"Classic" teenager ?!.. - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-22-2007, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OKay, DSD is 14. :

She came over this weekend, and she is starting to get into "emo" stuff. She got choppy haircut, and is picking up black rubber bracelets, and talks about what a cool look "emos" have. Doesn't really bother us, but it just strikes me like such a "classic teenager" behavior that it made me smile

She asked for a ride to the mall, and when we got there, she asked not to come into the store with her.

I mean, you read about these things in books on raising a teenagere, and then it happens to you!..

Anyone else has stories of "classic teenagehood"?..

P.S. There is plenty of mood swings to go around, and a bit of selfishness, but somehow those are harder to see as "just a teenage stage", I always worry that it will stick; at the same time, this fondness with "emo" stuff is just too funny, I'm sure she'll grow out of that one

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Old 07-22-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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DD says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves as a part of their culture. Something to be aware of. I do not know if that is true but that's what she told me.
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Old 07-22-2007, 07:28 PM
 
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Heres one. dd turns fourteen and wants her learners permit. She says there is a rule that says she can have one now. She says we need to get it now before the rule changes this year. She expects that I'll run right out and get this permit so she can drive, but doesn't realize the high cost of insurance that would have to be paid to do this. I hate to break it to her but...I don't see this happening. She will probably be mad when she finds out we aren't letting her drive yet.
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Old 07-23-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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DD says that punks dress emo, and many emos are involved in cutting themselves as a part of their culture.
I'll admit that I know very little about emo these days. However, as someone who used to cut, I can assure you that that behavior is almost always done from depression, and almost never from social pressure. People have these weird ideas about cutters, and most are absolutely untrue.

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Old 07-23-2007, 01:02 AM
 
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Emos don't cut because they're emo, cutters cut because they're depressed. They may or may not be emo.
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Old 07-23-2007, 01:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She doesn't seem depressed really, she is really into music and the clothing. I appreciate the concern though (the first time she mentioned it, I had to secretly look it up heh).

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Old 07-23-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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Emos don't cut because they're emo, cutters cut because they're depressed. They may or may not be emo.
Yup, true cutters do it b/c the have are depressed/have mental illnesses. I did it when I was a kid to get attention, and the majority of kids who I knew did it for that reason too-and it was something they grew out of. Very few kids acutally did it b/c of something they couldn't control-and those kids would try to hide it. Those who do it more for attention or "poor me" status let their wounds show, and they are usually very minor, just lines across the arms.

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Old 07-23-2007, 02:40 AM
 
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When I took dd to counseling the counselor asked her if she cut and her response was "I'm not an emo", so evidently my dd thinks cutting=emo. Doesn't it sound so much like elmo....though? I was like "what is an emo???".
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Old 07-23-2007, 02:50 AM
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She expects that I'll run right out and get this permit so she can drive, but doesn't realize the high cost of insurance that would have to be paid to do this.
Our insurance company said there's no additional cost to add someone who has a permit... it only costs more to add a licensed driver.

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Old 07-23-2007, 03:41 AM
 
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Oh Dar....you had to tell me that...my insurance went up with ds as soon as he got his permit, $120 a month. When he turned 18 it went from 120 to 70 a month, he still doesn't have his licence yet. Maybe it is different for girls.

It can't be happening so soon that they are driving age!!!
OK..letting very responsible ds drive my car is one thing but wild woman dd who doesn't listen to my instructions driving the only car we have that I still owe money on....hmmmm....risky. Then again, driving is a great motivator.....I guess it wouldn't hurt to get the little booklet. We could always use this driver's ed class on her transcript. It's never to early to start thinking of that I hear. :
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Old 07-23-2007, 07:29 AM
 
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Dd really likes the emo look, or most of it anyway. She's definitely not into the self injury (cutting, etc) though, and I am thankful. She likes some of the look for herself, and on boys and girls too.

I got pretty lucky I guess.. My teens not only don't mind me going to the mall or movies with them, they welcome and invite it. They just took me to see the new HP movie.

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Old 07-23-2007, 03:37 PM
 
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Could some explain to me what exactly emo is. I have heard the term a time or two but have not a clue. I live in a very small town where jocks and cheerleaders are everywhere so please clue me in. Thank you!
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:50 PM
 
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I am not 100% sure, but I think they are the ones who wear dark clothing, and put dark eye liner around their eyes completely, even the boys do. Probably shop at Hot Topic at the mall. Although my ds is not an emo an he shops at hot topic. I teach my child she can dress jock one day, western the next, and emo another day or mix all of them, the dressing being your identity thing is strong here but since we are unschoolers, we are kind of amused by it. DD likes to dress from the skater store, but since she doesn't really skate, that means she is a poser, from what she's told me.
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Old 07-23-2007, 05:10 PM
 
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Emo is short for Emotional and it is as harmless as punks or grunge or even goth before it.


It is supposed to be the new culture where people aren't afraid to show their emotions and often times gets made fun of by the 'preps' or 'jocks' for being cry babies.

