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The Hair Wars

3K views 38 replies 29 participants last post by  UUMom 
#1 ·
Someone tell me to back off my kid. She has the *most* beautiful ringlets I've ever seen on a kid. And what does she do?!?!? SHe mashes them them down as much as possible, lamenting she does not want any poofiness. When she just brushes and lets hair do what it wants, it takes my breath away. I love it. Today after her sleepover for her 13th birthday, she came downstairs with her hair the way I love. I wanted to go to Red Lobster (my ever so guilty pleasure) and just wanted to get out of the house. It's messy from the sleepover and overall lack of cleaning the last month or so. I only wanted this little piece- to see her with that hair and have a nice meal. She flips out, begs to take a shower so she can mash her hair down. I plead. She pleads. I finally just said we'll stay home. Now we're both miserable because we love Red Lobster (there's plenty of food in the house...) but feel we need to stay our ground. Am I being that unreasonable? I'll pm a pic if you want to see what I'm talking about...
 
#27 ·
My daughter loves to color her hair. She has doen this many, many times since around age 10 and a half or so. She is now 13 and a half. She told me she plans to grow it out, then dye it then put colorful streaks in it. It changes so often. She cut her own bangs right after she said she was going to let it grow. It is a way for her to express herself! Sallie
 
#28 ·
at 28, i still have very vivid memories of coming home from at slumber party at 12 yrs old with cornrows. i knew it looked bad, but we'd had fun doing each others hair and i had no intentions of keeping them in more than a day. when i entered the house, the first thing my mom said was, "that's the ugliest you've ever looked." later i cried b/c mothers shouldn't say things like that. and she did.
i know OP has gotten plenty of good advice and figured things out already, i just wanted to share that story to say it sticks with you. things my mom said and did during my early teen years still haunt me. don't get me wrong, we have a great relationship and she's quite a woman/mom/grandma/wife, but we had some rocky times and i remember them.
 
#29 ·
My DS has curly, puffy hair that is naturally blonde still at age 11. He hates his hair, combs it straight and wears a skullcap to bed to keep it from puffing out in his sleep (pretty smart)

I actually put a relaxer on his hair (I'm a hair stylist) and tried to help him achieve the look he wanted, he still has waves. I think I'll get him a flat iron and teach him to use it.

I'm glad you went to Red Lobster
 
#30 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
How could we hold it against you, you took the criticism so graciously!
I'm glad you went, I love cheese biscuits, yum.
We don't have Red Lobster here, and I fell in love with the cheese biscuits when we were visiting my in-laws. DH has learned to make them - they're not exactly the same, but really close!
 
#31 ·
Red Lobster, Kathy, your a woman after my own heart,
for that is our favorite restaurant!

Kidding aside, I couldn't wait to get home from our daughter's first band concert this evening just to say that I'm with ya on this one!

My 11 yo daughter has to straighten her ( with a straightener ) beautiful long wavy hair everyday before school because she prefers the way it looks. We allow enough time in the mornings to do this, but there are days when her hair isn't straight enough, if you know what I mean?


But then I'm reminded of how I would always long for stick-straight hair when I was in high school and how I would manipulate the hair brush to achieve the style,
so with that said, she continues to straighten her hair and I continue to tell her that she looks gorgeous with her natural wave and with her preferred style...boy can I relate to this!!
 
#32 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by momuveight2B View Post
I had so many awful haircuts when I was a child
: always to make somebody happy.

I swore I would never do that to my kids. The only rule I have for hair is that it is clean.
I even had awful haircuts as an adult!

My mother is STILL trying to control my hair. I finally got her to stop but it was hard.

I have the clean hair rule too.
 
#33 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I actually put a relaxer on his hair (I'm a hair stylist) and tried to help him achieve the look he wanted, he still has waves. I think I'll get him a flat iron and teach him to use it.

I couldn't live without my flat iron. Honestly.

And my daughter has crazy curly hair that I straighten for her sometimes, too. If it makes her feel better about herself, then I'm going to help. Certainly not going to fight her into "appreciating" her unruly hair. LOL

If your boy will use a flat iron, I say go for it.
 
#34 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by marybethorama View Post
I even had awful haircuts as an adult!

My mother is STILL trying to control my hair. I finally got her to stop but it was hard.

I have the clean hair rule too.

This is the biggest problem with my 14 yr old...he has unruly, big, coarse curly hair...and I'd let him wear it big and curly and long (think Afro-style on the most anglo kid you've ever seen) IF he'd keep it clean...but he won't.

I know 14 yr old boys aren't well known for their hygiene practices, but it's awful...he was always scratching his head...I told him if he couldn't take care of his hair, I was going to make him cut it.

And he didn't wash it for two weeks...so I made him cut it. He takes much better care of his hair now, and he is free to grow it out again.
 
#35 ·
My 10 year old dd also has thick, curly hair. She wears it in a pony tail most days. Some days she will ask me to flat iron her hair, which I happily do(we have to allow plenty of time - it takes quite a while). Her hair looks great curly or straight to me.

Our hair wars have thankfully ended in the last year, as she has finally started to brush her hair effectively. Up until the last year she would get large tangles underneath because she would not brush the underneath well enough. We spent many hours detangling and used lots of leave in conditioner.
 
#36 ·
I agree with all the PPs who say "it's her hair", but I think you have come to an understanding with your DD about this anyway
Glad to hear it!!!

I have always had stick-straight, dirty blonde "hippie hair"-thats what my hairdresser calls it, hippie hair. I used to hate that it was so "flat" and I wanted it to have more body and curl. I think preteens and teenagers will always find something they want to change about their appearance!!! I also went through MANY hair colors. including some botched ones I did myself


Once I got out of college, I finally realized it looks the best natural.... long and straight in my case...maybe someday she will like hers too!
 
#37 ·
Kathy, apparently you found something that resonates here!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Look at it this way - 10 years from now, do you want your dd to have nice memories of the two of you bonding over cheese biscuits...?


My daughter has my hair
(sorry, just a little vain here!), and it's lonnng and luxurious and beautiful. I desperately would like to be able to brush it and braid it and put it in cute pig tails and put clips on in ways I just know would look lovely. But dd has never let me play with her hair. It is heartbreaking! I knew it wasn't good to nag her about this (her hair and everything) and I got so frustrated that a couple of years ago I just stopped reminding her to take care of her hair, and she wasn't properly brushing her hair. She finally got a HUGE rats nest at the base of her neck. She was desperate and asked for help combing it out. I tried conditioner, detangle spray and olive oil, and got some of the knot undone, but eventually I ended up cutting quite a bit out. So now she has a section of hair at the base of her neck that's a good 4 inches shorter than the rest. But she takes much better care. Now, if only she'd wash it more often!


Quote:

Originally Posted by Dar View Post
Yeah, it is her hair. Sorry... I have hair issues with Rain, too, there are ways to fix it that look gorgeous but doesn't like. Generally she'll wear her hair in ways I like for my birthday or Mother's Day, although not if we leave the house. It's a cheap gift... you could ask.


dar
I love this idea!
 
#38 ·
Go easy on her mama! I STILL have issues with my hair (and I'm 34) because my mom forced me to have my hair a certain way. I was motified! I was completely humiliated. (BTW - besides this, my mom is the best - EVER - so she had a flaw!
) Also, tell her what you told us - she'll understand better why you have such strong feelings!
 
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