11 year old son and hardcore pornography - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-07-2007, 01:11 PM
 
Yoshua's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Where I am
Posts: 3,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*decided to send as a PM to not allow derailment. please edit any posts that quote this if you quoted before i editted.

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
Yoshua is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-07-2007, 01:11 PM
 
hottmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 5,203
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, Yoshua, Houdini already apologized and I don't think my post was offensive in the least. Just wow. "That being said people who are heterosexual look at it from their point of view," is a pretty accurate definition of heterocentrism. You might not know this, but people who AREN'T hetero don't look at it from our point of view.

And no, I don't plan to give my teenage children porn of any sort, feminist, queer, or mainstream hetero. I said that I wish I could limit them to feminist porn, but of course I can't and I have to just hope that the values I raise them with will influence their behavior more than porn.

To me, feminist values say that sex and gender are separate entities-- that boys can and should do anything that girls can and vice versa-- that women are just as sexual as men and deserve equal pleasure-- that childcare and housework should be shared fairly by all members of that household-- etc. etc. I majored in gender studies in college and feminism has been an important part of my identity since childhood. It influences all that I do.

Feminist porn, IMO, is porn where the penis is not the star of the show-- where women's pleasure is just as important as male pleasure-- where oral sex goes both ways for equal amounts of time-- where women don't HAVE to wear high heels or end up with ejaculate on their faces-- etc. etc. Check out websites like babeland.com or goodvibes.com for more on feminist porn.
hottmama is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 01:20 PM
 
MamaWindmill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,609
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Took it to PM - disregard!
MamaWindmill is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 01:21 PM
 
Yoshua's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Where I am
Posts: 3,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
pm'ed back lol, lots of edits. i apologize

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
Yoshua is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 02:26 PM
Banned
 
Vypros's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
-- that boys can and should do anything that girls can and vice versa--
This is the only thing I take issue with. Maybe you can expand on this before I comment just to see if I'm understanding you correctly.
Vypros is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
GoodWillHunter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Doing something...vague.
Posts: 11,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd rather we not go into nitpicking here, lol. It is obvious to ME what is meant by that phrase.

Thank you for your input, Hottmama. I do appreciate it.
GoodWillHunter is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 06:18 PM
 
simonee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 4,867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua View Post
i was on board with ya till I read this.... it is kinda condescending.


Understanding someone elses sexuality is a very hard thing, and I can attest that I know of NO man that truly understands a womans sexuality. I just assumed that it was just as hard for a woman to truly understand ours.

.
This gave me a sudden flashback to this article from the onion


GWH and others, thanks for teaching me a lot about something I'm bound to run into sooner than I'll be ready for it :
simonee is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 11:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
GoodWillHunter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Doing something...vague.
Posts: 11,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OT Hiya, Simonee!!! Oh, yeah, that article is hilarious.
GoodWillHunter is offline  
Old 05-07-2007, 11:50 PM
 
Ms. Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: MotheringDotCommune
Posts: 22,236
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Simonee -
Ms. Mom is offline  
Old 05-08-2007, 01:53 PM
 
simonee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 4,867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:smooch: you girls. :
simonee is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 10:16 AM
 
simonee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 4,867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hm. I can kill porn threads! How cool is THAT???!!!
simonee is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 10:25 AM
 
Ms. Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: MotheringDotCommune
Posts: 22,236
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Back on topic young lady
Ms. Mom is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
GoodWillHunter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Doing something...vague.
Posts: 11,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
a-hem. Now, back to our regularly scheduled thread.

An update...

Yesterday, we got him a book called It's Perfectly Normal Link here: http://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-...363133-9148044

It's a great book, very informative and unbiased. I handed it to him and told him that I do have extra information that we'll talk about it when it's just us two.
GoodWillHunter is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
GoodWillHunter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Doing something...vague.
Posts: 11,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by simonee View Post
hm. I can kill porn threads! How cool is THAT???!!!

