|No problems at school in fact she's perfect at school. I wonder if that may be some of it- she's in the gifted program, always teacher's pet, etc... this is her one place to let it all out
You could be talking about my dd! She's now 16, and, like your dd, was in what they called GT, "gifted and talented" for many years. Her name for the program, however, was "get tortured." The work load was excessively heavy, and she was often just exhausted after spending all day in school, then facing hours of homework.
There was also that fear of being considered too smart, or too nerdy by her peers. My dd said she was walking on a thin line, about to fall into the river of nerd-dom. When she was awarded the "Student of the Year" award, she had to be forced to attend the assembly and walk on stage to receive the award.
We also had to take her bedroom door off the hinges for the same reason. She was awful at home. She started asking to go to parties with a certain crowd of kids who got into lots of trouble, just to show that she was "cool."
Not that I'm an expert, but I have been a teacher and a mom for a lot of years, and I've seen so many stressed-out kids. We want the best for them, but sometimes we need to listen a little more closely to what they're trying to tell us. It took me a few years to finally pull her out of that program and let her sign up for a dance class instead. She has since quit the dance class, but now she's going to work on the school yearbook.
If I may pass on just one more thought: Your daughter is looking to you for stability and guidance, even though she might now want to admit it. Get away when the storm is blowing out of control if you have to... Do some yoga, hit the sidewalk at a full run, go for a swim, take a walk in the woods, but return to be the mom you always have been. The storm will blow over, and your little girl will re-appear. Just be there for her, no matter how much it hurts to see her like this. Remember, she's hurting as much as you are, even if it's for different reasons.