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My niece's thoughts on socialization in public school

1K views 14 replies 12 participants last post by  CarrieMF 
#1 ·
Yesterday I was at my mom's house when the girls got home from school. My 10.5 year old niece gave me a hug and I nearly yarfed; she'd failed to put her deodorant on that morning (and dude, she needs it
). I asked if she'd forgotten, and she said, "No, I do it on purpose. If I don't wear deodorant, the kids are less likely to poke and pinch me. I just pick up my arm and they leave me alone."
This was the first my mother had heard of this, but apparently she's been doing it for the past week and a half (since the third or fourth day of school). Several kids were bothering her, pinching and poking and trying to get her into trouble in class, so she devised a passive way to make them leave her alone-- stinking like a dead thing.
She said that it stops all but one (a boy who seems to a) have a huge crush on her and b) be a great deal of trouble, discipline-wise) of the kids from hassling her, and that nobody else had gotten close enough to her to notice it.


Um.... this is what we want kids to learn about socialization?
: This is not an anti-social, introverted, or shy child-- she likes people, she's very outgoing and friendly, but she doesn't like having to suffer fools, as it were. I was absolutely DISGUSTED by this. She should be learning that she should wear deodorant so that other people will want to spend time with her, not the opposite. I told her that if she lived at my house and was doing cyber school, she'd have to bathe daily (yes, she needs to!) and she'd have to wear her deodorant; she responded that that would be fine, as long as she could do school in her underwear.


Ugh. I've got to start hassling my sister about pulling them again. It's worse and worse all the time.
:
 
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#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaWhit View Post
That sucks she feels driven to those measures.

|At the same time, I don't think natural body odor is always a disgusting offensive thing.
Trust me, she smells ripe without it.
She doesn't wear heavily perfumed deodorant, just something to keep the bacteria to a minimum (it's a natural liquid spritz bottle).
 
#9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by JoAnnaL1209 View Post
I do this to keep DH away sometimes ... he hugs me as them says i smell .. i tell him it's my protection from him, then he hugs me more and says it doesn't work ;P
Apparently it's more effective in fifth grade.


These things really floor me, though. She's got a new story like this every few weeks, and it always makes me wonder about the socialization thing. Each day is the perfect illustration of what I DON'T want my kids to experience/learn.
:

In other news... her sister was separated from her class last week, her desk put into a corner and turned away from her classmates. Why? Well, she's autistic and she was "disrupting the class." She hasn't got an IEP ("she doesn't need one because she's not behind"
), so they have no provisions for her at all. To say my sister was displeased would be putting it mildly.
: To put all of this in perspective, the girls attend one of the best (if not the best) elementary school in their district. Seriously-- it's one of two or three that's not considered an at-risk school, relatively small classes, etc. This is the best that the district can do, and it's still horrible.
 
#10 ·
That's very sad. My sister experienced the exact opposite. She is a bit slow in learning because she had a large brain tumor removed as a baby. My parents put her in the normal classes because her intelligence is just a bit below average (she has a high school diploma and can read, write, and speak well). Her fourth grade math teacher wanted to put her in special ed (where they didn't really learn anything; it was more a special babysitter) because it was too much work to teach her anything. My parents refused and hired a tutor twice a week for 1 hour and my sister passed the class with a B. Sometimes they just don't want to have to make any effort...
 
#11 ·
a little off topic but ....

i never wore deodarant. kids did harass me in middle school though - for odor, for wearing "same clothes all the time" you name it, it was not up to standard. I did bathe and wear clean clothes daily though.

i am not sure what the answer is - wear the deodarant and conform? i mean it should be our choice right? i know this is neither here nor there but i find that body odor smells more when we dont perspire - when we perspire a lot it kind of washes it out. maybe more outdoor activity is in order? maybe teens arent supposed to sit together in crowded rooms all day?
 
#12 ·
All summer she was doing activities, going to camp, running around with kids and she never once had a problem wearing deodorant. It doesn't irritate her skin, and she does still sweat with it (she doesn't use an antiperspirant, only a deodorant); it didn't take *that* much time or energy to remember it after every shower. She's stopped wearing it to school *deliberately* and still *does* wear it on the weekends.

It's only to go to school that she doesn't want to put it on, and you're just going to have to take my word for it-- the kid gets FUNKY without it.
Of course it's her choice, but she feels driven to do this to keep other kids away from her and that's where I see the irony. The trouble so many people have with homeschooling is that "the kids don't spend enough time with other children." Well, my neice goes to school and goes around deliberately stinking because she doesn't want to spend time with those children. Major irony there.
 
#13 ·
Regardless of the fact that I don't wear deodorant, I think it's awful that she has stopped wearing it just to keep from being harassed!

Cheery, thanks for the info about perspiring--I don't wear deodorant and don't feel like I'm usually offensive but since getting pregnant I've been embarrassed to raise my arms. I'm going to try hydrating better to see if that does it!

Back to socialization, I wanted to add that I really believe some people's bodies will develop serious odor problems as a way to keep other people away (mind over matter, you know
). I would be worried that your niece's smelliness would get worse since it's so effective!

There's got to be a better way! Oh yeah:
:
 
#15 ·
I don't know, even though it may turn some people off I think it's a creative way to deal with the meaner kids. I doubt EVERY kid would have treated her like that. Since it has worked for the mean ones except for 1, perhaps she can start wearing it again & those kids will still be afraid to come near her.
 
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