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Old 03-10-2007, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 11 year old daughter refuses to wear shorts in the hot Las Vegas weather.
she insists on wearing long pants & jeans in the Hot weather. All of
her girlfriends & sister wear shorts all the time in the Hot weather.
They are constanly asking her how she can stand to wear pants all the time
in the hot weather. I Picked her up after school after my work on Friday and I noticed like all the other kids are all wearing shorts to school but her.
the AC in the car was broke on the ride home I had long pants on too and I was starting to get very hot and feel very uncomfortable. I told my Daughter how can you stand wearing pants all the time and I can't wait to get home and put on some shorts. When We got home I changed into my shorts. and an hour later i'm making dinner and my daughter tells me "MOM it's so hot out and I'm hot and my legs are stickying to my jeans. I told her well if you start wearing shorts you won't have that problem and you won't be hot anymore. she say's she doesn't want to wear shorts because she'll feel naked and like people will be staring at her legs etc.. My daughter is not overweight, I told her why should they stare at your legs ? you have got nice legs. she then said i just don't want to wear shorts.
Today Me and both of my daughters stoped at Kohls
they had a good sale on shorts, Me & my 13 year old daughter started picking out some new pairs of shorts . I then told my 11 year old Daughter to pick out some shorts out too for herself, but she refused even to look at that them. I yelled at her and said you can't keep wearing pants all the time in this heat. well she went back to the car. I looked at the 6 pairs of shorts that my older daughter picked out and they were cute I told her to go
back to the shorts racks and get the same 6 pairs for her sister.
Ok today it's very Hot & steamy ,it's like 90 degress out. Again my Daughter tells me again in her cranky voice "MOM it's so Hot out, I'm Hot and sweaty,
my jeans are sticking to my thighs. I then said. well I'm wearing shorts
and i'm not hot, my older daughter thinks I should make her start wearing shorts too. ? should I ?
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:17 PM
 
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No. I prefer pants. Yes I do get hot but I am far more comfortable body image wise in pants. Have you asked her about it from that angle? My mom forced shorts and what not on all us kids and none of us are very comfy with them. I say let her dress herself....until it poses a true health issue (like she gets dehydrated etc.) drop it. just because YOU are not comfy in long pants in hot weather doesn't mean she isn't. I wear pants almost all year 'round.

ETA: Maybe it's the style or length your DD is protesting. You say you bought her the same 6 pairs as her older sister. Not vey much in the way of feeling indivual there. Let her go and take her time to find pairs SHE likes and maybe..just maybe she'll want to wear them. Or maybe she'd like to wear a skirt?

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Old 03-10-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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i saw this same issue some where some years ago.

i wore only pants for a long time and this is in georgia so HOT also. i also did not wear tank tops for a long time. it was fine. yk i just had to work through the body image issues.

you might suggest a long light skirt though? keeps her covered but much comfier in the heat...
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:57 PM
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I am not allowed to wear shorts at my work, and I often prefer to keep my legs covered because I prefer not to shave. I find that long skirts in lightweight fabrics are often more comfortable than pants in hot weather (I'm in AZ). Maybe this would help your dd?
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:58 PM
 
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You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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Old 03-11-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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what about capris? or what about khakis instead of jeans? maybe it will help if the fabric was different...

i would not force the shorts...that leads to resentment...i was forced to wear skirts and dresses until i left my parents home...so not cool...i wear pants all the time, hardly wear shorts...even when its really hot outside, its just what i am comfortable with...

if she is choosing to wear something, and the weather doesnt cooperate with her clothing choice, thats not your fault...she can learn to not complain and drink more water...

peace...

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Old 03-11-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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I don't understand why you are yelling at her over this?

I always wore jeans in the summer. I was never comfortable in shorts. I was never fat either. Maybe your daughter is just more comfortable with a more modest cover. What about some long skirts or capris or lighter weight pants?
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Old 03-11-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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2 words: Lightweight Capris (or is lightweight not a compound word and that was actually 3 words )

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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Old 03-11-2007, 01:30 AM
 
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Welcome to Mothering! I hope you'll stick around and get to know us here... we're a friendly bunch and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself ~smiles~

I agree that capris are a good solution, or even just pants in a lightweight fabric. If she's really feeling terribly hot there are options inbetween jeans and shorts. She may not be interested in those either though, and that's her choice. If she complains you could just remind her that it was her choice of clothing. Remind here there are other options, but don't push it or make her feel bad because she doesn't want to wear what you do. You may feel she has nice legs and nothing to hide, but it's her body, and she's obviously not comfortable showing it off at this time.

