Not comfortable with Halloween incident. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-09-2007, 08:33 PM
 
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I wouldn't think it was a big deal -- in fact, I would be kind of proud of my son for being that open with himself as far as the changing and crossdressing . . . : but I'm weird like that

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Old 11-09-2007, 10:36 PM
 
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I have a 12yr old ds and would not want him changing in front of a couple of girls. However I would not make him feel bad about it just explain that it probably is not the best idea and it might make some people uncomfortable. We are very open in our house about our bodies and functions. I am really surprised the mom did not have an issue with it.
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Old 11-14-2007, 05:59 PM
 
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My son is 13 and has not really gone through puberty yet either. He also dressed like a girl for Halloween, and went around with his 2 best friends, both 15 year old girls. I doubt he would change in front of the girls (but now I realize I'm gonna ask him!) because of his lack of body hair. I would be concerned about friends (especially opposite sex friends) not giving each other privacy because I think that being watched while you're getting dressed can be uncomfortable.
But I'm writing here because my son's interest in girl stuff is not just because of Halloween. He wears eye liner every day, which drives my husband nuts. He is trying for an "emo" look (not Elmo!) with long hair in front of his eyes and very tight jeans. He spends the nights at the girls' houses and often comes home wearing their clothes.
I don't think my son is gay. I think he is waiting for his hormones to arrive, and until then it is easier for him to pull off the androgynous look than a masculine look. He is also loving the close, chatty friendship he has with these girls; they all hug each other good bye constantly. He has a crush on one...it is easy to imagine her getting a boyfriend her own age, and then he will be sad.
I've talked to him about how it would be difficult if he was labeled gay by other boys. At the school he goes to, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but at the regular high school, it probably would be. But I got a sense from him that being gay has a very cool, fashionable mystique to it with these kids.
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Old 11-15-2007, 03:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by norestfortheweary View Post
I've talked to him about how it would be difficult if he was labeled gay by other boys.
This makes me sad. I hope you've also told him that if he IS gay, you will still love and support him.

And I think guys in eyeliner are HOT. Not 13 year olds, obviously, but...

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Old 11-16-2007, 06:55 PM
 
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I guess since none of us were there, we won't know the details. But I certainly say that in my youth I did a lot of "Turn around and don't look!" clothes-chaning in front of my friends. Which, to me, would be entirely different than having the two friends stare him down while changing.

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Old 11-16-2007, 07:29 PM
 
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I"ve really appreciated reading everyones different views especially being a mom of 4 boys and one girl I wonder how I will respond differently to similar situations as my children grow.

and to the op I think its fine to be concerned, i'm glad you have a relationship with the other parent so you could talk to them about the event. And you must have a wonderful relationship with your son for him to want to tell you all the details of his night
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Old 11-17-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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"This makes me sad. I hope you've also told him that if he IS gay, you will still love and support him."
In response to Laggie, who worried that my son wouldn't know I would love & support him, whether gay or not--yours is a good point. I could say that we have friends and relatives who are gay, including close friends with 3 kids my son's age, and that I whenever a kid uses "gay" as an insult, I am on it. But nonetheless, better for me to express my unconditional love to my son. Maybe he does wonder if he is gay, so it would be nice to know that it wouldn't matter to mom (and Pop too, but I would let him speak for himself).

And to me the eyeliner is no biggie, especially now that he has black hair dye he hopes to have the girls apply tomorrow...
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