How comfortable are you with a sexually active teen? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How comfortable are you with a sexually active teen?
After marriage only! 122 21.82%
After out of the house or away in school! 52 9.30%
Maybe after a certain age but spare me any knowledge of it! 25 4.47%
After open discussions of the natural consequence, but not in the house please! 137 24.51%
After open discussions of the natural consequence and in the home is fine! 151 27.01%
Whenever or wherever is fine by me. 10 1.79%
None of these fit my opinion (I may elaborate below) 62 11.09%
Voters: 559. You may not vote on this poll

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#121 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 10:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by darkpear View Post
So for those whose beliefs forbid premarital sex, are you comfortable forcing your kids to take Pascal's Wager?
Pascal's Wager

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The Wager posits that it is a better "bet" to believe that God exists than not to believe, because the expected value of believing (which Pascal assessed as infinite) is always greater than the expected value of not believing. In Pascal's assessment, it is inexcusable not to investigate this issue:
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#122 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 10:52 PM
 
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We don't use words like forcing, condemning, and forbidding in our home. You are sprecking a different linguie to me...my children don't even know what this is. We're unschoolers. Barely even use the words sin, right, wrong, good, or bad...either.
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#123 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 10:58 PM
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We believe that it is better to be stable before you raise a family so that you won't have to live in a crappy old house with lead paint and mold. ie: stable life partner, career plan in place, financial security of some sort, if you are going to have sex! Unless you don't know where babies come from. Sex isn't just an enjoyable experience that we are driven to do...it does create new life and there is great responsibility involved in that. Kind of squinky for a 16 year old to find a life mate, YES, that's why we tell our children we would be more comfortable, and they would be more comfortable to wait until they are older to become sexually active. Now is the time to focus on education and career planning, dating comes later. How about traveling and seeing the world before becoming a parent? Just some things we talk about, like how when you are a parent you have less time to just do whatever you want to do with your life.

Who said anything about shaming, judging, or condemning? Do any of you know me or the people who are in the marriage before sex side? It's like you automatically assume I wear denim and wear my hair in a bun or am some kind of judgemental person (the kind of people that we can't stand to even be around) when we say we prefer marriage and commitment before sex....

....I don't believe that especially here on mdc, those who are saying they are uncomfortable with their teens being sexually active are some kind of prudy parents whose kids are going to sneak out and be more likely to get pregnant. I don't believe that our teens will be less likely to talk to us about their sexuality because of our beliefs. We were in the car listening to the radio today when an add for penis enhancement came on and it spurred a whole very funny discussion and a bunch of yuks from the back of the car. My children know that if they don't want to go by what we believe they can talk to us about it. When our son had his first serious girlfriend, he was just about to turn 18. We bought him condoms, and beer for his birthday, and at the same time explained to him yet again our beliefs, yet told him if he chose to do things differently to be safe.




And seriously, as stated in a previous post of mine, there are more ways than one to sexually rock someone's world. We all seem to want the best for our kids, let's just keep that in mind. I have yet to read a post saying they want their kids to wait and won't give any safe sex info. Even as we all want what's best for our kids, it looks like we value sex differently based on our beliefs. Based on that, we're trying to steer our kids in certain directions in regards to sex. And I am not saying you view sex as less if you don't mind your teen having it. You just value it differently





*
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#124 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:04 PM
 
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My son is taking the athiests wager

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the Atheist's Wager suggests that:

You should live your life and try to make the world a better place for your being in it, whether or not you believe in God. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will be remembered fondly by those you left behind. If there is a benevolent God, he may judge you on your merits coupled with your commitments, and not just on whether or not you believed in him.[5]
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#125 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:28 PM
 
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I voted none of the above.

I had a seriously scarring emotional experience with my first sexual relationship at age 16-17. I feel that my mother facilitated this to a certain extent by her hands-off, tolerant attitude.

I believe that sex creates a spiritual bond between two people and that it is unethical to have sex with a person with whom one does not intend to create such a connection; and that I would be irresponsible if I facilitated this for a child who was too young to handle it or in a relationship that is acknowledged to be inherently temporary. That's not the exact same thing as "wait until marriage" but it's damn close. I did not wait for marriage myself, but I really really wish I had.

