16 year old daughter and hair dye - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-24-2007, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 16 year old daughter has naturally blonde hair but has been wanting to dye it dark brown or black. She has actually done this a few times. I got tired of arguing with her about it and came to a "It's her hair -- what's my problem?" conclusion. The last time she dyed it, it turned a strange orange color, and I took her to the hairdresser who re-dyed it (dark brown) since that's what she wanted.

The thing is -- I think she looks much better blonde. Her eyes are blue and she is fair-skinned, and it just looks much more natural to me.

She is hounding me again -- I want to dye my hair! What would you tell her? Is it me that's being ridiculous? I want her to leave her hair alone.
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Old 05-24-2007, 11:50 AM
 
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Let her just go ahead and get it out of her system. I remember starting to color my hair at about 14-ish, and it was truly awful! At 16 I went to the prom with apricot colored hair. It took doing all of that to realize that I really love my chestnut-brown hair with golden and auburn highlights, and I let it grow out in college. Have not dyed it since.

Another alternative- have her fund the dye job, whether at-home kit, or at the salon.

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Old 05-24-2007, 11:58 AM
 
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Choose your battles!

One of my sons likes to wear his hair really long, and I don't care, as long as he keeps it clean and combed. But when we attended my nephew's baptism, my Mom suggested he get it cut, so he would look nice in pictures. He was willing to cut his hair for Grandma, and I stayed out of it!

Hair and clothes are pretty benign ways for a teenager to express independence and individuality. They are not permanent or dangerous. I would let her do whatever she wanted to her hair (as long as it is clean and reasonably tidy).

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Old 05-24-2007, 12:03 PM
 
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Let her do it, I"d take her to a salon though. FWIW my sister has blue eyes, is pasty white & has naturally brown hair. Hers has always been lighter than mine(mine's almost black). The last few years hers has been darker, almost as dark as mine but she swears it's natural now.lol
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Old 05-24-2007, 12:08 PM
 
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I remember when I was 12 they came out with Glints hair dye which was wasn't permanent. My cousin and I did it and her mom freaked ut and yelled and made her wash her hair over and over again. Not what the OP is doing, clearly, but it really made an impression on me. My parents always said "Its just hair" and let us do whatever to it. I look back at some of the pics and wish they'd stopped me..hehehe...
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Old 05-24-2007, 12:35 PM
 
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It's just hair. It grows back out. I think I was about her age when I dyed mine green. Over the years, it's also been platinum, strawberry-blonde, auburn, some color that looked like Kool-Aid, dark brown, and for the last few years, my natural dirty-blonde.
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Old 05-24-2007, 12:36 PM
 
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it's only hair , the more you fight it the more she'll want it done. i used to do mine specifically to tick off my dad, i knew it got to him and did it as payback for everytime he said no to a party or short skirt or whatever it was that week
or maybe she's happier in her skin that way , perhaps it just makes her feel good, she'll always be blonde underneath maybe she'll leave it be later on.
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Old 05-24-2007, 02:35 PM
 
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Let her do it, but have her get professional advice.

I knew a woman in Dallas years ago who had the Goth look with the white skin, black hair and eyebrows, the whole thing. She was a white-blonde naturally, and she told me the reason her hair was black was that she used temporary blue dye and it doesn't come out of blonde hair like it's supposed to. A hairdresser told her she could either let it grow out, or cover it with something dark.

She used to joke that she was the only brunette with blonde roots in all of texas.

I think we should let them do pretty much whatever they want with their hair in their teens, what's it really going to hurt? Now I've just got to remember this conversation the next time I have a power struggle with dd. It's so easy to see it from the outside, isn't it?

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Old 05-24-2007, 05:02 PM
 
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My Dd has been dying her hair every now and then since she was about 10. It's just hair. I'd help her learn about how to do it safely or how to best get the color she's going for if she's needing that, but otherwise it's all good.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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Old 05-24-2007, 05:06 PM
 
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At least its only hair dye. If that is the extent of her rebellion, be happy!

