Would You Let Your 10 Year Old Go To China? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 63 Old 11-29-2007, 11:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
ktmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Beautiful Boulder
Posts: 2,304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd1's dad wants to take her to China to meet his (online) girlfriend and her daughter for a week. I'm the keeper of the passport and, of course, have to give permission for them to travel overseas together. The idea of her being in China makes me more than a bit nervous. Would you let your kid go to China? I think the only other relevant info is that she's not vaccinated and these two have never traveled alone together, although her dad has been to China before to meet another online girlfriend.

Me : living with and loving papa and the kids: Dd1 8/97 , dd2 8/04 and my sweet baby ds 5/09 : :
ktmama is offline  
#2 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:09 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
China wouldn't bother me, but him taking her there to meet his online girlfriend would. Has he ever met her before? How well do they know each other?
Arduinna is offline  
#3 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:16 AM
 
amnesiac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: at the end of the longest line
Posts: 4,984
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, I wouldn't let my dd go.
amnesiac is offline  
#4 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:17 AM
 
Mary-Beth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think so. The trip to meet the on-line girlfriend concerns me.
Maybe he should go alone this time and build up that relationship more...it's nice that he wants to include his daughter...but I just don't think I'd feel comfortable.
I'm assuming they haven't met though...even if they have been on-line friends for a long time it isn't the same until your meet IRL and see someone is who they say they are.
Mary-Beth is offline  
#5 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:21 AM
 
TayTaysMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is not the going to China that bothers me. That would be a great experience for her to have with her father. But what is up with the online girlfriend? That is what would have me worried.

Tough decision!
TayTaysMama is offline  
#6 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:25 AM
 
aniT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, by way of Cali.
Posts: 16,520
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Another thing to think about. What if he decides not to come back, or stay longer with her? No one would be able to make them come back from China.
aniT is offline  
#7 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:57 AM
 
jellop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TayTaysMama View Post
It is not the going to China that bothers me. That would be a great experience for her to have with her father. But what is up with the online girlfriend? That is what would have me worried.

Tough decision!
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
Another thing to think about. What if he decides not to come back, or stay longer with her? No one would be able to make them come back from China.
jellop is offline  
#8 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:14 AM
 
tinuviel_k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,372
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.
tinuviel_k is online now  
#9 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:15 AM
 
lunabelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Surrounded by Knotty Pine/ MA
Posts: 625
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it depends how much you trust her dad. I think a trip to China would be cool, but not if they're staying with the online girlfriend, and not if you're worried he won't bring her back.

Trish: Mama to Buckaroo , Sweet P :, and Obo Difficult wife of Rick :
lunabelly is offline  
#10 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
ktmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Beautiful Boulder
Posts: 2,304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?

Me : living with and loving papa and the kids: Dd1 8/97 , dd2 8/04 and my sweet baby ds 5/09 : :
ktmama is offline  
#11 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:26 AM
 
ledzepplon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,775
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinuviel_k View Post
No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.
Yes, to me that's a no brainer!

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
ledzepplon is offline  
#12 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:27 AM
 
ledzepplon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5,775
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmama View Post
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?
I would not worry about those factors so much. I would just hesitate to let my youngish child leave the country without me. But then again, I have toddlers, so maybe by the time they're 10 I'll be singing a different tune.

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
ledzepplon is offline  
#13 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:32 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmama View Post
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?
I'd object to my child going to somewhere politically unstable if I felt that she would be at risk. Not slight risk, but a moderate risk. But my dd is 18 at 10 I'd probably want the risk to be lower. If there was a current epidemic or something I'd expect to wait to travel, we don't vax. The rest of the stuff wouldn't likely stop me.
Arduinna is offline  
#14 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 04:17 AM
 
Mama Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Apparently on MDC
Posts: 11,061
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
Mama Dragon is offline  
#15 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 12:44 PM
 
KBecks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,002
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It depends on how much I would trust the adult taking her. My gut is not to allow a 10 year old out of the country without a parent (and i mean me!) The online girlfriend thing is also a little disturbing.

I'd be concerned that the father might be distracted with the girlfriend and if your daughter would be supervised enough. Also, how romantic are the father and girlfriend going to be, and will your daughter be exposed to inappropriate behavior? You have no idea and she may have bad or awkward feelings seeing her dad with another woman and she 's going to have no one around to support her if she feels uncomfortable.

In this situation, I'd say no. I have no problems with China travel though.
KBecks is offline  
#16 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 01:47 PM
 
Tigeresse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Space Mountain
Posts: 803
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmama View Post
Thanks for your responses so far.....would any of you object to your kiddo traveling to China because of it's political/social structure, the unregulated corporate everything there (pollution, etc) the lack of regulation of products, Asian flu and so on....?
My ds1 went to China at age 11 with dh to adopt dd. Wonderful, fantastic, journey of a lifetime for them. This was in '04, when there was still a bit of concern about SARS. Everything was fine, but this was a guided trip w/an interpreter, and dh's complete focus was on ds and dd. We also had the added watchful eyes of the 2 other adopting couples in the group, and the guide. They spent 2 weeks there, in Beijing, Nanchang and Guangzho. I definitely think the experience was worth it and have no regrets. However, the situation you describe is much different. Not sure I could handle the meeting the online gf thing.
Tigeresse is offline  
#17 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 02:05 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You can't quote me on this, but I don't think there are any vaccines required for visiting China.

What part of China are they going to?