She is finding out *who* she is, and expressing that. She may not choose to be just like you, or her older sister either. She is herself, an unique person who is choosing not to make the same choices that you do. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Old 03-11-2007, 01:47 AM
 
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i never wear shorts, and im from houston where summers are hot and humid and nasty. i dont think ive worn shorts in public since middle school, and im 24. i sleep in shorts sometimes, and sometimes i wear my pj shorts aound at home, but thats just when im too lazy to get dressed, lol. i even wear jeans over my swimsuit when we go to the pool or beach. the only time i really wear shorts in public is the board shorts i wear over my swimsuit.... part of it for me is body issues, but alot of it is im just not comfortable in shorts. they make me feel naked too. i also dont like short skirts, i prefer mine to hit my mid calf or lower. maybe suggest a long, flowy skirt to her. it would be cooler, and she wouldnt feel as naked either

*~*Ashley*~* newly single mama to Tristan 10/01/2007
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Old 03-11-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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I remember going through that exact thing when I was your DD's age. There's been a lot of good advice here, and all I can say is ITA. The last thing you want to do is try and force her to wear shorts. I know you're probably looking out for her best interests, you don't want her to overheat, but it just will not work. The most you could probably do is encourage her to get some pants in a lighter fabric than denim, and wait for it to pass. Which it may, or it may not.
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Old 03-11-2007, 01:53 AM
 
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I also hate shorts. Blech. I love skirts though. Like the pps have suggested, have you offered her a skirt instead of shorts? This sounds like it could become a power struggle. I think I would back off and let her figure this out for herself.
Also, my first thought with this was about shaving. Is she shaving her legs? Her friends/peers likely are, and girls can be so, so cruel at that age. Maybe part of the shorts issue is more of an issue with teasing or fitting in because of shaved legs? Just a thought. (Largely influenced by personal leg shaving trauma at that age!) Maybe this has nothing to do with the actual clothes and more to do with something else.
Just keep talking with her.
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Old 03-11-2007, 03:01 AM
 
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i agree about not making her wear clothes she isn't comfortable in. maybe she would like to wear long skirts?

mama to two amazing children son 10/27/07 and daughter 07/07/11

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Old 03-11-2007, 03:10 AM
 
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My mom did that to me as a kid (though I didn't complain about it that much.) It was REALLY annoying. Just leave her alone... why does it concern you so??

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Old 03-11-2007, 03:36 AM
 
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Mama, my DD is only 5, but I wanted to post because I'm not comfy wearing shorts either. Nothing in particular really wrong with my legs (other than they're whiiiite , but I do have body image issues, I just don't like my legs

Anyway, I would definitely suggest skirts or capris. I lived in them this last summer (8+ months pg and 95+ degrees = : ), they were definitely cooler than long pants, and I felt comfortable wearing them

Oh and, welcome to MDC Stick around, it's a good place
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Old 03-11-2007, 04:10 AM
 
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I keep having flashbacks to childhood when I was sooooo sensitive to any comments that anyone had about me. Supersensitive in all ways child, I was. I can tell you that if someone noticed that my legs were very white, I would not want them to be noticed at all. Same for knobby knees, a scab, my huge feet, my puffy hair, you name it. I also didn't wear shorts for a summer after seeing up the leg of my older cousin's shorts and there was all this pubic hair showing. I was so afraid of looking like that I didn't wear shorts!!! No one told me about bikini grooming possibilities. There's a chance that someone at some point made one little comment to her and she internalized the world out of it. A few probes on that level might shake out whether she's got a shaky self-esteem going on, or some hypersensitivity, or fitting in issues as well. If all else is going fine, I'd let it be--eventually she'll be so uncomfortable that she'll make her decision. But really, my hunch is that it was something said at some point. Might have even been by you, and never meant as harmful. But mommas we are powerful in our observations of our kiddos. Oh, oh, and maybe once her shorts rode up her buns and she got busted picking her seat. That would be enough to boycott shorts. Can never tell until you have that funny, touching discussion.
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Old 03-11-2007, 05:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.
Then she shouldn't complain....: crazy kids i used to wear jeans and a sweater in 100degree weather sure i was hot but i didn't complain cause I chose to do it.... my dad always told me it doesn't matter what you look like so long as you're comfortable maybe your daughter need to hear something along those lines
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Old 03-11-2007, 08:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
You shouldn't MAKE her do anything of the sort... and you shouldn't be yelling at her over this either. She is choosing not to wear shorts, and at 11 that is her choice.. she knows that wearing pants comes with being hot, and she is making that choice.