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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Old 05-24-2007, 05:37 PM
 
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My friend's son has gorgeous black hair, which he grows long down his back. BUT--when he was a kid he had it in a mohawk and it was every color of the rainbow. My advice to her: take lots of pictures.
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Old 05-24-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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When I was younger, starting around 15 I guess, I began coloring my hair. My choice of dye was manic panic, and I often went around sporting blue, purple, black or red hair, and sometimes combinations.
God love my mother, she never said anything negative. She complimented the things I did that she liked and ignored the hair colors. I love that she was able to do that for me when I was trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to become.
No suggestions - just my story. Best of luck to you Mama!

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Old 05-24-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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My only suggestion is to try to get her to use Manic Panic or Punky Color hair dye. They both make black. If she wants dark brown, mix red, blue and green. It comes out nice, I swear.

These dyes are not permanent, are vegetable based, non toxic, and like the best conditioner ever.

It's only hair..

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Old 05-24-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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when i was 16 the more my mom told me NO about the hair dye i wanted to use and such the more i wanted to do it...i have very pretty natural dk auburn hair.....i wanted it redder and streaked.....and so i did it. sometimes it turned out great, sometimes not so great..but it grew out or washed out eventually......

it took a few years for me to really like my own hair and i stopped dying it for a bit and got pretty highlights which i've kept off and on throughout the years.

there are a few out there that wash out and will take longer to do so with such light hair or take her to a salon and have it done...that way, you can pretty much control the color (well, the colorist could..)....


but it is only hair.......
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Old 05-24-2007, 07:26 PM
 
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I'd let her do it. My dd is 17 and has had her hair a variety of colors. They can experiment now in ways they can't when they enter the work force, depending on the job, so why not let her enjoy the freedom?
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Old 05-24-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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My 14yo dd likes to color her hair. I can sympathize with what you are saying--I think my daughter is beautiful with her natural hair color. We have talked about what the chemicals do to your hair, the positives of appreciating your natural beauty, and all of that. I leave the decision up to her. It's pink now and does look cute. She talks about letting it go natural this summer--we'll see.

Tell your daughter about the semi-permanent colors. They wash out slowly over a couple of months, and are less damaging to the hair.
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Old 05-24-2007, 08:31 PM
 
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I let my 11 year old dye her hair, so I'm definitely going to say go ahead on your 16 year old

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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Old 05-24-2007, 11:46 PM
 
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I'd go ahead and let her do it. It is just hair, and like the other have said, it's best to pick your battles. I had a cool mom who never said much when I dyed my hair, first blonde, then purple, then red, then blonde again, then black, then red again, then back to blonde, then light brown, and now it's finally blonde again. Ahhh.

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Old 05-25-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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I feel that is a small battle. She wants to dye it a "normal" color. I would let her. But I would take her to a salon to get it done so it has a better chance of looking good. I started dying my hair around 11 years old. I went from dirty blonde to light blonde. Its just hair. It will grow out in time.
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Old 05-25-2007, 12:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LotusBirthMama View Post
I remember when I was 12 they came out with Glints hair dye which was wasn't permanent. My cousin and I did it and her mom freaked ut and yelled and made her wash her hair over and over again. Not what the OP is doing, clearly, but it really made an impression on me. My parents always said "Its just hair" and let us do whatever to it. I look back at some of the pics and wish they'd stopped me..hehehe...
haha YES. That stuff was all the rage in junior high. I remember this one girl in my 6th grade class used to dye hers with Glints and somehow always ended up with hair the color of macaroni and cheese. I remember dying my hair with Glints on the sneak. Man, that stuff was crap. I hope if it's still around they have made it less craplike.
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Old 05-25-2007, 12:43 AM
 
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I was 15 and dyed my hair as part of a home ec experience. My HE teacher asked me about a dozen times if I was sure my mom said it was okay.lol It's a small town and she must not have believed me because she phoned mom at work to ask her for sure.

