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Help me with two brothers, and a child care situation

1K views 17 replies 10 participants last post by  zipworth 
#1 ·
I take care of 5 children, ranging in age from 1 year to 11 years. I am an early childhood educator by choice, bu I also have training as a school teacher. I really enjoy the little ones I care for, and I have a nice rythym to our day. I feel somewhat stressed however, when the two brothers come after school.

The younger brother is very easy to care for mostly, he is a little young for his age, but he will play for a long time with my three year old son, is very imaginative and easy to get him interested in just about any activity. He is 9 years old. The oldre brother is the one I struggle with. He is somewhat moody and passive aggressive towards his younger brother. There are times when he is overtly aggressive towards his younger brother.He gets bored easily and depends on someone else to entertain him. Here is a typical situation: younger brother is playing with lego. Older brother, after playing on the computer for 1/2 hour will start requesting that his brother play some competitive game with him. Younger brother has very limited coping skills in any competitve situation. Every time they play a game together it ends up with the younger brother having a screaming meltdown. So, younger brother wisely declines. This results in older brother doing some aggressive act towards his younger brother, as 'payback' for not playing with him. I intervene at this point, chastising the older brotherin some way for whatever he has done to the younger brother. Then it usually ends up with me playing whatever game with the older boy. Bear in mind I have 3 toddlers that are needing my attention, as it is the end of the day and they are tired and cranky (as am I). The last thing I want to be doing is playing one on one soccer! But, I don't see any other way really. The younger brother refuses to play with the older brother anything competitive. Older brother is not into the creative and crafty things the younger brother is. I cannot always be his substitute playmate. Does anyone have any comments or suggestions for me?
I have a no T.V. rule in my house during daycare hours, I don't think he should just play on the computer the whole time, and I have spent a lot of money on activities that I think older brother will enjoy, only to have him bored of them within minutes. Help!
 
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#3 ·
Can he be a "helper"? Some kids like to be needed, so they can help put away the blocks, wipe the tables, play peek-a-boo with the babies, etc. . .

How do the parents treat them? I would guess that some of this is coming from home. However, it could just be a great way to get attention.

Time-outs in a gated area? Hmmm. . .
 
#4 ·
I have a childcare in my home.

Until two years ago, I took grade schoolers after school. I live in Arizona, so my climate is very different this time of year.

My experience is, that the older kids have been in school all day, and need three things.

LOTS of food. You would think the school doesn't ever feed them.

Time to roughhouse.

Time to just chill out.

I had a no tv rule too. But, the parents asked me to let them eat, then lay on the floor and watch at least one show. SO, I did. Their attitudes really changed.

Then, they also played outside most of the time. They could play with the neighbor kids, but only in front of my house, and one house on either side of me. So, they had a three house radius. They played football mostly, but they would wrestle in the neighbors front yard.

They got grass stains, and sweaty, but they were happy and ready to go home at 6:00.

The major differences for me were that I had teacher's kids during the day, so all the little kids were gone by 3:30. I had more time to check on them, although I didn't stay outside with them the whole time.

It is AZ, so the doors were open, I could hear & see them.

There were five of them, all in the same grade. (I had them until 6th grade) They had grown up together, and they played together even on the weekends. Even the neighbor kids were in the same grade. I would not allow this if the child was under fourth grade though. (depending on your area)

GAWD I miss those times, and those kids!!!!!
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I have a childcare in my home.

Until two years ago, I took grade schoolers after school. I live in Arizona, so my climate is very different this time of year.

My experience is, that the older kids have been in school all day, and need three things.

LOTS of food. You would think the school doesn't ever feed them.

Time to roughhouse.

Time to just chill out.

I had a no tv rule too. But, the parents asked me to let them eat, then lay on the floor and watch at least one show. SO, I did. Their attitudes really changed.

Then, they also played outside most of the time. They could play with the neighbor kids, but only in front of my house, and one house on either side of me. So, they had a three house radius. They played football mostly, but they would wrestle in the neighbors front yard.

