Help! 13 yo brother and porn - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-13-2003, 12:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just happened to check the history on my browser, looking for a site I had been to earlier, and I found some questionable material. The only person to use my computer today was my nearly-13-yo brother! He was here with my mother watching the baby!! I was thinking about asking my mother to keep an eye on him while he uses the computer (it's in the basement), but I don't know how I could bring it up without telling her what I found. Should I tell her? I don't want to make a federal case of it, because it seems somewhat normal for a boy that age, but it creeps me out and I don't want that in my house in any form. Any advice??

Shannon, Single Mama to Delia 9/19/02 : and Mark 5/26/05 :
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#2 of 7 Old 08-13-2003, 11:24 AM
 
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I wouldn't say anything to your mother at this point. Why not find some quiet time to speak to him, and without questioning him in a way that makes him feel like he's being backed into a corner ("Did you download porn from my computer???"), let him know that you found the site on your computer, and that while you understand why he would be curious to look at this sort of thing, you don't want him to use your computer for it. You can assure him that you won't say anything to mom as long as it doesn't happen again.

Chances are he'll be really embarrassed that you found out, but as long as you don't condemn him for it, this may solve the problem.

It might not be a bad idea to warn him about safety, though. He is underage and there are an awful lot of sickos out there.
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#3 of 7 Old 08-18-2003, 12:19 AM
 
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What can we really say? It's natural for young boys to be curious, surely you know that. So I suppose, the question is whether you're concerned about the questionable material being on your computer, or your brother's innocence. If it's the latter, well... I'm not really sure that there's anything that you can do. He's a teenager now, no matter how young he seems to you... his innocence is probably farther gone than you think it is. Accepting it is the best way to go, in my opinion. If you just want to keep him from downloading stuff that might have viruses, it's a different story.
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#4 of 7 Old 08-18-2003, 12:22 AM
 
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first of all are you sure he was looking at porn? dh goes to a lot of gaming sites and porn pop ups come up all the time. I've watched them and I know its true. I know there is a way to tell the difference but I'm not exactly sure how

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#5 of 7 Old 08-18-2003, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the advice. I understand that this is normal, but I don't want it on my computer mostly because I have an 8-yo nephew who uses the computer, and I don't want him to come across this stuff as easily as I did. Also, I don't like the idea that my daughter's here and might see it, even though I know she's too little to understand. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable every time he sees me, kwim? I set the parental controls on my browser so that I have to put my password in to view anything w/ a "bad" rating, or that is unrated. I feel bad b/c he basically can't use the computer, since most sites are unrated, but he can find other ways to entertain himself. Again, thanks for the advice.

Shannon, Single Mama to Delia 9/19/02 : and Mark 5/26/05 :
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#6 of 7 Old 09-11-2003, 05:59 PM
 
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Sometimes a boy's curiosity gets to him, other times his gaming site might have put a pop up in the way, and it listed it in the history. I was just recently charged $11.00 US for a call to some country whose name I can't even pronounce, because, as he was visiting a gaming site called www.cheatcc.com a pop-up for porn came up, and as my son went to close it, the window moved and he accidentally opened it. (I was witness to this). He closed the window, but as AT&T charges by the minute, we were charged with this fee. I won't pay it! Mind you, this happened with parental controls on. If you don't want your brother to visit these type of sites directly trhough your computer, increase the restrictions, and key it so you need a password to change the settings. As for telling your mother, use your discretion, but if you change the settings, he won't be able to access those sites, and you'll have solved the problem.
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#7 of 7 Old 09-11-2003, 06:21 PM
 
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First off curiosity may be normal but porn isn't and neither is porn at the fingertips of... well everyone, including adolescent boys. Do you have a husband who could chat with him? It might be less awkward. This kind of thing worries me because I am convinced that as more and more men and boys partake of a steady diet of pornography their desires and interests are growing more and more into "abnormal" or at least excessive preferences. A 13 y/o should be excited by the idea of a tight sweater or a short skirt. When he can see... well, you get my point. He shouldn't be so jaded that before he can get a license to drive he requires three women in bondage gear to get off. And that's not even addressing the greater societal issues of the objectification of women, etc...
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