Of course, all I can do is teach my values, not enforce them. And given the extremely personal nature of sexuality, I hope to have a relationship where if she rejects my view of the matter, she will still have access to birth control. I know too many teenagers who got pregnant before they were ready because their parents were in denial.

I don't like the "try it before you buy it" attitude to premarital sex. I think it's terribly unwise. A hot sexual connection makes an otherwise bad relationship a lot harder to get out of. And having a kid with a guy who isn't a keeper is extremely bad mojo, as I have observed in the lives of many friends. I'm not going to set up a young, unexperienced girl for all that just to prove to her how open I am.
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#126 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post

I believe that sex creates a spiritual bond between two people and that it is unethical to have sex with a person with whom one does not intend to create such a connection; and that I would be irresponsible if I facilitated this for a child who was too young to handle it or in a relationship that is acknowledged to be inherently temporary. That's not the exact same thing as "wait until marriage" but it's damn close. I did not wait for marriage myself, but I really really wish I had.

Of course, all I can do is teach my values, not enforce them. And given the extremely personal nature of sexuality, I hope to have a relationship where if she rejects my view of the matter, she will still have access to birth control. I know too many teenagers who got pregnant before they were ready because their parents were in denial.

I don't like the "try it before you buy it" attitude to premarital sex. I think it's terribly unwise. A hot sexual connection makes an otherwise bad relationship a lot harder to get out of. And having a kid with a guy who isn't a keeper is extremely bad mojo, as I have observed in the lives of many friends. I'm not going to set up a young, unexperienced girl for all that just to prove to her how open I am.

I totally agree with this, so many great points and so well said! We believe that there is a spiritual connection and bond during sex too.
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#127 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:46 PM
 
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I have yet to read a post saying they want their kids to wait and won't give any safe sex info.

well, i wouldn't because i'm catholic and artificial birth control is not the way forward, in my opinion. the sex talk i plan to give is based on the theology of the body (google it if you're interested). besides, "safe sex" is such a misnomer. maybe safe from pregnancy and std's (sometimes), but safe from the potential emotional, psychological and spiritual trauma? no.

nfp, however, is a different story.
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#128 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:50 PM
 
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I have yet to read a post saying they want their kids to wait and won't give any safe sex info.

well, i wouldn't because i'm catholic and artificial birth control is not really our thing. the sex talk i plan to give is based on the theology of the body (google it if you're interested). besides, "safe sex" is such a misnomer. maybe safe from pregnancy and std's (sometimes), but safe from the potential emotional, psychological and spiritual trauma? no.

nfp, however, is a different story.
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#129 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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ah fertility awareness...that's how we ended up with five children!

So I think it is important to teach fa from an early age so you really know your body. I started learning it inbetween #3 and #4 and made a couple miscalculations to have #4 and #5. I'd like to start teaching fa at the onset of menarche.
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#130 of 325 Old 07-17-2007, 11:55 PM
 
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obviously having a little trouble working this thing! clearly the reactionary in me
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#131 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 12:19 AM
 
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oh yes my kids both boys and girls have some degree of education on fertility awareness- how much they took in and still remember I don't know the girls have more practical application-- at this point and all my kids are adults at this point .
I would say that I was never hands off but also accept that some of my kids were going to act and really felt it was my job to give some guidlines-- and I agree that spiritual connections are made as well.. if you have any crazy issues in your background- you may have some wild hormones as well- infact I know that the person who instantly turns my head and I have some unconcious reaction to is going to be some how not a healthy person to be around for me..
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#132 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 01:47 AM
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I have yet to read a post saying they want their kids to wait and won't give any safe sex info.

well, i wouldn't because i'm catholic and artificial birth control is not really our thing. the sex talk i plan to give is based on the theology of the body (google it if you're interested). besides, "safe sex" is such a misnomer. maybe safe from pregnancy and std's (sometimes), but safe from the potential emotional, psychological and spiritual trauma? no.

nfp, however, is a different story.

