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My dd was a very prickly 11 yr old, and frankly, unpleasant to be around for a quite a few months. I realized that I was not spending really any positive time with her for a while, because she was sarcastic and nasty and I just didn't want to deal with that all the time. I had to make an effort to spend positive time with her. First, I picked things I knew she'd want to do - renting movies together (chick flick nights!) or going shopping for something, and then once we'd had some pleasant times together again, I started making an effort to keep her connected in other ways too, like cooking together, working on craft projects together, doing household tasks together. Once I made an effort to enjoy some time with her, she was more willing to do things with me, and our relationship slowly improved back to the closeness we had when she was a younger child. Now, we are much closer again, and able to talk all the time. I've found making an effort not to respond negatively when she tells me something keeps her talking more, too. So she'll tell me she didn't get a homework assignment done or something, and I don't get angry, just ask her how she's going to make it up, and ask if she needs any help from us, or whatever. She's much more likely to be open with us when we don't flip out about things.
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