That, my friend, is a marketable skill. I suggest you call the Moral Majority and tell them your secret power. You'll be hired on immediately.
GoodWillHunter is offline  
Old 05-09-2007, 02:13 PM
 
simonee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the sun don't shine
Posts: 4,867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacque Savageau View Post
Back on topic young lady
Don't call me young :



This has been so interesting to read. Here in Holland, porn and children is a very hot topic right now. The age of consent is 12, but cyberpedophilia is rampant and there is a new 'loverboy' culture (semi-consensual pimped prostitution) among children as young as 10. There is very good, explicit, woman-friendly material available, but the porn culture has gradually covered it all up. All the good sides of a strong openness culture are being taken over by smut.

GWH, you're such a cool mama.
simonee is offline  
Old 05-11-2007, 01:55 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 31,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
apparently some editing was done and post is no longer relevant.
Arduinna is offline  
Old 05-11-2007, 04:13 AM
 
eloquence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: judgmental wench
Posts: 1,278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter View Post
HELP! Last year, back in August? I was helping my oldest son clean his room and I ran across several printouts of hardcore porn pics. I calmly looked at him and said, "Sweetie, what's this?" and he burst into tears. I held him and told him it's totally normal to want to know what a woman looks like and totally normal to find these pictures attractive. However, I don't feel that hardcore porn is appropriate for an 11 year old, yk? I feel it's just too much for them to comprehend or understand or anything. Also I don't want him thinking that all women are like the women in the pictures. Most women don't have that kind of body, lol. I gave him the option of getting rid of it or keeping it (!) and he said he wanted to get rid of everything.

So, I thought we were done... but apparently not. Last Saturday, I was cleaning out his room in preparation for new furniture (whack my hand) and guess what I found? More hardcore porn. And this stuff was GRAPHIC. I just don't know what to do. It's not BAD... but... it is inappropriate for him, I think. He's only 11.5 and that's a lot for someone that age to wrap his brain around... I don't know what to do... I don't want him to think he's bad for having these feelings because he's NOT bad. He's a fabulous kid.

But, also some of the pic were of "hot teens" and, while that may be 18 or 19, he was downloading these at my parents' house... And y'know, we had a "family friend" get in trouble for child pornography (real child porn, too. It was awful). And we were worried about my DAD getting in trouble for getting illegal porn.

I don't mind him looking at scantily clad women... that's totally cool in my book, but I feel hardcore is way too much. Help?
eloquence is offline  
Old 05-15-2007, 09:02 PM
 
Jeanne D'Arc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Native Californian,Washington trans
Posts: 1,976
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Hello everyone, im a bit late on this thread but i would like to tell a bit of my story.

When i was younger i worked in the sex industry, i will not say exactly what i did, but let it suffice to say, it was the most traumatizing experience of my life , from which i will probably never recover.

It is enough to say there is alot of demoralizing, pain, and i now have PTSD from these experiences. It is not always consentual and the woman is very often doing it because of past sexual abuse and rape. To support this, is to support sexual trama and assault, because most of these women chose this out of mental derangement. Many are on drugs , and the suicide rate is high. This is not a happy, victimless industry. It is very sick.

Have i had sexual abuse in my history? Yes, ALOT. I probably never would have went that route if i had not. It is a facet for women who are really still girls stuck in a cycle of self abuse, and reliving the sexual trama they have experienced.

I will probably never fully heal from the extensive mental and sexual trauma that has taken place because of my previous profession. It only made an old wound bigger. Do not support pornography, do not support strip clubs, do not support prostitution these women are SUFFERING! And i dont care anyone else says otherwise because i have lived it! I have had my friends kill themselves and overdose on drugs. You may as well call all of it child porn because most of these women have never matured past the moment they were raped.

I am not pointing fingers at the OP or anyone in particular. I have
not read the whole thread thoroughly enough to know who is for
it or against it. I wanted to speak for the woman on the screen,
in the magazine or on the stage.

We do not like it, we are not happy, and we were probably molested by our father or a family friend. We PRETEND we like it.

Some of us become so traumatized we have lost the ability to enjoy sex ever again.And the fact that people are getting off on and benefiting from this suffering and pain and derangement, it makes me pretty sick to my stomach.
These girls need rehabilitation and love, not to be treated as masturbation
aids.

And thats all i have to say about it now.
Jeanne D'Arc is offline  
Old 05-16-2007, 02:52 AM
 
eloquence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: judgmental wench
Posts: 1,278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Briseis_of.Troy View Post


Hello everyone, im a bit late on this thread but i would like to tell a bit of my story.