There always has to be one!

to MDC!!!
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#133 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 07:54 AM
 
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I don't go for the "if they're going to do it, it might as well be at home" argument...
I will be very open with my kids about sex, but I'm also going to be open about our family's values, and handing my kids a beer or a condom on their way to their bedroom isn't part of that.
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I agree some go this direction and won't talk to parents, but it isn't all of them...

...My kids are well aware of what we believe to be healthier, but they are also aware that we know they may choose something different and that is fine (at least with me it is...dad is still working it out). We are teaching them about sex within the confines of marriage, but that doesn't mean we aren't teaching them about protection and all that goes with sexual relationships.
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I am honestly not comfortable with the thought of my dd having sex while still in high school. It is a reflection of what I value and no different than trying to instill any number of other values. It's kind of my job as parent to do that. Those are my expectations. I freely acknowledge dd will draw her own conclusions. I would just like my values to be her starting point. Then she has to thoughtfully reason why she would not hold such a value.

Personally I don't care what anyone else condones in regards to sex for their kids... obviously talking about teens having/ not having sex with other teens with consent. If you're comfortable with your teen having sex in your house, fine. It's your house, your kid, your comfort level, your values. I don't have to agree with you to understand why you condone it. Hopefully the same goes for those of us who hold differing views, even if you don't agree with us. There's more than one right way to raise a kid
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I voted for away at school/out of the house. I'm not a proponent of sex in high school. Once you're in college, that becomes a different story. I'm a high school teacher, and even the most responsible long term couples have issues, particularly if they go to the same school. When couples break up (as is quite likely at age 16), drama always ensues. Girls tell their girlfriends about the sex, boys tell their friends, soon the whole school knows their business, and people end up WAY more hurt than they would've otherwise. Colege aged kids have a different attitude about the whole thing, there's generally less gossip and drama, sex is expected and the norm rather than something to gossip about behind others' backs.

My kids are still young, but I'm hoping to stave off sex before college.
I agree with all of the quotes above. My girls are nearly 20, 13, and 9, and I have a son who's 13.

My oldest didn't have sex until she was away for her freshman year at college, and she was nearly 19. She told me all about the experience.

I am absolutely unequivocally not okay with any of my children having a boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over when they are minors. I'd probably be okay with a steady boy/girlfriend spending the night if my child is in his/her early twenties (i.e., reasonably mature by my calculations, and this would vary depending on which child it is).

I don't have a problem with other people raising their children differently, but I teach my children not to have sex until they are adults.

FWIW, DH didn't have sex until he was 18 (that was in 1981), and I didn't have sex until I was 19. I was raised in a very liberal, open household.
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#134 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 11:01 AM
 
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i definitely would not be comfortable with that. no way. at 16? i remember being 16, and as mature as they think they are, they don't have a clue. my mother is doing something similar with my 19 yr old sister (who at least is legal), and i find it very strange, if not appalling. it seems to me that the same argument is being used to justify allowing mature and immature teens to have sex at home. makes absolutely no sense to me. sex is not just recreation. there are pretty serious consequences, both physical and emotional, that no amount of birth control can prevent. most girls that i know regret having had sex too soon. i have yet to meet someone who regrets having waited.
:

I was a teen mom and even though I didn't conceive my oldest in *my* bedroom but probably in the back seat of bf's car or *his* bedroom, my son (same age as yours) knows that sleepovers or even gf's in his room will never happen. I will NEVER allow teen sex under my roof. And yes I have completely open and frank conversations with my son all the time about sex (he has access to rubbers), drugs and relationships.
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#135 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 11:07 AM
 
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One thing I've always told my kids is that enjoying orgasms doesn't mean you want to have intercourse. So I voted 'other'.
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#136 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 12:19 PM
 
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One thing I've always told my kids is that enjoying orgasms doesn't mean you want to have intercourse. So I voted 'other'.
Hell for a few years after I lost my virginity (I was 14) the only orgasms I had were without actually *going all the way*...honestly I never got off on the actual act! Sad I know.
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#137 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 03:17 PM
 
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One thing I've always told my kids is that enjoying orgasms doesn't mean you want to have intercourse. So I voted 'other'.
Such important info for them to have!

