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#1 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:14 AM - Thread Starter
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Or maybe just naive?

DD is having a Halloween party right now. There's a three girls and two boys. They are 13 years and really good kids. They are pretty tame. As far as I know, no in there is dating anyone.

Anyway, I thought the boys were going to sleep over night. Dd has a big room with a four season sunroom. Her door would remain open.

Dh was aghast that the boys would be spending the night. I was caught off guard by his reaction and now am questioning myself.

It turns out the two boys are going home at 11:00.

So, did you ever have co-ed sleepovers as a teen? Is my dh justified in his fears even though I don't think there would be any reason to be afraid? At what age would you allow and not allow co-ed sleeppovers?

Am I crazy
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#2 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:33 AM
 
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I wouldn't allow it at that age. I worked at a middle school- there are way more kids into sexual experimentation at 13 then you'd think.

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#3 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
Or maybe just naive?

DD is having a Halloween party right now. There's a three girls and two boys. They are 13 years and really good kids. They are pretty tame. As far as I know, no in there is dating anyone.

Anyway, I thought the boys were going to sleep over night. Dd has a big room with a four season sunroom. Her door would remain open.

Dh was aghast that the boys would be spending the night. I was caught off guard by his reaction and now am questioning myself.

It turns out the two boys are going home at 11:00.

So, did you ever have co-ed sleepovers as a teen? Is my dh justified in his fears even though I don't think there would be any reason to be afraid? At what age would you allow and not allow co-ed sleeppovers?

Am I crazy
My teens have been invited to co-ed sleep overs, but I wouldn't let them go. Its inapproperiate imo. I always pick them up at the end of the evening.
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#4 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:36 AM
 
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I think you are nutso... 13 is when they start wanting to experiment. I didn't have co-ed sleep overs after 3rd grade... and that was when we moved away from my mom's best friend, and her son. After than any boys that stayed the night were cousins.
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#5 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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My sisters and I used to have co-ed sleepovers all the time. Usually we would all just sleep in the living room all over the place.

I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe the boys could sleep somewhere else besides the girls room?

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#6 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:40 AM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by zenenlightened View Post
I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe the boys could sleep somewhere else besides the girls room?
The boys would be in the sunroom. But I'm getting the feeling that the "you're crazy" is winning out
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#7 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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Not gonna happen at my house, either...
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#8 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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I don't think your nutso but yes I think your dh was justified.
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#9 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:45 AM
 
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No way in hell would it happen here. I lost my virginity at 13 so there's just some things I'm tightass about.

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#10 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:45 AM
 
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I had multiple co-ed sleepovers as a teen. Like Zenenlightened, we always ended up sleeping all in one room, including my brother, so there was never any privacy anyway.

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#11 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 12:49 AM
 
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i might be OK with it depending on the individual kids and stuff.

i say that, though, and i only have a 6yo and 3yo. lol.
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#12 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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Not a big problem at my house. We've had boys and girls over. I mean, I have a boy and a girl so are we supposed to never have anyone over?

I'd have discussed it with my kids long before the party, and we'd have aired any concerns & worked it all out. We don't assume that all kids are hell bent on sexing it up, and we don't assume that kids aren't at all interested. We just try not to assume and we discuss instead. I was 13. It's a complicated time, but I don't think co-ed has to be out of the question.

They'd likely sleep in the living room with sleeping bags after staying up until 2 am watching movies, eating stuff, and playing pool in our garage.

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#13 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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I must be naive because I think it's not that big of a deal. Of course, that very much depends on the child. Me at 13? Perfectly safe. My baby sister? Hhhmmm.....

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#14 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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I was allowed co-ed sleepovers, and for as virtuous as I seemed (seriously, I was the church-going, straight-A goodie two shoes girl) there was plenty of sexual exploration happening at those sleepovers. Truth or Dare was a popular game among my friends, who all wanted an excuse to make out but didn't want to have to initate anything.

So no, my kids won't be having co-ed sleepovers!
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#15 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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I never had co-ed sleepovers. Old enough to sleep at a friend's house = too old for co-ed sleepovers.

Not that sexual experimentation can't happen with 2 girls or 2 boys, but co-ed sleepovers are beyond both my comfort level and my personal experience as both an adult and a child.

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#16 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:05 AM
 
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I have no problem with it at all. My DD is 11 now and has gone to co-ed sleepovers. Granted at her cousin's house, but they all slept in the same room and everything.

All this talk of sexual exploration... do you think there isn't exploration at sleepovers of all girls? When I was a kid I went to co-ed sleepovers and there was a LOT more experimentation at the all girl parties than there ever was at a mixed party. If it's going to happen it's going to happen.
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#17 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:08 AM
 
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Thinking about how "active" I was at that age, I would not allow co-ed sleepovers. Just courting trouble IMO. However, I have a very naive 12 yo ds so I could see how some parents might not think it would be a problem.
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#18 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:11 AM
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Oh no. I never had co-ed sleepovers as a teen.

As a matter of fact, my dad stopped letting me spend the night with my brother (4 yrs older than me/same mom/different dad) at his dad and step-mom's house when I hit around 11 because he thought it was "inappropriate".

Then again, this is the same guy who said that I couldn't wear lip gloss at the age of 12 because he wasn't going to have me coming home pregnant at 13.
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#19 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:13 AM
 
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I had co-ed sleepovers at my friends' houses, and there was some serious friskiness going on.

