said "put ground up veggies on his dinner plate" instead of green beans, he gets green bean puree. I didnt say "Feed him only crappy processed baby rice!" You need to brush up on your reading comprehension.

This is a 12 year old we are talking about. Pretty much a teenager. Not some toddler who doesn't know right from wrong.
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#23 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 10:57 PM
 
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I'm assuming that this is an issue and only an issue during the night as you have not mentioned that he is too lazy at school or during waking hours to use the bathroom, and with that said, I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him...my daughter is 11 and I know for a fact that she would be able to share her feelings, fears, physical concerns, if any.

I agree with the poster who said to see an Urologist-there are so many tests they can run to see if this is a medical issue. You know there is the possibility that your son is what he tells you, lazy with no other reason! If that's the case then staying calm is the answer...I know, easier said than done!
Please let us know how he's doing and I certainly hope it all turns out fine for all!
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#24 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:08 PM
 
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I agree with the other ladies of going to see a doctor/counciler. I think there might be an underlying cause that might be embarrassing for him.
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#25 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:12 PM
 
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I really dont think the diapers would get as far as school. The typical lazy preteen would shape up the second they were passed a nappy. Not that you would force a 12 year old into a diaper anyways, notice i said "Offer to make him diapers to wear around home and school" OFFER as in "If you dont wanna go in the pot, here is an alternate choice!" I also said "put ground up veggies on his dinner plate" instead of green beans, he gets green bean puree. I didnt say "Feed him only crappy processed baby rice!" You need to brush up on your reading comprehension.

This is a 12 year old we are talking about. Pretty much a teenager. Not some toddler who doesn't know right from wrong.
It's startling that you truly think that this is an acceptable response to this issue. It's even more bizarre that you think I was appalled at offering him "crappy processed baby rice." Just...wow.
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#26 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:24 PM
 
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Glad to be the startling one in this conversation. :P

I said "Offer to make him diapers" and you said "Force him to wear it to school"
I said "Mashed of Vegetables" and you said "Baby Food"

I am just trying to clarify things a little bit for you, since I think that you arn't quite grasping what I am suggesting.

So here it is again, so you can all stop crucifing me

1. Have him clean up his pee, instead of you (if you are cleaning it up for him) Maybe if he knows that he has to clean it up, he will make the extra effort to get to the bathroom.

2. -If he can't get up to take a leak, give him an potty and a diaper.
-If he can't get up to take a leak, he can't get up to watch TV or play video games.
-If he is truely JUST doing this because he is lazy, and he is "acting like a baby" instead of the teenager he nearly is, then treat him like a "baby"

He will get the point, and he will get it fast. It isnt rubbing his nose in it, it isnt dehumanizing to offer him a diaper or pureed vegetables if he wants to "be a baby" The kid is twelve years old, he has been potty trained for like ten years, and he is just now getting into the lazy teenager phase.

I have no reason to think that children would lie to their parents. If my kid tells me "I didn't want to get up" it means "I didnt wanna get up" I have no reason to not trust her childs word.
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#27 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:30 PM
 
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Glad to be the startling one in this conversation. :P

I said "Offer to make him diapers" and you said "Force him to wear it to school"
I said "Mashed of Vegetables" and you said "Baby Food"

I am just trying to clarify things a little bit for you, since I think that you arn't quite grasping what I am suggesting.

So here it is again, so you can all stop crucifing me

1. Have him clean up his pee, instead of you (if you are cleaning it up for him) Maybe if he knows that he has to clean it up, he will make the extra effort to get to the bathroom.

2. -If he can't get up to take a leak, give him an potty and a diaper.
-If he can't get up to take a leak, he can't get up to watch TV or play video games.
-If he is truely JUST doing this because he is lazy, and he is "acting like a baby" instead of the teenager he nearly is, then treat him like a "baby"

He will get the point, and he will get it fast. It isnt rubbing his nose in it, it isnt dehumanizing to offer him a diaper or pureed vegetables if he wants to "be a baby" The kid is twelve years old, he has been potty trained for like ten years, and he is just now getting into the lazy teenager phase.

I have no reason to think that children would lie to their parents. If my kid tells me "I didn't want to get up" it means "I didnt wanna get up" I have no reason to not trust her childs word.
Where do you even come up with this sick crap? What makes you think it would be a GOOD IDEA? OMG! *checks address bar* Yep, still MDC.. WTF?

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#28 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:34 PM
 
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Because it works.

ohnoes! Make him take responsibility for his actions, and clean up his own pee.

ohnoes! Offer him a diaper and a potty, because he is being a lazy preteen and is acting like a toddler.

I don't assume that children are liars, so I see no need to take him to get evaluated or take him to 1290830 doctors to get his penis checked for abnomalities, when he just told his mom what is wrong with him.

No need to get hostile and uppity, Ladies, she doesn't have to take my suggestions.
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#29 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:34 PM
 
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Snarfy, our reading comprehension is just fine, thank you.

I think you need to brush up on gentle discipline.
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#30 of 104 Old 11-20-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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Snarfy, our reading comprehension is just fine, thank you.
I said that because a PP said that I said force him to wear diapers to school and feed him baby food, when I infact, did not.
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