They got grass stains, and sweaty, but they were happy and ready to go home at 6:00.

The major differences for me were that I had teacher's kids during the day, so all the little kids were gone by 3:30. I had more time to check on them, although I didn't stay outside with them the whole time.

It is AZ, so the doors were open, I could hear & see them.

There were five of them, all in the same grade. (I had them until 6th grade) They had grown up together, and they played together even on the weekends. Even the neighbor kids were in the same grade. I would not allow this if the child was under fourth grade though. (depending on your area)

GAWD I miss those times, and those kids!!!!!
That sounds so lovely.


I really want a similar situation for my childcare. Problem is, younger brother is intimidated of older brother physically. I love rough and tumble play, but these two have some aggressor/victim issues stemming from a less than ideal family situation that has since been resolved, but issues are still lingering. Don't get me wrong however, these boys are GOLDEN in my books. Really wonderful kids.

I agree with the food thing. Enery week I plan menues and ask them what they would like. I have some healthy food guidelines but I do compromise a little so they enjoy what they are eating.

The T.V. thing is one I keep waffling on. There are no neighbors around for them to play with, so sometimes their options are limited. I love outdoor play, but sometimes the older boy wants one on one soccor when it isn't feasable (Crying toddlers demanding attention). So, what to do? I told all my parents I am a T.V. free household while the children are in my care. Would it be o.k. for me to have the T.V. on just for the school-aged kids?I have to admit I am VERY tempted to get my cable hooked back up for the winter!
 
#7 ·
I would come up with a list of things for him to do. When he's bored and getting agressive give him a chioce between 3 activities. I won't do one on one like that unless I only have one child awake or the other kids are all occupied. How old is he? Is he almost ready to age out of your program? I have an almost 12 year old girl in my program that gets bored. I hand her a broom and have her help me clean up. Sometimes I pay her a little to do chores. She's thrilled to have something to do, and her mom can't afford to give her an allowance so she loves getting the spending money from me. I paid her $5 on friday to watch the toddler for me (dh was here taking over daycare so I could go to a funeral but he's injured and can't chase the 1yo). I have her work side by side with me, and I talk to her one on one alot like this. I probably know more about her than her own mother does. We've become really close. I'd try to keep the brothers are separate as possible as well. He should feel VERY fortunate to get to play computer games. DCKs here aren't allowed to touch our computers.
 
#8 ·
I agree with MoonDiapers, see if you can get him to do some chores for a bit of cash or something. Also, what about homework??? While I agree he probably needs a bit of veg-out time after school before tackling any homework, he's old enough that he should have homework just about every night. SD has two pages of math, spelling and sometimes other projects to work on and she's in gr.5. This kid is gr.7 right? By the time he's starting to get agressive with his little brother it's probably time to get the homework out.
 
#9 ·
I love the chores idea! Love it!!! You guys are so smart!!!!

Older brother is excellent at doing his homework,as is younger brother. They are both top of their class, and whip through their homework in about 1/2 hour, I am not kidding. These kids are really, really smart. The older boy even works on homework that isn't due until the end of the week. I only have to tell him once, they go right to it.It's unreal. I wish they took a long time to do their homework! I certainly did not have their work ethic when I was their age
.

What do you guys think about the TV thing? And, why no computers? I think I would go crazy trying to occupy this kid if it weren't for the computer!
:

Thanks so much and keep the suggestions coming!
 
#11 ·
I wanted to add that I've taught the kids how to play solitaire with real cards, they each have a sketch book, colored pencils, and a composition book for writing stories. I have a fish game with story starters in it that is great.
 
#12 ·
Is the older brother in any organized sport? He seems old enough to be busy after school with practices and such - he would get his competitive/physical activity fix and little brother would get a break.
 
