modesty and teens.... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-22-2007, 02:26 AM
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Yanno, I don't know why this thread has held my attention for so long, but I just wanted to interject my (finally formulated coherently) opinion on the subject of modesty. My daughter is 2 but I'm sure something to this effect will pop up in a decade's time...

I think I'm actually fine with somewhat revealing clothes (to a degree...if you sit down and your skirt is suddenly hovering somewhere in the hip region, or you bend down halfway to pick something up and people can give you the details of your underwear, it's too revealing), if they're being worn for the right reasons. If my daughter is confident about her body and comfortable in her clothes and she likes them, it's fine with me. If she's wearing them for the wrong reasons though...to get attention, to be like everyone else, because she needs validation about her body...I'm not fine. It's not the clothes, to me. It's the reasoning behind the clothes. And really, I feel this way about any style, overly modest or baggy clothes, punky clothes, scene kid clothes...I just want her to feel comfortable in her own skin and not let her clothing style define who she is. You can force a kid to change their style, but it's not really fixing any problems, is it? (Not directed at the OP, just a general statement, btw)
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Old 06-22-2007, 11:26 AM
 
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I agree with you Neoma. So if you have a child with a poor body image, wears their hair covering their eyes and covers their body with baggy clothes, or a teenager who likes to dress provocatively, what can you do then to fix attitudes, both preventitive and after the fact? Both are probably symptoms of something, but how do we address this?

By the way...we got a bikini from the limited too for dd in a size 18. It is brown with pink skulls on it. The skulls have shiny bling on them. It has very good coverage on the top, and the bottom has a bikini with a skirt. It was 50% off regular price so it only was $25.00 She'd like to save to eventually get the matching purse and flip flops that go with it. I am very happy with it and so is she, and I think it will stay on pretty good at waterparks, especially after we alter the top a little smaller since she is a size 16 on top. Thank You for the help with the swimsuit finding!
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Old 06-22-2007, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Bestbirths View Post
I agree with you Neoma. So if you have a child with a poor body image, wears their hair covering their eyes and covers their body with baggy clothes, or a teenager who likes to dress provocatively, what can you do then to fix attitudes, both preventitive and after the fact? Both are probably symptoms of something, but how do we address this?
Preventatively? Set a good example. Teach and practice healthy eating, be active and encourage your kids to join you. Take care of your own body and be confident in your own. After the fact, find out what it is they are insecure about, and address that. Saying "you're beautiful no matter what" doesn't work with kids, because, well you're they're parents, you're supposed to say that! If they're uncomfortable with an aspect of themselves, 9 times out of 10, it's changable. If they want to change it, help them. If it's not something they can change (height, facial features, bone structure, whatever), help them learn to love it. Show them pictures of "attractive" people with the same trait.

Example. I used to HATE my forehead. Hate it. I have a high forehead. Of course, no one else noticed it or anything, except me. I made a big deal out of it in high school. Someone, I don't remember who, sat me down and showed me pictures of celebrities with a forehead like mine. Tyra Banks. Nicole Kidman. BARBIE! Relabel those traits they find negative. I have a long, pointy, thin nose. Used to hate that too. It wasn't cute and perky like other girls. Someone called it "proud" and I thought...well..yeah! That sounds better. It's unique, it's proud, it's mine!

Above all, remind them that their physical attributes don't make who they are. I've seen some pretty unattractive folk who are just confident and fine with who they are, and they attract people like magnets. It doesn't matter what they're dressed like, if they have no confidence about who they are on the inside, it's gonna show right through those clothes anyways, and it's not going to change a thing.
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Old 06-23-2007, 02:12 AM
 
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Old 06-23-2007, 05:26 PM
 
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I agree with you Neoma. So if you have a child with a poor body image, wears their hair covering their eyes and covers their body with baggy clothes, or a teenager who likes to dress provocatively, what can you do then to fix attitudes, both preventitive and after the fact? Both are probably symptoms of something, but how do we address this?

By the way...we got a bikini from the limited too for dd in a size 18. It is brown with pink skulls on it. The skulls have shiny bling on them. It has very good coverage on the top, and the bottom has a bikini with a skirt. It was 50% off regular price so it only was $25.00 She'd like to save to eventually get the matching purse and flip flops that go with it. I am very happy with it and so is she, and I think it will stay on pretty good at waterparks, especially after we alter the top a little smaller since she is a size 16 on top. Thank You for the help with the swimsuit finding!

My dd has that suit too. Really cute and it stayed put perfectly during our vacation in Mexico, including down the water slides and the wave pool!
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Old 06-23-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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My dd has that suit too. Really cute and it stayed put perfectly during our vacation in Mexico, including down the water slides and the wave pool!
Great! I'll tell my dd the suit stands up to water slides and wave pools!
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Old 06-26-2007, 08:12 PM
 
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We don't have any rules about clothing. You won't get any "flames" from me about it, but it's not something I can personally relate to.

Of course not having rules about it doesn't mean I haven't spent time talking about clothing, social attitudes toward different looks, assumptions, self respect and respect for others, creative expression, and etc. My Dd wears halter tops, mini skirts, and short shorts. She wears sweaters, button up shirts, long skirts, and pretty dresses. She wears cargo shorts, fingerless gloves, and t-shirts. What's most important to me is that she's dressing according to what she wants, not according to what she thinks other people (esp boys) like to see her in. It's a confusing world as far as media and mainstream attitudes about sex/appearance go, so my focus is more about helping her feel strong and healthy in whatever she wears & that her choices are about her.

If I ever have an issue with something she's wearing I respectfully tell her, and because she knows that I am never out to just rain on her parade or be a nag, she respectfully hears me out and gives it some real thought. As for being in underwear and such...that's an issue of respect for others. We don't want to make people uncomfortable. Dd sometimes will come downstairs in her night shirt and underwear to get some water or whatever, and I think that's just fine. Ds prefers to not be undressed around others and we respect that as well. We don't think it's automatically bad or inappropriate for girls and boys to see each other in various forms of undress. A boy shirtless, especially in the summer, is no big deal at all. A girl in a sports bra and shorts... not a crisis in my book.
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Old 06-28-2007, 11:48 AM
 
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WOW, i so appreciate that everyone is willing to share their thoughts.
My daughter is 13, yet she is my height and looks like a grown woman. She has her own fashion sense. My one rule is no cleavage showing, and no nipples showing through the clothes. it is driving me nuts that grown men are looking at her 'that way". It is driving me nuts that grown women look her up and down like she is trash. She usually wears long flowing skirts and button up shirts with short sleeves.Always with matching jewelry.
I cannot believe women are looking down at her like that. I realize those women have low self esteem, but oh my goodness you are not going to treat my little girl(this started at 12) bad because she is beautiful? She has long blonde hair and looks like barbie to me. I would not want my daughters self esteem to be affected by this, but I agree with others who have basically made the point to let the kids choose.
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