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#138 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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One thing I've always told my kids is that enjoying orgasms doesn't mean you want to have intercourse. So I voted 'other'.
Totally agree.

My mum was very open about sex and everything that goes with it. Even with very open, supportive parents, I ended up waiting until 19 because I just never met anyone that pushed my buttons enough!

After sharing all the pertinent information, my dd will be free to make her own decisions regarding her body. That is her right as a human being.

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#139 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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Wow. Ok well at our house concern about the cops charging us with something for letting our dd's boyfriend spend the night is not even a something I worry about.
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#140 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 05:29 PM
 
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I do not believe that I would ever be comfortable with my children having sex in my house while I was home... just not in my personal comfort level. Dh and I want a large family so it might be difficult for our children to find "alone time" with a SO whether dh or I are home or not anyhow

I want to be very open with my children about why I would prefer them to wait until they are at least in a good (emotionally), stable relationship before having sex or fooling around too much. I had a very bad experience with my first bf and we never had PIV sex - oral and heavy fooling around - and he ended up being very emotionally abusive. He was somewhat physically abusive, but it was the emotional abuse that was hard to see and get away from. The sexual aspect of our relationship clouded my judgement even more, IMO. Dh and I waited for each other for PIV sex, but we did not wait until we were married... dh has never been with another girl/woman at all.

My children will all have information about birth control (good and bad points of each type) and I would certainly be willing to help them get bc if they asked for my help even though dh and I wouldn't consider personally using anything other than NFP if we had to (we're not Catholic... but it is for religious reasons). They will likely have most attended the births of siblings by the time they are teens (my 20 mo dd has already attended a birth, though she obviously won't remember it) so they will know where babies come from at an early age. They will also know what birth entails...

I would be comfortable having my children taste alcohol or drink moderate amounts with dinner as teens at home, but I believe that the drinking law is ludicrous (I think a more reasonable age would be 16-18) and that children need to be taught (as well as shown) moderation wrt alcohol with a responsible adult present BEFORE they go off to college (or wherever) and possibly learn the hard way (as I did) with only other drunk college students present. I also wouldn't be embarassed to walk in on my children sipping on wine, but I would be terribly embarassed to walk in on them with a SO, GIO I wouldn't be comfortable HEARING them GIO with a SO either

I'm also curious about how you feel about sleepovers with same-sex friends if your child is GTLB. A friend of mine's parents totally freaked out because they walked in on her and her girlfriend from college who was staying with her for a couple weeks... they never suspected because they didn't know my friend was bi... they would NEVER have let her have a male friend stay over in her room with the door closed, but they were fine with her female friend until they found out that their daughter was actually dating the friend...

love and peace.

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#141 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 05:42 PM
 
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I'm also curious about how you feel about sleepovers with same-sex friends if your child is GTLB. A friend of mine's parents totally freaked out because they walked in on her and her girlfriend from college who was staying with her for a couple weeks... they never suspected because they didn't know my friend was bi... they would NEVER have let her have a male friend stay over in her room with the door closed, but they were fine with her female friend until they found out that their daughter was actually dating the friend...
How I will handle any sexual activity of my future children is of course entirely theoretical at this point, because I don't even have kids. But the gender of their partner would not effect that at all. I am GLBT (somewhere on the queer spectrum) and am completely comfortable with that possibility with future children.

The issue above seems more one of having let a partner stay over without knowing it was a partner. For me, having non-partnered friends of either gender over is on the same level, and having partners of either gender is on another level. The case here was possibly in the eyes of the parents a lie of omission about the relationship status of the guest. Or at least that would be my issue with it.
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#142 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Arduinna, I don't gather that your only concern is a cop knocking on your door. You have a moral issue with it. I respect that.

If it was against the law NOT to allow the BF to spend the night, I doubt you'd have BF stay the night to avoid the cops. kwim?

I hear a lot of those who wouldn't allow it under their roofs BUT they are open and talking about it. That is good news to me.

I do know that as open as I want to be, if my DD thinks she is going to disappoint me with a decision she has made, she may not be as willing to share it.

I pride myself on communicating unconditional love, but she still looks up to me and my opinion so much that, if pulled hard enough to make a decision against my opinion, she is likely to hide it.