I say it depends on the kids and circumstances. We had absolutely no supervision and if you are oing to have a sleepover like that, there should be *some* kind of supervision, imo. Be it a brother, sister, mother, whatever...
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#20 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I have no problem with it at all. My DD is 11 now and has gone to co-ed sleepovers. Granted at her cousin's house, but they all slept in the same room and everything.
IMO, it's different with cousins. That's "sleeping over at Aunt A and Uncle B's house" not "a sleepover."

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#21 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 06:24 AM
 
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IMO, it's different with cousins. That's "sleeping over at Aunt A and Uncle B's house" not "a sleepover."


Yeah, that.



Must be from another generation. When I was growing up I never ever heard of coed sleepovers. And I was one of the naughty kids.
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#22 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 08:06 AM
 
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I would not have a coed middle school age sleepover.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#23 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 08:49 AM
 
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I would not have a coed middle school age sleepover.
Nor would I.
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#24 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 10:01 AM
 
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Let's see at 13, that would of been a no go in my house (I think, I never really bothered to ask as I hated being home so why would I want someone else there.)
But as I grew older I had one male friend who BOTH my parents would let sleep in my room, on the floor, in a sleeping bag. He was not my boyfriend. But he was one of my best friends. My parents really trusted him. And honestly nothing ever happended between us.

At some point I had a friend who's brother was only 2 years older then us. He was good friends with my boyfriend. We made it a point to spend the night at that house together. But really nothing ever happended, we were in a crowded room. We slept in the same sleepingbag and held hands.

Now that I think of it, it was the times the parents didn't know the boys were there that we were "exploring".



If you know these kids and trust them then I don't think it is as much of an issue.
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#25 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 11:00 AM
 
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I attended plenty of co-ed sleepovers, starting at the age of 14 (first year of highschool). There was never sex at any of them. And no suspicious gossip in the proceeding days, either, so I'm sure that nothing went on. Heck, I even slept with guys sometimes, the same way I would share a bed with a girlfriend. Totally platonic. Just laying there, sleeping, because one or the other had forgotten a sleeping bag and mat. I'd say 99% of the time, these co-ed parties were attended by a group of 5-15 close friends. We rarely had people that were dating attend the parties, and when we did, they slept separatly. They were hosted in people's homes by trusting parents, and we were more than respectful of that.

I think the only co-ed party I attended where there MAY have been sex (and I didn't see it so I'm really not sure) was a cast party for a play I was in. The cast members ranged in age from 15 to mid-20s, and there were some budding relationships between some of the older cast members...which is why it wouldn't surprise me if something happened.

At 13, I'm not sure if I would allow a co-ed sleepover. I guess I'll have to play it by ear if the situation ever comes up. I know that my youngest sister has boys sleep over from time to time, but she ONLY has boys as friends, mainly because she's such a tom-boy and doesn't like many girls. She's 9. My parents monitor closely, but the idea of anything happening is really laughable, knowing my sister's personality.
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#26 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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I went to co-ed sleepovers. Nothing sexual ever happened. And these occurred within two different circles of friends. It was just a bunch of kids hanging out, staying up late, watching movies, eating junk food. At one that I went to, the parents stayed up through the night checking in on us. They weren't all in our business or anything, but with a bunch of kids hanging out in one big room, it's not like there was much privacy anyway to GIO if any of us were even interested in such a thing. In the other sleepovers, there wasn't much supervision, if any, from parents at all. And nobody was doing it! Sorry, the idea of it makes me laugh. And when it comes to games like truth or dare, or 5 minutes in the closet, it was all a joke. We were all friends, some even with cute, awkward flirtations, and nobody was going to embarrass themselves by even kissing in front of everyone else. And when we did 5 minutes in the closet (well the bathroom) whoever we were paired up with, we'd just talk and joke around and make occasional sex-noises for the benefit of everyone listening. Those were such great times! I haven't thought about those parties for such a long time. Thanks for the trip down memory lane! :
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#27 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 01:10 PM
 
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IMO, it's different with cousins. That's "sleeping over at Aunt A and Uncle B's house" not "a sleepover."
And explain how that's different? She's spending the night at her cousin's house, but not everyone spending the night is a cousin. Usually it's her, her cousin, and the boys that live next door to her cousin. They're all good friends and I have absolutely no problem with it.
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#28 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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I think it depends on the kids.

However, in general, I'm against it. I've seen tv shows and such (I know, not the best authority, but still) about kids in middle school with bracelets that are color coded by what they are willing to do (i.e. blue for a bj, yellow for x, whatever) and that LOTS of kids are into oral because it's not "really" sex. Yikes!

Also, at 14, I was a major horndog, as were ALL the guys I knew! So, from MY experience, I would probably say no.
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#29 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Well the night is over and one of the boy's dads stayed talking to my dh until 2am.

After reading the thread here, I would allow a co-ed sleep over again with some caution. Dh is a light sleeper and can check up on them as needed. They just stayed up late doing what a pp did- watched movies, ate junk food (three bags of halloween candy) and listened to music.

One thing I did not see brought up that I thought of later was just because it is all girls does not mean there would be no sex. Would I not allow a lesbian girl over? The answer is of course she could come over, for the same reason the boys could spend the night. Either I trust the kids to respect that I do not want any hanky-panky going on or I don't. If I don't, they can't come over.

All but one the kids, I've known for eight years. I trust them.



eta: Opps- I do see Amydidit brought up that girls don't need boys to explore sexualality...
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#30 of 68 Old 10-28-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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You're nuts!
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