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Old 10-28-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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and she says she really wants to do acid (gee, I thought we used up the world's supply in the 70s),
DEAR GOD mine HS and want to make it for Chemistry this year

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Old 10-29-2007, 01:54 AM
 
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I have a 13yo DD. We are very close. She and I have spent a lot of time together, especially over the summer. I'm a nanny and she came to work with me a couple times each week. She's a great "big sister" to the kiddos I take care of. I would love to home school her just to spend more time with her. What a fun thread!
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Old 10-29-2007, 07:06 PM
 
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My dd is 9. She has her dad's intellect and my stubbornness....

To answer a previous post about good puberty books, as much as I dislike American Girl - I do like their Care and Keeping of You book. It focuses on how you need to take care of your self with chapters on healthy eating, social situations, menstruation, etc. I have to say that it was NOT focused on outer beauty at all rather on good hygiene, etc.

I actually bought it for her when she was 8 and just put it on her shelf. This year she picked it up and reads it occasionally then we talk when she wants to talk about it. A low key...

Here is a link to it...

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-Y...3691907&sr=1-1

Also, she really likes Chicken soup for the Preteen's soul...I keep reminding her she isn't technically a preteen yet which results in the eye roll....

Thanks for starting such a great thread!
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Old 10-30-2007, 02:13 PM
 
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Thanks for the topic. DD is 9.

My own relationship w/ my Mom has its challenges -- as did her relationship w/ my Grandma. I am hoping to change the cycle.

:
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Old 10-31-2007, 01:32 AM
 
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Thanks for the topic. DD is 9.

My own relationship w/ my Mom has its challenges -- as did her relationship w/ my Grandma. I am hoping to change the cycle.

:

Good for you! I cannot put into words how much I value my relationship with my mom and with my daughter.
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Old 11-01-2007, 09:12 AM
 
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I am not a mom of teenage girls, but I just wanted to give you mamas a hug and say this:
I was a NIGHTMARE as a teenager: depression, self-harming, cutting school, drugs, driving accidents, horrible friends, smoking etc.
My sister (11 months older than me and in the same grade) and I HATED each other throughout our childhood and into highschool.
I made my parents lives a nightmare.

IT WAS NOT THEIR FAULT. They didn't do anything wrong and I'm sure you aren't either.

If it helps I went to college, got straight As and am in law school now. I am married to a great man and have three beautiful children a stable home and an AMAZING relationship with my sister, and am very close to both of my parents.

I have just learned over the years (and periods and pregnancies including the last twin one: YIKES!) that I am very, very sensitive to hormone fluctuations and they make me literally insane.

So try to keep your kids safe, try to talk to them and stay close, but in the end so much of it boils down to neurochemistry. Don't beat yourselves up. Maternal guilt is something that teenagers can feel and I think it only makes them feel even more crazy because they aren't mature enough to handle the guilt but they know they are making you feel bad.

I'm sure you are all doing a great job and your kids will turn out great.
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Old 11-03-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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I try my best to accept her, love her. She definitelly expresses a lot of indiviudation towards me and I try to be consistent and loveng and not react: some days/weeks are better than others. In genral, I try to be there for her,channel her energy in healthy ways and be her biggest source of encouragment and guidance. It cvan be exhausting. It remeinds me a lot of AP toddlers.Sallie, mom to a great 14.5 daughter
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Old 11-03-2007, 04:27 PM
 
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Haven't had time to read all of the posts, but I am subbing, For now we have a 9 yr old Dd, who I think resents the fact that our 2nd is a boy, but loves her little sister, and Dd/3 who loves and adores her older sibs. What I really want to share is this new level my eldest has moved to. DD has really become more of a girl in the last few months, as have many of her girl friends, but when we went to pick up her younger sibs at school yesterday, a couple of her friends came to the car to apologize for things they had said that caused her Bf to be mad at her and they told her to call her friend to clear things up, yk, rumer stuff. She wouldn't tell me what it was that they had said, in fact she refused to talk to me about it. In the end I could only let her know that I respect her space and that she didn't have to tell me a thing, but that she should call her BF and straighten things out right away, which she did. But I feel like this is new territory, and I recall this happening with another BF's older sister when she was dd's age, so this is where we are at, a new adventure in the life of a 9 year old!

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Old 11-03-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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I am the mom of 1 eleven year old girl. She's a spunky, fun girl who is friendly. So far, we're not having any pre-teen problems. *knock on wood*

She's very involved in her school's band program; she plays the clarinet. She loves music and is quite talented. Surprising, since my DH and i have not a musical bone in our bodies!

She is very much like my DH, so there are plenty of times I don't understand her. Our DS is much more like me, personality-wise.
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Old 11-04-2007, 11:06 PM
 
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My girls are 11 and 12. R is your textbook first child, wants to please, cleans her room and has finally gotten on track again with school after the transition to middle school last year. M is spritely and funny as well as monumentally stubborn and has been known to fall into middle child syndrome. Which isn't all her, the 2y/o does spend a lot of time with me (I m the keeper of the booba after all )

Most of our conflicts have to do with school. Transitioning has been difficult, the elem is Montessori based but the ms & hs are intensely college prep, so it is much more work. I don't know if I would have made it through with all the work they do.