But like the grunge and goth before them it is just another culture shock phase that every generation has and tries to come up with a new twist.


There is a style of music named Emo but it varies greatly from electronica to grunge. The style of music doesn't seem to be based on the music itself as much as the artists who perform it. If the artist proclaims to be Emo then their music is considered emo so long as it doesnt go to far into the metal or the pop genres.




Emo styles are typically longer bangs over the eyes or longer hair in general. Can be black or any shade and you will also find the boys/men into emo wearing the eyeliner. Their clothes tend to be black and can also have bright or vivid colors to go along with it.


Basically it is a group of people who want to belong and they defined their own social status to make it happen.


Correct me if I am wrong, I have never been emo but I know people who are into the culture and that is the impression they give me.

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Old 07-24-2007, 01:20 AM
 
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Ahh haa! Thank you very much! Now I will not look so uncool if one of my boys says anything about this look....
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Old 07-24-2007, 11:44 AM
 
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This is what I am currently dealing with (14 year old daughter). She does not want to go on our family vacation to Vermont (we live in Fl.) She wants to stay at a friends house and I am not letting her do this. She wants to try out for the varsity volleyball team. (We hs but she is going to play for JV in the fall.) She wants to go to the public high school. (I absolutely will not allow her to do this except to play volleyball.) Sallie
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Old 07-24-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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I understand about wanting her to go on the family vacation. What are your concerns about her trying out for the Varsity team or going to public school? I know that some unschoolers I know go to public school for about six weeks, then by that time they tire of getting told when they can and can't go to the bathroom and all of the other rules and regs and cheerfully RUN home. Not letting them go try out school makes it more desirable.

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Old 07-24-2007, 01:35 PM
 
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I think the emo kids are also the ones with flesh tunnels???? At least over here, cutting and emo go hand in hand- there's also the charming fashion look of wearing wristwarmers and trillions of bracelets that make it look like you're hiding something : They aren't punks- punks are positively mainstream cute and fluffy by comparison, but don't have the heavy-duty angst (and history) of the goths. At least with goths, they tend to read some good literature

I am, however, hoping and praying that grunge comes back into fashion in the next 5 years before my boys get there. : I'm hoping it might be cheaper.

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Old 07-24-2007, 01:54 PM
 
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I think the emo kids are also the ones with flesh tunnels???? At least over here, cutting and emo go hand in hand- there's also the charming fashion look of wearing wristwarmers and trillions of bracelets that make it look like you're hiding something : They aren't punks- punks are positively mainstream cute and fluffy by comparison, but don't have the heavy-duty angst (and history) of the goths. At least with goths, they tend to read some good literature

I am, however, hoping and praying that grunge comes back into fashion in the next 5 years before my boys get there. : I'm hoping it might be cheaper.
None of the people I know who are emo cut themselves or pretend to. I have however known cutters and their social status had very little to do with it.

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Old 07-24-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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Ok what the heck is a "flesh tunnel"? I am only 32 am I really this un-cool? lol
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Old 07-24-2007, 06:08 PM
 
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The cutting thing is seen in emo kids some, but that's certainly not the defining element. I know someone who was raised in a very strict Christian denom and isn't even allowed to wear pants let alone anything emo and she has struggled with cutting. It's a rough situation that any kind of kid might face if the conditions (environment, mental, emotion, etc) are right (or wrong, I guess. )

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Old 07-25-2007, 07:36 AM
 
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Bestbirths, I am OK with her trying out for varisty next year. The varsity try-outs are this year when we wil be away on our vacation.However, she is not ready to hang out with 16,17, and 18 year olds. Next year, will make sure,she can go to team camp and try out for varsity.
The public school objection is many things. The learning differences she has will be ignored/not dealt with and she will experience a lot of failure.(She is deaf in one ear plus dyslexic) Conformity,control,and consumersim are my main objection to schools (not just public) I do not want her with peers for 8-10 hours a day. Plus,the interests she has art,music,her freedom will pretty much disapear. She is a strong conformist (unlike brother,nearly 17) and she would do anythig to fit in) She has a few years till college (4). I have doing a lot of work this summer to make sure she has positive stuff going into the fall. She will be doing singing lessons (her interest). She is just hooked up with an active youth group. She does an online school-there will be 6 challenging and interesting courses that do not all rely on me but I will be there for guidance and support. She will also be at this school nearly every day for volleyball practices and games. Sallie
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:48 AM
 
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Yup, true cutters do it b/c the have are depressed/have mental illnesses. I did it when I was a kid to get attention, and the majority of kids who I knew did it for that reason too-and it was something they grew out of. Very few kids acutally did it b/c of something they couldn't control-and those kids would try to hide it. Those who do it more for attention or "poor me" status let their wounds show, and they are usually very minor, just lines across the arms.
Yep, my dss did it more for attention a couple years ago. He seemed almost proud? of it. Very strange. But, he claims he is not emo, but punk. Huh? He only did it one time and made sure that everyone could see it. The "wounds" were minor. More casual cutting (very strange to me -how could someone be a casual cutter? but it happens) is associated with being emo in our neck of the woods but true cutters, like you say, are depressed.
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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I think this is the thing that's bugging me: over here (UK) the defining marks of an emo kid seems to be the obsessive hiding of the forearms, and the awareness of cutting. I'm not saying they're self-harming, but that the culture seems to be tolerant of cutting to the point of glorying There's a certain amount of interest in body mod of other kinds as well, which can be a bit scary.
Marcie, flesh tunnels are the ear-rings that expand the holes in the lobe so you can see daylight through- by several mm. To my old-fashioned 30-year-old eyes, it's a big ick.

