My daughter stole my savings and was taking out my wages for a year!! - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 99 Old 12-20-2006, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
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Well, my sis is struggling with what is happening with her daughter. Today, she told me she needs me to help her because she just wants someone to tell her she can "leave this earth". Please mamas, please help me, where can I take her. We are in T.O. Ont. Can.

I need somewhere right now. You know if we go to the Dr. it's a ref. from the family Dr. to a specialist who doesn't specialize or even understand. I need some kind of group like alanon (but alcohol is not the problem) to help her right now!!

I'm lost, she needs help today, please help me.

My sis is the mom of the daughter who stole everything (identity theft). Please help me.
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#92 of 99 Old 12-20-2006, 06:59 PM
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Call there, and they can give you suggestions and refer you to more resources.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#93 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 11:47 AM
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How is everything, brenlo3?

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#94 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 11:50 AM
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I'm so sorry, brenlo3. I'm from Toronto. You can call the Distress Centre for advice, or there is a mobile mental health crisis team that can come out and visit you. I forget the name, but the Distress Centre will know.

This is so sad. I'm so sorry for your sis, and her daughter.

Especially given that the debt could be relieved via an identity theft conviction, I would be very inclined to call the police myself, personally. You know better than I, of course.
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#95 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 12:16 PM
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i bet that girl is selling pot.
is her "work" in a central location?
because if she's had her own money in the past from her 'job', she's getting it somewhere. and if she's overweight, it could be the munchies. and if every time she smokes her stock she bails herself out using her mom's money, that would explain how she's spent so much, so fast. if she needs to have a cell phone so badly... everything you've written has convinced me more and more that this girl is selling weed.
being canadian, involving the police won't do anything, but she needs to be held accountable.
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#96 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 03:16 PM
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I think josybear is right. Absolutely spot on. It explains everything. Even the abusive girlfriend...girlfriend beats her up when she smokes her stock or doesn't meet some quota.

***A lot of colleges here in the U.S. (I realize that you are in Canada) have FREE counceling offered by their Psychology departments to help the training of their students. The FREE councelling offered for students, non-students, children, children with dissabilities, and families etc. And at my University they were practically begging for families to come in for councelling b/c they needed real life experience for the family counceling students. Each student has a Professor mentor, so if the case subject is especially difficult the student has someone to go to for help.

Please, please call your local university, it cant hurt to try. B/c its FREE! For days, weeks, months, whatever.

Even if you have to drive an hour to get there. In my humble opinion, I believe that this entire family, Grandpa on down, needs some councelling. Too much has happened. Too many lives have been affected. Much too much...this is all so sad.

If it were me, I would at least be pressing charges at least against this "girlfriend." The daughter might get off with minimal charges (probation,fines) b/c she can claim that she was coerced and has a mental dissability that the girlfriend exploited ??? I am not a lawyer, but I would definitely call one.
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#97 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 05:59 PM
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she wrote her mother a letter saying she wasn't gay it was just an experience.(which I think she thinks is what her mother wanted to here: and I must admit my sister is ultra conservative and miught be true.)

Reading this it comes as no suprise to me that this young woman is self harming and lashing out at her mom. Your remark here means to me that your sis has given her daughter (either directly or indirectly) the message that being gay isn't OK with her and/or OK at all. I've worked with hundreds of kids who "suprisingly" begin to act out just at the time they are coming out, usually due to some internalized hatred/prejudice that comes from our culture, yes, but more potently from their families.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I hope your niece gets both the help and consequences she obviously needs.

I don't know how the system works in Canada, but in the US, your niece would be considered an adult and, unless she was a "danger to herself or others" could not be put into any kind of program by anyone other than herself. Even if your sister did get a mental health hold put on her, it would expire in 72 hours.

Me : living with and loving papa and the kids: Dd1 8/97 , dd2 8/04 and my sweet baby ds 5/09 : :
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#98 of 99 Old 12-21-2006, 07:52 PM
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First things first, you need to protect yourself from identity theft and further fraud.

1. Get a copy of your credit report. This is free from any of the credit bureaus, provided you do not also want your credit score (finding out your credit score costs money). If you go to, there are instructions for requesting the information. This is a good idea to do annually, even if you have no reason to suspect anything wrong. Your credit report will tell you about credit cards and utility accounts in your name.

2. Change the lock on the mailbox or rent a P.O. box. Do not give your daughter a key. Have statements, credit card bills, etc., sent to the P.O. box if you rent one.

3. Go to your bank with ID, and request that all outstanding ATM cards on your accounts be cancelled. Have them issue new ones, to be held at the bank for you to pick up. Stress that you and only you will be picking them up. While you are there, check with them about what address they have on record for you. Is it your home address? If not, where is it? What about identifying information - mother's maiden name, etc.? Can you specify a new question for them to ask to verify your identity, one to which only you know the answer? When should you receive a monthly statement? In future, if you do not receive monthly statements, call the bank and ask for copies. Examine the statements every month to be sure there are no charges you do not recognize.

4. If you know the ex-girlfriend's (current girlfriend's?) name, it wouldn't hurt to run a google search on her either. A search on will turn up her past and current addresses. ( is an evil, privacy-destroying search engine, and lots of people hate it for good reason, but it does have its uses and this is one of them.) You might, while you're at it, want to try and find out whether there are any outstanding warrants against her or your daughter. If there are, informing the police of her whereabouts may be a great way to make her less of a problem for you and your family for the immediate future.

If your daughter was taking your money while living with this woman, it's possible that she shared your personal info with her, and that the girlfriend may be using it as well. Find out.

5. Google and zabasearch your own name. Do you appear to have any addresses you aren't aware of? There may be other people with your name, but are there other people with your name and birthday who seem to be living at your daughter's old apartment, at the same address as the daughter's ex, or in the same town as you? That's unlikely to be a coincidence, and may indicate an address on which you have been listed as paying a utility bill or receiving a bank statement.

You need to find out how deep this particular financial hole is, and you need to close as many leaks as possible.

Some things you need to know:

Your bank or credit card company will NEVER ask you to give them account information over the phone. If someone says they are from a bank and they need your account information, ask them for their number so you can call them back. Before you call them back, run a reverse lookup on the number (you can do this at, or you can run a google search for it). If the number does not appear to belong to the bank, do not call. A reverse lookup on a cellphone number will get you almost no information - at best, you will get the name of the cellphone carrier the number is registered with. A reverse lookup on a bank number should get you the business name of the bank.

You should never give out credit card or personal information over the phone unless YOU call a business (don't give it out if they call you, only if you call them), and unless there is a legitimate business reason to do so.
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#99 of 99 Old 12-22-2006, 01:37 AM
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