Friends are also another trigger. R has a few friends in the grade above her who she just met this year. She isn't friends w/ anyone in her grade (other than boys) and seems to be ok with it, though she tried to have a sleepover party and no-one could make it (3 out of 4 did call) so I'm not sure how great of friends they all are. M has a bully. She calls her names and that's the extent. We've done a bit of role playing. She has some phrases to fall back on as well as her favorite - silence and her death glare. Her friends do back her up though they are self titled 'The nerdy comic book goths' Funny thing is, none of them dress or look goth at all, they just think its cool.

They are both beautiful, smart girls but are having a hard time reconciling how to be yourself vs. being a popular girl.

I second the care and keeping of you, yes it does address shaving which I think is a bs social construct - but if they want to hey more power to them. We actually bought their first razors last week oy! The rest of it has been quite helpful over the last 2 years. Our copy is old and dogeared.

good heavens, M just said 'are you posting about me?' when I said yes she said 'well I need to know what your posting if I'm in it'....just so you all know, my post was approved
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:53 AM
 
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"having a hard time reconciling how to be yourself vs. being a popular girl."





I find this is a key issue that gets more intense (in my experince) the olde


r they get. We homeschool but my dauhgter is aorund a lot of girls because she plays sports with the local high shcool and plays club volleyball. She is currently on a soccer team.
It goes back and forth for her. She recently met a frend who shares some of her intersts and actually gets along with many types of kids/sistuations. I think she often,espeiclaly lately realizes she would rather have a more intersting ,vared life. Also, some of the sutff that soem of her friends have rtried to be popular:durgs,sex,drinking,etc. she sees are destructive. She is 14.5. I encourage her to not have expcastations socially. She goes to movies with her 17 yea rold brother. We jsut spent 2 days in Orlando with the new friends, they went to Univerdal and to a concert and out to eat and shopping.
She is an introvert. So, jhaving one friend that she can do fun adventures with seems better lately than tons of kids who are only intersnted in confroming and exclulsing new kids annd adventures.:next week we are going to the fall festival with this family., is better than a lot of suprerfical stuff.
The cliques get really big in middle school/high shcool. I was proud of her that she chose not to go to a sleepover from her club volleyball team as she was too tired after the Orlando trip. She also went to a local movie with some kids she had not seen for a long time.
The key for us has been finding intersts and I know it wil be less frustrating for her once she can drive. Theis week,she has soccer,volleyball, private lessons chuch youth group,and family time with another family.
The popularity stuff often tends to be around designer clothers, cool gadgets, and putting other kids down. This ultimately is boring. She is a very action orinted type girl. It has taken a lot of support and intervention on my part to support her self acceptance.Sallie
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Old 11-05-2007, 09:05 AM
 
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The popularity stuff often tends to be around designer clothers, cool gadgets, and putting other kids down. This ultimately is boring. She is a very action orinted type girl. It has taken a lot of support and intervention on my part to support her self acceptance.Sallie

This is exactly the story around here. On the one hand they want to be unique and celebrate their weirdness, but on the other hand when the cool girls clique starts doggin them out for everything all they want to do is blend in, with me for a mom, that's difficult
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Old 11-05-2007, 09:32 AM
 
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I have two daughters 11 and 6. My 11 year old is a wonderful and caring girl who I have never had the slightest problem with until 5th grade started. Everyone is telling me that it is her age and all girls get nuts when they hit fifth grade, but I can't accept that. My current big issue is her bff who she is extremely devoted to despite that this little girl is often so mean to her and is not a great influence, but what do you do because they are bffs.

Anyone have any experience with preteen girls and friends?
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:14 PM
 
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I have two daughters 11 and 6. My 11 year old is a wonderful and caring girl who I have never had the slightest problem with until 5th grade started. Everyone is telling me that it is her age and all girls get nuts when they hit fifth grade, but I can't accept that. My current big issue is her bff who she is extremely devoted to despite that this little girl is often so mean to her and is not a great influence, but what do you do because they are bffs.

Anyone have any experience with preteen girls and friends?
I know what you mean! It really starts to happen right around 5th grade, doesn't it?

I found success in inviting girls over for playdates that aren't "that way". That way, my DD was exposed to nicer girls and then when she went back to school she and her playdate friends started hanging out more.

I also suggest being really honest with your DD. Explain to her, in a nice way, that her BFF's behavior bothers you and why.

