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Originally Posted by mommy68
I forgot to also mention if this were alcohol or some sort of drug, would you also allow him to choose whether or not to keep that in his bedroom? IMO its all relative. If he were to walk in to a store and try to buy a smut magazine then more than likely he wouldn't be able to since they are for ages 18 and up. There is a time and place for everything and 11 yrs old isn't the age to allow porn, even if he has *already* seen it. My oldest child (12) has played video games but if I feel the need to take it away I have and he now only plays his games when he has nothing better to do, maybe a couple times a month. As a parent we are supposed to limit things or take bad things away from them. If my son came home with a joint in his book bag it would go down the toilet.
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Bold mine.
That is the key. It's all relative. If a family has no issues providing a magazine for their pre-teen/teen to view, so be it. Some families don't see it something "bad" that needs taken away. It seems on this thread most feel it should be limited to the type, if allowed at all. We don't do magazines or anything at this point, but I guarantee that even a clothed woman could be imagined about by a child who has already had the images placed in his head or by one who is getting to the age of curiosity. I can't/won't shield my child from everything around him and then expect that at some magical age he will be able to just not participate in the activity. It has been a journey of almost two years from when my son first saw the porn and he has matured and learned to self-censor through the years. He has also had a lot of set-backs, which is all part of the deal.
As far as the joint analogy. Are you comparing the natural desire to view women and fantasize about women to drugs? I don't feel you can do that b/c drugs aren't a natural desire that all people will get with age/puberty. Curiousity about sex and the opposite gender is 100% natural.
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Originally Posted by mommy68
If your son saw the porn already then fine, okay, I agree you handled that part well. But I do not agree with giving him the choice of keeping it or not. Thats just helping him think that at this young age he can look at perverted materials and it doesn't matter to his parents. I would never do that and it doesn't make me a prude either. I can look at porn and it doesn't bother me but I'm 38 yrs old and I've already become a sensible adult. I started looking at it once I became an adult, not at 11 yrs old. The fact is that if I KNEW my child has this material in his room then I would dispose of it. I would talk to him about it as well but its my job to make sure it's out of the reach of my child. He's underage and it's just not appropriate.
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Again, not all view it as perverted. I am not sure why you feel it doesn't matter to the parents if he views porn or not. The magazines are a "safe" type of magazine to view, as opposed to the hardcore images from the internet. It could be viewed as a set-down as sorts. You really can't just eliminate the porn and the problem disappears. The desire will still be there, you will just be deluding yourself into thinking it's gone. The fact that it is out of reach in your home doesn't make it out of reach in the rest of the world. I chose to lock down our systems briefly, then open them back up b/c my son needed to learn, in the safety of his own home, how to censor himself so he can do so when he is out without me and my parental locks.
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Originally Posted by mommy68
I want my sons to grow up and respect women not be eager to see whats under their clothing. Thats crazy!
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Do you really think that your sons will not go through puberty wondering about what is under girls' clothing? It's called puberty and it's a natural progression to wonder about all those things. I can't imagine thinking my children (boys or girls) wouldn't wonder at some point and imagine these things. If you make them feel that imagining a completely normal thing equals disrespecting women, then you are setting them up to feel completely guilty about their natural desires/urges/thoughts.
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Originally Posted by mommy68
There are already too many high school boys out there like that now. Whats wrong with wanting to help guide our boys in the right direction. On the one hand women on this board in other threads complain about men wanting sex all the time or how their relationships are based on him wanting sex when the wife doesn't want it or blah, blah. Then a thread like this comes up on how to guide a young innocent boy in the right direction so he doesn't turn out like most men in America and no one sees that what this child is doing at 11 yrs old will most certainly make him who he is sexually when he is in a relationship later on.
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Wow. Not even gonna go to the boldest section.
I find it interesting that you correlate a child's sexual relationship later in life with their viewing of porn or not. My husband viewed porn from an early age and had sex at an insanely early age......he is now a married man of almost fifteen years who has no sexual issues at all. I am not sure what you think will happen to your child's sex life later if your child sees porn.
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Originally Posted by mommy68
As women we shouldn't just accept the fact that men will be men and help our small children move in to that same line of thinking that so many men for so many generations have believed. They should all be horny and lusting after sex. Thats what men are supposed to what right? I don't think so.
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Are you saying boys/girls are going to have a natural desire to explore the opposite gender? Do you not feel it is natural to be curious about the opposite gender and want to explore that curiousity? I don't believe all boys should be "horny and lusting after sex," but I am not blind to the facts that boys and girls (which you seem to not be including) will have this desire and it is pefectly normal and natural.
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Originally Posted by mommy68
All boys don't have to be perverts in high school to seem "normal." There are other things besides sex that they can look forward to when they get a little older. Sex is a part of life once we are old enough to experience it and its wonderful and fun - but there are more tactful and respectful ways to teach our tweens about it besides allowing them to choose whether or not to have nasty, misleading pictures to stare at and masturbate to. Give me a break!
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So my son is a pervert b/c he is battling a porn addiction? Nice.
I agree there are lots of things to look forward to as they grow, but you have to acknowledge curiousity in the opposite gender is completely natural and normal b/c otherwise your child(ren) will grow up feeling guilty and ashamed of a natural process.
Interesting you correlate viewing the porn with masturbation, that isn't the case in our home. At least not yet. I am sure my sons will masturbate at some point, as well as, my daughter (who already does actually). I also agree sex is when they are old enough, but it isn't going to be me making that decision. As much as I want my children to wait for marriage, they will be the ones making the final decision. I can't stop/make them not have sex when they decide to and I refuse to guilt/shame them into thinking their natural desires are wrong.
Give me a break!