When i was younger i worked in the sex industry, i will not say exactly what i did, but let it suffice to say, it was the most traumatizing experience of my life , from which i will probably never recover.

It is enough to say there is alot of demoralizing, pain, and i now have PTSD from these experiences. It is not always consentual and the woman is very often doing it because of past sexual abuse and rape. To support this, is to support sexual trama and assault, because most of these women chose this out of mental derangement. Many are on drugs , and the suicide rate is high. This is not a happy, victimless industry. It is very sick.

Have i had sexual abuse in my history? Yes, ALOT. I probably never would have went that route if i had not. It is a facet for women who are really still girls stuck in a cycle of self abuse, and reliving the sexual trama they have experienced.

I will probably never fully heal from the extensive mental and sexual trauma that has taken place because of my previous profession. It only made an old wound bigger. Do not support pornography, do not support strip clubs, do not support prostitution these women are SUFFERING! And i dont care anyone else says otherwise because i have lived it! I have had my friends kill themselves and overdose on drugs. You may as well call all of it child porn because most of these women have never matured past the moment they were raped.

I am not pointing fingers at the OP or anyone in particular. I have
not read the whole thread thoroughly enough to know who is for
it or against it. I wanted to speak for the woman on the screen,
in the magazine or on the stage.

We do not like it, we are not happy, and we were probably molested by our father or a family friend. We PRETEND we like it.

Some of us become so traumatized we have lost the ability to enjoy sex ever again.And the fact that people are getting off on and benefiting from this suffering and pain and derangement, it makes me pretty sick to my stomach.
These girls need rehabilitation and love, not to be treated as masturbation
aids.

And thats all i have to say about it now.
Wow. I appreciate your speaking your truth.
eloquence is offline  
Old 05-16-2007, 07:32 AM
 
Gendenwitha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Olympia WA
Posts: 1,346
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I used to listen to Dr Laura (and Susan Powter and Tom Leykis) because even though I frequently didn't agree with her (or Tom), I liked the questions they brought up and it challenged me to verbally come up with responses when I was very human-contact deprived.

One thing I remember hearing on her show was a similar situation where the mom sat down and looked at the photos with her son and said, "This is someone's daughter. This is someone's sister. etc." That level of wording might get through to an 11yo more than lectures about "objectification".

We have a small amount of sex books, purposefully chosen for their respectfulness of equal partnership, and emphasis on caring for your partner and showing respect. We keep them on the shelf with all the other books. I figure when they want to know more about sex than mom tells them, they'll find them.

I actually brought one out the other day when ds1 hit ds2 in the testicles and we had a talk about why private parts are called private and I ended with a joke about "and I want grandkids". He didn't really get it, so I took down the sex book and we looked at the anatomical pictures of where sperm gets produced and why the testicles relate to having children.

For right now though we're good... ds1 was watching a commercial with all these women in bikinis, "I don't get it, all these girls and how come only one guy?" we're not far away though...
Gendenwitha is offline  
Old 05-16-2007, 07:38 AM
 
Gendenwitha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Olympia WA
Posts: 1,346
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Briseis_of.Troy View Post

These girls need rehabilitation and love, not to be treated as masturbation
aids.
I respect your experience and thoughts on this, but I have several friends in the industry and have to say the industry runs the gamut from women who feel empowered by it to women with experiences like yours.

I spent a week with a friend of mine who works as a tantrika and met a lot of her friends in the industry and was completely wowed by the sacredness in which they held their work. They are really much closer to sexual mental health counselors than they are street prostitutes.

But even saying that, I would not want to support the industry on the whole for just the reasons you mentioned.
Gendenwitha is offline  
Old 06-14-2007, 03:48 PM
 
TheTruth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammastar2 View Post
He was able to download them at your parents' despite the net nanny?? I don't have any experience with them, but if so, that's too bad.

I would bring it up with him again, discuss your concerns, and also highlight the legality and getting grandpa in trouble. If he's old enough to be curious, he's old enough to have a proper discussion about 'big picture' issues around hardcore porn, and why you have a problem with him looking at it - and involving his grandpa.
The problem is that most blockers focus more on harsh words like at maddox.xmission.com rather than porn.
TheTruth is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off