Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Adirondack Mts. of NY
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am not a mom of a bisexual child, nor am I bi, but I AM the kind of person that other people's kids just seem for some reason, to find trustworthy, grounded and comfortable....I used to work at the local school (K-12 all in one building). I have seen things and heard things and watched things unfold. Mostly I just love kids, because I remember how tough it can be without added complexity.
At one point I subbed for the senior high library aide longterm, and so got to know all the kids.
One young'un kind of stood out to me. The other guys all kind of avoided him though I could also see that he was not actively ostracized- and was probably related to some of these other boys, since it is a very small rural town. He dated and hung out with some girls, was very social, kind and good humored and was also involved in an out-of-school youth group: a pagan philosophy group, that my dh and I facilitated. That group was a good place for him...all the participating kids treated him well, (and they still keep in touch, from time to time with us). These were a mix of throwaway kids, independent but parented kids, and also kids in intact families.
J., this young guy, was living with grandparents nearby to us at the time.
I met J. in his junior year in HS. Late in his senior year, after his own cousin traumatized him by stealing his diary and xeroxing pages to pass around at school revealing his (understanding of himself at that time) feelings of at least bi-ness, he came out to me, and me alone. I held him and I cried- because I felt so honored to be entrusted with such a heavy thing; and also because I was SO angry at his cousin and the way his family kind of ignored the whole thing. They just didn't care and didn't support him.
I was happy for him, when he went away to college, where I felt sure he would find more inclusive and supportive community. He went through a year in college and dropped out, came home and came out all the way...realized he was not JUST bi, but was truly gay. I continued to work with him from time to time when he needed me, and he continued to come by and talk with me fairly regularly for a couple years.
Then he met a guy with whom he fell in love and after a few years of working out their relationship, they asked DH and I to marry them, as pagan clergy. Well, of course, in this state same sex unions are not legal, so we just facilitated a pagan ceremony to join their lives- a handfasting. A few of both guys' family members were present, and it was a sacred and sweet experience for me especially but also for my dh.
I cherish that experience and more- I cherish the love and trust that my DH and I built with this guy...and now with him and his beloved. It will VERY soon be their one year anniversary. I love them both and I could not ever have been prouder of my young friend if he was my own child. He is dear to all my family, including my kids.
I feel sad for what he went through: his cousin making his diary, and therefore all his most sacred thoughts and feelings, public. That so sucked. My boys heard LOTS of PURE crap about him and yet, they knew him and ignored it- of course. He was portrayed to them by others as some wild and viciously out of control homosexual monster- revealing oh so much about those who spewed that filth about him (and probably about those who raised the spewers too!). My kids made me know that I raised them to love people for who they are and to think for themselves.
I think your stepdaughter is lucky to have you as a stepmom, rpeacefuld, and I trust that you will find more community here, to help your path and hers. I wish I had something to share with you that would actually be helpful, but I don't, so will just let you know that I support you in your parenting of your stepdaughter. Your reaching out, shows how very much you care, and that is only natural.
Blessings and all my best to you and yours...Joyce in the mts.
CD Labor/Postpartum (MSTM), Doula trainer (BAI), Midwifery Student/Apprentice, CPS Tech