The pollution isn't great; whenever I go anywhere other than Western Europe I find myself blowing my nose with some black stuff in there. Ick. Happened in China, Serbia, and Tanzania. I think it's mostly the diesel. However, I don't believe that a few weeks exposure has shortened my life any.

Avian flu is a concern worth considering, but currently it is not spreading from human to human. Your child will not be butchering chickens, so the risk is VERY low IMHO.

In major cities (Beijing and Shanghai for example) the government is very careful with tourists. In Tiananment Square I was taking a picture and turned around to see a guard yanking away and yelling at a man who was a little too close to my backpack. I kept my guard up more after that but also felt good about the protection there.

I don't think a 10 year old would be capable of keeping their guard up like that, and would need an adult to be on their toes at all times.

Poorer people will swarm foreigners to sell trinkets and such. It can be overwhelming.

Middle class people are very welcoming of Americans and curious.

If you're white or black (that is, not Chinese descent) you'll get stared at everywhere. It can be disconcerting.

I would not let my 10 year old go with her father to meet his online girlfriend ANYWHERE.

I would let my 13+ child go with a school trip without a parent (after asking questions and getting info about itinerary, precautions, rules, etc.).

I would let my child any age go with a trusted AND capable parent (that is, one sophisticated and aware enough to handle the pressures of foreign travel) ... but not to meet an online girlfriend.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#18 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 02:06 PM
 
Ellien C's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the middle ages
Posts: 5,582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinuviel_k View Post
No way. Not anywhere to visit an online girlfriend.
This.

If he wants to travel with DD, how about sightseeing in good Ole' USA - Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls, hell, even Disney.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
Ellien C is offline  
#19 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 02:09 PM
 
athansor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: learning to prevent geoboobs
Posts: 2,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with the previous posters that I would have no trouble with the visitng China aspect of it, but would have a big problem with the going anywhere to meet a (new?) online girlfriend.

Vegan, mom to : Joe and Josh ::
athansor is offline  
#20 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 02:14 PM
 
ananas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,988
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
China would be fine with me, but I'd never agree to him taking her on a trip to meet an online girlfriend for the first time.

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

fly-by-nursing1.gif

ananas is offline  
#21 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 02:37 PM
 
Jessy1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Flemington, NJ
Posts: 3,514
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Does she want to go?

My dd is currently five, and I would trust her dad to take her somewhere like that (though we are together and I'd want to go, too, as of right now). If she were five years older, it would be up to her. We've gone random places to meet online friends before, so I wouldn't be that concerned about an online girlfriend, either.

I think my main concerns would be, does your daughter want to go and do you trust her father? I think it's nice that he wants to include her.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
Jessy1019 is offline  
#22 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 03:36 PM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I personally would not be leaving the decision up to my 10 year old, when it involves leaving the country with the plan to meet her fathers online GF. And I'm a total consentual living supporter. But in this case I don't think many 10 year olds could really forsee the totality of possible and probable outcomes of such a thing. This one is a parental decision IMO.
Arduinna is offline  
#23 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 03:50 PM
 
lafemmedesfemmes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: lawrenceville, ga, usa
Posts: 476
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.
:

christina

meafro.jpg, and dhyikes2.gif, -- parenting joy.gifsince 2004, and bouncy.gif since 2007.
"IF YOU ARE NOT OUTRAGED, THEN YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION." signcirc1.gif
lafemmedesfemmes is offline  
#24 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 05:02 PM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
There's nothing in this world that would let me allow my child to go to China without me along. Triple that conviction if they're supposed to meet someone no one has ever met. No way in hell.

How does your ex even know that this "woman" he's meeting is really a woman?
SusanElizabeth is offline  
#25 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 05:07 PM
 
KBecks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,002
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanElizabeth View Post
How does you ex even know that this "woman" he's meeting is really a woman?
Or, worse, that this person isn't looking for access to the daughter? Highly unlikely, I know, but I'd err on the side of being protective.
KBecks is offline  
#26 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 05:09 PM
 
Phantaja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Detroit
Posts: 2,919
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with PPs. I wouldn't let someone take my kid down the street to meet an online girlfriend, let alone around the world.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
Phantaja is offline  
#27 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 06:05 PM
 
grumpybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think that the relationship has ceased to be just an "online" one on account of him already visiting his gf in China before.
If I trust the father enough to take her to, say, London then I'd trust him enough to take her to China. That is, if she wants to go.
Also, I'd vax for polio though.
grumpybear is offline  
#28 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 06:22 PM
 
lilyfaith's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmama View Post
she's not vaccinated and these two have never traveled alone together, although her dad has been to China before to meet another online girlfriend.
So, if I understand correctly he has visited a previous online girlfriend in China. This is a new online girlfriend.

Personally, I would not be comfortable at all w/ this visit.
1 - the vaccine issues
2 - his relationship w/his girlfriend needs to be solid on it's own terms before he brings his children into it
3 - it's an awful big trip if they've not traveled together before
lilyfaith is offline  
#29 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 06:22 PM
 
SusanElizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hollow Pride, NY
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpybear View Post
I think that the relationship has ceased to be just an "online" one on account of him already visiting his gf in China before.If I trust the father enough to take her to, say, London then I'd trust him enough to take her to China. That is, if she wants to go.
Also, I'd vax for polio though.
I think that was a different online girlfriend from China that he visited before. As I understand it, this is a new, unknown person.
SusanElizabeth is offline  
#30 of 63 Old 11-30-2007, 06:47 PM
 
grumpybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ooohhh...
Well, I change my stand to a NO then.
Yeah, I would be quite worried about that.
grumpybear is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off