PUblic Display of Affection - 13 yo ds - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 07-31-2003, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My turning 13 yo son is on a church youth trip to TX this week. The first day his chaperone called just to let me know he's been holding hands and snuggling with a girl he's known for yrs and how did I want it handled. I think this is inappropriate.

I'm wondering where this behavior comes from - he's been AP'd and homeschooled from the start - extended BF, family bed, etc. I thought all that would help fulfill all his physical affection needs for a while. Maybe not! His other friends have not hit puberty yet - he's much taller and more developed - looks older than he is.

Dh and I know what we think about limits, we just aren't sure how to communicate with him when he gets home, without it turning into a battle.

Normal? I guess, but I'm just not ready for this stage yet!! With 4 kids including a newborn, I feel spread sort of thin.
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#2 of 5 Old 07-31-2003, 07:20 PM
 
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Holding hands would not upset me.

You might want the chaperone to elaborate on "snuggling". Does this mean "making out"? or more?

I dont see how homeschooling, bf and cosleeping would stop or diminish the hormones of puberty. Maybe the fact that he is growing up bothers you?
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#3 of 5 Old 07-31-2003, 07:25 PM
 
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I think what he is doing is completely normal for his age. I'd take snuggling to just mean hugging and/or sitting closely. It sounds like this is a conservative chaparone ( I mean she called you while they were gone about this) so if they were kissing or more she probably would have said so.

I'm not sure what the problem is? All the Ap in the world doesn't keep our kids from growing up as much as some of us wish they would stay small.
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#4 of 5 Old 08-12-2003, 12:36 PM
 
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I'm wondering where this behavior comes from
Probably from being a normal child. I think it's great that he's content to just "snuggle!" How many of us back when we were that age wished our boyfriends would just snuggle with us instead of trying to grope us all the time?

It could have been he was also bored on the trip. That would concern me more than the PDA.
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#5 of 5 Old 08-12-2003, 02:49 PM
 
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I guess I would want some clarification -- if the hand holding and snuggling was "sexual" in anyway, then I would probably want to talk about it with him.

But honestly, hand holding and snuggling in and of itself is a fine thing. I'm thinking back to church trips when I was that age, and we all sort of just piled all over each other in the vans etc.. -- all of us snuggled with everyone like kittens on those trips. It was part of the fun. I'm also remembering that I held hands and snuggled with my friends who were girls -- was that innapropriate too, as we were the same sex?

My 6 yo. is best friends with a 7 yo little girl. When we babysit her in the evening, the two of them fall asleep in each other's arms. Is that a bad thing?

I guess I would just be open to the possibility that your son is open and expressive... that he is not above showing affection and being open and vulnerable with his friends. It may not be sexual.
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