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Old 07-25-2007, 12:58 PM
 
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I work in a school, as part of the Special Ed Dept actually (so the comment about Public Schools ignoring children with Special Needs was a little sad to me, because we work very hard to help children), but I'm in the "regular" classroom. I see Emo kids and have never seen any of them that "cut".
The Emo kids I see actually kind of remind me of the British look in the late 60s and early 70s. Tight pants, wide belts, shaggy hair.

I've also been told by an Emo kid that Emo doesn't stand for Emotional, that that's just what people think it stands for. But who knows. Neither of my 2 teens is into the look.
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Old 07-25-2007, 08:31 PM
 
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It's a popular misconception that emo = cutter. My son's labeled emo (he hates labels, tho), and had a classmate actually cut him because "that's what emos do". It isn't. They're very into emotions and expressing them freely, especially via music or writing. They tend to go with longer hair, darker clothes, and yes, eyeliner on guys. YEah, it's a bit odd to go to the store and buy eyeliner for your son. But hey - whatever.
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:53 PM
 
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Bestbirths, I am OK with her trying out for varisty next year. The varsity try-outs are this year when we wil be away on our vacation.However, she is not ready to hang out with 16,17, and 18 year olds. Next year, will make sure,she can go to team camp and try out for varsity.
The public school objection is many things. The learning differences she has will be ignored/not dealt with and she will experience a lot of failure.(She is deaf in one ear plus dyslexic) Conformity,control,and consumersim are my main objection to schools (not just public) I do not want her with peers for 8-10 hours a day. Plus,the interests she has art,music,her freedom will pretty much disapear. She is a strong conformist (unlike brother,nearly 17) and she would do anythig to fit in) She has a few years till college (4). I have doing a lot of work this summer to make sure she has positive stuff going into the fall. She will be doing singing lessons (her interest). She is just hooked up with an active youth group. She does an online school-there will be 6 challenging and interesting courses that do not all rely on me but I will be there for guidance and support. She will also be at this school nearly every day for volleyball practices and games. Sallie
Sallie, I completely understand as my daughter is dyslexic too and that would be my concern too. It's not that I am downing the public schools, it is just that dyslexia is REALLY difficult to deal with for anyone, and one on one attention tailored program just for their needs seems to work best. Plus, there is a strong stigma to be an older child with reading difficulties in school, regardless of how wonderful the teachers may be. I view homeschooling partially as protecting my child's self esteem (at least trying to). A lot of people homeschool for this very reason. Our local group is mostly parents just like me. I would be concerned about my child developing relationships with older girls too, now that you mention it, because she is already interested in older things and I wouldn't want to encourage (the boy interest especially). I wouldn't want her hanging out with older girls who are interested in even older boys. I totally get that.


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YEah, it's a bit odd to go to the store and buy eyeliner for your son. But hey - whatever.
There are worse thing to buy for your son I'd think....like condoms...I'd definately rather buy eyeliner than condoms! Maybe the eyeliner popularity is from the Pirates of the Caribean craze, Johnny Depp wears eyeliner in that movie, and no one is laughing at him.

My daughter is now taking the eyeliner and extending it way past the end of her eye. It's like now that boys are wearing eyeliner, they have to wear....even more eyeliner....or something. It's an eyeliner contest.
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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It's a popular misconception that emo = cutter. My son's labeled emo (he hates labels, tho), and had a classmate actually cut him because "that's what emos do". It isn't. They're very into emotions and expressing them freely, especially via music or writing.
Wow, did you press assault charges? That is way crossing the line to come up and cut someone! I hope they would suspend the child that cut another student from school.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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Wow, did you press assault charges? That is way crossing the line to come up and cut someone! I hope they would suspend the child that cut another student from school.
LOL The young man (and his parents) was made to understand very clearly that the one kid he did not want to mess with was mine. 'Cause his momma WILL bring the crazy down on him.
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Old 07-26-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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Marcie, flesh tunnels are the ear-rings that expand the holes in the lobe so you can see daylight through- by several mm. To my old-fashioned 30-year-old eyes, it's a big ick.
Oh me too! There's a cookie shop I love in the mall and a guy who has those works there. Whenever he's working I can't get a cookie 'cause his ears make my appetite completely disappear.

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