10yo googling for sex pics - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
imahappymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: We live in Westerville, OH
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am the mother of a 10yo who has been searching for sex pics on the web. I am not quite sure how to handle it. I have restricted the content on the computer, which I thought I had done previously, but that really does not deal with the issue, because how hard is it to find images anywhere, frankly? I don't want to shame him or punish him. There is nothing wrong with the human body and I don't want him to feel dirty or embarassed, but I do want him to understand the violence and objectification that goes along with pornography. I have been letting it go for a few days because approaching the subject with him gets him very wound up and embarassed, so I was hoping that a few days might let him calm down a bit so that we can talk. Any suggestions on a way that we can begin? We have a good relationship and he knows that he can talk to me about anything, but is this something that I need to leave to his father? Grandpa? Father and I are pretty much on the same page, by the way.
imahappymama is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 08:38 PM
 
Tishie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Idaho, USA
Posts: 216
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Eeek! I'd definitely continue the dialog about how you feel about porn. I think 10 yo is so young... such a vulnerable time to start developing attitudes toward women and sex, that I'd do whatever I could to stop this behavior. My 11 year old daughter uses the internet but the parental controls are such that she cannot get to any website I haven't approved. So, googling might be fun, but she can't get to any of the results unless I approve it with a password.

My 15 year old has less stringent controls, but still pretty strict.

It's not so much that I don't want my kids to ever be exposed to anything, but more that I like to be present so that we can discuss them. Although porn is in a special category, IMO. It really screws with attitudes, self-concept, etc.
Tishie is offline  
#3 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 08:40 PM
 
<~*MamaRose*~>'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HUGS Mama! Welcome to the Fun Years with Boys Club!

You may need to skim through alot of this thread for relevant info but there are alot of opinions in this thread that are good.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=665019
<~*MamaRose*~> is offline  
#4 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
imahappymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: We live in Westerville, OH
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I reviewed the previous posts and it gave me some ideas. Deep breath and here we go!
imahappymama is offline  
#5 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
imahappymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: We live in Westerville, OH
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=Tishie;8934164]Eeek! I'd definitely continue the dialog about how you feel about porn. I think 10 yo is so young... such a vulnerable time to start developing attitudes toward women and sex, that I'd do whatever I could to stop this behavior.

That's what I thought, as well. At first I was more of the opinion that I was out of touch and a prude, given my own upbringing, which involved a keen sense of shame and embarassment, even when I stumbled upon the store of porno mags of my fathers, but you're right in that the visuals will have such an impact on someone so young that I have to get outta here! It's just that it startled me that, at 10, he was so interested.
imahappymama is offline  
#6 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:46 PM
Banned
 
stik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You've probably already had the conversation by now. I just wanted to add that it's normal for a ten-year-old to be curious about sex (though not appropriate for a ten-year-old to look at online porn.) I agree that you should adjust your internet controls so that you have to approve a site before your son can view it. I'd add that it may be helpful to provide him with some positive information about changing bodies and sexuality at the same time. Probably in book form, not as an adjunct to the conversation about porn.
stik is offline  
#7 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:52 PM
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,274
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally would have been doing that at ten if I'd had Internet access. My advice is find some pictures of naked people that aren't offensive to your values. My guess is he's curious, and helping him satisfy his curiosity in a healthy way may curb his appetite for finding out the hard way. You might also want to initiate casual conversations about your values.

Also, this web site is a valuable one. http://adolescentsexualitytoday.blogspot.com/

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

Juliacat is offline  
#8 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:53 PM
 
meowee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's probably illegal to knowingly let a 10 year old look at porn... you could always explain this to him on those terms. I know predators who show children pornographic pictures are charged with something like endangering the welfare of a child, or exposing a child to lewd content...I can't remember exactly what.
meowee is offline  
#9 of 24 Old 08-18-2007, 09:54 PM
 
Tishie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Idaho, USA
Posts: 216
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh yes! I would like to be more specific about my response. Being curious about sex is, of course, very normal. Maybe he just wants to see some diagrams of how things are done, and those can be found in sex-ed type of books from a bookstore. And they can be respectful and not sexist.

Although maybe he just wants to look at porn. Tough to say.
Tishie is offline  
#10 of 24 Old 08-22-2007, 10:07 PM
 
Mommyfiver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 18
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DS (now 12) had that "problem" around the same age as your son, thankfully my hubby was there to aide in the situation. I think he took a very good aproach by not embarassing him and rather just chatting it up with him one day and then approaching the subject from there. Hubby is NOT my 12yo biological dad either. But I do know that he did ask Keegan if he felt bad about looking at the images, to which he responded, "sorta". Of course hubby inquired as to why he felt that way. He responded because I'm baptized and God probably wouldn't be happy with that. So hubby just dug even further and truly after Keegan gave all his explanations, hubby concluded with him that it's just something we don't do when we are trying to keep our morals.