I NEVER wear shorts, no matter how hot it is or how sweaty I am. I just don't feel comfortable in them.
Yeah, that.

Why not address her feelings of being naked and having people look at her body? That's the real issue here. Can you talk to her about bodies and how sometimes in puberty, we can begin to feel uncomfortable in our bodies and how they are changing? Help build confidence in herself and what her body can do and help her not focus on how she *looks* so much.

Perhaps she is complaining because she is looking to you to help her with these feelings.
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Old 03-11-2007, 11:52 AM
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I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but..............

Sometimes the avoidance of wearing something that may show her "body" and having a young girl so self conscious is a sign of some kind of abuse. If she previously was comfortable, and now has changed her mind and is afraid someone may look at her... Maybe you should sit down and have a conversation with her about good touch\ bad touch. No one likes to think about or hear these things, but that would be something I would be looking at.

BTW... I work in the CPS field and that is one of our warning signs for sexual abuse.
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Old 03-11-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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It does sound like you're getting into an unnecessary power struggle here. She's uncomfortable in jeans, but she doesn't want to wear shorts, and being 11, she has an eleven year-old's judgement and sense of consequences. Were she older, she might be up to recognizing that her discomfort is a consequence of her actions, but she's not there yet. At the moment, you're pushing shorts as the only solution, and she's taken an anti-shorts stand and wants to stick to it.

Can you send her to the store with a neutral third party - an aunt or a neighbor or someone - and instructions to find bottoms she feels more comfortable in? Skirts are great. I get through summers on capri length climbing pants, which are lightweight and breathable, but still tough, and unlined linen slacks (unlined is very important - polyester lining fabric kind of sucks, IMO). Both of these, despite labels to the contrary, are machine washable and dryable.
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Old 03-11-2007, 02:38 PM
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Why oh why oh WHY would you yell at her and force her to wear clothes she's not comfortable in?!?!?! That's just so mean

I never liked shorts as a kid, either. I felt self-conscious and miserable once I hit puberty.


Good grief, stop being mean to your kid and find something that will work. Maybe she'll like long skirts (more of a draft), or capris.
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Old 03-11-2007, 06:08 PM
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Why oh why oh WHY would you yell at her and force her to wear clothes she's not comfortable in?!?!?! That's just so mean

I never liked shorts as a kid, either. I felt self-conscious and miserable once I hit puberty.


Good grief, stop being mean to your kid and find something that will work. Maybe she'll like long skirts (more of a draft), or capris.




The op obviously recognizes that she needs help. Hence the post.


confused as to how you think this helps. Hopefully you are


(Like my use of smilies!?!?!?)

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Old 03-11-2007, 06:33 PM
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I am admiring your clever use of emoticons :

But, I didn't really get a feeling of "I screwed up" at ALL from the OP, actually. Perhaps I'm misinterpretting?

I feel like she thinks she was right to yell at her and shame her
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Old 03-11-2007, 06:44 PM
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I am admiring your clever use of emoticons :

But, I didn't really get a feeling of "I screwed up" at ALL from the OP, actually. Perhaps I'm misinterpretting?

I feel like she thinks she was right to yell at her and shame her
I agree with you that she seems to feel like that is okay to yell and shame. But I noticed it was her first post on MDC. So maybe she comes from that 'I'm the boss' perspective.... YKWIM.

If she does come from that stand point, then she should read posts that support the view that kids are people. Sometimes it takes folks a while to break away from that main stream attitude. Something is telling her she is wrong, or she wouldn't have posted.

I do feel sad for the little girl......

Maybe she does need a post like yours to grab her attention!



HEY! This was my 2,000 th post!

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Old 03-11-2007, 06:47 PM
 
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You know what I'd do? Next time she complains that she's hot, ask her, gently and without snark, what she wants to do about it. Maybe she'll be a contrary 11 year old and ask for something impossible like a change in the weather, or maybe she'll have some brilliant solution that none of us have thought of!

