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Curfew for 16 yo DD

1K views 17 replies 16 participants last post by  Jessy1019 
#1 ·
DD just got drivers license and want s to ge everywhere which I understand.

We have not given her a curfew before this because either we had to go pick her up or she caught a ride with another parent and she came home when the "event" was over. Now it will work differently I think.

Anyway, any BTDT folks out there have advice or just what worked for them?
 
#4 ·
We are in Kansas. They can get an instructional permit at 14 and a permit that will allow them to go from school or work home. She has been driving with supervision for a year and a half. I feel pretty good about her ability. It is the other crazy people out there that worry me. And what happens with others in the car. Right now she is limited (by us)to one passenger.

She just called and wanted an excuse (from me) to come home. I just told her to come home because I said so.
 
#5 ·
The legal curfew of your city aside, can you just touch bases with each other when she is going to be out to decide what you all think would be the best time? Like "Hey mom I am going to xyz tonight. I was thinking about coming back around 11? Cool or no?" And etc.
 
#7 ·
My kids are 16 and 17, and they are expected home at midnight unless I hear otherwise. In our state, curfew on the week-ends is midnight, with exclusions for coming home from work, etc. I have never seen this enforced, and on the few occasions they ask if they can stay out later, I let them. They are both safe, careful drivers, and traffic between our house and the places they hang is extremely light.
 
#8 ·
When I was a teen ( not too long ago
) I never had a 'curfew'. My mother expected to know where I was going, who I expected to see, what time I planned ot be back, etc... but no set time. This was great so on a weekend or something, if I was out with a friend shopping or whatever, if we randomly decided to see a movie or go out to dinner and mom was expecting me I could just giver her a call and let her know. I wasn't in trouble, and she wasn't worried.

I think knowing where she is, who she's with, what she's doing, and what time she expects to be home works a lot better than 'free for all till midnight'
kwim?
 
#9 ·
When I got my license (16), I didnt have my own car so I my curfew was more like, "Okay, be back after work." My parents knew the approximate time I would be back from work and that was that.

At 17, I bought my car and still pretty much went by the same rules on school nights. I knew my parens wouldnt want me out past, say, 10. On weekends, I dont think I was ever out past 11:30 or midnight unless a bunch of us went to the drive in movie.

It honestly wasnt an issue in my house. I knew when I would be pushing the curfew limit and we (parents and myself) only had a couple of problems when I thought Id slip under the radar.

Best advice I have is to sit down and talk to your dd. Find a time you both agree on. If she wants a later time than you feel is appropriate, ask why. I would think that midnight is late enough on the weekends AND you need to know where she is going to be. I dont know her extra curricular activites so I cant say what time would be best for school nights.
 
#10 ·
I don't have a teenager, but I really liked what my parents did when I was a teen. I did not have a standing curfew. Any night I was going out I had to tell them where I was going, who would be there, and how late I expected things to go. Then we agreed upon a time based on the event in question. So some nights I had to be home by 10, others I wasn't expected until 2am. If plans changed I had to call them and let them know I was somewhere else (and this was before cell phones so it could be a bit of a pain but I still managed to do it). If I was going to get home later than expected, I also just called.

I liked this method because it wasn't arbitrary. My parents got lots of details about how I was spending my time and in exchange I got a certain amount of trust and freedom. Frankly, I didn't abuse this trust because we had a system of mutual respect.
 
#11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by whitedoyle View Post
We are in Kansas. They can get an instructional permit at 14 and a permit that will allow them to go from school or work home. She has been driving with supervision for a year and a half. I feel pretty good about her ability. It is the other crazy people out there that worry me. And what happens with others in the car. Right now she is limited (by us)to one passenger.

She just called and wanted an excuse (from me) to come home. I just told her to come home because I said so.

This doesn't sound like a kid who needs a fixed curfew. My parents did as the PP's have suggested and made the time I needed to be home relevant to what I was doing, with a caveat that they needed to know where I was going and what I was doing. I think the where and what are more important than an arbitrary cinderella-esque curfew. Curfews are great for dealing with large numbers of teens at once (like when I lived in a dorm in high school, or in the military for junior personnel, or even for cities in which teen behavior lat at night is a problem thing).

For your individual kid, a curfew is probably both unneccesary and unwarranted.
 
#12 ·
I personally feel like no good can come from being out past midnight. I have had several friends who lost their teens to various accidents, including one road rage incident. ALL of them happened between 12:30 and 1:30. A.M.

I know that is a sweeping statement that bad things only happen after midnight, but I don't mean it that way. I just mean that in my experience, that seems to be the bad time of night for teens.

These accidents didn't just end one life. It ended one, and completely altered MANY more. SO, my child will come home by midnight. But, That also happens to be the curfew in the city anyway. Not that anyone enforces it.
 
#13 ·
I would say no driving past dark, unless there is a special reason and she clears it with you. Midnight seems too late. Plus night time driving can be tricky and requires more practise. Also I would limit the number of people she has in the car with her, and lay down rules about talking on cell phones while driving(if you ask me this should be illegal).
 
#14 ·
As others have said, my rule was that mom knew where I was and who I was with. We agreed on a time I was to leave to come home. That way there was no rushing to get home for a set time.

Usually I was driving from where ever across town to bring my BF (now DH) home and then driving back across town to my house.
: He was worth all of the driving though
 
#15 ·
Some great advice out there. Thank-you for your input.

For now I think we will go with the "let me know where you are at all times" philosophy. Santa is bringing her a cell phone this year, so that will make it all easier. That is unless she talks and drives!

Happy Day!
 
#18 ·
I like (and will use) my mom's approach.

I never had a curfew. As long as I told my mom where I was going and when I planned to be home, she was happy. I called if I was going to be late -- now she tells me I called too excessively (like if I was only 5-10 minutes late), but I knew I had a lot of freedom and I didn't want to lose it.

I think this is better than having a set curfew.
 
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