It isn't only those who use the words "forbidden" and who won't talk about it at all. This is a real concern to me.

I posted earlier about DD's best friend, honor student, athlete etc who's relationship w.her mom broke down over this when she tried to communicate her oppostion to this opinion of abstinence.

No trying to change minds. Just more food for thought. I think this board and this conversation, whether we agree or not on MY decision, is still an excellent awareness and sharing of perspectives that will help ALL of us make the right decision for our children.

Thank you again everyone for all of your input! What a great community!
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#143 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 06:06 PM
 
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huh? I don't have any moral issues with it. My dd is 17 and I've provided BC for her and allowed her boyfriend to stay with us. My only concern is for her is that she only have sex because she wants to, not because she feels presured. I lived with my 23 year old boyfriend when I was 16. I am totally fine with teens having consentual sex.

here is my thread about it if you want a clearer understanding of my position. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=651527
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#144 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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As far as sleepovers go, we have an 18 yr old ds, 14 yr old dd, 11ds, 9dd, and 6dd. My 18 yr old ds has boys up to 20 yrs old at our house at all hours of the day and night, many times staying up all night gaming. At any given time I will find friends of his at all hours of the day or night sleeping on our couches, our floors, or in extra beds. We've had up to six or eight of ds friends staying at a time. One kid has done everything short of eat here for 2 years. My oldest son's room has four computers and three tv's and every game system there is with games on them, it is the ultimate gamer hangout. When the electric company came out they said his room alone was pulling more electricity than any other room in the house. It is so hot in there that even in the basement, they have to run a fan. Luckily most of these boys already have girlfriends, but it does concern me that 14 yr old dd likes one of her brother's friends because at some point I do have to sleep and friends come and go at night too. I guess if my son was gay, he would be having a lot of time to explore that.
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#145 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. Ok well at our house concern about the cops charging us with something for letting our dd's boyfriend spend the night is not even a something I worry about.
My mistake. I took this as saying you don't have to worry about it BECAUSE you don't allow BF to stay the night. kwim?
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#146 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 07:35 PM
 
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gotcha
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#147 of 325 Old 07-18-2007, 07:54 PM
 
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My children already know that sex is something for adults, preferably after marriage. We've already discussed the basics of conception, STDs, and the emotional repurcussions of sex.

When they get older, I will continue to encourage open talks about sexuality, along with anything else that may come up in their lives. I'm quite willing to purchase contraceptives for them if necessary, but I certainly hope it never becomes necessary!

I will not do anything to facilitate teenage sex. No overnights with boys. No closing the bedroom door if a boy comes over. I haven't yet decided about unchaperoned dates- they're still too young for that to be an issue. Right now they're not allowed to date at all.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#148 of 325 Old 07-19-2007, 01:46 AM
 
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Galatea said it beautifully upthread.

I was sexually active in college. I found no shame in sex, even though my parents never discussed it with me (they conceived my older sis out of wedlock and felt it would be hypocritical to tell me to wait, so they told me nothing at all, even when I asked them directly). But what Galatea said resonated with me; on top of that, the physical connection I felt with both of those young men made it hard for me (and he) to see that we were not compatible long-term in other, more crucial areas.

I'm a convert to the LDS Church now, and there's a history there of shame and confusion about sex, both before and after marriage. I see it lifting and changing in the newest generation of LDS parents; the values are the same, but the hush-hush and shame is on its way out. Dh and I will help to usher it out.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#149 of 325 Old 07-19-2007, 03:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
I voted none of the above.
I had a seriously scarring emotional experience with my first sexual relationship at age 16-17. I feel that my mother facilitated this to a certain extent by her hands-off, tolerant attitude.
That is sad that your mother was "hands-off"- and left you to deal with that alone. Hands-on parenting might have helped you avoid that situation all together.

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Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
I believe that sex creates a spiritual bond between two people and that it is unethical to have sex with a person with whom one does not intend to create such a connection;
That is interesting because I don't believe sex itself creates a spiritual bond, rather, the friendship and communication would create that bond, and then ultimately sex would be one of many expressions of that bond.

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and that I would be irresponsible if I facilitated this for a child who was too young to handle it
Absolutely, of course!