I wish you luck! This is a difficult age when it comes to friends, isn't it?
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Old 02-10-2008, 03:23 PM
 
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who are 9 (almost 10), 11, and 12. I never! feel like an adequate/good parent. I am doing my best (I never had any role models either, so its difficult to even begin to know what to do. Also, I was a teenager when I had them - a double-edged sword). Someone once said to me that we are going to f*** it up everyday when it comes to our kids and the sooner we get used to that, the easier we can be on ourselves. Sort of goes against my perfectionist/achiever instinct, but maybe it will help someone?
Dd1: an introvert, learning difficulties, sort of a conundrum to me, but really quite "good"
Dd2: athlete, extrovert, quick/bright, big sassy mouth!
DD3: extrovert, great with littler kids (mommy type), very defiant child, got F's because she didn't want to do the work/listen to her teacher

I don't know where I'm going with this......
Wow...you just described my 3 kids. Except my youngest is a boy. How is it that the whole birth-order personality thing is so off for me??
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Old 02-11-2008, 02:23 AM
 
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Wow...you just described my 3 kids. Except my youngest is a boy. How is it that the whole birth-order personality thing is so off for me??
I don't know about the whole birth-order thing....but I'm sort of glad somebody else understands my life.
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Old 02-12-2008, 03:17 PM
 
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I thought I had subbed to this thread a long time ago, but obviously I hadn't, and then I forgot about it until I stumbled across it today. I don't actually have any appropriately aged girls at the moment, but...
I raised my dsd since she was 12 and now she is 24 and she is still a big impact on our life. I have had custody of her dd (my dgd) for 2 months while dsd tries to get her life in order and get a handle on the fact that she is bipolar.

She is a lovely intelligent caring woman who has made and continues to make alot of poor choices. What is hard is her communication is very erratic. She realizes she has been very dependent on us (financially) and has requested some tough love. It is hard to have your child be homeless and destitute even when it is what they want. We also really don't have the means to keep supporting her unless she lives with us, which she doesn't want to do.

My 8yo dd has some 9yo friends who are all into pop culture which is driving me crazy. I know I need to prepare to be accepting of it, but I dread the day when it becomes important to dd. I admit part of my fear is that peer dramatics is part of what started the cycles and bad decisions that I still see in play in her dsd's life today (of course the same peers are in her life today- we tried to get her out of that town, but she went back without us). I'm struggling with accepting dd's attention challenges and moving to unschooling and allow her to bloom into her strengths without me hovering over her weaknesses

I love all three girls (dsd, dd, dgd)and there are times that I love the fact that those girls are the entirity of my life. Then there are times when I'm ready for dsd to be the self sufficient woman she wants to be, for dgd to be a wonderful grandchild that I can send home (isn't that the fun of grandkids- you can send them home), and dd to be more independently engaged unschooler so that I have some time and resources to pursue my own neglected interests and community/homesteady responsibilities.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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I feel like I need this thread. With 3 daughters of different ages I am maxed out quite often. I listen to them yell at each other and say mean things... I also get to hear wonderful things and experience such devotion and love. My girls are all different as well. Hyper sensitive, emotional (we have so much crying in this house) stubborn, independent, loud (very loud) and it could go on and on.
I am great mother sometimes but then I also find myself acting like a 13yo emotionally sometimes. I am learning how to balance, achieve, create and appreciate the wonderful woman I am. The great job I do.....
But then the yelling starts. One yells and we all get caught up. We are all so connected.
I want to learn how to be better. To give my beautiful girls what they need. The tools to help them understand. They are so very special.

Maybe we can learn how.... maybe we can support each other in our roles as mothers and teachers.
I love being a mother to my lovely girls.
Thank you for this thread and the chance to share.
Rianna
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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I feel like I need this thread. With 3 daughters of different ages I am maxed out quite often.I am great mother sometimes but then I also find myself acting like a 13yo emotionally sometimes. I am learning how to balance, achieve, create and appreciate the wonderful woman I am. The great job I do.....
I love being a mother to my lovely girls.
Thank you for this thread and the chance to share Rianna
I can surely relate my girls are 14,7,&2. It can be so tiresome trying to meet the needs of such different ages all at once. I love that each dc has had their infant time to themselves but I feel as though the others can get lost in the shuffle while I am focused on one of the others. It is nice to have found a thread where we are reminded of the importance of the work we are doing raising our girls. I am sure I will be back with more specific issues as the arise.
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:43 PM
 
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Here are some issues I feel I am dealing with my daughter who is nearly 15: Self-care issues,boundary issues, assertiveness issues, choosing /idenity issues,balancing taking care of oneself with sensitivty to others.
Today and this weekend she will e hanging with female friends -one tonight and one on Sat. who have in the past been very demanding and possessive of her. I am proud of her for telling each one what is and is not acceptable. I see a lot of growth with her in this regard. Sallie
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:37 PM
 
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rianna- I can definitely relate to feeling like you are an adolescent yourself, being caught up in their melodrama is exhausting.

slymama- The "lost in the shuffle", is part of why the challenges of my dsd and dgd is so hard on me. There are times when 8yo dd just needs to wait while I deal with the more pressing needs of the 2yo, and she likes being an only child, she makes it hard. On the other hand, the when the 2yo is simply being dragged around to activities that aren't really for her I feel guilty. Also I am ready to make my needs a priority. I feel I have lost myself and I really want to find that woman.

Sallie- having raised a 14 yo who is able to stand up for her boundaries and identity to demanding friends is really something to be proud of. It is hard enough as an adult and surely a rarity among teens. Way to go, I am trying to teach that to my dd, but only time will tell how much will stick.
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