Refrigerator Magnets - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 50 Old 08-02-2007, 11:08 PM
 
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I do feel as though it's an ocd issue, but i also believe that everybody has a tendancy to have certain ocd issues, yours happens to be magnets on a refrigerator. I'd move the magnet tell your you know i'm weird about certainn things, make it light hearted and heck let her make fun of you for it. LOL.
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#32 of 50 Old 08-02-2007, 11:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to let you guys know that I think I'm making peace with the whole "shopping list on the freezer door in the very middle of the photos" thing...

I might just move it a tiiiiiny bit to the side... a bit closer to the handle... a little later... maybe in a week?... but I'll keep it on the freezer door...

Is that a good compromise? or should I keep dialing that Dr. Phil number?

New endeavor coming soon...
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#33 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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I don't have much to say without repeating PPs that it's not a big issue and that your dsd probably won't even notice if you move it, and that you should also try to let it go yourself. Which you are.

But I do want to add that I think you are being an incredibly sensitive step-mother to consider your dsd's feelings about the placement of a magnet. You may be doing it because it's more of a deal to you, but I think most parents would not think twice about their kids' feelings on magnet placement.

Have you thought about sharing with her some of the things you've said here? Just to let her know that it's an issue you have, make a few jokes, and tell her that you've really wanted to move it initially but that you have left it there to work on those feelings and to respect her, etc. If my family had had open discussion of such things and feelings, we would have been much closer.

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#34 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 09:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
Not to be rude or anything, but wouldn't it also be fair to suggest to someone who has OCD that perhaps they might want to look into treatment options instead of insisting that an entire family mold themselves around someone else's OCD needs? I agree that families in this case need to be more flexible than normal to help out the affected person, but the affected person can also help themselves and in turn help their family. Just my 2 cents.
For most of us with OCD, it ends up being a little of both. My family bends to some of my quirks, and I use those wonderful therapy techniques to let go of the stuff that would be unfair to expect them to deal with. IMO, the magnets fall under the first category.

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#35 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 10:03 AM
 
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I don't think the OP has OCD. She said she feels like she has OCD about the door, which is what many people who are particular about certain things say. What she has written in this post doesn't sound like OCD to me. If she actually has OCD, that would be different.

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#36 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 10:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
I don't think the OP has OCD. She said she feels like she has OCD about the door, which is what many people who are particular about certain things say. What she has written in this post doesn't sound like OCD to me. If she actually has OCD, that would be different.
That's actually a good point (although I think my post applies to those with OCD-like tendencies as well, LOL!)

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#37 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 10:14 AM
 
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Here's my take on this situation, just by applying my own life. I'm a single mom. I have three kids of my own, and I watch my good friend's little boy a lot (she's a full time military single mom). My oldest daughter is almost 14, my son is 9, my friend's son is 8, and my little girl is 4. I have my kids 100% of the time, ex hasn't taken them anywhere since October 2005, and even then he only took the big two. He's never ever ever taken all three. My life can be chaotic. In fact, it's downright crazy at times. I never get a break. I never get those little half hour times when I can get away and be "off duty" for a little while. There are sooooo many things in my life that I can't control, so there are certain things that I want to be just so. For me, it is a control issue, not an ocd thing, but it makes me feel better, and my kids understand. I like things in the fridge put in certain places. I like all the labels facing out in the pantry. When I put stuff on the belt at the grocery store, I like to put all of the soup together, all of the cereal together, etc. Just little things. Nothing life changing, but things I like to do, and since I usually do them myself it's no problem. I like to put the laundry away - I was it, I dry it, I fold it, so I put it away so that I know it was put away properly, not just shoved into a drawer. Like I said, just stupid little things - I wouldn't freak out if those things weren't done, but I have been known to go back into the pantry later and fix things up if my daughter helps me put away groceries. Hmmmm - maybe I'm more ocd than I thought!

Of course, like I said, that's just me....
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#38 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 12:12 PM
 
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Well, since it was to ME that you made the "getting help instead of making the family bend to your ways" comment. I will respond.

My therapist thinks I'm doing a fine job of learing to deal with my "compulsions". Unfortunatly there is no "magic pill" and new "quirks" pop up from time to time.