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...or in a relationship that is acknowledged to be inherently temporary. That's not the exact same thing as "wait until marriage" but it's damn close. I did not wait for marriage myself, but I really really wish I had.
I think right now, my DD is in it for the positive experience and friendship and closeness and pleasure and joy!

But I asked her and she said "I consider myself a feminist, not a commodity. I don't WANT to get married. I want my art, and photography, and I am going to college! Are you kidding?
(I got this from her in Costa Rica on foreign exchange via instant message)- she'll be back in 5 months to elaborate.


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Of course, all I can do is teach my values, not enforce them. And given the extremely personal nature of sexuality, I hope to have a relationship where if she rejects my view of the matter, she will still have access to birth control. I know too many teenagers who got pregnant before they were ready because their parents were in denial.
Yeah that is tricky, because having "access to birth control" means either coming to you for it when she knows it is opposite your values, or sneaking elsewhere for it; hence the potential "parent in denial" you speak of.

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I don't like the "try it before you buy it" attitude to premarital sex.
I think it's terribly unwise. A hot sexual connection makes an otherwise bad relationship a lot harder to get out of.
I agree, it's better to get to know someone before clouding it with sex which was my advice exactly! They waited until they felt ready, and fortunately my DD's relationship makes her extremely happy.

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And having a kid with a guy who isn't a keeper is extremely bad mojo, as I have observed in the lives of many friends.
I agree, so if abstinence does not work, it's good to have your back up plan which is an open continuous frank dialog about birth-control and STD's of course!

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I'm not going to set up a young, unexperienced girl for all that just to prove to her how open I am.
Nor would I! In our case we are responding to a mature young woman to support this next part of her growing up.
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#150 of 325 Old 07-19-2007, 05:04 AM
 
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That is interesting because I don't believe sex itself creates a spiritual bond, rather, the friendship and communication would create that bond, and then ultimately sex would be one of many expressions of that bond.
The prevalence of this attitude in our society is what makes me so protective of the soul aspect of sexuality. A human being is not a "ghost in a machine." Our bodies are integral aspects of our spiritual identity. In sex, the profound natural language of the body says "I merge with you completely; I connect with you as closely as humanly possible; I give myself to you." Denying this meaning is the easiest way to create negative spiritual consequences. Speaking this profound language of the body without meaning it, or without being able to back it up with adult commitment on other levels, is spiritually harmful.

Quote:
Yeah that is tricky, because having "access to birth control" means either coming to you for it when she knows it is opposite your values, or sneaking elsewhere for it; hence the potential "parent in denial" you speak of.
I have to say that I don't take kindly to your continued insinuations that anyone with misgivings about teen sex is therefore automatically setting up a negative, repressed dynamic around sexuality. You may not be able to fit your head around it, but that doesn't mean we're either lying or in denial. Also, the dichotomy you are setting up WRT access to birth control is false. First, if I would provide access to birth control if I knew my daughter were sexually active, then by definition birth control for those who choose to be sexually active is not against my values. Choosing to be sexually active as a teenager is against my values, but it's not my body.

Second, if one is old enough to have sex, I don't see how getting BC without parental involvement counts as "sneaking." I did it fifteen years ago with no problem. I can only imagine how much easier it is now, or will be when my daughter is that age. I see a disconnect between the adultlike autonomy involved in taking a sexual partner, and the childlike dependence of having mom hold your hand on the preparations and precautions. A person who is not worldly-wise enough to make their own arrangements as to the how, when, where and with what protection is not sophisticated enough to deal with the natural consequences of sex, either. IOW grown up enough to do it means grown up not to have to check in with your parents about it.

Quote:
I agree, it's better to get to know someone before clouding it with sex which was my advice exactly! They waited until they felt ready, and fortunately my DD's relationship makes her extremely happy.
Teenage girls in general tend to be extremely happy with their boyfriends, for as long as they have them. And everyone waits until they "feel ready," unless they're being raped. As a mother I would hope to offer, from the perspective of age and experience, a counterbalance to a young person's hormone-fueled enthusiasm for a particular partner, rather than simply reinforce it.
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