6 years later mom dyed my cousin's hair. He was 13/14 with dark hair like mine and she dyed/bleached big dots into his hair. My aunt(her sister) didn't know until he got back to her place. And to think my mom got really mad at grandma for cutting my bangs(and my sister's).
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Old 05-25-2007, 01:22 AM
 
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Just like the other posters have said, it is just hair and easy enough to change it. The only thing that I would add is that if she needs to have it colour corrected then she pays for it. It is her choice to dye it, it is her responsibility to fund it
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Old 05-25-2007, 01:56 AM
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Ack...

I hate to say this (because I know it's going to come back and bite me in the a** in about 5 years) but, in the grand scheme of things, dyeing one's hair is so minute and certainly not an issue I'd personally want to take a stand on with my kids.

Of course, I was dyeing my hair all sorts of colors when I was a teenager. I outgrew it, though.

Really, bottom line? It is her hair. You may think she looks better blonde, but she obviously prefers it darker. If it makes her feel "right", then you don't want to stand in the way of that, do you?

I only ask because I have extremely curly hair...like crazy off-the-wall curly...have had since I was a kid. About 2 years ago (I'm 32), I had my hair professionally, chemically straightened. The first time I looked in the mirror after that first appointment, I felt like I was seeing myself for the first time...the real me, the me who had been hidden under all of that curly hair.

But guess who hated it--and hates it still??? You got it, my mom.

She misses my curly hair. And not because we had it in common or anything (her hair is stick straight). She just preferred me with curls.

I, on the other hand, can't imagine ever having anything but straight hair now...

You will have other battles to fight with your girl. I'd let the hair thing go.

Of course, I'll get back to you in about 5 years when my own now-10 yr old daughter wants to chop all of her long, curly hair off...because I won't be able to stand it if she does.
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Old 05-25-2007, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you very much for all your responses to my question. It's amazing how much getting other people's feedback can help. I'm realizing now that what she does to her hair is her business! My husband actually said the same thing that a lot of you did, but I wasn't completely listening.
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Old 05-26-2007, 01:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusannaG View Post
The last time she dyed it, it turned a strange orange color, and I took her to the hairdresser who re-dyed it (dark brown) since that's what she wanted.
A small tip so your dd can get the best brunette color at home. Since she is a natural blonde
warm red brown shade will look better than if she goes for a cool shade of a black/brown.
Plus if would help if she colored her hair a deep bright red first, then a couple days later color
it with the brunette shade. When you think of hair color think of painting. When you add
yellow and brown you can get different hues of green or orange hair. When you add the red
to the blonde, then go brown, it mixes on your hair more naturally.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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Old 05-26-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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At sixteen she's a young woman. I'd let her do what she wants with her hair but I'd only pay to correct her mistakes that one time.

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Old 05-26-2007, 12:58 PM
 
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I would ask her why she is choosing these dark colors.

Then I would be honest...."DD the hair colors you are choosing for yourself are not flattering. I wish you would explore other color options" Say it once and only once. Then I would make her pay for her own hair color. It is her hair.
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Old 05-26-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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Let her dye it (whether she pays or you is up to you, though).

My 4.5 year old has had every non-natural color out there and wants to have it professionally dyed like a rainow for her 5th birthday. I said sure.

My mom doesn't like me with dark hair either . . . but it's on my head, not hers.

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Old 05-28-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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I worry about the chenicals in dyes and dd wants to have red hair like her bio mum so we have settled on henna.

I agree. Pick your battles.
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Old 05-28-2007, 03:46 AM
 
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I let/help my 9 y.o. dye her hair from dark brown to a cool funky auburn/burgundy. It's temporary, washes out in a couple of months.

If (and only if) all the parts that are previously dyed have grown out and been cut off, try henna! Henna is awesome, can be used to dye hair light brown to dark brown and several shades of red. And it leaves your hair better than before. Super stale henna can be used to condition hair w/o dying it, it's so good. But it interacts badly w/ chemical hair dye, and can fry (literally) hair with chemical dye on it. IIRC, henna is a base, and chemical hair dye is an acid.

But back on topic, I'd say let her do her thing w/ her hair. It's not going to negatively affect her now, as school won't care like a job might, and it's a pretty innocuous (sp?) form of self-expression. And save your energy and mom-capital for more important issues.

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