As long as you are making the appropriate clothing available (and I agree, capris and skirts are a great idea if she doesn't want shorts), there's not much else you can or should do. Being hot and sticky is a very natural consequence of wearing jeans in hot weather.
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Old 03-11-2007, 06:55 PM
 
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I don't think I've worn a pair of shorts in 4 years.

I was attacked by the cottege cheese monster at puberty. Even though I was fat and was very athletic (a size 7 in 9th grade), I was still more jiggly than all of my friends. Even to the point where my thighs would rub together and I'd have to pull my shorts down out of my crotch. Maybe it's something like that for her and she needs to find the "right" pair of shorts?
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Old 03-11-2007, 10:02 PM
 
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A few things:

She's 11. It's her business what she wears. It isn't a safety, health, or moral issue.

If the whining is getting to you (it would me) point out to her one time that she is making the choice to wear jeans in the heat, when something else might be more comfortable. Put the monkey on her back. My response to whining in my older kids is "Fix it or deal with it"

It may take several conversations for her to trust that you aren't just trying to make her do what you want, but you can investigate with her whether there's something going on that needs to be addressed-abuse, sexual harrassment at school, being made fun of, body image issues. I would be more concerned about the issue behind her refusal to wear pants than about what she chooses to wear. By getting sidetracked by her preference, you may be missing something important.

Once you've reopened a dialogue with her, you can also see if she wants to try some of the other options, like capris or skirts that cover her legs but allow her to be a little more comfortable.

I consider myself an authoritative parent, and this is not a battle I would fight.
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Old 03-11-2007, 10:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Jennifer22 View Post
My 11 year old daughter refuses to wear shorts in the hot Las Vegas weather.
she insists on wearing long pants & jeans in the Hot weather. All of
her girlfriends & sister wear shorts all the time in the Hot weather.
They are constanly asking her how she can stand to wear pants all the time
in the hot weather. I Picked her up after school after my work on Friday and I noticed like all the other kids are all wearing shorts to school but her.
the AC in the car was broke on the ride home I had long pants on too and I was starting to get very hot and feel very uncomfortable. I told my Daughter how can you stand wearing pants all the time and I can't wait to get home and put on some shorts. When We got home I changed into my shorts. and an hour later i'm making dinner and my daughter tells me "MOM it's so hot out and I'm hot and my legs are stickying to my jeans. I told her well if you start wearing shorts you won't have that problem and you won't be hot anymore. she say's she doesn't want to wear shorts because she'll feel naked and like people will be staring at her legs etc.. My daughter is not overweight, I told her why should they stare at your legs ? you have got nice legs. she then said i just don't want to wear shorts.
Today Me and both of my daughters stoped at Kohls
they had a good sale on shorts, Me & my 13 year old daughter started picking out some new pairs of shorts . I then told my 11 year old Daughter to pick out some shorts out too for herself, but she refused even to look at that them. I yelled at her and said you can't keep wearing pants all the time in this heat. well she went back to the car. I looked at the 6 pairs of shorts that my older daughter picked out and they were cute I told her to go
back to the shorts racks and get the same 6 pairs for her sister.
Ok today it's very Hot & steamy ,it's like 90 degress out. Again my Daughter tells me again in her cranky voice "MOM it's so Hot out, I'm Hot and sweaty,
my jeans are sticking to my thighs. I then said. well I'm wearing shorts
and i'm not hot, my older daughter thinks I should make her start wearing shorts too. ? should I ?
WOW
so many anti shorts people :
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs
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Old 03-11-2007, 11:12 PM
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No, I'm saying she's 11, not two, and you need to show her some respect.
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Old 03-11-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer22 View Post
WOW
so many anti shorts people :
I can understand if some one is self conscious of their legs because they are
overweight or got scars or something ,
Your saying your all happy being all hot & sweaty wearing pants then being
cooler and leting the air hit your legs wearing shorts
on top if you have nothing wrong with your legs or even got nice legs
I'm saying she's 11 and I have yet to meet one 11 year old who is comfortable in her body...regardless of whether they have nice legs or not. It's not about YOU, it's about HER and her comfort level with HER body. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe her eye isn't as pleased right now as you are. Pushing the issue is only going to cause more internal strife with how she feels about herself.

FWIW: I have "great" legs. I'm not overweight and I don't have scars or any visible "flaws". I'm still not comfy at 21 in shorts. some people prefer to be more modest for security reasons. Respect it.

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