#13 ·
The older brother is on a short list for our National Junior Soccer team. He is one of these kids that will only try things he knows he can excel in. He is very, very bright, but seems to lack imagination. He gets bored very easily. He is somewhat distant and hard to connect with. He knows how to play solitaire, but wants entertainment. He doesn't like to do art activities because he doesn't feel he is good at it, so it is not 'fun'. There is a lot going on inside his head, but he is really hard to reach. His younger brother is emotionally young for his age, but very, very imaginative. This I can work with! It is so fun to plan activities for the younger brother because he is so interested in everything. He loves to play with my three year old too, so we all love it when he is here. I am trying very hard not to choose favourites here, but it is so hard when the older brother is 'bored' and nasty to his younger brother. I really feel all children are beautiful and lovable, but when you can't engage them in a meaningful relationship it is hard to establish any kind of rapport with them. Whoa! I think I spend too much time doing armchair psychology!
:

I guess I will try to do the chore thing, and do you have any more info on your 'fish' game?

Oh, by the way, they both say they hate reading too
. Another reason why I like to start with them young, so I can bombard them with books and indoctrinate them with my love of reading
. I don't usually take them in this old, I agreed to take care of them as an exception for a very good friend
.
 
#14 ·
Hi Zipworth!

This child sound like my son, who is almost 13. I'm not sure about your charge, but my son craves order and is very bright. This may not apply, but my son doesn't transition well. He also comes unglued if the rules change...... (you might need to know that so that my suggestions make sense!!!)

I do have a few suggestions. Playing cards is great idea. My son loves card games. You mentioned that he liked the computer - how about finding a website that describes different types of card games.

You said he gets bored easily due to lack of imagination - he might enjoy board games. My son plays Risk endlessly. And he plays it by himself! Which is what you need. He enjoys controlling the pieces and playing war.

Since you have a computer - you might want to try Monopoly tycoon. My bright child LOVES this game. He also loves chess. I know that chess and monopoly are games that require two players - but if he plays on the computer - he can play by himself.

I also second the chore idea. But it has to be the sort of chore that appeals to him so that it's fun. Since you said he is smart - maybe he likes order - how about having him clean out the plastic drawer and match all the bowls to the lids. If he likes to cook - let him make the snack for his little brother.

I do like the idea of having him hang out with you - it might help with getting closer to him.

These boys do sound like great kids.

Good luck!
 
#15 ·
The game is called "Fish Stories" It's a crayola rocket minds game. There is a fish pond with different colored plastic fish in it. Each blue fish has a noun on it, green are verbs, red are adjectives and purple are adverbs. It comes with a composition book with a story starter on the top of each page. I have them each write in their own composition book from the store though. I found some that have the top half of the page blank for illustrating the stories. You have them pick a story starter, then they randomly pick a fish from each color section of the pond and use those words in their story. Each time they start to get stumped they pick new fish. The stories they come up with are hillarious!!!
 
#16 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by zipworth View Post
Here is a typical situation: younger brother is playing with lego. Older brother, after playing on the computer for 1/2 hour will start requesting that his brother play some competitive game with him. Younger brother has very limited coping skills in any competitve situation. anyone have any comments or suggestions for me?
I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like the computer is a trigger for the older boy, so don't let him on the computer.
 
#17 ·
I agree with an earlier post that physical exercise is critical for young boys coming out of school. I know both of my children benefit greatly from 20 minutes outside doing something, anything. Maybe you could incorporate the chore thing with something outside.

soon snow will be here. Clearing driveways, walkways etc.. removing ice. Things of that nature. I used to ask my son to shovel all around the mailbox for the mailman. Maybe raking leaves, gardening. Anything outside that has to do with some landscaping activity.
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmcarons View Post
I agree with an earlier post that physical exercise is critical for young boys coming out of school. I know both of my children benefit greatly from 20 minutes outside doing something, anything. Maybe you could incorporate the chore thing with something outside.

soon snow will be here. Clearing driveways, walkways etc.. removing ice. Things of that nature. I used to ask my son to shovel all around the mailbox for the mailman. Maybe raking leaves, gardening. Anything outside that has to do with some landscaping activity.
Excellent! I am writing theses down. I can't believe all the help and great suggestions. I am very appreciative
 
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