I don't see the problem with my family letting me have things "my way" on my "silly little quirks" (they're hardly earth shattering things for anyone in my family, except me). Until I can work through a paticular "compulsion" it would just be cruel for my family to force me into a panic attack because they make me do something the way they want (when it really doesn't matter to them at all) when they know how important it is to me (example: the light switches, the swith at the top of the stairs MUST be down for off and up for on. My family really doesn't care which way they are but they know it matters to me, so they do it). That's just a small example, but most of my "quirks" really only effect me and not my family too much, having to drive on only certain roads, pushing all the radio station buttons everytime I change the radio, will not drive on certain highways, must drive the car etc) My worst time was with a crazy touching pattern I had to do with the remote. The compulsion was overwhelming and I had to do it until it was done right. My boys were young, but they knew I HAD to do it and would patiently wait for me to "get it right". My family loves me and can be sympathetic to my "quirks", it would be down right cruel if they just said "too bad for you, get help we're not dealing with your issues". I'm glad I have the kind caring family I do.
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#39 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 12:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy View Post
I kind of get an automatic gut reaction when someone says that people with OCD need to work harder and "help themselves"
No kidding!!!! Having OCD is an illness, just like arthritis or heart disease, you can't just get over it & work harder. Do you tell your artritic granny to step it up... that shes holding up the line? Didn't think so! You take meds & you do what you can... I can't believe the lack of respect for mental illness in this thread especially on Mothering! WOW!

With that being said I have a refridgerator magnet issue too. There can be none on the front of the fridge part, we have some on the freezer section but they each have a specific place & I don't like them moved. I liken my neatness to the fact that I have chaos running rampant in my brain so when I look at my immediate controllable surroundings I like them to be orderly.

I think thats it's your fridge & your magnets move them where you want, she is a child & it's your house.
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#40 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 12:42 PM
 
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It's the child's house too. The OP doesn't have OCD. If she did, it would be different to me.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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#41 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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She has some kind of compulsive situation going on... it wouldn't upset her as much as it has if she didn't.

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It's the child's house too. The OP doesn't have OCD. If she did, it would be different to me.
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#42 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 07:38 PM
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So anyway- I was picturing naughyt magnets or bad words.


My 2cents- if it is indeed a huge issue for you to have your pictures on the fridge exactly the way you want them- WHO CARES Don't we all have pieces of our life and surroundings we like a certain way!?! I know I do. For me, it is my bathroom closet and where the toothpaste and toothbrush is located. My kids have learned not to move them and if they must to make sure the are replaced exactly where they were. They have their own shelf.

So in that same vein- if your dsd wants to put things on the fridge, can't she be assigned an area on it that is specifically hers? You should be able to have your space unmessed with. Just let her know you need those pictures that way and if she wants to put something on the fridge, to please do it in another spot.

For my kids and me, it is not a control issue. It is a matter of being respectful of another person's request. If we love each other and want to try to make each others' lives easier, I don't think it is asking too much to have personal items a certain way, even if they are in public space, especially when there are alternative locations for other's affects.
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#43 of 50 Old 08-03-2007, 11:13 PM
 
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If it's really bothering you just move it. I can't see a teenager really caring, I wouldn't. If she asks explain it to her like you did us. She should, by her teen years, be understanding of such a thing.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#44 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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Just as someone who was recently a teen (me=20) your DSD doesn't care and prolly doesn't even remember putting the magnet there. You are blowing this WAY outta proportion and she would think this whole thread is HILARIOUS.
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#45 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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You should show her the thread. Ask her advice!
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#46 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 01:54 AM
 
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Thats what I was thinking, she may get a kick outta the thread!

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You should show her the thread. Ask her advice!
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#47 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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*tiptoeing into the Refrigerator Magnets therapy sessions...*
:
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#48 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 02:02 AM
 
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FWIW I think you sound totally OCD about the magnets...and just like me!
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#49 of 50 Old 08-04-2007, 02:52 AM
 
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1-800-DRPHIL

No, really - I'm glad you are leaving the magnet where dsd put it. All kids need some control, and to let her choose this was nice of you. I know you'd highly prefer to have the magnets the way you like them, but I'd try to let it go and save your "I'm having it my way" points for something like whether or not she can date a 23 year old.

I'm a little OCD about this and that myself. I always pull the door handle after I lock it with the remote. Always. I've been known to go back and check it after we walked away - if dp didn't do it himself when he has the keys and is in charge of locking.

But the other day my dd1 unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I'd asked her to unload it - but planned to load it myself as I like it a certain way (bottom rack - all big plates together in the back - facing center of dishwasher, all small plates together in the front - same side as big plates and of course facing center, bowls together in back facing center, kid bowls together in front facing center, all forks in one section facing up, all spoons in the next section facing up, all knives in next section facing DOWN!, potato peelers, etc in fourth section - facing down if they are pointy. Top rack - glasses go glass-plastic-glass-plastic so they don't clink together.

So I come home to the dishwasher not only unloaded but reloaded. I am a little afraid to open it - you should have seen the bowls all facing every which way! But you know what? I just put detergent in and pushed start!

I am more interested in supporting her helping out than I am having all the bowls line up. I am trying not to sweat the small stuff.

I do think the OP would get a little different responses if she were diagnosed OCD. OP? Is it something that negatively affects your life? Do you think that this might be your opportunity to work on it? I would tread carefully so you can continue to form a good relationship with your dsd.
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#50 of 50 Old 08-05-2007, 03:12 PM
 
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I can't believe there are three pages on this.
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