Don't know if you are religious or not but son did repent and felt better. They had the "sex" talk then as well. DS is now 12 and it has somewhat become a fascination of his again, peer pressure doesn't help. He "stumbles" sometimes but hubby and I remind him, without trying to make him feel bad, but to be clear of his intentions and actions.

Did I help any? Or just give my story?
Mommyfiver is offline  
#11 of 24 Old 08-23-2007, 12:52 PM
 
Jenlaana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,824
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think its perfectly natural for children to want to learn about sex at that age. They're too young for mom and dad to generally want to have "the talk" with them, but old enough to see the inferences about sex and the allure of the opposite sex in our culture.

My son and my niece have both done this (they are best friends and were looking at pics at my parents house on the computer). They knew that WE thought it was inappropriate, but they did not feel that it was wierd or bad for them to look at together (if that makes sense...they didn't think about having sex, just about what do bodies look like etc)

We approached it by trying to talk to him on a mature level and explaining how it would negatively affect grandma and grandpa to see it, how niece's family would be upset, and how while it is not bad to want to learn about sexuality, we just need to do it in the right environment.

My religion does not shun sexuality or require anyone to "repent" and we feel it is a biological and intellectual step in growth to learn about and be curious about sexuality. Thats not to say that I want my son looking at porn, but I'd much rather him have open talks with us about sexuality than to hide that sort of thing away from him.

Since this is the first time (I assume) that your DS has had any kind of interaction where "sex talks" were required, it is (or was if you already had it) a PERFECT opportunity to open the lines of communication so that your child will be willing to talk to you in the future. Because lets face it, a child looking for porn on the internet is not a *huge* deal, and can always be remedied with restrictive software/computer restriction/grounding/whatever, but later on, the sex talks will be of a much more personal nature, and thats when you REALLY need them to come to you.

I dont mean to offend anyone with my post... Everyone parents how they see fit, and I'm just sharing my views. I don't begrudge anyone their choices or methods of parenting.
Jenlaana is offline  
#12 of 24 Old 08-24-2007, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
imahappymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: We live in Westerville, OH
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. We have restricted the websites allowed, he was grounded from the computer for a week. We have begun the conversation about how the body is a beautiful thing and that there is nothing wrong with it, which I hope that we have demonstrated at home by not shaming him and being open with our own selves, but the pictures and behavior that he was looking at had nothing to do with a loving, healthy relationship between two people who care for one another. He was embarrassed by being caught, so we started from there. We have had the sex talk before, but it will be revisited. I think that it will be a process and that he is still a bit uncomfortable, but we'll start talking with him. Sigh. Thank you all for your posts and support!!!
imahappymama is offline  
#13 of 24 Old 09-07-2007, 05:24 PM
 
Meg_s's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,355
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just wanted to chime in and say that I totally would have been looking for sex pics too at that age, well I don't know about sex.. probably, but CERTAINLY naked pics. I was intensely intensely curious about naked bodies and had no way to see them or find out about how "things" worked. I was reduced to looking at medical textbooks.
Meg_s is offline  
#14 of 24 Old 09-09-2007, 06:24 AM
 
Datura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What about national geographic type images? You know, totally unposed, people naked as a matter of course, a variety of ages, both genders, just kinda puttering around doing their thing?
Datura is offline  
#15 of 24 Old 09-10-2007, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
imahappymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: We live in Westerville, OH
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Datura View Post
What about national geographic type images? You know, totally unposed, people naked as a matter of course, a variety of ages, both genders, just kinda puttering around doing their thing?
What about it? As I stated in my post, these were graphic images that had nothing to do with natural beings and existing in a human way. Having your leg up around your neck (or someone else's) showing your a**/genitals is in no way beautiful or healthy.
imahappymama is offline  
#16 of 24 Old 09-10-2007, 07:50 PM
 
Bellejar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: seattle, WA
Posts: 1,021
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
At eight my best girlfriend and I found a stack of playboys under her dads matress - we were totally curious about what/why? The internet just makes it more accessible, doesn't really change what kids do. I agree with the posters who say find some books about puberty, that are 10 year old friendly and let him know its okay to be curious. I think you handled it well.
Bellejar is offline  
#17 of 24 Old 09-10-2007, 08:05 PM
 
JamieCatheryn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: SW Pa
Posts: 5,068
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
When I was 10 I knew sorta how sex worked but couldn't really picture it - something about positioning cause I'd seen pictures of animals mating and unspecific stuff in movies and noticed a discrepancy. So I was curious. I didn't look it up anywhere but it could well be he's looking out of curiosity not looking for porn really. Definately explain to him why porn is bad and make factual, respectful information available, medical and biological as well as maybe artistic in a clean and celebratory way.
JamieCatheryn is online now  
#18 of 24 Old 09-10-2007, 08:08 PM
 
Tinas3muskateers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Erie Pa
Posts: 958
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I dont even want to think about how I would have been as a teen if I had a computer :x God I would have been naughty and gotten away with it cause my dad wont touch a computer. I would have been looking up porn for sure (not at 10 though, more like 14ish) I was sooooooooo sexual at that age. Hmm maybe thats why we got pregnant when I was 16 lol.

I think what you did is what I would have done in that situation.
Tinas3muskateers is offline  
#19 of 24 Old 09-11-2007, 07:53 AM
 
Datura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Erg, sorry, pregnant brain. That was poorly stated. Could you satisfy the curiosity about the human body using such images? Or is he specifically interested in porn?
Datura is offline  
#20 of 24 Old 10-08-2007, 10:09 AM
 
bente's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: In la-la land
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This just happened at our house this weekend. We had friends and their kids over for dinner. We were lingering in the kitchen and the kids were all playing in the other end of the house. Two of my kids were already in bed but my 6 year old was awake and hanging out with the older kids. I heard some commotion and came back to find my 6 year old in the bathroom, red faced and saying he wanted to throw up! I asked what was going on and he told me one of the boys (10 year old) had typed a "wrong" word and all these images came up - someone stretching a vagina, and other not very nice things. He was NOT ok:

We talk about it alot. He does not understand why those pictures are on his computer and why someone does that. So, I see that it has opened up for conversations about what people do with their life - sort of. Like why would someone choose to do that for a living (for it is usually a job, and not a peek into someones intimate love life).

I am still wondering how to tackle the other kids - this is not something I wanted my kid to see. I am sure we will have our own "experimentation" issues when he gets older
bente is offline  
#21 of 24 Old 10-08-2007, 10:28 AM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wonder if you could look into filters on the computer, and also into password protecting it, so no one can use it at all without the password.

I also agree with getting some appropriate materials and books that are not going to be violent like you might encounter on the web. Curiosity is normal, but the current culture of no-limits on the web is not, sadly!

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
#22 of 24 Old 10-08-2007, 11:38 AM
 
AllisonR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 3,100
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
I wonder if you could look into filters on the computer, and also into password protecting it, so no one can use it at all without the password.
A nice wish, but I wonder how realistic this is. My 2yo DS can turn on the computer, enter his password, launch Mozilla browser and go to his bookmarked pages and play (sesame street, starfall....) And he is an average 2 year old. My guess is by the time he is 10 he can easily write a program to determine my password /lock.... or build his own PC to do what he wants. I am not trying to discourage people from using safety methods, just questioning how realistic it is. I think we have to expect that kids will be exposed to this stuff, at home or somewhere else, and we should deal with it by talking with them about it, and listening to them.
AllisonR is offline  
#23 of 24 Old 10-08-2007, 02:17 PM
 
laoxinat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: a state of bliss
Posts: 1,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i'd say there's a big difference b/t looking for naked pics and pics of graphic sex. just seems like i'd be fine w/1, definitely not with 2...BTW mine did plenty of surfing! we talked a lot about objectification of bodies, etc, A LOT. i think it definitely made the whole subject much less (NOT completely, hey he IS a boy!) appealing. he is now 20 and is lovely to his DGF. not to worry!
laoxinat
laoxinat is offline  
#24 of 24 Old 10-08-2007, 02:52 PM
 
<~*MamaRose*~>'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllisonR View Post
A nice wish, but I wonder how realistic this is. My 2yo DS can turn on the computer, enter his password, launch Mozilla browser and go to his bookmarked pages and play (sesame street, starfall....) And he is an average 2 year old. My guess is by the time he is 10 he can easily write a program to determine my password /lock.... or build his own PC to do what he wants. I am not trying to discourage people from using safety methods, just questioning how realistic it is. I think we have to expect that kids will be exposed to this stuff, at home or somewhere else, and we should deal with it by talking with them about it, and listening to them.
My oldest ds has natural talent when it comes computers and electronics in general and that started VERY early. We knew this but didn't know the extent of his talents and in a blink of an eye he was at the point of building motherboards at his uncle’s friends store (I don’t even know exactly what that is btw but he enjoyed doing it) and he even started building his own computer. He was one of those kids that was able to create his own admin password on our computer which allowed his free reign on the computer until I caught him one day....we ended up canceling the internet at home because of this as I really thought I was policing his internet use and was horrified! I still don’t really understand how he did it.

I was without home internet for years before I felt comfortable enough to bring it back into the house.
<~*MamaRose*~> is offline  
Reply

User Tag List



Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off